stop saying that were invincable

stop saying that were invincable

:: 2004 2 September :: 4.57am
:: Mood: extremely bored
:: Music: i have no idea what this shit is

havent updated. well, ive been busy...sort of.
hm, in all my time having woohu i dont think ive ever put a picture on my journal. but i so want to show you all this hot kid. his name is nick, coincidently. its not our nick its some kid from pennsylvania. but hes fuckin hot as hell in this picture. and its so worth being put in my journal. i mean, nakednick is a hot nick that we dont know too, but this is a new one. hes more realistic. how do i do this.. let me try some shit then ill complain that it didnt work. ill just put them on my picture trail. lol. i hope links work. if not, then fuck you!

ok so lets see.i got sort of big news. i was excited about it until i found out the details. now im not too sure. well those of you have that have read my journal in past months, or just know, all are aware that jesse is my cool brother. and hes my favorite. well he was living with black people and hes been in and out of foster homes. hes had the foster homes the worst. teddy had like 2 or 3 then went to mr lawrence. [ and hes been there since ] for like 2 yrs hes been settled. jay, he went to theraputic facilities, juvy. and foster homes, then to his aunts. then back here for madd long. then a facility then another foster home. now i dont know where hes at. i think hes a ward of the state. ( oo weezer is onn ..yess) ok so anyway. JESSE. hes been in foster homes since the whole bs started. like 2 or 3 years ago. and his dad [ whos always been known to have bolted when he found out she was knocked up *or so shes always said* ] was contacted and told that he should come in and help this kid. i mean hes blood. so to save jesse from being locked away or who knows he stepped in and took custody. so jesse moved with him to carolina. well he fuckin fed theyre dog anti freeze, yeahh it fuckin died. he got caught humpin the 7 yr old daughter. now the dad, his names george, he said he didnt know she was pregnant. and hes got a wife and kids of his own. his wife is threatening to leave him bc jesse is just to much to handle. so hes been callin our house [ george ] and if she answered hed hang up [ because he knows shes whacked ] and my dad finally fuckin answers after they had court today/yesterday and she was at work. they talk about stuff. who knows. it winds up. his dad wants to hand jesse over to my dad. BUUT catch is, my step mom was ordered unfit so she cant be around jesse or hell get taken away. so my dads not tellin her hes gonna take guardianship. hes just gonna make her move out and jesse will go in larrys room. all i had to say was...IF HE FUCKIN KILLS MY DOG ILL KILL HIM IDC IF I GO TO JAIL. i love him, yeah. but fuck that i love max wayy more. hes my #1. id kill for him. so nothin better happen to max. i dotn think hed do anything jesse knows max. supposedly he dindt like the dog but still. i didnt think hed ever kill a dog. christ. so who knows. but anyway, saturday shell be at work and jesse and his dad are driving up and comin here. yessss. jesse is sooo cool. except for the dog thing, he kicks ass. lol. yo, and she better move out and stay the fuck out. if my dad just takes jesse in and keeps here. HELL FUCKIN NO. shell turn him into another jay. fuckin cunt. ok well, im gonna go do somethin, im so bored. and its 5:1O am. god i cant sleep. i went to lay down for an hour at like 8:OO tonite and ended up sleepin till 1:3Oam. so im so not tired. lol. ohwell. tomorrow we go to washington dc then friday the shore..yesssssssssssss. fun fun itll be =). ttyl

<33 mwahss

1 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 30 August :: 1.43am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: chevelle - wonder whats next

havent said much in days
well idk what to say. but i want to update. im mad bc someone just said an asshole remark that was deff unneeded. and im confused about something. idk im all tangled up. well heres some random stuff. the cops were here tonite. fuck the details dont feel like getting into it. uh my dad finally told her he wants her to get out. larry moved out. the baby. i wanna see the baby again. hmm. i was melting a plastic whistle and it piece was on fire and it melted and dripped onto my finger and i got burned. its so nasty lookin. and its sore. uh, i walked into the corner of my bed and fucked up my knee real bad. it was bruised and like swollen and stickin out. ugh. and those of you that have been in my room know how that hurts like a bitch. my skin is tearing away on my wrist bc i hurt it and bc it rubs on the desk and jsut keeps breaking open. and it was bleeding tonite. its so gay. i gotta wear a wrist brace so it doesnt keep opening up. but i couldnt type so i took it off and it started bleeding again. my dads been on vaca for a total of 5 days and we havent done jack. and he said we cant go shoppin for clothes until his next paycheck bc he has just enough for the bills. and with larry gone the rent is double. so im like wtf. didnt know we were poor. well we did get robbed by a cunt and all but still. im wonderin how the fuck were gonna pay for all the bills and the house now that larry wont be payin half. we might move. yea, thats deff gay. and we have nothing to drink but water. oh yeah, they fixed the well and now we have awesome water pressure. my mom is gay. ppl are assholes. im out.

later

profiles.myspace/users/6838295

check that out it took danielle and me a long time to make.

its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 25 August :: 4.06pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: blink

i know my place. its nowhere you should roam
lisha had the baby..

dionisio joseph keenan.
august 19th, 2OO4.

i think she still went with that name. im not sure. but i know were goin over there tonite. and my dads vaca starts so i dont know if well be back here. if we arent well then when i get back ill update. if we do come back then ill tell you about the baby when i get on. until either of those. im out, got things to do. places to go babies to see. hahahahaa

mwahsssss

<3

aw, im all happy haha.

man i hope hes a cutie, lol. jk im sure he will be.

