Click Here

*HUGS* TOTAL! give NNY more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own



FMA Fan! true grave ¢Ó brandon heat I ¢¾ Gungrave!

My heart is for ::l:: Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Roy Mustang. I <3 Memoirs of a Geisha Geisha fan Memoirs of a Geisha Fan

Hello internet homie! It is I, BEEF, the crazy swine wench that writes a whole bunch of stupid babbles in this web journal! Sound's fun, you say? WELL SLAP ME WITH A CREAM HORN! So anyway, I'm Beef. Yup. I'm 16, have strawberry blonde hair, hazely eyes... And... Um... I like waffles. Yes. OK, that's all. Really. GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

Blogs by Toxxic.net


height="27">
The anime's/mangas I like are (in no particular order)...: FullMetal Alchemist, Eureka 7, Samurai 7, Hellsing, Fruits Basket, Angel Sanctuary, +Anima, Cowboy Bebop, Big O, Trigun, Inuyasha, Jubei-Chan, Saiyuki, Immortal Rain, Nana, Alice 19th, Tokyo Mew Mew, Witch Hunter Robin, Yu Yu Hakusho, Super Milk-Chan, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Naruto, Bleach, Gungrave, Gad Guard, K.O. Beast, Tenchi Muyo, Wolf's Rain, Azumanga Daioh, Trinity Blood, Paranoia Agent, s-CRY-ed, Descendants of Darkness (Yami no Matsuei), Diamond Daydreams,and probably others. I'm just to lazy to try to think of them! ^.^;

Ed is don't call me short! love

Edo is tough love

Ed is evil plotting love!

Edo and Aru is kyoudai love

Edo is serious!love

Edo is happy love
Edward Elric is love
Alphonse Elric is love
Maes Hughes is love
Fletcher Tringham is love
Martel is love
Riza Hawkeye is love
Roy Mustang is love
Izumi Curtis is love
Greed is love
Image hosted by Photobucket.com Naruto is love
More color bars on my profile!!!!! ^.^
days until Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shambala!
Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the worlds one and only truth.

 

home | profile | guestbook


*~*I am the prize at the end*~*

recent entries | past entries


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 12 March :: 11.07pm
:: Mood: Enthusiatically worthless
:: Music: Join Me in Death - HIM

This is a place marker.
For me and Long Jon.

Believe it.
Embrace it.
Give us Ville Valo.

Kthnx.

<3

"THIS IS MINE! THIS IS WHERE MY BABIES COME FROM!"

2 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 5 March :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: Embarrassed?
:: Music: Graverobbing USA - Murderdolls

BEST ICON EVAR, MIRITE?
So.
My cousin's friends ( three, to be exact ) have been at my house since liek..
7 pm.
And.
They've been watching movies of when I was a child liek.. all night.
Ghey?
I THINK SO.
Not only do I barely know them..
I barely know them.
o----o;

<3

Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 2 March :: 6.39pm
:: Mood: Scary happy
:: Music: KALLIS MEIN TEIL?!

EMILY'S WORD IS LAW.
Diego's weirder.

Kthnx.
<3

"WANT A COOKIE?!"
"If by A, you mean your, and by cookie, you mean virginity, well.. Sure!"

3 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 28 February :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: Depressed?
:: Music: FFTL. Because I'm an emo.

I hope I don't get another damned fever.

You slut.

You dirty, rotten, terrible, abusive, annoying, hateful, doting, goading, destroying, terrorizing, disemboweling, heart-gripping, corruptable, amusing, gentle, wonderful, loving, adoring, caring, joyful, exuberant, fantastic slut.

Goddamn you.
And die in a fire.

Why won't you let me get over you?

8 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 15 February :: 11.15pm
:: Mood: Still in shock, perhaps
:: Music: Waking Up Beside You -- Stabbing Westward

Compliments
Today.
Today I was told that I was too pretty to not have a boyfriend.
Do you know how amazingly wonderful that is to hear?
I was just liek.. "Wtf? No I'm not. XD"
And -- it was a guy, too, go figure -- he was liek "PSHAW."
Pretty much.
Just.. amazing.
I'm flipping out -- can you tell?
XD

Today was good..
Nothing really happened that was too eventful..
Michan wasn't here.
I bumped into pretty boy Bertile.. ~drool~
( XD If it's not one, it's another, huh!? )
Spoke French.
Exploded my mind in math.
Won a 10% on a test because I can draw pretty gravestones with crayons in Biology.
Tooted my horn in band.
Actually ate lunch.
Did language in History.
Discussed a nazi comic book in Language.

