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Artificial Happiness

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:: 2004 6 May :: 9.15 pm
:: Mood: exhausted

Really tired and sick, been a rough week...11 more school days and it'll be over and done with for a few months. Tired of everything. So much drama, I'm gonna get a fuckin ulser lol (spelling?)
Now that I have my computer I have been catchin up with old friends, I've missed all my friends from NC
And everyone else from other schools too =(
I've felt really lonely lately I dunno why, I miss everyone...Jon is moving so I'm really sad about that, I'm gonna miss him. A lot of people are leaving....

Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 4 May :: 8.48 pm

Heres a picture of me, not a good one but it will do.

1 More Pill | Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 4 May :: 6.15 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You

School really needs to end. Iím miserable and everyone else I know is miserable too. Iím so fucking sick of grades and teachers and the people, Iím sick of having to deal with it every single day, I canít even enjoy the weekends because Iím to stressed out or tired. It seems to me that everyone else is suffering as well, everyone else meaning my friends. Other people, the kind of people who have money and designer clothes and what seems to be easy, smooth going lives, donít seem to be bothered by school or life. Their biggest problems are trying to fit manicures and mall days into their oh so busy schedules, or at least thatís how it comes off to be. When I listen to these kind of people talk in my classes its all the same, ďoh my god, and like he was so hot and like we went to the mall and like he asked for my number and now were going on a date oh my godĒ or ďI hate my mom I only got $60 for cleaning some of the house this weekend, I was expecting moreĒ something along the lines of that. It always the same, these people donít have problems, their life is just lovely, Daddy makes money and Mommy takes them shopping. If it seems like I am stereotyping people I donít care because this is truly what they are like, the girls are all the same, with their Hollister skirts and Abercrombie and Fitch top and $200 Coach purses and cell phone and lip gloss, with their Ken doll boyfriends. Its fucking ridiculous, why is it that people who donít even deserve it, have good lives, and the people who deserve good lives, have shitty ones. See, when the rich snobs are out to an expensive dinner with their parents on a Saturday night, some people get the shit beaten out of them by their parents. When Mommy takes the snobs out to buy a new spring wardrobe, other people cant even buy a new pair of shoes because their father spent all the families money on booze. It also pisses me off how materialistic some people are, in my classes some of these chicks just sit their and screw around with their cell phones, they claim if anything were to happen to their cell phones ďthey would just dieĒ which to me is retarted, hell I donít even own a cell phone and you donít see me having a panic attack for god sakes. If any of you people donít believe me that people can be like this, think again because everything I wrote up there is all based on people I know. You people think I am stereotyping people, well people need to stop stereotyping me, at least I have my facts correct. Fuckers.

Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 22 April :: 8.28 pm
:: Mood: melancholy

001.What is your full name? Ashley Marie Everts
002. Spell your name backwards: streve eiram yelhsa 003. Date of birth: July 14, 1989 004. Male or female? Female
005. Astrological sign: Cancer 006. Nicknames: Ash, Ashes, Ashy, Kiwi, Shorty
007. Occupation?: Shcool
008. Height: 5'1ish
009. Weight: 118
010. Hair color: Blonde with various shades or brown
011. Eye color: Aqua
012. Where were you born? Palm Springs, California
013. Where do you reside now? Glendale, Arizona
014. Age: 14
015. Screen names: FireHotBlondy and my new one
016. E-mail address:
017. What does your screen name stand for? well the FirehotBlondy one is cuze I like fire, fire is hot, and I am blonde, my new one means what it is
018. What is your JOURNAL name? Dark Dreams and Cryptik Wishes 019. What does your diary name stand for? Its pretty self explainitory
020. Pets: 3 dogs 2 birds
021. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake? I dont remeber
022. Piercings? 2 023. Tattoo's? I wish
024. Shoe size? 7-8
025. Righty or lefty? Righty
026. Wearing: my big comfy warm robe
027. Hearing: music and tv 028. Feeling: melancholy, emotionless
029. Eating/drinking: just got done with some ice cream and I'm now drinking diet pepsi

~Friends Stuff~
Which one of your friends is the....