7 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 21 August :: 2.54pm
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: dierks bently -

ill try to make this the last words on this subject
i know that what i did was wrong. and i know that is well reason to be pissed at a person. i know ill never hear the end of it and everyday theres gonna be a new person that "lets me know" im fucked up. but every fuckin person that is saying shit against me is seriously acting like i dont get what i did. youre putting words in my mouth saying that im okay with it and shit like that. if i was soo "okay" with it then why would i even bother apologizing or getting any words in? first of all, i damn well said i was sorry and i fuckin meant it. if nobody believes me then fine, im not gonna sit here and say sorry for the rest of my life. its a waste. especially since shes not gonna ever accept it or even believe it. shes not planning on fixing this relationship anyway. so we are done. i tried to be as nice as possible and everything, i mean why shouldnt i? i fucked up not her. but still. thats not the reason why im giving up. if she doesnt wanna take time to at least try to listen to me then i seriously have no reason to bother. and on top of all of that it doesnt help that people are influencing her to not listen. and as i said and probably other people, if shes willing to fix things with eric and everything then she can fix things with me. youre right sam, its your life, your opinion. well then fine, that gives me no reason to bother. and dont say shit about me not caring once i actually do stop "bothering". ive begged and apologized for the last fuckin 72 hours, probably more. and you havent taken one minute to listen. im not gonna sit here and worry about this damn thing if you dont even care. then again, why should you, i fucked up right? im not sayin you have to forgive me, like i said thats your decision. but you seem to have no problem listening to people sit there and "hate on me" and shit, so you can do that but you cant hear me out? your pissed off, yea, and your talkin shit, which helps, yea. but your listening to them and everything, so theres no hope that youll give me a chance. so i seroiusly quit tryin. i tried to be fuckin serious and shit and you laughed in my face and told me to 'shut the hell up'. ohwell i deserve that, bc im a piece of shit. yeahhh. i aint the only one who was fuckin tryin to get with someone.... but that dont matter. you said, "dont worry about what i do with eric justworry about whats gonna happen with me and you".. ok and im deff doin that and your not. so i dont wanna hear anyone rag on me bc i quit, you gave me no reason not to. and i read your little convo with jess, so if you guys seroiusly plan on "jumpin me" i aint gonna deal with that shit. i fucked up freshmen year i cant afford to fuck up sophmore year, if you dont mind. you wanna fight me dont fuckin bring that shit into school, im just tryin to pass with no bullshit. you fuckin know that so dont bring that shit into school. yeah, i wrote him notes, and he wrote me notes too [ dont forget that part.... ].. and i admitted and said i was wrong and everything. i know i fucked up and i cant say that any fuckin more. i already know, clearly i understand. what your not getting is that im sorry and im aware of what i did. you understood that with him why cant you understand that with me? and you also said in that convo that i just need to stfu and get over it.. hey, im not the one sittin here talkin to everyone about it.. im over it, i apologized and all that shit, my part is done. i cant do nuthyn else. you want me to stfu then fine. im "stfu"..

later

[ theres way more on my mind but w.e.. maybe ill comment. but as for the other comments in her journal, im done. ]

7 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 19 August :: 2.09am

read sams journal -- www.woohu.com/~craziiwhitegirl

------------------------------------------------

look, what i did was worse then wrong and as fucked up as you could get. before people start commenting to this make sure you read all the comments in her journal. i wasnt going to update because i cant, it doesnt make sense to but i have to make something clear. sam said to whoever that basically she doesnt think i care because when eric found out she knew he was crying and all that and it seems like when i found out i was like "oh damn, you know?.. sorry" and its not like that. i really did start crying as soon as i got to like the second or third sentence of her entry. this thing hasnt left my mind for a second yet either sam. i cant stop crying and im in so much regret. i mean besides the fact that i did it at all, look what i fucked up. i fucked us up. and i can not stop thinking about times where i took us for granted. you seriously dont realize how much something means to you until you lose it. i mean i had a slight idea but .. its nothing compared to the actual feeling that your gone. and i dont want to argue this i really dont. what ever your mind makes up is fine. if you dont want to stay friends, then okay ill leave you alone and well never talk again. if you want to fix it somehow some way i swear to you ill give you my all and i will never do anything like that again. theres nothing a guy can give to me or do or say for that matter that can be worth jeopardizing our friendship over. i mean it is too late now, its fucked up that it took you finding out for me to realize that but i still realize it now. i cant say anything now but i keep having "flash backs", if you will.. like.. he other day when we found out about my cousin and her friends gettin pregnant at the same time we were like..hey we should do that..thatd be fun, us both pregnant.. who else would do that.... ? .. just that moment makes me so sad to think i fucked that up. and thats not even a "best".. like think about it. who else would i be that comfortable with? youre the only person that i have ever been myself to and didnt have a care in the world no about holding back. god im so fuckin stupid ughhh. theres too much at stake and i know i have no say in this but i dont want it to be done =\ i really dont.. but i cant just expect an "its okay vee" because its deff not.. its not and it never will be.. idk if we can bounce back from this its a lot to ask for. idk i really dont know.

and im tired of being mean to everyone. i shouldnt be a bitch to anyone [ with the exception of my step mom ] especially not sam.

so i felt like apologizing to laura :

