ohh man . even sicker than i expected . i can't believe i just saw andy c. with ak1200 . seriously , one of the best nights of my life.

in other news , here is some advice:

Taking time to really smoke pot will help you feel a lot less on edge and healthier overall. You can start to unwind by stopping and taking a few, slow, deep hits. Get inside for some recirculated air or a quick toke of the bong. Take a hit or a long, hot hit. Have a bowl of non-regular marijuana and sit in a comfy chair. Hitting the bong and releasing some of that pent up energy is also a good way to unwind. You could also pack a bowl or roll a joint to get your mind off things. Whatever works for you, just be sure to do something that allows you to focus on what you're doing at that moment, not on what is stressing you out in the first place. And don't feel bad about clearing the bong out for a while and taking enough hits for yourself. You'll be glad you did!

andy motherfucking c . + ak1200 + five minutes of alex amoretti > ak1200 . definitely worth entry + gas . anybody want to come to orlando tomorrow to see ak1200 and andy c. ? find a place to stay and throw in for gas . haha . <3 peace

36 ounces to freedom .

27 days until the end of the semester ( for me ) .

12 days until i am complete again .

4 hours until i get to see the kids that are practically my own .

1 1/2 hours until class .

susanis a winner (12:17:16 PM): do you listen to death cab for cutie ?
xXQuidamXx (12:17:29 PM): never heard of em
susanis a winner (12:18:16 PM): mm okay
xXQuidamXx (12:20:42 PM): what kinda name is that tho..
xXQuidamXx (12:21:20 PM): it's one of those fucked up names.... from a small local band outta the middle of nowhere
susanis a winner (12:21:28 PM): how insightful .
xXQuidamXx (12:21:52 PM): like voluntary odor neutralizer
xXQuidamXx (12:21:56 PM): come on.....
xXQuidamXx (12:22:06 PM): i dunno how they sound...
xXQuidamXx (12:22:10 PM): might be good...
xXQuidamXx (12:22:23 PM): but i dont like the name.... it's too long...
susanis a winner (12:23:21 PM): ...
susanis a winner (12:23:24 PM): okay
xXQuidamXx (12:23:30 PM): like my friend's band...... CPM ..... they're alright.... but they have a gay name...
xXQuidamXx (12:23:36 PM): C.P.M.
xXQuidamXx (12:23:51 PM): christian porn machine...
susanis a winner (12:25:58 PM): that definitely compares to death cab for cutie .
xXQuidamXx (12:26:09 PM): yeah..... dumb name...
xXQuidamXx (12:26:24 PM): but oh well ....

after getting nothing but good-byes every weekend after too-short weekend , for you to walk away without even a backwards glance was every one of those sundays combined without the hope of another friday afternoon , and i can't handle the sundays with hope . i grabbed your arm and i begged and i cried and it was all i could do to look you in the eyes for the second you allowed me to . ( when you look somebody in the eyes , it's easier for them to read what's inside yours , and most of the time i'd rather avoid that - that's why ) . the sun highlighted the paved sidewalk and determination that lasted long past lyons road ( the second time ) and i shielded my eyes from your blinding glances cast so nonchalantly upon me . a million thoughts were running though my head faster than i could even process them , but i knew it wasn't going to be anything i said , so i ignored them and studied the sidewalk and kept walking . if only it was as simple as an apology . if only it hadn't come to that . but hey ... all's well that end's well . but i'm still left wondering what's going to happen when the day comes that your arm doesn't fall so naturally around me after three quarters of a mile , and you're a little more set on escaping my badly driven car . you can't sit there and tell me not to question that , because you have all the right in the world to question it yourself . but when i throw my dignity out the window and go sprinting after you with my hair tangled and eyeliner dripping down to my chin , you mean a little more to me than the average person . and when i walk three quarters of a mile in the florida sun in equally unattractive conditions , it would indicate that you mean quite a bit more . so , i love you . don't ever fucking leave me like that .

i think on chilly autumn( or is it winter yet ?) nights , people start feeling a little more emotional and think a little less straight . conversations get started that are regretted almost immediately afterwards , at the first sign of hesitant responses and purposefully slow questions . the x clicks you out like nothing ever happened , but in reality , it's not that simple . you lie down and close your eyes and videos play in your head that you have trained yourself to ignore , and that conversation you clicked out of runs painfully short and repeatedly in your mind . the fifty dollars bills lying on the floor next to you are a sign that that conversation never would have succeeded to begin with , and a reminder of how fickle friendships are , and to not let it happen again . but at least they'll help you get your mind off of things and stop the neverending parade of suppressed thoughts and memories .

only 39 more ounces to freedom ...

OKAY.

i don't think i should be this lonely because technically , you're still mine , but sometimes it feels like you're slipping out of my grasp through a series of unfortunate coincidences that keep causing miscommunications or no communication at all . okay, i knew what i was getting myself into , and i knew it would be worth it . i just didn't think it would be so damn difficult every time . and yea , maybe i'm getting a little more quality time with my other best friend or my calculus homework , but you're better than either of those and i'd rather fail calculus and talk to other people only before 9 than go for weeks at a time without hearing your voice . when the only thing i have to hold on to of you is my computer background , and i guess the occasional polite conversation transmitted electronically in 10 point typeface , it starts to feel like it'll be forever before i can look into your eyes or let you "just look at me" . i'll buy you a new phone . i'll fedex it to you with my letter that contains nothing i haven't already told you . and i'll start counting down until 2:50 p.m. , because i never get out of stupid calculus even one minute early . but at least i'll be well-prepared for class .

nine hours + hot boyfriend + thirty dollars = hottest ink ever .

*round three* ... what can i say ? i'm a sucker for broad shoulders and brown eyes .

she was tired of lying alone in the middle of the busy sidewalk . murmuring the words "please God , forgive me for what I am about to do" , she grabbed his arm and attempted to rise . he resisted slightly , and when the blood rose in the back of her throat like it had so many times she knew she was too weak to win , she let go , causing him to stumble . he looked back at her in disgust , and , realizing she had failed so miserably , she settled back in her place , closed her eyes , and lay alone once again . she never even had a chance .

seriously , i just cleaned my bowl and now i have to christen it . i need a fucking name . seriously . i don't know if anybody reads this anymore , but i need suggestions .

my horoscope could not possibly have predicted this evening's events , and my mood pointed at entirely the opposite . because of unrelated matters , i turned to you at my low point and TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS , or for whatever reason , you reacted in a manner so predictable that i kept thinking i should have kept my hands tightly clutching each other or anything other than the keyboard , really . but no , i shouldn't have . i should expect you to wipe my tears with something others than the sting of your fingerprints on my cheek , and i shouldn't expect to have your back to me when my heart is on my sleeve . you should realize that although my feelings flow a little more freely , they are feelings nonetheless , but i shouldn't say that you SHOULD anything . the simple fact , and let's face it with our heads held high , is that you DON'T , and there's little to nothing i can do about it without inciting another argument consisting solely of your point of view .