:: 2006 7 December :: 2.36 pm

another day to waste away
and kiss the nothing that's here to stay

1 cent | penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 3 December :: 12.21 pm

I went to see the Trans-siberian Orchestra last night. My lab tech was going to take her son but he got sick, so she asked if I wanted to go instead. I had heard of them, heard a few of their Christmas songs (including the one passed around through email of the house with lights set to one of their songs, haha). But other than that they were a mystery, so I wasn't really sure what to expect.

We had the greatest seats ever! It was at the 'Q'...Quicken Loans Arena, where the Cavs play, to you non-Ohioans...we were in the lower level, four rows back from the stage on the left side. I was surprised, though, to see that there wasn't much orchestra seating. But I thought maybe there was more on the right side where I coudn't see as well. But no, when they came out, there were only seven strings...two cellos and five violins, plus a 'string master' who conducted that section and played along with them on an electric violin. The string master guy looked just like Alice Cooper, eye makeup and everything, which I thought was ironic because we had just eaten at Cooperstown restaurant, founded by Alice himself. There were two guitarists, two bassists, and two on keyboards. There were mikes set up for lead and backup singers, and one for the 'narrator.'

Most of their songs were Christmas songs, which was nice but got old after awhile...especially because many of them weren't the old populars. I don't know if they were just obscure songs that most people don't hear, or if they were TSO originals. Anyway, the narrator would come to the mike between each song and tell us a continuing story about an angel traveling across the world, and the next song they played would tie in to the story somehow. The guy was a good narrator, a black guy with a booming voice, but I only half-listened to the story. The coolest parts were when he said something about a starry night and snapped his fingers, and the entire back wall, 3 or 4 stories high, lit up with white sparkling lights. Also, he said something about it starting to snow, and out of the ceiling stage props blew stuff that looked like snow over the whole crowd...might I say a sold-out show of 20,500 people.

So that was most of the first part. They'd bring out singers occasionally, and other songs were instrumental only. After the narration finished they played Eric Clapton's 'Layla,' which was cool. After that it was some classical stuff, Flight of the Bumblebee, and a strange hybrid piece with Beethoven's 5th and Mozart's Requiem Mass...which was cool because Requiem is one of my favorites, but who would think to hybridize a death mass with Beethoven's Fifth? Also one of the singers tried to hit Mozart's high notes in Queen of the Night, but didn't really do it justice. But then, if she could do it justice, she would be an opera star and not a traveling TSO performer, right? They finished with 'Cleveland Rocks,' and one of the guitarists ran out with an Indians jersey on top of a LeBron jersey on top of a Troy Smith jersey. Some other cool parts included a rising secondary stage on the floor opposite the main stage, behind the floor seats. Every once in awhile they'd run out there, be lifted up, then come back. Also, there were very cool pyrotechnic (fire shooting up at regular intervals behind the stage and on the rising stage -- I was close enough to feel the heat by the way, haha) and laser effects. High five on those.

The funny part of the evening was seeing a bunch of old(er) people rocking out to Christmas songs. Then I had to wonder about the orchestra itself...these guys, well, the people playing guitar, bass, drums, and Alice Cooper on strings...who were they? They all looked like stereotypical 80's big-hair band members...long hair full of split ends, but wearing tuxes with no ties and their sleeves pushed up to their elbows. One of the guitars was even one of those pointy ones. Were they washed-up former rockers whose bands failed to make the big time so they had to resort to playing Christmas carols to 40-somethings? Is this something they do on the side to make money in the hopes that their band will take off someday? At any rate, they seemed to be enjoying themselves and getting into it. Plus they get to travel the country (world?) and perform in front of thousands and thousands of people. How cool is that?

All in all, a fun evening and a neat show, though I spent much of the night lamenting that I didn't have these seats for the Pearl Jam concert, and wondering what seeing Eddie sing this close might have been like. My ears still aren't right though.

penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 29 November :: 6.17 pm

i hope it snows a ton this year. a ton

3 cents | penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 28 November :: 9.23 am

There are a lot of ways to piss me off. I'm Irish for God's sake, I'm stubborn as hell and the temper is always quick to show face. But usually only for good reasons, the greatest of which is perceived injustice, which can come in many forms.