Silenced x Kid (12:56:31 AM): im sorry for calling you a geek and leaving you messages when it wasnt needed. and im sorry for anything that ive ever done to you. im sorry for the shit that i said in them comments and all the fucking names that i called you. i said shit like i knew. youre right you are a different person and im glad that you found the real you and found a group of people that love you for who you are. and thanks for helpin sam by givin your opinion, i appreciate it.
Silenced x Kid (12:57:29 AM): this whole thing with sam is really making me realize how fucked up i am to people that dont even deserve it so im telling you im sorry in the most sincere way i can
Silenced x Kid (12:57:32 AM): and i mean it
xOnlyfOryOu144x (12:58:31 AM): im sry .. but vee i kno how tht feels ok.. i really do ... nd it hurts so i can jus imagine how sam feels.. nd i wont lie to you .. when u went out with bret it hurt me jus as bad but i wasnt gonna ruin it .. i was with tom neways but listen .. it does really hurt nd i was jus showin how i felt nd i mean vee truthfully i probally woulda expected tht from ne1 else but u so it shocked me .. im not meanin to fuck things more up but i was jus tellin her tht i really kno how it feels
Silenced x Kid (1:00:25 AM): i know that i was being serious i wasnt trying to be sarcastic. and your entitled to your own opinion and i am very aware now that i am fucked up and what i did is fucked up and i cant take it back no matter how hard i try. im just apologzing to you because im thinking my mind is going crazy right now and im tired of being mean to people that didnt ask for it and you didnt ask for it.
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:01:00 AM): well vee i do forgive you b/c i do get tht way too and i wont lie..
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:01:11 AM): i flip nd take shit out on other ppl alot
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:01:20 AM): nd the dont really ask for it i jus flip or someshit...
Silenced x Kid (1:01:23 AM): i dont want sympathy i just want to be cool with everyone, theres no reason not to
Silenced x Kid (1:01:29 AM): i know that happens to everyone
Silenced x Kid (1:01:44 AM): but i just messed with you to start shit, ya know. it wasnt like that it was different
Silenced x Kid (1:01:50 AM): i had no right
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:02:39 AM): nd i've realized me and you faught alot.. i mean i went all the way bac in ur journal nd its jus constant fites wid me nd u over bret nd stupid shit
Silenced x Kid (1:03:07 AM): i know and me and him werent even together, its just fucking gay.
Silenced x Kid (1:03:26 AM): but i did really like him way back when, i did. i wasnt trying ot hurt anybody i just wanted to behappy.
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:03:44 AM): either were me and him but i admit it i still liked em then nd i jus wanted to protect him for some strang reason
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:04:05 AM): i kno .. nd i understood tht
Silenced x Kid (1:04:20 AM): well id understand that i mean you two have a history i cant push that off ya know
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:05:42 AM): yeh it was a good history tht took awhile for me to let go of nd i shoulda earlier.. nd im sorry if i ever got in the middle with you and him nd if the reason he did break up with u was b.c of me i had no intention of him really dewin tht..
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:05:50 AM): he seemed happy when he was with u nd thts all i wanted
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:05:51 AM): u kno?
Silenced x Kid (1:07:11 AM): well thanks for that. and i dont know if that was the reason the fag never told me, lol. but its okay because i wouldnt be happy with him if we were still together, i honestly wouldnt. me and bret arent for that. were too much to be anything other then friends.
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:07:59 AM): yeh there came the day with him when i finally realized tht..
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:08:53 AM): oh yeh the day he tried to get me to cheat on my ex (when i was wid him actually) .. cuz i dunno hes jus not the "relationship " kind of person ... nd i am sorry for all the shit i said inspite of anger... when i get pissed nd i start i jus cant stop
Silenced x Kid (1:10:34 AM): its okay im not the kind of person to take it to heart normally. but stuff from people that i really really care abut i do.. i mean i care about you even if we dont always get along but i mean your not always around and stuff so you call me a bitch or something and i laugh. i mean before this sam thing i could honestly take that and be like..yea right i couldnt if i tried but now i cant.. bc i am a bitch a stupid bitch as you said. i fucked this shit up and i just idk.. i cant explain
Silenced x Kid (1:10:42 AM): thanks for accepting my apology
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:12:01 AM): you arent a stupid bitch trust me .. like i said i said it inspite of anger cuz it was a day when me nd matt had gotten into a fite nd i was gettin sick nd shit nd u were the one who imed me nd it jus got to me .. so i am sorry for that to
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:12:06 AM): and your welcome
Silenced x Kid (1:13:06 AM): im sorry if i known i wouldnt have bothered, even tho i shouldnt have in the first place. and i am a stupid bitch, maybe not for IMing you the other day but for this bullshit i caused with sam i am. i cant defend that
Silenced x Kid (1:13:12 AM): id be lying if i agreed with you
Silenced x Kid (1:14:38 AM): and im not trying to make it so i have people on my side with this i seriously just dont want any enemies right now, its the last thing i could use. and this soo makes you re-think your lifestyle. as crazy as that may sound. shit, i myself am i on sams side.