030. Craziest? Depends 031. Loudest? Leesha 032. Nicest? They're my friends... what do you expect?
033. Bitchiest? Depends
034. Life of the party? Depends
035. Jock? haha jock thats funny
036. Prep? Stephanie that was not nice! I am not that preppy anymore u mean person!
037. Rebel? ???
038. Cutest? Hmm...
039. Best friend of the same sex? You people know who you are
040. Best friend of the opposite sex?: Sam
041. Most popular? They're my friends...
042. Rudest? Depeds
043. Most shy? Depends
044. Dumbest? Me?
045. Smartest? I dont know
046. Weirdest? Again.. they're my friends.
047. Has the best hair? No one I can think of, they all like my hair
048. Best personality? ...i dont know
049. Most talented? talented at what? 050. Most ghetto? hhmmm
051. Most spoiled? ???
052. Drama queen? No comment 053. Pain in the ass? They all have their moments when I wanna back hand them upside the head, but I love them
054. Funniest? They all have their own warped sense of humor, probly Alexis becuase me and her are very nasty when we talk toegther
055. Best advice giver? Depends on the advice I need
056. Druggie? ..................
057. Most likely to join a cult? Stephanie
058. Have you lost touch with a good friend recently? Yeah
059. Person you've been friends with the longest? Alexis, going on 11 years
060. How many friends do you have on your buddy list? 110, and yes I knwo all of them

~Family Stuff~
104. How many siblings do you have? 1
105. What are your parents names? Tom and Debra
106. What are your siblings names? Emily 107. How many siblings does your mother have? 3 others besides her
108. How many siblings does your father have? 4 otheres besdies him 109. Where are your parents from? father-Wisconsin mother-East cost, the south, west cost
110. Is your family close? closer than most.
111. Does your family get together for holidays? Sometimes
112. Do you have a drunk uncle? haha no not really that would be cool though 113. Any medical problems run through your family? Anyother kind of addiction there is, BiPolarnes. Manic Deppression, Alcholism, ADHD
114. Does someone in your family wear a toupee? a wha? 115. Do you have any nieces or nephews? No
116. Are your parents divorced? No
117. Do you have step parents? No
118. Has your family ever disowned another member of your family? No
119. If so for what?
120. Did some of your family come from another country? We all never orginated from America, no one did, but if you are asking me if i have relatives in other countries at this moment that is a no

~Music Stuff~
121. What song do you swear was written about you or your life? To many to name
122. What's the most embarrassing cd you own? Lol why would I even admit to that one.
123. What's the best cd you own? I dont know.
124. What song do you absolutely hate? hhmmm
125. Do you sing in the shower? not lately cant rmeber the last time i did 126. What song reminds you of that special someone? ..........................................

