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aerii

:: 2009 15 November :: 6.53pm

staring down an empty highway with a million possibilities.

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shroudofrain

:: 2009 31 August :: 11.31am

What can be said? What can be told that hasn't already been uttered before for the sake of knowing that things aren't right, and that change, nay... revolution must commence for the sake of love, mystery, and fellowship?
Government promises change, individuals promise change, yet no one offers revolution, because it's too drastic.
Things are getting complicated now in this day, lines are being blurred, and even hard truth is being pulled into question every single day about things that we once strongly believed to be true and right and fair.
Don't get me wrong, however: Questioning is something needed and should be accepted by any sex of religion, organization, and government, but when the questions begin to loose their humility, when the questions begin to be less and less raw, and more and more about trying to prove a statement wrong that you are either tired of or you don't think is right, then what is the point of questioning if it's only for selfish gain? How does it better anyone else but the questioning individual, and as a matter of fact I wouldn't even call what the person is doing a questioning individual. I'd go as far as to title them a demon, because all they are doing is making others doubt so that they loose sight of what is true and right, to see a view that really only the individual believes is right just because it looks good and it's different from the other view that they don't even understand why they don't like in the first place. Because it doesn't make sense? That's a cop-out, and here's why:
In school, if something didn't make sense, you would question the teacher, right? If your parents say something that doesn't sound right or they say something that you don't understand, what do you do? Just say "Screw you," and go off doing your own project or chore? No, you question the teacher or parent or whoever... because you don't understand; because it doesn't make sense to you. Why is this scene any different in the topic of God? If something doesn't make sense, people question in any other facet of life besides this one, and that amazes me.
A revolution needs to take place. A drastic change needs to happen to change how people view God, church, and their spirit. Churches today have painted a grotesque picture of what Jesus looked like, believed, and did. They sculpted a horrible representation of God in their million dollar buildings that are only to be used to the congregation, and built a fellowship that you have to gain membership into the body of Christ. This "Christdom" if you will has become overweight, too powerful, and it overshadows what should really be seen in terms of what Christ did, believe, and tried to show the world. God is seen as a guy waiting to strike down anyone who comes in his path. Christ is seen as a pretty neat guy that people would like to get to know... as long as you hate gays. Both of those depictions are things that the church in general has fed us with, and I'm surprised so many have taken it for this long.
What would it look like for a church to give out half of what it gets in in offering.
What would it look like for a church to not be confined by walls or a building?
What would it look like for a church to help its community any way possible?
To cloth and feed and house the needy?
To love anyone who walks through the doors or what have you?

3 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 26 August :: 1.18pm

"All the time we spent in bed, counting miles before we said, fall in love and fall apart, things will end before they start."

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aerii

:: 2009 3 August :: 11.17pm

"Sometimes a kind of glory lights up the mind of a man. It happens to nearly everyone. You can feel it growing or preparing like a fuse burning toward dynamite. It is a feeling in the stomach, a delight of the nerves, of the forearms. The skin tastes the air, and every deep-drawn breath is sweet. Its beginning has the pleasure of a great stretching yawn; it flashes in the brain and the whole world glows outside your eyes. A man may have lived all his life in the gray, and the land and trees of him dark and somber. The events, even the important ones, may have trooped by faceless and pale. And then - the glory - so that a cricket song sweetens the ears, the smell of the earth rises chanting to his nose, and dappling light under a tree blesses his eyes. Then a man pours outward, a torrent of him, and yet he is not diminished..."

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shroudofrain

:: 2009 5 June :: 4.22pm
:: Mood: I don't think there's a justifyable word for this.

Is this my legacy?
I know that church has gotten a bad rap for having hippicritical people in it. People that do nothing but break down others, using the church, so that they get -in some sick and twisted way- who they want in their church.
I haven't had this personal... until now.
A friend of mine at Real Life church in Spring Lake, North Carolina, has made mistakes in her past that she isn't proud of. Some people found this out, and by a involvement of her through their children, decided to do everything they could to turn everyone against her.
These people are the ones in the church that are suppose to be protecting her, showing her an example of Christ constantly, and yet they take up their rocks, not caring who is without sin, and letting them fly without any reguard to her continuity.
Jesus came and made himself nothing for the continuity of the people that were on the other end of the rock; to show people not that the laws in the Old Testiment were wrong, but that they were lived out like this -hints Jesus' life.
I've always known that pharisies were in any church you go to, sneeking around, planning the perfect time to make their move at someone, ready to condemn with stone and tounge... I just never would have thought that these pharisies were peopole so involved and deep in ministry of a church, of whos' purpose -above all others- is to protect the young from the stones themselves. Lets call them "Sleeper Pharisies".
All the while of listening to this and seeing this young girl get torn apart by the ones that she did nothing to but love and respect, people that she poured hard-earned comfort, love, and joy into, I think of how the pastor is going to react to this... because this will eventually get back to Darrell in some manner.
I know for a fact that Darrell doesn't know anyhting about any of this that is going on within his congragation right under his nose, and when he does, it's going hurt him bad. Darrell has been so proud of his congragation for all the things that we have involved ourselves with to help the community without any promise of reward from anyone but God himself, and not for the sake of recieving, but for the sake of giving to others in need; to hear this story of lies, decete, emotional murder of this young girl... it's going to break his heart to know that this is happening right under him, and he didn't even know it.
And all this time I'm thinking: Is this my legacy as a pastor? To have these toxic people right in the midst of leadership within my church and not even know it until they decide to tare apart a young girl in public?
Yes, yes it is. And I accept it as my legacy whole-heartedly and with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart... I accept this legacy to look forward to.