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:15:52 AM): well i wnt lie.. i have been in the same spot as you as well .. b4 i realized how it really hurts ppl .. and i was stupid at tht time.. but jus try to look forawrd to the best tht u can nd things will eventually get better... i admit it when shit got bad wid me kate mo nd eveyr1 i did run nd i did run to eastern but i ran b/c i didnt wanna be in a place tht i was gonna be unhappy b/c i knew there was nothin i could do to fix what i did .. but as time went on.. things got better.. now i kno you cant switch sko0ls 0r n0thin but if i w0ulda kn0wn tht shit w0ulda g0tten settled with me nd them later 0n i w0uldnt 0f... but things will get better
Silenced x Kid (1:20:22 AM): but see, you had a crowd. i have sam. she is the ONLY person in this world who understands me who i am myself to who seriously loves me for me and helped me be me. and i can not believe that i was so selfish enough to jeopardize that. i knew that i couldnt live without her yet i continued to talk to eric until all my thoughts ate me alive and i just wanted to stop. and it came back to haunt me. and i doubt shed belive me but i have been thinking about it for the past 4 or 5 months..since w.e it happened. ive been trying to figure out ways to just tell her because not telling her was getting to be worse. and i am, saddly, relieved a bit just because i finally dont have anything hidden form her anymore and that sounds even more fucked up to say but its the honest truth. but like i said, i hvae sam, thats one person who knows the real me and who im comfortable enough to be me with. and i ruined that i seriously ruined that
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:24:16 AM): vee i kno .. shit gets hard nd you do things you later regret i have done em too .. nd yeh i was in a crowd nd u had sam .. but still same difference.. i lost the crowd you lost sam .. things in life happen that cant really be explained.. nd in ways it sux... but then again once its over with u see why it happened there is alwayz a result to why it happened.. yeh you probally shoulda tried nd stopped it but yes it was probally the spur of the moment.. it builds up in u when you keep secrets from your best friends and then if and when they find out it is really bad .. but still hopefully if u give her a lil time she will look bac on all the times you and her had nd stuff .. and realize tht this was the only time u ever fucked up outa 4 years nd tht u are a best friend nd even tho you may be her BEST friend you are still capable of makin a mistake or too..
Silenced x Kid (1:27:37 AM): i understand that i do, and ive seen it that way, ive looked at this from every aspect. but the thing is, its eric. he is the thing she loves more then me. and i messed with that. he is the only thing that she has ever seriously gotten mad at me for. she loves him like crazy and shed pick him over me. she already is, i mean sure its harder to belive that ME of all ppl would do taht and its even worse taht seh saw that note, and "guys will be guys" blah blah blah, but still. this is a really big mistake to make. and i should know better not to do that shit... its eric for christ sake
Silenced x Kid (1:28:52 AM): but then again, its not like i was alone he said and had just as many "ideas" as i did
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:31:43 AM): i get tht... nd i kno what its like to pick a b/f over a best friend .. i almost lost all my friends once again this year when i started datein matt.. and i loved him mroe then anythin and when my friend tried gettin with him it jus made me be like i dont trust ne of them .. i accused every1 single one of them about tryin to get with him .. nd she was jus protectin him i guess.. nd yes i agree with you on thtt it was him too and he isnt gettin really what he should.. i get she loves him nd he loves her.. but if she could jus stay with him while lettin this go but isnt your friend to me is messed up ... and hopefully she will realize tht.. if she could stay with him and work it out then she shoulda been able to stay ur friend nd work it out.. the diff. with me nd my friend was tht i only knew her for a few months never rreally chylled with her outside of sko0l alot .. but it was still my friend tryin to take him .. but you and her have many years where you 2 have been friends
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:31:50 AM): nd i really hope truthfully that she wont let tht go
Silenced x Kid (1:33:14 AM): thank you
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:33:23 AM): yup
xOnlyfOryOu144x (1:59:57 AM): vee.. i hope u kno tht even tho we dont get along to much i am stil here if you need to tlak .. i mean you were one of my really good friendz 8th grade nd i alwayz keep this 1 promise no matter what even if we hate eachother i'll stil try to help ya kno:-\
Silenced x Kid (2:03:09 AM): okay ill keep that in mind. and i say the same goes for you. i dont even have any reason to not get along with you now. in my eyes were more friends then enemies. and you are staying true to this promise your talkin about as we speak considering i IMed you out of nowhere, once again, and you stayed talking to me and giving me your experiences and advice, so thank you very much. and i dont see reason for us not to be friends, i mean i dont dislike or hate you. i just basically wanted to start shit. and were better off being friends or ppl that talk and listen to one another then nothing. if you want to talk im here, i am a good listener
xOnlyfOryOu144x (2:03:57 AM): iite thanks vee nd u have a good point.. well im goin to bed i have to get up at like 9:30 to go to the beach..
xOnlyfOryOu144x (2:04:01 AM): i'll talk to you tomrrow ok
Silenced x Kid (2:04:14 AM): okay, have fun
xOnlyfOryOu144x (2:04:17 AM): thanx
xOnlyfOryOu144x signed off at 2:04:23 AM.