That was my day. XDD

Oh, and chatted up a storm with good ol' Vince for liek.. an hour and a half ( most literally ) after school.
Waiting for my mom.

I'm really not too mad at Vince or anything.
He wasn't trying to mislead me honestly.
I was the one assuming.

~TONK OF DISHONOR~

XFD

Jade.
Yah.
Uh.
We're doing it.

WE WILL BE TOUCHED BY THE GREEN FAIRY.
XDDDD

"Have yoo been ASSUMING again?"

4 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 8 February :: 5.33pm
:: Mood: Whistful
:: Music: Where Soul Meets Body -- Deathcab for Cuties

No Assumptions
Have you ever had that one person at school..?
You've known them for about a year, perhaps, and you two are pretty good friends.
You have some ghey little relationship thing going on like.. 'teacher' to 'student' or 'master' to 'slave', something you joke about whenever you see eachother?
Which really isn't often.
Though when you do see each other, you go "Heeeeey" and give them a hug -- all buddy-buddy.
You've always kind of liked them.
Secretly.
You'd never let them know.

And then one week..
Things seem to change.
You seem to see that person quite a few more times a day, and each time you hug and chat and accompany them on their way to class because you're apparentally going to same way.
Though you've never caught them going that way before..
Anyways, for a week, you see eachother between three or four periods.
You hug.
You walk.
You chat.
Hell, you even make a pact.
"No more assumptions," you both agree, and shake hands on it -- how cute.
You must part now.
You hug again.
You walk your way and they turn sharply to the left, leaving you with the willies.

You can't help assuming.

You see them before seventh all the time, chatting with a group of the gender they belong to by some door.
You identify one of your closer friends - whom happens to be in your next period - and approach.
You know most of them, if not personally then by reputation.
You hug your 'special' friend.
And there you stand.
Laughing.
For two whole minutes.
Your friend's arms around you.
And it could be compared to one of the greatest feelings in the world.

This pre-seventh period holding ritual continues.
From Monday on.
That same Monday, you add a kiss on the cheek with the hug.
You two have been hugging all day - perfectly reasonable, no?
They happily return it, and you're overjoyed.
This continues through the days.
They seem to kiss your cheek rather close to your lips each time..
Odd, no?
You can't help but be excited.

Assuming.

Thursday comes round and the usual hugging and holding.
Now you must go to seventh period.
You kiss them on the cheek.
Though they pull you back.
"Kiss me on the lips," they say, and push their lips against your's.
Once.
You must be blushing.
Twice.
They must be able to hear your heart breaking through your ribs.
Your better-next-period friend pulls you away, you in a fluster of giggles.
You must have a tomato for a face, right?
You sit down in seventh period with the never-ending substitute trauma and begin to work.
Your better-seventh-period-friend -- let's call him Chris Casey -- asks you for a piece of paper.
You oblige simply.
You have plenty and everyone needs paper to work.
Soon, the paper returns.
You blink, reading it over.

"Next time they do that, I think you should shove your tongue down their throat," Chris has scrawled.
You laugh quietly, more to give him the satisfaction that it's funny.
Though you're actually accepting the idea - maybe you will french kiss them next time.
This note-scribbling continues and you end up giving good ol' Chris some sweet advice about some girl named Alyssa, though the whole time.. you're thinking about them.
Their lips.
The feel.
Their warmth.
How you wish you could have stayed a little bit longer.
Maybe you two could go out..

Assuming.

Friday rolls around and you're excited to see them again.
But..
You don't.
You're a bit disappointed - you don't see them all day.
Of course, they're probably absent, you reason with yourself.
Definitely.
Of course they are.
Everyone gets sick.
The weekend.
You laugh and have fun, but you can't wait until Monday.
To see them.

Monday.
A whole week of hugging and those two little pecks on the lips..
You might just die if you don't see them soon.
Will they be happy to see you?
You hope so.

You assume so.

You tramp to first period, terribly tired.
And you see them.
You smile.
But.. they are with..
Some girl named Alyssa?
You can't help staring, they're leagues ahead of you in the hall.
A pang of jealousy strikes your heart.
She's new, you remind yourself, they're.. probably just helping her?
You nod to yourself.
That's it.
That's all.

You assume.

They stop at the door.
Your heart stops as well.
For they now hold eachother, sharing that same embrace as you had with them.
And you could swear you had died, even if it was just a hug.
They walk away and Alyssa enters the building.
You quickly hang your head, pretending you hadn't seen, continually sauntering.
They walk right past you.
They don't even see you.
Monday continues dully and you are forced to forget this trauma due to a terrible head cold.
Suxxors.
Tuesday rolls around.
FCAT Writes.
GHEY.
You have to write an essay about how you'd make a classroom more comfortable.
TERRIBLY GHEY.
You scribble in your testing book while you wait for the time limit to be called.

"No assumptions"

That's what you wrote, remembering the hand shake fondly.
You smile.
This is your pact.
It's special.
Though you've already broken it so many times.
I wish you could notice..
But you will.
Soon.
The rest of the time limits tick on by, you are now discreetly picking your nose with a tissue to keep from dripping mucous all over your test.
Soon you're in fifth period.
Sixth period.
Pre-seventh period..
You wander out into the hall, looking for the casual group, Chris, and maybe 'them'.
And there you see them.
With some-girl-named-Alyssa.
Who is new.
They're holding her just like they held you four days ago.
You don't spot Chris.
You sulk into class, down-heartened, but your favorite teacher's back!
SCORE.

It's after school.
You're walking with your jolly old chums to the after-school hang out.
A supermarket.
You guys are sooo cool.
And then they walk up.
With Frank.
That cool guy with the Emily the Strange guitar.
They say "Oh, hey."
You say "Hi.."
Nothing.
No hug.
He doesn't even really seem to notice you.
You shrug it off.
It must have been an in-depth conversation.

You assume.

It's about some girl they wanted to date.
But she was just too immature for them.
"Just a fuckin' kid," they swear.
You hope to all hell and heaven combined that he hasn't said anything like that about you.
You aren't 'just a fuckin' kid'.
You're..
Well..
You.

You assume.

You sit next to the supermarket with your life-source, Dr. Pepper.
You remember passing some-girl-named-Alyssa-who-is-new on your way to the machine.
You hope she hadn't seen them.
They - them and Frank - casually sit about five feet away.
They don't notice you.
Of course not.
But just your luck.
Here comes some-girl-named-Alyssa-who-is-new.
You swallow hard, watching them hug.
She goes and sits on a short pillar.
They go to her.
They stand..
Inbetween her legs.
You cough - of course, it's alright, you're sick.
You try to pay attention to your friends, but you can't.
You glance over again, and..
And..

They're kissing.
Deeply.
So close.
You feel like you could cry, but you force yourself to look away.
You're shattered.
And then you noticed..

You assumed.

You assumed everything.

You don't deserve them!
You can't even keep a simple pact!
You're worthless!

In the end, you're drawing.
Singing.
Coughing.
To get out the petty pain you feel.
You look over your work, a nice little message scrawled to them on the bottom.
It's beautiful.
It matches.
It's your feelings.
Maybe you'll give it to them.
Maybe you'll be able to let go..
You reread the message of the picture.
You can't help but read out loud.


Dear Vince,

Thanks for playing.

No assumptions,
Emily

7 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 31 January :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: Sickeh
:: Music: Sniffles

Thank God for huge-ass shirts..
'Cause apparentally my fly was down all day.

o-----o

<3

1 Chose the right path. | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 30 January :: 8.15pm
:: Mood: Gigglesnort
:: Music: Jade - "BEE!"

ZE OHMIGAUCHE.


"She's like a midget. It's great."

1 Chose the right path. | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 24 January :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: Horny/informed
:: Music: FFTL

LE XD.

The Correct Way to Eat a Woman Out


XDDDD
Have fun, guys.

<3

"FTW?!?"

5 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 23 January :: 5.27pm
:: Mood: Gnodab

The Exact Oppostie of Badong
Well.
I really like this style.
So.
I'm keeping it.

kthnxbai.

<3

Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 22 January :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: sdasldkj

Hey.. Hey Lon..

Click me. Do it. DO IT NOW.


<3

4 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0

:: 2006 22 January :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: Umn.. Frusterated? XD
:: Music: Null

I'm Frusterated With..
- life
- school
- the clarinet
- geometry
- my parents
- constant nagging about cleaning
- homework
- reading Sophie's World
- the clarinet
- my dad
- my future
- my inability to keep focused with a computer around
- talking
- expressing my feelings
- the trial to make money
- people saying it's my life when apparentally it's their concern about how I do academically
- people who must know your grades, and then get huffy when you say it's confidential
- ACNE
- my inability to find a mate ( Forget this one. It's ghey. )
- my laziness
- myself. Whenever I say I'll stop something, I'll procrastinate.
- procrastination in general.
- my room
- my dad's buisiness
- history homework
- my jealous tendencies
- my emotions
- my nail-biting habit
- the scales test
- whatever else I'm frusterated with
- wanting to be someone else
- creating my own dimension in the hovel of my room in which I flee too when ever I can.
- how fucking hairy I am. ( "Ewww" I know. Shut the fuck up )
- Ayen
- how quickly time passes
- how stupid people are
- how blue this damn Barbie on my desk is
- this pair of pliers
- my moneylessness
- my need of a job
- the thought of conquest for said job
- the knowledge I need to find some Classifieds
- people always in and out of our house
- all of my dad's family moving to Florida .___.;
- my mom when she yells at me for not loading the dish washer when I do it a hell of a lot. Or when she tells me to do seperate loads when I can just do one and get all my clothes clean at once.
- my brothers. For always ragging on me because I 'don't go outside as much as they do, so I can't boss them around'. Which is really ghey. I never really boss them around, I just ask them to help with some of the chores.
- cracking jokes and people either don't get them or just look annoyed at me
- feelings in general. Whether they're mine or not.
- estrogen.
- testosterone.
- pre-pubescent teenage boys
- Rayna
- Jade and Diego. I love you both, but you just frusterate me. Don't change or anything, I love the shit out of both of you, I just have to write all this stuff down so I can feel better sooner.
- Jade. Yes. I am a bit frusterated with you. I don't know why and it doesn't mean that I love you any less. I'm just frusterated. And don't ask me to explain 'cause that's probably the most damn frusterating part. I don't know. "You can't just say you're frusterated with me, then say you don't know" you're thinking. WELL I CAN. SO MLEH.
- Keith. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO CONFUSING. >-----< GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I WILL KILL YOU.
- this bruise on my arm. THANKS KEITH.
- my legs.
- the prospect of changing my room. It's exciting. I want to do it. But it doesn't look like it's going to happen due to..... PROCRASTINATIONNN. ~killer~
- getting my hopes up. This happens all the time and it only gets me hurt and annoyed more. It's really.. REALLY ghey. And it needs to stop.

Uh.. I think that's it..

I'd rather you not talk to me about this entry, thus I blocked the comments. I was just venting and allowing you to read it.
'Cause I'm good like that.
Yeah.

I shower now. Good bye.
<3


jaganshi

:: 2005 25 November :: 2.13pm

There used to be a girl on this site who used the handle "Porcelain."

I miss her. She was cool. Every time I log on and think about how much respect I had for her. Unfortunately, her mother found her blog and she had to leave us. Then her journal was wiped out in the Great Deletion of Unpaid Journals.

Well, Porcelain. Here's to you, wherever you are. I haven't forgotten.

4 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


jaganshi

:: 2005 25 November :: 1.59pm

Proof that I'm becoming an elitist condescending adult:

Every time I see an entry on a weblog that looks like this:

"oh man why cant i just have love but no one will love me becaus i suck and there's no way anyone can love a thing like me because i suck and everything i do cuz i have no worth and i should just die becaues n oone cares and ill never ever be loved and i'm so alone and theres no hope for me cuz no one understands"

...The first thing I want to do is look for the person's age. It could be the bad grammar. It could be the lack of capitalization or punctuation. It could be the lack of specific explanations or thought of any kind. But the main thing is, I doubt the maturity of entries like this. The people I've kept on my friends list use proper English, and sometimes proper French or Japanese as well.

The other reason I doubt the maturity of these bloggers is that, yes. I'm like everyone else. If I'm supposed to believe that someone who's never worried about the cost of food or where they'll be living in a few months' time has problems worth reading, I want to read some kind of actual justification. Just because this is the internet doesn't mean you're excused from actual communication.

In conclusion: Quit your bitching or at least start bitching in a way that makes people believe your problems have some relevance.

This time of year I'm thankful for a lot of things. I'm thankful that no matter what has happened to me or is likely to happen, my problems will still never be that bad. I look at victims of wars, diseases and natural disasters all over the world and see that it can always be worse. I have it pretty damn good, and so do most people who live in an area where computer access makes blogging possible.

2 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?


jaganshi

:: 2005 25 November :: 1.57pm

I'm getting my WIS teeth out over winter break. As a result, my mother wants me to plan to be totally incapacitated for two weeks. This is the royal edict. This means I cannot plan to go to Brian's house over break. Why can't we just see what happens and maybe I'll be able to do it? Fantastic question! Because! My mother is buying me plane tickets. She will be doing this within the next day or two. This means that she'll be buying me a ticket back to Indianapolis. This means that the Fords couldn't drive me home to Indy without wasting a perfectly good plane ticket.

This all has one grand implication. I stay with my parents and endure not only oral surgery but four weeks around them, or else be a selfish ungrateful bitch for not wanting to be away from Brian for that long. That's what it means. And there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it.

Do you think we decided right?

Woohu.com | Random Journal