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Useless Ramblings

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:: 2011 31 July :: 9.39 pm

Women can fake orgasms but men can fake love.

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:: 2011 28 July :: 8.15 pm

Every school has cheerleader car washes.

Where the cheerleaders wash the cars, not where you wash the cheerleaders.

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:: 2011 16 July :: 11.26 pm

I can't focus on my porn with all of this real sex going on around me!

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:: 2011 11 July :: 8.52 am

Sookie: You just killed my fairy godmother.

Eric: Sorry.

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:: 2011 7 July :: 10.45 pm

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:: 2011 7 July :: 10.39 pm

Gay guys: We're so manly, we do it with other guys.

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:: 2011 29 June :: 10.25 pm

What do we do now?

We do what most families do on Christmas Eve.

Watch Uncle Bob get drunk and pee in the toaster?

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:: 2011 14 June :: 10.20 pm

You can all fuck my titties with your shit covered cocks you cum guzzling faggots.

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:: 2011 24 May :: 8.58 pm

We're here. We're queer. We take it in the rear!

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:: 2011 1 May :: 10.35 pm

John Hancock is a real person? I thought it was a sex act.

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:: 2011 1 May :: 9.23 pm

After you clean the pool, I am going to shave every inch of you.

Ugh, that is not a classy toast.

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:: 2011 28 April :: 8.14 pm

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:: 2011 25 April :: 11.07 pm

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:: 2011 21 April :: 3.28 pm



I'll take Cody.

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:: 2011 20 April :: 12.16 pm

I have a question, are you single?

I'm not gay.

I don't care. You're hunky and I'm what they call predatory gay.

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:: 2011 19 April :: 7.57 am

You are a strawberry blonde. You can't go out with an ash blonde, it wouldn't be right.

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:: 2011 28 March :: 2.58 am

Heteroflexible: Straight, but shit happens.

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:: 2011 22 March :: 11.16 pm

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:: 2011 19 March :: 1.42 pm

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:: 2011 2 March :: 10.43 pm

Butt sex is a lot like spinach. If you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

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:: 2011 20 February :: 9.38 pm

Yo mamas so fat she got cheats for Wii Fit.

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:: 2011 25 January :: 11.13 pm

1 comment | leave a comment


:: 2011 13 January :: 8.11 pm

"I haven't seen a basket that impressive since the one on Red Riding Hood's arm."

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:: 2011 1 January :: 8.34 am

RELIGION IS LIKE A PENIS

It's fine to have one.
It's fine to be proud of it.
But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
And please don't try to shove it down my children's throats.

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:: 2010 16 December :: 6.42 pm

If you listen to nothing else I say, remember this: choose a man with a large penis. People who say size doesn’t matter are generally the folks who don’t have much to brag about in the crotch department.’ Then she said, ‘Your grandfather, God rest his soul, had a nice eight-incher. Lord I miss that man.

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:: 2010 16 December :: 3.45 pm

"Step-by-step, we have realized that this issue of homosexuality has the same adverse and progressive elements as when we dealt with the race issue 50 years ago, or 40 years ago. So I would say that the country is getting acclimated to a president who might be female, who might, obviously, now, be Black, and who might be as well a gay person." - Former President Jimmy Carter

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:: 2010 14 November :: 6.10 pm

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:: 2010 6 November :: 11.15 pm

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:: 2010 6 November :: 9.40 am

Hey, look! It's a cock but smaller!

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:: 2010 2 November :: 10.53 pm

ample trouser furniture

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