152. Color: Black
153. Food: Ice Cream and sushi haha
154. Song: To many
155. Show: I dont watch TV much, but I like Will & Grace =)
156. School subject: Art
157. Band/singer: ???
158. Animal: I likie most animals
159. Outfit: Anything tight, sexy, and black
160. Radio 97.9, 103.9
161. Movie: Girl, Interrupted
162. Pair of shoes: I like my black boots, even though they kill my feet
163. Cartoon: ...??
164. Actor: Adam Sandler
165. Actress: Angalina Jolie all the way baby
166. Potato chip: Bar Be Que
167. Drink: Diet Pepsi, lemonade, and most alcholic beverages.
168. Alchoholic drink: Hard lemonade, Red wine, beer but none of that light crap, anything with vodka, margaritas
169. Holiday: Prolly my b-day or Christmas.
170. Perfume/cologne: Eau d' Amouage from the Amouage collection, and lots of Victoria Secrt perfumes, like from the Angel Collection
171. Pizza topping: Pepporoni lol
172. Jello flavor: I dont like jello much
173. Lunch meat: Turkey.
174. Board game: ???
175. Video game: I dont play them much
176. Website: and
177. Book: I dont like to read much but I like almost all of Jane Austins work and other classic writers
178. Computer game: ...i dont play those either.
179. Number: ?
180. Cereal: dont eat cereal
181. Comedian: Adam Sandler =D
182. Dessert: Ice cream, anything chocloate really 183. Disney character: When I was lil I was in love with The Lion King
184. Clothing store: ???
185. Pastime: Horseback Riding, but I haven;t done that in a year *sigh* and I use to do art and I am startig to get back into it now 186. Teacher: ..I dont know.
187. Childhood toy: ???
188. Carnival game/ride: ???
189. Candy bar: 3Musketeers or Twix or Butterfiner or Milky Way
190. Magazine: Cosmo etc
191. Salad dressing: Ranch
192. Things to do on weekend: Sit around on my comp/phone/go out with friends
193. Hot drink: Coffee
194. Season: sPRING/sUMMER
195. Sport to watch: I love baseball, hockey is fun to watch to though and equestrian shit
196. Person to talk to online: It doesnt matter

~Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits~
197. What color are your sheets? Black Satin
198. What color are your bedroom walls? Ivory 199. Do you have posters on your wall? No I have a painting of Tiger though
200. If so of what? ...
201. Do you have a tv in your bedroom? yep
202. How many pillows are on your bed? 4. but I shall be getting more to make my bed pretty
203. What do you normally sleep in? Thong
204. Describe your favorite pair of pajamas: Thong, and if I have to get up a big shirt or my robe
205. What size bed do you have? Full =( I use to have my queen but stephy got it *tear*
206. Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed? No.
207. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom? no but hopefully soon
208. Do you listen to music while trying to fall asleep? ya
209. Describe the last nightmare you had: No comment,
210. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no
211. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? i dunno, I haven;t ever slept in my own bed yet, since we got it
212. Do you sleep in any unusual positions? well, it depends
213. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling? Nope.
214. Do you snore? when I am that tired
215. How about drool? lol no
216. Do you have an alarm clock in your room? no
217. What color is the carpet in your room? tanish
218. What's under your bed? Nothing....
219. Coke/Pepsi: pEPSI 220. Doughnuts/bagels: Doughnuts!
221. Day/night: Night.
222. Wicked witch of the east/wicked witch of the west: Niether.. ???
223. Heaven/hell: I have a choice?
224. Make love/have sex: Both!
225. Coffee/tea: coffee
226. Hamburgers/hotdogs: Hamburgers!!!
227. Rap/rock: Rock..
228. Britney/Christina: Christina
229. Swiss cheese/american cheese: American.
230. Real World/Road Rules: neither, both those shows annoy me, when I was in Hawaii for a month that was like the only on, so I watched it a lot, probly soem of the stupiest shit I've ever seen 231. Backstreet Boys/*Nsync: Neither
232. Silver/gold: Silver.
233. Nike/Adidas: neither?
234. McDonalds/Taco Bell: Taco Bell!
235. Sweet/sour: Both.
236. Punk/emo: Theyre both okay
237. Hot/cold: depends
238. Winter/summer: summer
239. Spring/fall: ???
240. Operas/plays: ???
241. Read/watch tv: ??? 242. Cd's/tapes: cds.
243. Dvd's/vhs: whatever it is that we have the movie on at the time
244. Old/new: I'm getting tired....of this.
245. Shorts/skirts: skirts
246. Pink/red: red, i disgust pink
247. Colored pictures/black and white photos: Depends on the picture.
248. Meat/vegetables: Both.
249. Mexican food/chinese food: :( dont make me choose.
250. Commercials/infomercials: infomercials, they amuse me
251. Scary movies/comedies: comedies
252. Bikinis/one piece bathing suits: bikins
253. Sandals/tennis shoes: Sandal.
254. Dogs/cats: Dogs
255. Unicorns/fairies: Faeries.
256. Water/land: depends 257. Sugar/spice: ???
258. Black/white: I like both
259. Ribbons/bows: Ugh.
260. Chicken/beef: both.
261. Colored christmas lights/regular white christmas lights: Both.
262. Cars/trucks: TRUCKS BABY
263. Austin Powers/James Bond: Austin is somewhat ammusing
264. Popcorn/pretzels: ???
265. Hip/hop: -shrugs-
266. Passionate kiss/peck: both
267. WWE wrestling/ real wrestling: lol??
268. Back rub/foot massage: Back rub
269. Picture frames/photo albums: ???
270. Pens/pencils: pens