ugh. i wish this could just go away.. sam is the person that i would be talking to right now because i need to just talk but i cant do that because shes the person that i hurt. ugh man i wish this would just stop or pause for a second so i could just talk to her. i cant even express it in here theres to many thoughts.

4 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 17 August :: 2.52pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: none

what a bimbo
hahaha

lauras away message was all graphic about bein in the tub..soemthin about mr bubbles and come join me 3's not a crowd.. blah blah blah some shit.. so i IM'd her and was like.. "hahah what a geek"

and she goes...

xOnlyfOryOu144x (2:46:20 PM): oh wow tht really hurt me! ... i dun care
VoicE x unhEard (2:46:37 PM): hahha..did i ask for a response? nah deff not..bye:-)
xOnlyfOryOu144x (2:46:40 PM): then dont im me
VoicE x unhEard (2:46:58 PM): nah its cool ill IM you all the time hunnie..i enjoy it
VoicE x unhEard (2:47:12 PM): if you didnt care then you wouldnt answer...
xOnlyfOryOu144x (2:47:23 PM): yeh fuck off i dun care so imma im u when ever the fuck i wanna .. u dun like me u dun wanna talk to me then DONT im me
VoicE x unhEard (2:47:28 PM): and i wasnt "tryin" to "hurt" you
xOnlyfOryOu144x (2:47:28 PM): u stupid bitch
VoicE x unhEard (2:47:39 PM): i aint IMin you to talk big guy
VoicE x unhEard (2:47:44 PM): ohh yeahh THTS IT..hahaha
VoicE x unhEard (2:47:50 PM): ok laura
VoicE x unhEard (2:47:58 PM): bye
xOnlyfOryOu144x (2:47:58 PM): remmeber ur the one in summer sko0l.. well atleast was NOT ME bye
VoicE x unhEard (2:48:13 PM): yeah...sure

first of all, dont fuckin get me started and second of all, you got offended by me calling you a geek.. um yeahh you deff care if you said somethin back smart guy. you really just keep helpin yourself to look dumb, no seriously, dont she?.. what a dumbass. "well im not stupid your the one in s/s".. ok?..bc i fuckin cut... that proves nothing?..wtf areyou talkin about.. wow you got no clue. haha its funny tho it makes me laugh =D. dumb fuckin ditz. your sucha immigrant. get the fuck outta here slore

later <3

mannn if you wanna say shit then be my FUCKING guest.. -->

1 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 16 August :: 3.05pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: whisky lullaby

life is short but this time it was bigger then the strength she had to get up off her knees..
she put him out, like the burnin end of a midnite ciggarette.

nobody knew how much she blamed herself.

we found her with her face down in the
pillow clingin to his picture for dear life.

i just woke up at like 2:45 with out a peep before that. its crazy dude haha. i woke up once to hit snooze and shut off my alarm bc i was gonna get up at like 1O to go to carols but i said fuck it cus it was rainin and i figured my dad wouldnt go. so yeah, other then that i slept from.. like.. 3:OO am - 2:45 pm .. hmm thats about 11 hours almost 12. damn. i wasnt even really tired when i went to bed. i guess its just bc me and sam didnt get much sleep saturday nite. oh yeah, about that. heres what we did -->

saturday - me my dad and angie picked up sam aroundd.. 4 - 4:3O and went to walmart. picked out baby stuff. clothes, blankie, crib toy, binkies. and i got some other stuff i needed and what not. then we came back here, wrapped the gift and chilled up in my room since i had to "tighty it up" lol. she talked online to pretty much just eric. then i was done my room and we watched some parts of shanghai noon and the end bloopers or w.e. then we made ellios and fries, mmm. thennn i straightened her hair.. only took from like 8 to like 9:15. i probably started earlier. christ man. thats just too much. my hair takes like .. 25 minutes. blow dryin and ironin. i JUST ironed hers and it took that long. then idk around like 11 my dad was rushin us to go and he was like blowin the horn and shit and pissin me off. he was in a bad mood and fuckin bein gay to everyone. what a dickhead. anyway he dropped us off at my aunts. we got there and hmm.. alisha showed us the finished baby's room. oh yeah, DIONISIO JOSEPH KEENAN. .. DIO - NEE - SEE -OH. yeahhh. little deigo baby!.. haha.. that name is just too much but hey its better then fuckin raymond. right? .. i guess =\ idk.. but anyway we saw the baby's room. then idk we probably went in lee's room and got on the computer and watched tv. talked to uh.. eric and nick and idk. then left her room so she could go to bed around like 1 im guessin? 1:3O.. idk. went downstairs and got some snacks and shit. w.e we could find. then chilled in the kitchen and shit. hung out out back. ended up goin to bed aroundd.. 4?