Things need to change.
Church is viewed of a collective of peopole that have a "I'm more holy that thou," persona; you'll find that with SOMEONE in ANY given church, but the sad part of it is: this persona is beoming adopted more and more as I see even Real Life -my home church- progress.
The foundation of Real Life is to live real life, showing a real God to real people. We try and meet people at their needs, and to show the love of Christ through what we do and how we do it... and to see all this happening to my friend makes others -outside looking in- think what is really taken to heart and taught over at Rea Life.
God works in mysterious ways, and so does Satan.... I just pray that love really does win every single time.
However, something needs to change. Meeting real people with real problems with a real God in their real lives leaves room for real people to make real problems. Something needs to change about how a real God helping real problems for real people is approched.
Christians and the church today -the American church and the American Jesus- has become somewhat of a marketed, segragated (not in race but in spirituality and beliefes.... even about the same thing) community. Real Life tries to break that, and this toxin has infiltrated on somewhat of a deep level. I guess it was only a matter of time, but it still hurts to know that this happened.
Darrell will take care of things when this gets back to him, and he will sort it out. I have enough faith in Darrell that this will not go further... and I'm not expecting a church to be completely immune to any of these problems, but I guess it's jsut the innitial explosion of this whole situation that hit hard.
Something needs to change... because I'm not inheriting this preconseved, marketed, segrigated community as my community of God like other churches have in America, and even the world. Real Life will prosper and take care of the situation... but this is something that has to and will be addressed, by not only Darrell, but when I plant my church.

Love wins

1 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 1 June :: 9.18pm

Fuck allergies.

Seriously.
They make me so not happy.

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aerii

:: 2009 30 May :: 1.30pm

It smells so good outside today.

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aerii

:: 2009 10 May :: 10.07pm

"Be careful if you choose not to share your annoyance with someone today, because a minor irritation could fester and turn into a more serious problem. But you must be equally cautious if you decide to talk about your current frustration. You could inadvertently make the matter worse if you place blame on a friend or partner. You can minimize your discomfort by expressing your feelings without making any unfair judgments."

So I should just let it be?


Gah. Life is so stupid.
I just want to sleep.

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aerii

:: 2009 27 April :: 6.09am

"Remember, remember. This is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted."

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aerii

:: 2009 25 April :: 4.17pm

It felt like we were a family.
And nothing else mattered in that moment.

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aerii

:: 2009 24 April :: 7.46am

Death Cab and Cold War Kids tonight.
For free.

:D

1 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 14 April :: 11.43pm

Seattle in two weeks.

:D

I need this.

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aerii

:: 2009 11 April :: 4.28pm

Fuck you.

I'm so close to being done with it.

2 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 9 April :: 10.18pm

I could make you satisfied in everything you do
All your secret wishes could right now be coming true
And be forever with my poison arms around you
No one's gonna fool around with us

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aerii

:: 2009 5 April :: 2.24am

I want new hair.

blahhh, i'm tired of what I got going on up there.

any idears?

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aerii

:: 2009 18 March :: 4.20pm

Shit's crazy exciting.

[edit 10:18pm]

I hate studying.
I want to go on a road trip.
And I screwed up my schedule...again.

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aerii

:: 2009 18 March :: 12.17am

Oh Sabrina...

What cheeky antics.

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aerii

:: 2009 24 February :: 8.48pm

First windows down day.
Good stuff.

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aerii

:: 2009 8 February :: 2.32pm

That's honestly the lamest excuse I've ever heard.

1 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 7 February :: 10.55pm

holy jesus fucking shit fuck.

LSDJFOWEJRLSKDJFOSDIjflskdfjoSDF
LJSOdifjoaskdfjlasdkfjlsdkfjsoafiejaslkdf

I think I pee'd a little...

Oh my god, today might be the best day of my life.

5 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 5 February :: 4.40pm

Uh
I found 20 dolla.

stokage.