~What Is Your Opinion Of The Following~
271. Eminem: hhmm
272. Virgins: Woo? i dont care
273. God: hes there but the bible is bullshit
274. The Osbournes: lol.
275. Reality TV: I think ppl are getting a lil to carried away with it, thats like the only thing ever on now
276. J.Lo: Pretty.
277. Religion: bullshit.
278. Emo music: eh.
279. Valentine's Day: It's depressing.
280. Christina Aguilera's comeback: ???
281. Homosexuals: I dont care, w/e makes ya happy
282. Abortion: I am pro abortion, get over it 283. Inter-racial relationships: whtever makes ya happy
284. Murder: ugh... i dont know
285. Death: I wanna die, but I wanna live my life and make it worth something, instead of killing myself and throwing it away, I wanna try to make it into something good
286. Obesity: eat and be merry
287. Pre-marital sex: I don't mind
288. Terrorism: It's stupid, fuck off and leave us alone
289. Pornography: If its aginst ur will or like lil kids then ewwies but if its anything else, woot woot
290. Fortune tellers: fake
291. Threesomes: ... over rated what is it with guys, concentrate on one chick and make it good
292. Prostitution: helll do whut ya want u worthless whorse 293. Politics: ...not my thing
294. Country music: Ok...
295. George W. Bush: hes okay
296. Cloning: theres enough morons on theis planet why would we wanna make more
297. Britney's boobs: MY ARE BETTER!!!! and real
298. Gas prices in America: What can ya do

~Name Game~ What Do You Think Of When You Hear These Common Names?...
299. Jack: Off.
300. Tiffany: ugly red head with huge hips that dont fit into her pants
301. Ben: ???
302. Maria: bitch
303. Jennifer: meth
304. Nicole: -Bitch.
305. Amy: STDs
306. Adam: Sandler
307. Richard: Nixon
308. Justin: Timberlake, ew
309. Arnold: Buff Austrian
310. Tom: my fag dad 311. Melissa: my punk lil buddy 312. Charlotte: not so good
313. Harold: fat sweaty men
314. John: Lennon!
315. Joel: I like that naem
316. Vanessa: stupid lil sluty bitch in my math class
317. Michelle: Branch.
318. Kevin: buff guy
319. Brent: that sounds familiar
320. Jake: cake
321. Billy: ew
322. Sarah: bitch
323. Natalie: This really tall black girl.
324. Christy: whore
325. Nick: dispshit
326. Linda: my aunt in hawaii
327. Taylor: stephs friend
328. Jordan: micheal
329. Jaime: short punk girl
330. Adrian: pretty but annoying girl

~Have You Ever....~
331. Mooned anyone? nope
332. Been on a diet? yep
333. Been to a foreign country? nope
334. Broken a bone? Never.
335. Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling? dont remeber
336. Swear at a teacher? indirectly.
337. Talked to a DJ member via e-mails or instant messages? Nope.
338. Got in a fight? kinda
339. Dated a teacher? ew no
340. Laughed so hard you peed your pants? haha i think everyones done that
341. Thought about killing your enemy? yeah, and i have a long list
342. Gone skinny dipping? Yes.
343. Met another DJ member in the flesh? non
344. Told a little white lie? Yep.
345. Told a secret you swore not to tell? ya 346. Used a foreign object to masturbate? foreign meaning what?
347. Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid? No
348. Been on tv? ???
349. Been on the radio? nope.
350. Been in a mosh pit? Nope.
351. Been to a concert? Yep.
352. Dated one of your best friend? well all my bfs were firneds before we started dating but never really really good best friends
353. Loved someone so much it makes you cry? Yep.
354. Deceived somebody close to you? i dont think so 355. Broken the law?yep
356. Been to a rodeo? Nope.
357. Been on a talk show? Nope.
358. Been on a game show? No.
359. Been on an airplane? ya
360. Got to ride on a firetruck? no
361. Came close to dying? yeah
362. Cheated on a bf/gf? no, never have never will
363. Gave someone a piggy back ride? Yes.
364. Terrorized a babysitter? no
365. Made a mud pie? no
366. Had a dream that your falling off a cliff? no
367. Snuck out of the house at night? ya kinda
368. Been so drunk you don't remember your name? lol
369. Had an eating disorder? i have eating problems i guess, but not aneraix or buliema or we not yet anyways
370. Felt like you didn't belong? yeppers
371. Felt like the 3rd wheel? yeppers
372. Smoked? yeah
373. Done drugs? well if u can smoke it its probly a drug
374. Stolen money from a poor person begging on the street? No.
375. Had your tonsils removed? Nope.
376. Gone to camp? no
377. Won a bet? Yes.
378. Written a love letter? yep
379. Gone out of your way to be with the one you love? yep.
380. Written a love poem? Yeah.
381. Kissed in the rain? no, i've always wanted to though, like in the movies lol, damn i am so lame, io also wanna have sex on a rainy day, that would be awsome
382. Slow danced with someone you love? No....
383. Sp34k L33t? ...huh???
385. Stolen a kiss? ???
386. Asked a friend for relationship advice? yep
387. Had a friend steal your bf/gf?: kinda, we had broken up and about a week later she started dating him even though she knew i had extremly strong feelings for him ermmm u know who u r
388. Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love? no, sounds nice though
389. Gotten a speeding ticket? nope.
390. Done jail time? no
391. Had to wear a uniform to work? I don't work.
392. Won a trophy? no.
393. Thrown up in public? no
394. Bowled a perfect game? Nope.
395. Failed/got held back? Nope.
396. Got perfect attendance in grade school? lol no
397. Roasted pumpkin seeds? no
398. Taken ballet lessons? when i was really little like 5 lol
399. Attempted suicide? never attempted, but that doesn;t mean i never wanted to
400. Cut yourself? Yeah.

~Childhood Stuff~
401. Did you play with Barbies? yeah.
402. Did you own Treasure Trolls? no 403. Did you watch Beverly Hills 90210? no
404. Did you play Simon? Uhh... no.
405. Did you watch Fraggle Rock? No.
406. Did you wet the bed? wtf?
407. Did you believe there were monsters in your closet or under your bed? no
408. Did you wear the underwear with the days of the week on them? lmao no
409. Were you shy? yeah.
410. Were you spoiled? no
411. Were you abused? no 412. Did you go to the circus? Ya
413. Did you go to the zoo? Yes.
414. Were you in a car accident? Yes.
415. Did you build snowmen? ya
416. Did you cry when you scraped your knee? probly
417. Were your older cousins mean to you? no, they were te same age as me
418. Did you think slinkies were cool? They still are the coolest
419. Did you think the Ninja Turtles really lived in the sewer? Not really.
420. Were you afraid of the dark? kinda 421. Did you have slumber parties? lol sure
422. Did you have New Kids On The Block sheets, curtains, sleeping bags, dolls and pajamas? No. 423. Did you tease your hair out like Tiffany? Nopers
424. Did you believe in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus/ and the Tooth Fairy? Who doesnt when they are little