sunday - had to get up around 1O:3O bc the baby shower started at 11 so we had to be there. got ready and stuff. left arounddd 11. carol was drivin, lisha was in the front seat, i was in the back behind carol and sam was in the back behind lisha. in the yukon. so were drivin and its already funny as hell just watchin my aunt and cousin just be with each other. haha. so were drivin and they see a friend they know in one of those old ppl scooter things. so carol puts her window down and they both scream "REEEBBEEECCCAAAAA!!!!" and then were laughin our asses off and theyre like "haha did you see her?? shes all lookin around wonderin who said it! hahah" and then carol goes to put her window up and it just stops and its all fucked up.. so she just goes "ugh this damn window! i swearrr" and uses both hands to try and get it up so lisha grabs the wheel and shes steerin..hahahha.. omg it was soooooo fuckin funny to watch.. haha me and sam were laughin our asses off. shiiiiit =D hahaha!.. i love it. then we finally got there. walked in and there were madddd people just all quiet like not knowin if they should say surprise!! or just clap? idk. so lisha goes in and greets everyone and does her thank yous. me and sam just basically stood behind the entrance wall so no one could see us. haha. then i brought the radio in and i had my 3 cds: mudvayne, thursday, and brad paisley. =). they were tryin to figure out who they were. i went over and my "aunt" stacy was like " i dont even know who thesse ppl are.. who are they??!" talkin about my cds. haha. then me and sam saw a food line so we got in line. eric ended up callin the cell and we could barely hear him. then we got food. mmmm.. roast beef sandwich, scallop potatoes, broccoli and some other stuff. i wanted salad but as soon as i was ready for it they put out dessert so i was likee.. yeahhhh im deff gettin THAT =P. mm. then me and sam sat on the floor in the corner kind of and put on thursday and played care bear cards.. well we played war WITH the care bear cards. haha. all the ppl were like "wow .. do you know who this is".. haha. theyre so illiterate. they act like i put on fuckin .. idk some un known band like.. idk.. if i knew it it would be known so its w.e. then we got bored so we went outside and called craig. nothin really to talk about. ended up "losin connection".. or SOMEONE hung up. haha. idk sam was makin me laugh so maybe he did say 'are you there?' and i dindt hear but i doubt it bc im sure he heard me laughin about OLLLGAAA. haha. then we went back in to cool off. and then i saw my aunt tryin to pick up the scooter thing [ bc rebecca made it to the shower and her thing was parked outside at the top of the ramp ]. so i waslike.. get the keys ill drive it. so they did and i did!.. haha yesssss.. i had to back it down the ramp thing and carolanne [ my cousin, alishas sis and my aunts other daughter.. oldest ] was laughin at me. lol then i got to the end of the ramp and i waslike.. sam get on. so she got on my lap and we drove around the buildin to stacy's pick up. we all lifted it into the bed and then went in and i helped load all the baby shower gifts into the yukon. and the food. oh yeah alisha lovedd what me and sam got her. =) hehe. then ended up gettin a ride with tracy back to the house. got there and got changed outta the 'dress clothes' into shorts and beaters. got mula and the cell and went around pitman. we went through the grove and then up west past my old house. we went up 2 streets and cut back over to the main road so we could get uptown and these fuckin like.. 1O year old kids were tryin to hit on us.. haah wtf.. they were korny as hell. fuckin geeks. we just laughed at them .. they were all in this camper that was parked outfront of their house and were talkin out the windows and shit.. wow fuckin idiots man. haha its great. then we went uptown to venice.. aka atillios pizza. got food. then walked back through the grove and then back through the alley past the basket ball courts.. dumb white gangsters were playin. then up to the kazebo and then across the street to the auditorium. then back past the kazebo past the tennis courts to the park. chilled for like 2 minutes. then walked to the elementry school and saw gayyyyy gangsters but they left as soon as sat down. adn then little kids. we were messin with the kids. hahah. and sam got off the swings bc she had her shoes off and she stepped on somethin and was like.. OWWWWW FUCKERRRRRR and the little kids were like.. ok were goin home. so we followed them..hahahh. then went back to carols. watched tv. then ate left overs with carolannie and lisha. them desserts were the shitttt. mmmm =P. yess soo good. i love it. thennn i forget. we watched movies and went online.. tried to call my dad but he was bein gay. sat around. bored. debatin if we should just try to stay again and go home on my dads way home from work. but he ended up showin up. dropped sam off at like.. 1O and then came here. put away the laundry i did and unpacked my bag. got online and yeah. its w.e from there. went to bed around 3

today -- did nothin, im about to go eat.

i guess thats it.

sam tell me if i forgot anything

mwahs

<3

2 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 13 August :: 12.36pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: suite:judy blue eyes - crosby, stills and nash

back in the hOod__
ok so thursday i got up, went to summer school around 11:4O .. like 1O minutes late .. i went up to ms h and told her sorry for bein late and gave her my reason which was that i was at the light 5 minutes ago and i would have been on time [ bc your allowed to be like 5 minutes late ] but there was a long ass funeral traffic line thing and i got stuck at the light. and its true i did! lol but anyway got in and went in the weight room. everybody was leavin but for some fuckin reason ms h wouldnt let us go. but then julie's b/f showed up and she said she was gonna go so she said ok w.e get rides and you can leave. bev was last and i didnt have a rush bc i was walkin to carols so i stayed with her until like 1:OO when her mom showed up. then i started walkin up cedar ave. duude i wore my bathing suit top so i could wear just that and my shorts and all on the walk there bc i knew itd be sunny and i figure hey wth why not work on my tan while im hikin it 1O blocks up and 2 over.. ya know.. lol..so im walkin and all of the sudden i hear a loud ass engine like rev down so i look and this FAT MOTHER FUCKIN UGLY ASS DICKWEED has his fuckin HEAD out of his window, literally goin like 5 MPH just to check me out and i mean..ok its not TOO obvious when your fuckin car engine is maddd loud and shit and your fuckin SLOWING DOWN ALMOST STOPPING..what an idiot. so i was stopped and he kind of did like almost did until i was like 'OK FAT FUCK WTFuuuCK ARE YOU LOOKIN AT'..and he tried to make it look like he was lookin at his tire or some shit.. i was like "YEAH WHY DONT YOU FUCKIN USE THE GAS PEDAL LIKE YOUR SUPPOSED TO..YA KNOW ITS PART OF DRIVIN YOU DONT JUST COAST AND FUCKIN RIDE THE BRAKE ASSHOLE" and he was like.. "OH OKAY EINSTEIN" or some shit and i was like 'YEAH THATS FUCKIN IT..YOUR CHECKIN OUT A FUCKIN TEENAGER FAT ASSS!!!" yellin it bc he was drivin away haha. man people are fuckin LOW.. that fat mother fucker must have been like 25.. besides the fact that i dont look a day over 14 .. your fat as hell why the fuck would you even think to THINK i was interested..haha.. wtf.. anywayyyyy* got to my aunts and watched some tv. then helped them bring in the baby's crib. then some time after that we dropped lee off at some place where raymond met her and shit. then went to jg cooks..mm mm good i miss that place!.. we ran into this guy who used to babysit me hes a realll old family friend and he looked so old and sickly and gaunt and i wa silke..=O!! heyyyy tom-o! and he was like..hole-E SHIT you got big!..how ya doin beautiful and hugged me..he was like all bones..aww i almost cried lol ;( .. i havent seen him in like almost 5 years and then my dad told me he ran into him the other day and i was like.. fuck man i wish i was with you!!.. and then i saw him and i wsa like..aww he looks so old.. then who else from the hood.. hmm.. jackie! lee's old ass friend..they both used to babysit me when carolanne couldnt.. i dont even think she rememberd it was me bc she waslike.. "where are you from?" lol .. idk.. saw albert .. tracy.. raymond .. tom-o .. saw jeff's truck but i didnt go in jg's i stayed on the patio.. i heard about what murphs been upto.. man i miss him like crazy. he was like my 2nd dad.. that guy is so kick ass.. just what he did really put him down.. hes still a good guy and i love him. i hope hes there sunday. i heard how chuck denny's been doin.. but he dont come around cus carols new "b/f" ..well its been more then a year since joe came around or w.e but still.. hes still a new ass mother fucker. and i think hes immature from what i get. idk.. i never liked the idea of her with another man other then joe and murph.. [ joe's her husband and lee lee and carolannies dad but he died when they were little kids like toddlers i think ] and murphs been around my whole life..like 15 yrs that mother fuckers been with the keenans.. i miss the old days lol.. fuckin pitman is a hell whole now tho.. its crazy. and i always think about how it would be if she never came into my life. ya know.. id probably have a good ass b/f that i grew up with..the best friend type.. a better house.. no drama.. yea right you know with my luck id be a crackhead whore or some shit.. haha.. but im sure id be way better without all this fuckin bullshit that ive been around for the past like 8 years. its seriously such bullshit. and its like everyday theres a new fuckin thing or a new fuckin thing that i forgot she did. its never ending the stuff she brings. its ridiculous. i mean i could just think about 5 things that she did and want to kill her. imagine the anger contracted from all of the things shes done..if i made a fuckin list dude id go stab her with the fuckin pen. i hate her so much you have no idea. ugh. and then she has the balls to say "well, why aint i welcome at carols, i never did nothin to her..' <--dude is she mental? like carols stupid and cant see shit? nah deff not.. i fuckin hate her. ugh. and i just put myself in a bad mood... ANY FUCKIN WAY i was talkin about what i fuckin did. after jg's we went back to the house.. chilled watched tv and stuff..then had to go pick lee up. idk.. i dont feel like gettin into it now.. wtf..