1 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 30 January :: 6.48am

This weekend should prove be interesting.
One for the history books, so to speak..


Ahaha.
I wote a bitchin' paper on "Hills like White Elephants" by Earnest Hemmingway.
You should read that story btw.
It is also pretty bitching.

I've got to get back to outlining a shitty rough draft for my psych class :S

1 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 29 January :: 5.35pm

"These days, living alone in Spokane, I wish I lived closer to the river, to the falls where ghosts of salmon jump. I wish I could sleep. I put down my paper or book and turn off all the lights, lie quietly in the dark. It make take hours, even years, for me to sleep again. There's nothing surprising or disappointing in that.

I know how all my dreams end anyway."

4 did | Tell me


shroudofrain

:: 2009 25 January :: 1.00pm
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: My Savior My God: Aaron Shust / Go (I wana send you): Newsboys

[Church name under construction]
Part of the fruit of the spirit is to have patients. It's to wait and not only see what God is going to do, but it's to wait and see what's in your heart for the works of God himself.
Patients, this part of the spirit is something I've always had since I can remember... except now.
It's hard to wait for something that you are not only wanting to do with all your heart, but to do something that you feel God is calling you to do to spread his love to the nations.
I know I need to be patient, and I will, but it's just so hard when I have this vision of what must be accomplished not only for God, but for community's sake... wherever that may be.

The Vision/Rant:
I want to make a church that cannot be contained in a building, within a physical infrastructure or on a physical location.
I want to make a church that breaks down, to the core, what church should be: A community of people that meet together to fellowship with each other, learn, and grow spiritually and physically under the banner and love of Christ Jesus.
What church has become today is a place built on worship of a God that is hard to understand, lives to condemn, and wants you to be perfect to receive his attention, approval, and love.
This is sick. This is not what Jesus intended at all; this was not our example, in the book of Acts, of how a church should function, grow, and affect the community.
I want to create a community that does nothing but grow, expand, and deepen the love of God to anyone that chooses to accept it... who may or may not accept Christ himself, his love then.
We serve a God that we already have approval from, whom we already have love from, and whom we already have attention from. So why do we, as followers of Christ, act like we don't? Why do we perpetuate the idea that we need to ask for it?
Why do we ask to bless food when it's already blessed by God, because it came from the Earth, and the Earth was created by God himself?
Why do we treat God like he didn't commit suicide to save us from sins punishable by death... which is any sin really.
You break one commandment and you break them all, so in all seriousness we are all murderers, we are all rapists, we are all honoring other Gods... but we are forgiven from all of this... so why does the church insist in proclaiming that not only we are not, but also that we must be perfect to achieve reward from God in Heaven?
Why are we following the phrases when Jesus himself called them "Sons of Hell?"
Church must be evangelistic, to it's inner structure; it should be a place where people can not only come HOW they are... but WHERE they are in life/in their walk with God/in their life with themselves and others.
Church must be a servant of the community in ANY way that it can be, and it should not just be one church organization over another, but in conjunction with other church groups. The church down the street and the church out in the middle of nowhere and the church downtown should work together for the good of the community, despite their differences of what color the carpet in the sanctuary should be or if you should drink alcohol or nix all forms of alcohol from any type of consumption in your life completely.
That is ridiculousness... and pretty much sad.
Not only that, but it also causes others that don't believe in Christ to see the ridiculousness and have the ability to ask, "Do I really want to be apart of that?"
I wouldn't!
It turns people away from what is most important, and it's important because it gives hope for your life and it gives you the ability to say, "I don't have everything together, but it doesn't matter, because I have hope, love, and assurance in my life."
How many people can say that now, today, with how things are going in the world? How many people can say that they don't need things in their life to make them happy, because they have joy, and that's all they need?
How many people can look at their life and say, "I don't need anything else."
People may paint with a broad brush what Church is... and to an extent, they are right.
However, I feel it is partly my obligation as a follower of Christ to take that brush and attempt to brake it... or at least have it find a place that it can't paint.
My vision... or I should say God's vision for my life and my future is to bring life back to any given community. To plant not a church, but love into a community and let the roots take hold of the area and not let go.
This vision is more than what I can explain with words.
It's taking all I get in offering and tithe and splitting it down the middle: Half of what I take in, I give out to the community, and the reason for this comes from the greatest commandment that Jesus told us: "Love your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."
"...love your neighbor as yourself." If we loved our neighbors as ourselves, wouldn't we feed them just as much we do us? Would we cloth them just as much as we do our own bodies? Wouldn't we spend just as much money on them as we would on ourselves? What would that look like? What kind of effect would that have on any given community if people, or a church had that mentality?
This vision of what I am describing is more than anything I can explain... it has to be shown, because it's going to be a movement that will take hold of anyone that notices and wonders about it.
This is not my vision just as well as the moon is yours, or anyone's. This vision is owned, breathed, fixated, and motivated by, from, on, and through Jesus Christ, the son of God the Father, and giver of the Holy Spirit, who died on the cross to our sin, and rose again for our salvation.
Now don't get me wrong: I do not claim to know exactly what God wants, and I know it sounds like I'm painting church myself with a broad brush, but I assure you I am not. I am apart of a church that is doing just his right now as I write this, called Real Life Church in Spring Lake, North Carolina, and I am fully aware that there are other churches that are doing this as well... and then some. However, I am speaking for and to those who have this preconceived notion of what church is, and the churches that have proved these notions with judgmental colors.
People see church this way, and it's for a reason, and I'm looking to paint a different picture of church starting years from now.
My generation/Our generation is the one that is more spiritual than their parents in over 150 years in America alone. What we are spiritual about is another story, but constantly I see teenagers of my generation and younger going to church not because their parents go or make them... but because they want to. Because they are searching, and because they want more and know there has to be more out there.
Times are changing, people are growing, ideas are blossoming, and we need to act accordingly.
There are people that need help, there are people that need much, there is a looming fear of everything crashing down again in terms of society, and there's this ideal that is spreading around. The ideal that there is more than just what we see, the ideal that love is more of an act than a feeling. The ideal... that community may be all of what some have to any extent of the imagination.
What will you do in this day and age? Will you paint a broad brush over all you see and give in to giving up hope in church... if there was any? Or will you take up a different brush, a brush that is easy, and it's paint is kind. A brush that will bring burden, but a brush and paint that will ensure you assurance through the rough surfaces of the canvas?
May you love your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength... and may you love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 24 January :: 11.12am