1. Don't treat me like a child. Don't assume that you know what's best for me without even consulting me. It's disrespectful and rude.

2. Don't assume that I can or cannot do anything. If you tell me I can't do something, I'll do it merely to spite you, and for no other reason than the personal satisfaction of said spite.

3. Don't punish me for a) something I didn't do, or b) something I did that follows a moral or logical train of thought. And rest assured that everything I do follows one of those two lines, except matters of the heart over which I have little control and would like to keep it that way.

4. I choose to continue to experience the world every day in a new and refreshing light. If you take away my chosen innocence in any way, shape, or form, we're done. Because your doing so shows a lack of respect for a point of view I hold dearer to my heart than anything else in my life.

penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 8 November :: 7.23 pm

I finally got my shit together and ran and lifted yesterday, and I must say it was one of the best feelings I've ever had; I'd almost forgotten what it was like. Being in that small, stinky, humid room working hard, lifting old weights that leave that rusty metal smell on your hands took me back to a time when I was strong and active and healthy. I took all of that for granted when doing it was a daily, routine activity.

That made me think about what I'm doing now, and how the basic activities of my life have changed so drastically, but so gradually that I managed not to notice. As a Ph.D. student, you go through a series of transitions, where the first year is most like undergraduate work, and your last is most like what your life will be as a practicing scientist. I'm right about in the middle of that spectrum, and the 'working science' part is starting to take over my life. I knew coming into this that it was time to stop playing games and start getting serious about my career, though I don't think I ever really convinced my heart of all that.

I played quite a bit my first year, and plenty through most of my second year. Then came qualifying exams, where 10 hours a day were spent studying and next to nothing was played or worked out. In a word, Ashleigh got fat and lazy...which is excusable, it was something I had to do. But that transition, from undergrad to grad, from playing to not playing, from schoolplace to workplace, it drew a line in my mind in which the two had to be separated. And though it hasn't been that long...6-7 months...against everything my heart wanted, I let it be so in my mind.

But Goddamnit! One round in the weightroom and I'm smack back in the middle of volleyball season. And all I can think of is, how do I make this work? How can I be an athlete and a scientist? Because like it or not, competition, physical work, it's all in my blood and it's what makes me really alive. And I can only think that excelling in one will make the other all the better. The two halves of me don't have to be mutually exclusive, they can synergize to push me even higher. I just have to capture it in just the right way, and exploit every inch of it to the fullest.

I can't do halfsies.

2 cents | penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 28 October :: 2.04 pm

A pretty good series of articles written for non-scientists on where we're at with stem cell research:

Read more..

penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 17 October :: 3.57 pm

I wish, just once, that when Georgie Boy says one of his dumbass, made-up words or phrases to a foreign diplomat (or anyone for that matter, as long as there are cameras there to catch it), that he or she look at him with a dumbfounded, puzzled expression and say, 'Huh?'


"And I suspect that what you'll see, Toby, is there will be a momentum, momentum will be gathered. Houses will begat jobs, jobs will begat houses." —Speaking with reporters along the Gulf Coast, Gulfport, Miss., Aug. 28, 2006

1 cent | penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 9 October :: 12.59 pm

So this past weekend was the Chinese mid-Autumn holiday, in which they celebrate the fullest moon of the year (is there such a thing as 'the fullest moon? I'm not sure). The full moon represents the circle of close family and friends, and it's a holiday where everyone travels to spend time with their loved ones, no matter how far away.

Ling, the other graduate student in my advisor's lab, is Chinese, and a member of the Chinese student organization at the university. She is one of the sweetest, most kind people I've ever met; very meek, but brilliant, and funny when you get her to open up. She and her husband (Xiao) invited me to the organization's festival, held for students studying abroad so that they might spend the holiday together, even though they can't be with their families. There was a free buffet full of, sadly, the American version of Chinese food. But none complained, they gobbled up the food and ignored its American twists, and used the time to catch up with old friends; to joke and laugh together. I've never been around a group of people so happy.

To see Ling there was to see the real Ling -- out of her shell, cracking jokes that I couldn't understand, a social butterfly talking to friends at every table. At our table there were nine or ten of us, and I the only American. There were fortune cookies on our plates as we arrived (though they assured me there was nothing of the kind back in China), and along with your fortune came a little Chinese saying, and its pronunciation. Ling has taught me little phrases here and there, so I understand the most basic of basics. Ling prompted me to say thank you to our server, and the whole table laughed and clapped, and suddenly my plate was full of the fortunes and people correcting my pronunciation. They were all gracious and patient with me, and it was great fun to learn little bits of a language I'd never dreamed of being able to learn.

The keynote speaker was a physics engineer, who had written over 400 journal articles and 8 books...amazing in itself! But she wasn't there to speak, instead she gave a two hour classical piano concert! Talk about smart and talented. Afterwards Ling and Xiao invited me to their house for jasmine tea and homemade mooncake -- a must for the mid-autumn holiday. It was a wonderful evening, and I was honored to be part of a Chinese tradition and touched by the graciousness of the people I met.

1 cent | penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 29 September :: 6.50 pm

boxes of lightning
deeper than black;
suck you inside forever.
and the electricity between your legs
will exhilarate or kill you,
there is no in between.

penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 29 September :: 6.47 pm

I'm looking at buying a laptop, probably either Dell or HP. Any comments, suggestions, advice on these brands or others?

1 cent | penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 26 August :: 4.14 pm

It's been a long time since I did something or had an experience that made me feel anything deeper than the dermis. There is so much stigma associated with the gay lifestyle; promiscuity, immorality, etc. Women are impossibly complicated -- putting two of them together in love and marriage could very well be one of the most difficult things in the world to do. When I told my friend Sandy I was gay she just laughed and said that she knew, then wished me good luck because 'women are crazy!' And how true it is, myself included. I know better than anyone how moody and tempermental I can be. This is a tangent... I wanted to get into my feelings of late; which can change faster than my moods. I guess it's true, and invariably confirmed by friends and others, that love will find you -- smack you in the face -- when you stop looking for it, and when you stop thinking about it, and when you least expect it. When you are wholly yourself and unconcerned about what others think is the time you're most attractive, always. The people who can keep that part of themselves turned on at all times are consistently attractive to all. There are so many things that I want to do with my life.. I'm two-thirds of the way through my qualifying exams. I'm getting in shape for indoor volleyball season. I'm going to be starting my full dissertation research soon, and I'll be traveling to Nashville and NYC to present my work. After I graduate I'm getting a post-doctoral fellowship in England. I need to stop living so much in the now and start thinking about myself, my future, and where I want to go. I refuse to be complacent with my life, and I don't want to be distracted by something that isn't going to have a lasting impact on me, and that may inadvertantly pull me away from acheiving my goals.

penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 20 June :: 8.56 am

There's no excuse, but here's an effort at explanation:
http://www.slate.com/id/2143250/

penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 5 June :: 11.28 am

PRIDE






Everyone knows someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered; many of whom are your close friends and family members. Support their equality this month of Pride.


Oh, and if the constitutional ban on gay marriage passes, I'm calling for a mass exodus. God knows I'm not staying.

4 cents | penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 4 June :: 2.38 pm

if it wasn't this, it would be something else
If ever I was to marry a man, Eddie Vedder would be that man. I went to the Pearl Jam concert a few weeks ago when they came to Cleveland; unfortunately we were up in the nosebleeds but I didn't have to pay for my ticket so I'm definitely NOT complaining. I vow, however, to see a show one day soon where I can see his face while he sings. The band put on such a great show, there was a guest singer, even the opener was good (My Morning Jacket -- kind of a cross between The Who and Jane's Addiction).

They opened with Better Man; Eddie came out with his guitar and strummed the first few chords...the audience took over from there, singing two full verses before Eddie finally chimed in; and when he did the audience went absolutely nuts. It was a very poignant way to start the show...you felt as connected by your love for the band with the guy in the front row and with the other guy in the nosebleeds hundreds of feet away on the other side of the arena as closely as with the guy sitting right next to you. The next song was Given to Fly, a personal favorite. I thought they took it too fast, but again, I'm not complaining. The only song I wanted desparately to hear but didn't was Elderly Woman...but I'll get over it; he sang an acoustic version of it the last time I saw them that brought me to tears. How do you top that? I might have been disappointed this time around, and nobody wants that.

Of all the concerts I've been to, the audience excitement and willingness to participate was the most palpable here, and I think Eddie felt that too because he interacted with us constantly. Always with his bottles of wine on the stage, between songs he leaned over and poured some into a fan's empty cup. He climbed all over the amplifiers and sang to different sections of the crowd at a time, and on the leap back to the stage fell upon landing but did a graceful tuck-and-roll back to his feet. I wish to God I could remember the song, but during one whose lyrics talked about 'seeing you again,' a light shined down on him from above and he took his guitar and reflected the light so that it turned into a spotlight on the crowd, and he shined it at all of us and sang of seeing us again soon. The light show included the green lasers that fan and cross each other, shooting out at us from the stage. He invited all of us to come and stay at his place in Seattle. He threw frisbees or something in the audience, I couldn't tell. Some guy threw his hat onstage and he grabbed it and wore it for a few songs.

I expected them to end with Rockin in the Free World, as I thought they did for pretty much every concert. But as they turned the lights on at the end of the second encore, and Eddie talked to us about democracy and exercising your rights and the power of voting and activism, he instead shared with us a dream (he said it was from the night before, but who knows if he's been using it at other concerts):

He was at a dinner party with close family and friends, outside in the moonlight. The moon was as big and full as he'd ever seen it, and people were commenting on how beautiful it was. Suddenly, the moon started to shimmer and sparks were flying out of it, like it was going to explode, when rather it imploded and was gone, just like that. There was a moment of amazement and stillness, when he said his dream cut to scenes of world chaos, with people running in the streets and looting and the tides were shifting (I thought it was funny that he was thinking of the tides changing with the disappearance of the moon amidst utter chaos). He stopped there and interpreted his dream for us, likening the moon to democracy and how we think it's this beautiful thing to share with everyone, but in doing so it changes and morphs into something we don't recognize until, poof, it's gone. It was here I fully expected to hear the opening notes to Free World, but instead they played Yellow Ledbetter! Something they hadn't played at the last show here in Cleveland, that everyone had lamented. Here, though, he changed the words and God help me, I couldn't hear them!! I wish that I could have, and am searching the internet to see if someone caught them and thought to write them down. They have bootlegs available online for $10 two days after the concert, so I may have to bust open my penny jar.

It means a lot to have a band that appreciates their gigantic fan base the way they do, who is unafraid to speak out against the tyranny that is this administration, and over all of it makes damn good music. It's amazing to me that more celebrities don't realize the power of their own popularity and put it to use, making changes. I'm not saying that we as individuals are without voice, because I do believe that a single person can accomplish anything with enough passion and discipline; but the pre-established power of celebrity should add fuel to the fire!

I surprise myself even as I write this. I went to my cousin's high school graduation ceremony yesterday, held at the Palace theater in downtown Cleveland (a historic theater, very pretty). As the speakers went through the required nonsense, with everyone from the class president to the principal to the superintendent to the chair of the board of education speaking of dreaming big and accomplishing anything, I couldn't help the sarcastic, depressing comments that ran through my head. I remembered the feelings I had at my graduation; the future holding anything and everything I could think of, and knowing the trueness of the meaning behind those words of encouragement because I had already accomplished so much, and felt as though the world were laid out before me -- I only had to choose which path to take. Now, looking down at the eager young 'adults,' I almost felt sorry for them, because 95% of them were being misled. Most will end up in jobs they don't like or stuck in a loveless marriage or up to their noses in debt. Were the dreamy abstract speeches directed towards the two or three out of four hundred that it might impact? Is it worth that? I suppose that, were they not to receive the inspiration from other sources, then impacting only a few would be worth an extra hour of my time. Hell, the inspired ones may even do something that will positively impact my life someday. I'll feel the pang for the loss of my own naivete for awhile, if it means one of them might take those words to heart and do big things. Maybe I'm just jealous because I'm not doing big things.

2 cents | penny for your thoughts?

:: 2006 17 March :: 9.51 am

everything about me, according to a myspace bulletin:
---------hazel eyes------------ people with hazel eyes have the best long loving relationships. they're awesome at diversity and trying new things and very rarely will say no to ANY challenge. if you have hazel eyes and repost this you will learn your new favourite technique of catching someone special!


-----------------MAY-----------------
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards oppisite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.

penny for your thoughts?