w.e later

UGHHHHHH I WAS PERFECTLY HAPPY AND FINE HOW GAY OF ME TO DO THAT TO MYSELF.. I RUINED IT. EW FAGGOT >:|

2 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 12 August :: 1.18am
:: Mood: feel like talkin
:: Music: mudvayne

my neck hurts..=\
man i really need to get a new computer chair. this one sucks at fuckin life. god damn. uh nothin really to update about i just feel like doing it. *yawn*.. im tired as shit. but im not gonna go to bed cus i wanna talk to nickoli, lol. how gay. ahwell. its 1:22 AM. tomrrows my last day of s/s. i get to go in at 11:3O bc they 'over looked' my absense from health so i only gotta go to gym. other then that i am DONE, finally a fuckin sophmore. ya know, saddly, s/s was kinda fun. i made some cool ass friends lol. fuckin julie bev and vikki are the shit. vikki was my first buddy, lol. then theres the hot kid joe, mmhmm =P hehe. then umm bryan <--he tries to be hard but hes cool and funny to watch get mad haha. umm, scott, he hasnt really been chillin around us that much this week, ahwell. matt the asshole skater, hes funny tho. then umm, julia, old school friend haha. caitlin [ bare with me on the spelling ] shes funny to listen to. uhh haha idk.. i feel like im doin a fuckin yearbook.. OMFG ppl were cryin today bc today was mostly everyones last day...they were acting as if it were real.... i was like.. wow. haha. and im fuckin seirous too. they were like "omg im gonna miss you SOOO much".. ok you knew em for 4 weeks.. andd BIG FUCKING DEAL.. seriously. ppl are just wayyy to fuckin gay anymore. and today went by sooo slow. i feel like i did a million things. i feel like i was fuckin HIGH or somethin, christ. i, got up, went to s/s, watched a movie and a half, sat and waited with bev for her ride, walked up the street, got picked up, ate a hoagie, drove home, got the mail, layed out, came in, talked to sam, went ridin, came back in, talked to sam, duude today went by so slow. i did ALL that by 4:5O bc i got back 1O min early from ridin cus i told her id be back by 5:OO. shiiit thats a lot. oh yeah hahaha.. my step mom left dirty clothes in baskets at the front door to be taken out to the car and my dad took them out thinkin they were mine. he said he got to the laundry matt or w.e and realized they werent mine and he didnt do them. hahahaha .. what a guy!! lol.. yeahhh i guess thats it. and i think ive listened to like 1OO songs today.. WTF today is ogin so slooooowww!

w.e

later

6 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

THEhairybeast

:: 2004 9 August :: 11.40pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: american women - the guess who

UGHHH what a FUCK!
ok, well my fucking computer is gay. and im "madder then a faggot on valentimes day with lock-jaw" -larry the cable guy.. git r doneeee!!!!!.. haha. anyway, seriously tho i am pissed the fuck off just bc of this piece of shit. but anyway lets see, before i got kicked off it was goin like this...

