:: 2009 9 September :: 9.12 pm

So this week has been pretty shitty..
My grandma passed away unexpectedly yesterday morning.
They believe she had an ulcer that ruptured, and caused internal bleeding. She was coughing up blood, and they were able to revive her twice and get her stabilized, but her heart stopped. They tried to revive her again, but they weren't able to get her heart beating again.
Tomorrow is the visitations, and then friday is the funeral..

All 4 of my grandparents deaths have been either the day before or the day after a holiday.

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2009 31 August :: 5.36 pm

I had a pretty eventful week..
It was a good ending to a very filled week.
Only worked 3 days last week and only one day was a full 8 hour day.
I got to spend time with some friends I haven't seen in a very long time.
Spent some quality time at home, watching movies.
Worked on some homework.

Maybe I will stop procrastinating so much, and not wait until the last minute to finish 6 weeks worth of work this time..
But probably won't..

I won't ever change..
Well at least I don't ever stop procrastinating..

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2009 19 August :: 4.30 pm

Apparently sucks at life like the rest of society.
Still don't know to deal with frustration and stress..
Should be able to just ignore it after all these years, but if it hasn't happened yet, then it probably won't ever happen.
I need a job that I like..
Maybe then I won't be so frustrated and in super-bitch mode when I come home..

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2009 16 August :: 8.36 pm

I am in kind of a crappy mood today.
I don't deal with frustation well at all.
And I am stressed about this financial aid crap.
I just want it to all be done with already..
I have to get papers up to MCC as soon as I can, that will finish processing my financial aid..
Yeah it sounds easy considering I live like 5 miles from the college.
But I leave at 6:40 in the morning, and they don't open until like 8 or 9.. and I get out of work at 4.. and the financial aid office closes at 4:30.. and i can't get from belding to sydney with enough time to get everything situated..
So hopefully they will let me fax the papers and then go from there..

I found an online program for what I want to do, but it is not covered by financial aid or student loans, and you have to make payments on its for a year..

It's crap. I feel like I am in a rut and that it doesnt matter what I do or how hard I work toward something, that I wont ever get out of it..
I want to be successful, and have money, love and everything else..
But once an obstacle comes in my path, and I get frustrated I am just ready to give up because I get so upset.

Will it ever change?

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2009 11 August :: 7.53 pm

So Katie's daughters surgery was yesterday and they were able to get all of the tumor.
Worst case scenario after surgery was that she wasnt going to be able to talk, walk or have any sort of movement because of the location of the tumor.
Thankfully, the surgery went very well and she was talking today.
Tomorrow they will see if she is able to walk and do all the of the other things on her own that she was doing before the surgery.

And today I was informed of more bad news.
My friend Sara's dad was in a bad car accident and is in ICU and on a ventilator.

Finally signed up for classes for fall semester today.
Then realized that today was first day of late registration and tuition was supposed to be paid same day as sign ups..
Oh well..
I guess we will just wait and see if my student loan processes right away or not..

All of this bad news has me in a slump.
That and working full days.
Im physically exhausted and don't feel like doing a damn thing.
I have a severe lack of ambition.

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2009 9 August :: 12.03 pm

After a long stressful week, I finally got a weekend to relax.
Found a friends daughter that is almost 2, has a brain tumor..
Found out that same day that a kid I went to school with was found dead in greenville..
Houses and cars are being broken into right next to our house, but nothing of ours has been messed with..
Shell Station was robbed at gunpoint last night, and thats like 2-3 blocks from my house..

I should lay out in the sun, but it doesnt seem to be shining all that much in my yard..
Bummer!

5 *gazer*s | *watch the stars fall*

:: 2009 2 August :: 1.15 pm

So I got rid of Dozer yesterday. I was sad to see him go, but I have been able to hold myself together, unlike when I got rid of my cat..
I know that its best for him and he will still be able to see Tank.
And now Chelsea loves him!! :)
So I am happy that I got to make someone else happy.
Even though Tank was super sad yesterday.

8 *gazer*s | *watch the stars fall*

:: 2009 25 July :: 11.01 am

For like the first time in a very long time.. My mood does not reflect the wheather.. Usually when it rains, I feel completely lethargic and do absolutely nothing.. But right now it is down pouring at my house and I want to go playin the rain, or do my dishes, sweep and mop my bathroom, laundry room and mud room floors, and clean my bathroom.. I already cleaned out my refridgerator and vacuumed at like midnight..

I am feeling pretty good about life these days and that makes me feel even better. Optimism is not something I show easily. I usually have to struggle to show it.. I think it is a trait passed down from my dad, and his dad.. Because everyone who knows my dad, knows that he does not smile regularly and sometimes it takes a lot to make him smile.. Other times he just smiles when he sees his kids and grandson. And I absolutely love that. My mom is sometimes a hard one to make smile too, but she at least laughs with me at all the dumb shit I do or say.

And I have a 20 lb dog trying to climb frantically onto my lap because he is terrified of hard rain.. Tank is a lot better during rain and storms.. He doesn't try to get on my lap as much anymore.. But Dozer is absolutely terrified.. It's kind of cute..

*watch the stars fall*