I'm not worried.








It feels good.

2 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2009 21 January :: 3.06pm

I don't get it.
Would you please explain yourself?

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aerii

:: 2009 12 January :: 2.43pm

i want to do arts and crafts.

3 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2008 12 December :: 11.09pm

Seattle in 12 days.

2 did | Tell me


aerii

:: 2008 5 November :: 9.03am

some of myspace's reaction to our president
"Crystal Anne thinks she's gonna be sick. How did HE win... America is screwed"

"Well... for those of you who don't pray, now would be the time to start
Welcome to (Osama) O'Bama's America. This country... is screwed..."

"black president? really?? this guys gonna get JFK'd for sure hahah
for fuck sake his middle name is OSAMA!!! didnt that guy bomb us?"



Seriously?
I cannot believe that some people can think like this.
Even if you don't like Obama, at least know what the fuck you're talking about when you try to make a point against him.
It makes me sick to see people this bigoted, and I'm really surprised Obama won in a country where a lot of people still have problems with someone because of the color of their skin or even stupid details like a middle name.

So, I guess if you really think "America is screwed", then why don't you get out or do something about it instead of sitting on your punk ass, complaining about it on myspace.

We should believe in our leaders, not matter what. Even if we didn't vote for them, even if we don't agree with everything they say, even if we don't like the color of their skin or their sexual preference. Leaders are here for a reason and without them I'm pretty sure you'd be far worse off right now. This man is leading your country, have a little faith.

2 did | Tell me


shroudofrain

:: 2008 4 November :: 11.01am
:: Mood: confused

Some stuff going on:
Ok, so, I've been having conflicted ideas about my future, but I will give an update before I go into what's going on with me personally right now.

Update:
I'm no longer on my way to Liberty University. I just don't think that's where God is leading me and so therefore I am headed to Campbell University... but not immediately.
Right now I'm a student at FTCC (Fayetteville Technical Community College), and I'm doing alright I guess.
I've been the Youth Worship Band leader at Real Life Church for a while now, and I'm loving every minute of it.
Again, I'm very involved with my church and I'm doing alright at school and such.

What's going on with me now:
Alright, now down to the whole point of this post.
I've been in deep with my church and such. However, I'm very deep and near the end with this semester in school... and it seems the closer I get to the end of the semester, the more and more school seems to get in the way of all that I want to involve myself with in church.
Now, I want to tell all of you straight up: I may take a year or so off of school it self (I'm not going to stop going to school... but I think I may need a break from that), and I have heard a lot about the peace corps and how the people involved can get college credit for the work that is done... so I may be looking into involving myself in that and then going back to school after serving some time there.
I am just having to go through a lot of stuff in my life right now kind of finding myself (for lack of a better term), getting over some past experiences... kind of digging up everything and healing from all of it (which may mean me going to another counselor or something), and all that good stuff.

I have a lot of decisions that need to be made within me, and I have a lot to go other emotionally so that I can become as a clean slate for God so that he can make me how he wants me to be/how I should be in his sight.

Just pray for me... that's really all that anyone can do for me at this time.

7 did | Tell me

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