mood:amused
music: crazy on you - heart <3
subject:wOo i actually did somethin today! hehe.. yay! =P

ok today:
i got up around 9:3O and got ready and what not. got on here to see who was on and ppls away messages and to change mine. then my dad was like "ok lets goo" so i got up and we walked outside to the car. got in. started it. and as we were ready to pull out SHE comes out yellin "YOO YOU GOTTA TAKE HER! I GOT WORK TODAY!!" so my dad stops and hes like 'ugh what an asshole... OK!" and she just stands there like a waterhead retard so im like.. 'YEAHH.. GO FUCKIN GET HER DUMBASS.." and shes like "oh" and goes and gets angie. she coems out and gets in the car so my dad gets out and straps her in and what not. and SHES like "your gonna be home by 2:3O right?" and hes like "IDK" cus she needed a ride to work.. but anyway hes like "IDK" and as were pullin out hes like "YOU FUCKIN THEIF I AINT TAKIN YOU NOWHERE" haha.. so yeah nuthyn else happend big after that. he dropped me off at school. school was OK today. i was maddd tired tho. i fell asleep when they were takin role, lol. then we did nothin just hung out on the wall where we usually do. i was layin on my stomach away from the wall. and these 2 black kids [ one is "smudge" and idk the other one AT ALL ] were shootin from the wall inbetween me and the wall bascially. so they had to like step over me. and the kid i didnt know steps over me the first time and like tries to smack my ass but he missed and smacked my thigh and he was like "my bad" so i was like ok w.e...and then the next time he like stepped on my ass and moved his foot so my butt jiggeled.. yeah fuckin asshole.. so i was like 'whoa buddy.." and he waslike "my bad" <--fuckin nigger.. so i got up and sat on the wall between bev and vikki... yeah i deff felt "violated". adn then he was botherin me when we were playin volley ball like rubbin my arm and pokin me.. but he backed off when he poked julie and she went fuckin beast mode..she was lke can you fuckin STOPPPPPPPPPPP touching me!!!!? and swung at him hhaha.. other then that school was as usual. it went by fast today tho. we had 2 new girls.. even tho thers like 4 days left dont ask me how they expect to pass.. lol.. theres this one girl shes been there the whole time and she was jumpin rope and the kid matt was sittin next to me and he was lke 'ok lets see tupac do it" and i was like.. wow wtf is he talkin about then i looked at her.. SHE FUCKIN LOOKS JUST LIEK HIM ONLY DARKER!!!..AHAHA I NEVER NOTICED THAT SHIT! omg.. i was lmao. he waslike.. "what you never fuckin noticed that.. come on vee i thought you noticed things.." and i was like.... "ahaha shiiiiit" then idk that ws the highlite hahaha. anyywayyy school ended all fast. my dad picked me up and i was like.. can we go back to carols and he was like "what for??" and i was like "idk..dont feel like goin home.." and he didnt say nothin just pulled up the chinese place ming luck and asked if i was hungry and then dropped me off at carols and we ended up stayin and chillin till like 8:OO. i got to see lee's tummy and watch the baby kick..yeah WATCH.. it was crazy lol. enya got out and she was cryin and stuff freakin out and i was callin her name and she just comes runnin out of nowhere and runs to the door. that little dog lol. we also charged the stang painted some of the baby's room anddd saw what lee has packed for the baby. heeh aww. im gonna be a.. idk but im gonna love gion to see the baby..hhehe..... yay! lol yess.. ok well left around 8:OO asi was sayin..got home and the window was wiiide open and the screen was like pushed in so he was fuckin FLIPPIN out. pissed as hell sayin FUCK this and FUCk that.. christ. lol. so i came up here and idk .. got on here. then my dad left for work at like 9:3O and angie was up here bc her mom has work so i watch her for like the next hour till she gets done. and she comes in my room around 1O:3O and just grabs angie, gives me a dirty look and slams my door. and i was like.. wow wtf and sam pointed out tome that she was probably just mad bc she didnt have a ride to work.. hahahahahah yesssssssss! .. i pissed her off! fuckkk yesss i love it!.. that was alllll my doings!.. haha.. yess.. tahts what she gets.. dumb cunt. god i hate her. .. ok i guess thats it idk what else.. this took like fuckin 3 times to update so ppl better read and comment. mother fuckers!

Silenced x Kid: xwishup0nastarrx (11:14:08 PM): whats wrong?
Silenced x Kid (11:14:16 PM): MY fuckin comeputer keeps bein fuckin gay
Silenced x Kid (11:14:21 PM): im tryin to update my journal
Silenced x Kid (11:14:26 PM): and it keeps kickin me off
Silenced x Kid (11:14:37 PM): and im so frustrated im crying
Silenced x Kid (11:14:42 PM): peice of shit
xwishup0nastarrx (11:14:46 PM): well psht
xwishup0nastarrx (11:14:52 PM): did u try talkin dirty to it?
Silenced x Kid (11:14:53 PM): if i dont update now i wont remember
Silenced x Kid (11:14:57 PM): hehe
xwishup0nastarrx (11:15:01 PM): im serious
Silenced x Kid (11:15:05 PM): hahaha
xwishup0nastarrx (11:15:10 PM): i find it always best to give it a little rub too
xwishup0nastarrx (11:15:11 PM): and a tap
xwishup0nastarrx (11:15:18 PM): trust me, it works
xwishup0nastarrx (11:15:24 PM): but u have to do it with finess
Silenced x Kid (11:15:28 PM): hahahaha
Silenced x Kid (11:15:34 PM): i dont have finess
xwishup0nastarrx (11:15:39 PM): well fake it
Silenced x Kid (11:15:41 PM): hehe
Silenced x Kid (11:15:48 PM): stop cus you know im dumb enough ill try it
Silenced x Kid (11:15:49 PM): haha

haha what a kid.. well thats all i got..

later <3

2 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes