bertoe
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2008 31 October :: 4.26pm
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i am really doing nothing with my life.
where's the bong and the beer?
it's gonna be a long night, america.
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bertoe
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2008 24 October :: 1.37am
Mot drunk.
I drunk dialed my best friend, told him shit he didn't wanna hear.
I miss it so much.
I'm driving out to see another girl tomorrow... and i can't get the originator out of my head. What a fucking bummer.
This new perrigo ibu 800 makes me forget that I'm drunk. Ba-boo-bah-buuuu ffft.
omfg paula deen.
AND THERE GOES THE ROACHES IN THE BIG SCREEN TV OMFG OMFG YEAH!!!!
fuck being awake and fuck hearing this cat whine about some bullshit.
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bertoe
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2008 15 October :: 8.05pm
womp
i really don't wanna move AGAIN.
sigh.
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bertoe
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2008 10 October :: 11.45pm
40cc
i'm not in love.
she was there again in my dream.
god damn you. what do i do to forget you completely? i need some eternal sunshine shit in my life, but you're still there.
i hide you out of my mind... forget you in my waking life, and then i drunkenly stumble to bed and dream of you. you looked different. why i was in a grocery store when i have 0 dollars in my bank account and why you were in michigan. weird shit.
weird when you remember that you realize that words don't mean shit. "see you later" is so definite. What if that cat dies? then what? when is later? later is never, because nobody knows what life after death is, unless you talk to Biggie or Pac...
i just want to listen to elliott smith and cry. i watched chick shows tonight and cried. i suck.........
not havin a stuart smalley moment now.
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bertoe
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2008 16 September :: 1.47am
take a breath, son
I got into a ridiculous argument with myself tonight in the car.
I cannot be this stressed out yet. I think it's just me being stupid and mental and pissed off because I am not familiar with these new programs and their insane-as-fuck interfaces. Like, seriously, photoshoop with video elements? Jesus fucking christ, this IS the future. Like why the fuck was I going into print media? Print media is pretty much the same once you know the programs. I know indesign, photoshop, and illustrator. Insta-graphic designer.
You can create one of those in a solid month.
Now, to get a good movie editor who knows sound, video, and other elements from illustrator, photoshop, and flash? Holy shit, now you're cooking with fire.
It's just so overwhelming. This is just a test that life is throwing at me. I will succeed.
Law of attraction. IT WILL HAPPEN.
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bertoe
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2008 7 September :: 3.18pm
stop me if youve heard this one before
Such a rly lonely day I set up for myself. happy barfday.
At least okcupid.com and pepsi.com holla'd at me. Automation=ftw. ROBOTS REMEMBER!1!one.
Acted like an asshole to everyone except my bike. Rode 15 miles, and just want to go painting. I should've done that before, but I'm brooooooke.
Probably the only great awesome part was when i hopped off my bike and watched a heron pop around for 20 minutes.
My life is so stupid. The simplest things make me happy and perplexed. The complex things make me irritable and miserable.
I suck at this.
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bertoe
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2008 22 August :: 1.07am
roll away baby
roll away fivever.
let my potential manifest into something.
shoo away this feeling of stupidity, like i'm not good enough.
i am, and i am surrounded by positive beings every day.
this semester of school will not suck. in fact, it will rule, and the things i will learn should be meaningful.
you're okay, soldier. trudge on. stay bout it until you are forced to give up.
my previous life never seemed like this. two years ago, i was presented with a very uncertain future. thinking that i would never find love again, because of one person.
truth is, i feel love every day. it should be my mission to return it every day.
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bertoe
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2008 18 July :: 1.17pm
who are you?
Five years ago resurrected on the top of a 30 story building. Pushing the guard rail, it was wobbly, I didn't fall. I ended up in bed with you with a loud tv blaring and four other people in the room. They didn't exist, but what was with us was weird.
People are just faces and objects who pass by and eventually disappear. They are nothing but images for certain periods of time.
I talk to her sometimes, but it really isn't anything. This is the first time in a bazillion years I even thought/imagined her.
I need to get out of here. Discover love for once. Dreams are an illusion. Reality is difficult.
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bertoe
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2008 17 June :: 1.18am
superficialities
Ohhh, how i wish i had a girlfriend.
oh, when your family is faltering?
I wish for love, and I get more stress on the familial front. And it's, for the most part(on my part), selfish stress. My mom is not doing well. Nor is my dad, really. My mom is stressed by my dad, my dad is an entity completely different from any other thing I have encountered on this earth.
Without my mom, I don't think I could really survive as an individual. She is the one who gives me clarity, gives me advice when I am confused. Blames me for when she is frustrated, as well as my father.
I feel like I am the main burden on my parents. But, I feel like they don't have love for themselves, and have unequal love toward their offspring. Don't get me wrong- they both love me. But, one understands me more than the other. And, that really weirds me out in that familial sort of way.
I just hope nothing goes wrong. Where is that light and love that seems so in my grasp, that it is not...?
I just wish life was more simple.
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bertoe
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2008 11 June :: 2.44am
miss love
i miss what love feels like. seriously.
nobody really cares. i'm not worth more than five minutes with....
bla dee blade bla i only have art and the peace of the release of drawing and doodling. if it is my main passion, i can do something....
one day.
love and light... it will come. where is my crystal being, the one telling me that i will be okay....
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bertoe
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2008 4 June :: 2.54am
in a planet far away
i miss you ):
let life be inspirational again.
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bertoe
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2008 30 May :: 1.01pm
lal
peace be with you
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bertoe
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2008 24 May :: 4.15am
shitssssplatter
I've gathered all my lifetime memories of you
My lusty sentiments that made life seem true
I'm rather selfish and I mean to be unkind
And you can't imagine what it does to me inside
But where am I, I want to die
I want to live, I want to die
If I were someone I would like to be a fool
No one would know me, and I think that would be cool
I'd paint a picture of my life upon your wall
And use the colors that have made life seem small
But where am I, I want to die
I want to live, I want to die
But you've got a way of understanding me
And I just call it one of your mysteries
But you know you've got to stay close to me, close to me
But where am I, I want to die
But where am I, I want to die
I want to die, I want to give
I want to die, die die die die, die die die die
go gotho music gooooo!
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bertoe
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2008 23 May :: 3.30pm
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coming out of it and way back into it
you really don't know what goes through my mind...
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bertoe
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2008 22 May :: 1.08pm
light
starting to come out of it.
,}
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