425. Do you believe in aliens? no, but i would sure hope their are other living life forms somewhere out there.
426. Name 3 things that are next to your computer: 2 dollars, makeup, and my sandwich
427. Do you have any hidden talents? Lol if they are hidden why would i tell you.
428. Do you wish MTV would play music videos? Thats what MTV 2 is for i guess.
429. If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? I dunno....
430. What would your movie star name be? I dont know. ^^
431. Do you play any sports? Riding
432. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? Aracnophobia, i hate spiders
433. What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently? I dont know
434. What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen? dont remeber
435. Do you drive? no
436. What is your dream car?Anything that can take me somewhere without breaking down and black, but if i wanted any car i dunno a big black truck or a ports car
437. Do you think you're good looking? lmao hell no
438. Do others think you are good looking? i dont know
439. Would you ever sky dive?sure
440. Do you believe in Bigfoot? no
441. How many rooms do you have in your house? 3 bedrroms, living room family room and 2 bathrooms and kitchen and dining area
442. Are you afraid of roller coasters? ya
443. Do you believe in God? yeah
444. Do you believe in Satan? Yes
445. Do you believe there is a heaven? I dont believe in a big white place up in the clouds like ppl make it out to be, i think when ppl die they go to their own heaven, a place with eveything and everyone they love
446. Do you believe there is a hell? or somehting like it
447. Do you own a pool table? No, but it'd be cool to have one.
448. Do you have a pool? ya
449. Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen? Yes.
450. Do you like chocolate? HELL YA
451. Who/what is on your 2004calendar? my online calendar
452. How many U.S.? I'll answer when you finish the question.
453. Ever wished on a shooting star? I've never seen a shooting star
454. Best Halloween costume you ever wore? My Belle costume from Beauty and the Beast... I wore it when I was little
455. Do you carry any weapons on you?, but i will be in a few years when i can legally get a nice knife
456. What is your weakness? i dunno, being emotionally hurt
457. Name something you can't get enough of: hmm...
458. Describe yourself in 3 adjectives: i dont know
459. How many kids do you want to have? none 460. Future daughters names:
461. Future sons names:
462. What is your ideal way to die? I want to be happy, maybe in my sleep, but i want to happy and had lived my life as much and as best as i could
463. How do you release stress? writting or eating, or just sitting and crying, i cant deal with things like most ppl do, all i can do is cry most of the time, its good to cry so u can let everything out
464. Are you a trendy person? Not really.
465. Are you an artistic person? People say I am
466. Are you a realistic person? For the most part, yes.
467. Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off? Not really.
468. Are you a strong person? Sometimes, I dont really have a choice, i kinda have to be, i have to hold my head up high and try not to cry and pretend everything is okay until I'm alone, thats basically how i was raised, even when I'm alone I have to be strong, their aren;t many ways I can deal with my problems onece again
469. Are you a strong willed person? I try to be.
470. Who is the last person to e-mail you? julia
471. Who is the last person to IM you? dont remeber
472. Do you hate chain e-mails? yeah
473. Are you a deep sleeper? depends
474. Are you a good story teller? No.
475. What do you believe is your best quality? i dont know
476. What is your greatest accomplishment? i dont know
477. Do you like to burn candles or incense? Yea
478. Do you do yoga? Not really.
479. Do you have your own credit card? Nope.
480. Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money? buy myself my horse that i've always wanted
481. Do you have a check book? Nope.
482. Do you like your driver's license picture? dont have one
484. What color is your hair naturally? blonde
485. How many fillings do you have? like 3 i think.
486. How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit? none
487. Worst feeling in the world? A broken heart.
488. Best feeling in the world? Being loved.
489. Is the glass half empty or half full? I don't care... I just want to know who's been drinking out of my cup
490. Last thing you downloaded? ???
491. Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life? no lol
492. What do you think people think of you? I don't know. Most people think i'm a heartless mean slutty bitch, but once you when me over I can be pretty affectionate i think
493. Are you a likeable person? depends
494. Do you need therapy? ya probly
495. Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance? yes
496. What the best way to be proposed to? On a rainy day, when your with the person u love alone
497. What kind of movie would you star in? i dont know
498. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Umm.... I guess.
499. What are you thinking? I dont know
500. What's your favorite phrase? ...i dont know

1 More Pill | Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 21 April :: 10.17 pm
:: Mood: I'm alive, thats good enough
:: Music: Relaxing Music

Ok everyone, I'm back, I have my computer now finally. This entry will be about everything thats happened since the entry from early March. Well lets see, where to start.........ok well after I got my computer taken down I was off to Cali for an orchestra trip for the first few days of Spring Break. That trip was...erm...interesting, it was okay, had its ups and downs. We played at a high school the first day, it was kinda cool to see how other people our age at other high schools in other states are, lol, they weren;t much different, lota punk and 'surffers'. Then we went to the zoo! VERY EXCITING! No penguins though. =( Danny, Manda, Bri, and I bascially roamed around there for a few hours that day, riding the moving sidewalks and stuff lol. Then we went to SeaPort Village and played for people, that was pretty fun, then we went to the beach, and of course Bri dragged me in, IT WAS FREEZING, after awhile I finally ran out and stayed on the beach shivering for a few hours lol, then we all ran to a shopping center near by for some food, I was never so happy to eat pizza before in my life. It was so cold and I was starving. Those were basically the highlights of the trip, along with running around the hotel and stuff. When I returned home, we were suppose to already be in our new house, but the bank fucked up and we had to crash at my grandmothers house for a few days. Complete hell, I'm not going into detail, hell should be a good enough description for those few days. Well we finally got into our new house, but things didn't get much better, my depression kicked in and the whole spring break was basically living tourment. Luckily, Spring Break was only a week, then I returned to school, things got somewhat better. Those few weeks after spring break are kinda just a blank in my mind, I just remeber being depressed and upset about moving, so I dont have much to talk about. Not much is going on now, getting settled into our new house still and dealing with some personal stuff and school, which is over in less than 4 weeks. I wont miss school at all, I need a few months away from all the morons and snobs and grades. It'll give me some time to destress. Most of my days this Summer will be spent sleeping, tanning in our new pool, being online, working out, and sleeping some more. Sounds lovely. Well thats about all I can think of for now, leave some comments if you would like.
Note: I have a new email address for my buddies, its
and also I have a new SN, if you would like it please ask me for it.

Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 17 April :: 1.05 pm
:: Mood: Every mood a person can experience

Love- Giving somebody the ability to destroy you at any given moment but trusting them not too.

"With This Knife"

i let myself fall into a lie
i let my walls come down
i let myself smile and feel alive
i let my walls come down
no matter how i try i don't know why
you push so far away
you wrapped your hands tight around my heart
and squeezed it full of pain

with this knife i'll cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
with this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
the heart that cares for you

i can't believe the way you took me down
i never saw the pain
coming in a million broken miles
like poison in my veins


the hate and the fear
the nightmares that wake me up
in the tears
the nightmares and (the hate)...

"For You"

i waited for you
i died inside my own head
and i'd die again for you

i'm faded and tired
completely uninspired
and i'd die again for you

so kill me with the love that you won't give to me
and pack the wound with salt i want to feel it bleed

i'm searching for reasons
to keep away the demons
and i'd die again for you
i wish you were near me
could feel it when you hear me say
i'd die again for you

so kill me with the love that you won't give to me
and pack the wound with salt i want to feel it bleed
you wanted me to crawl so now i'm on my knees

why's it always have to be me
that's always left out to burn and
i'll never learn


And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yhea you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

1 More Pill | Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 13 March :: 2.02 pm
:: Mood: Fuckin' Pissed

I won't be updating this jurnal for awhile. I'm moving so I dont know when the next time will be when I can get on my computer again, hopefully it wont be too long. Talk to you all later.

1 More Pill | Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 11 March :: 10.16 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: My parents fighting

My mom and dad are fighting. My mom is upset at my dad cuze hes not being truthful I think but I cant hear my mom or dad too well, just random words here and there. My dad has done some pretty shitty things to my mom, he hasn't beaten her or anything like that but he can be an asshole and hes not all the time truthful. My dad can be okay sometimes, but most of the time I try to avoid him as much as possible. My parents wont get a divorce though...even though I am not to fond of my dad I am glad theyre still together unlike a lot of families, there would be a lot of drama and money issues if they got a divorce that I dont feel like dealing with drama and my mom would become a wreck. If they got a divorce and one or both remarried I would be pissed cuze I dont like change and I dont like many adults, and if they were to have kids with their new spouse I wouldn't talk to them, I hate children and I already dont get that much attention as is, and when I do its usually yelling, either about how I've disrespected them in some way or my appearance. I'm usually on the computer or by myself in my bedroom when I'm home, away from my mom cuze shes either sleeping or stressed about something, my dad is usually at work but when hes home hes a pain in the ass always bothering me and bitching about something, and my sister locks herself up in her bedroom playing video games or watching TV. I feel bad for my sis sometimes, she doesn't get yelled at by my parents often, not nearly as much as I do, and when I do get yelled at she has to watch and if she can she usually hurries off to her bedroom. She lives in like her own little fantasy world, she spends almost all her time watching movies or playing video games in her room, shes 11 I think, its just sad sometimes watching her. I dunno ...its kinda fucked up.

2 More Pills | Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 6 March :: 8.18 pm
:: Mood: content

We bought a house in Glendale...of course. My mom and dad took us lookin in a neighborhood before we went and had breakfast with my aunt and uncle while they were in town and they took us to this one house and our relator Amy was there and shes like "Welcome to you new house guys!" My mom and dad had bought it a few week in advance and surprised us. I on the otherhand wasn't so ecstatic, I started bawling and went in another room. The house were moving into is Ok...3 bed/2 bath and it has a dinky pool, but a pool is better than no pool, I can use it for getting a tan I guess. Its 64th Ave. and Happy Valley I think? About 15 minutes away from my current house. I will remain going to Pinnacle through high school, thank god. Were getting a ton of new furniture cuze what we have now is complete shit, which is cool cuze I get new bedroom furniture, yippy. The good news is were keeping our phone number, and I get my own line and the computer, so I will basically be living in my bedroom =) Score. We'll be moving while I am in Cali. so I wont have to do any work except unpack my shit, HAHA! Ok enough about moving I'm done...this weekend so far has been good, yesterday was Friday and I went to Sams and stayed the night at Leesha's, thank you again Leesha, and then this morning I came home and me my mom and sis all went out and looked at matresses and bedroom shit, I am doing my room in black. Ok well I have a headache and din din is almost ready, mmMMmm STEAK...Talk to everyone later, bye people.

3 More Pills | Give Me Happiness

:: 2004 3 March :: 7.11 pm
:: Mood: hungry

Life is boring and busy...lots of packing and shit, I've been workin on my grades cuze 3rd quarter ends soon...the school year is almost over, thank god.

You are capable of anything. People underestimate
you all the time. You are one of those psychos
who legitamately does not care. You have no
fear of death at all. People do not know it,
but you are a very dangerous

Do you embrace DEATH ?
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You are every goth-kids dream!

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The haxor handle of Ashley is "Sex0r Dream".

What's yours? Enter your name:

The haxor handle of Ashley is "Sex0r Dream".

What's yours? Enter your name:

which pleasure are you?

Are you RACIST?

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What Color Eyes Should You Have?
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You're Love!

Which Moulin Rouge Symbol are you most like?
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Which Season are you?

Find your inner Smurf!

I am 24% evil.
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Which Piercing are you?

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