T	Terrific
W	Wonderful
I	Industrious
T	Timeless
C	Cool
H	Honorable
Y	Yum

I feel like I'm less than human
Sometimes I feel so cold, so damn cold really
Like I can't be human I'm so cold
Alienation really, the way I feel I alienate myself
As my mood would have you guess, I'm kinda depressed
I'm not anything really, nothing
Not really even a person, just a thing that walks and talks
and goes through life, useless
I've never figured out why but I just don't like me
I shouldn't ... but I do
Looking at myself there are only so many things I can do and most of which I'm no good at

Fucking cold

I haven't posted in a while
... I'm alive I guess
I really need to talk to someone sometime, busy week

thought I'd do this test thing

oh, but before that
Graham Norton is rolicking good naughty fun
and
Only the snood must know

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES??
white with blue trim
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I think three ... The Powers That Be, Wyrd Sisters, and Lucky You (Hiassen is very funny, Pratchett is inane fun and Winkman is an overzealous shit)
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Laptop, no mouse pad
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
I've only played one in years ... besides chess ... many a night when peter and I were doing the insomniac thing we'd play a ame of risk ... so risk I guess
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
none
6. FAVORITE SMELL?
summer rain
7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL?
I think you can guess
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE
UP IN THE MORNING?
what do I have to do today?
9. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
whenever I get to it?
10 WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
friends
11. FAVORITE SOUND?
bass
12. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
vanilla
13. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
no ... if I could ... no
14. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
no
15. STORMS COOL OR SCARY?
lovely things
16. YOUR FIRST CAR:
who knows?
17. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE:
frankly I think the people I do know, or at least the friends, are good enough, so why meet someone else unless I meet em by chance ... I avoid this question alot
19. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & YOUR BIRTHDAY:
Leo, July 23
20. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
yeah
21. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE?
writing/speaking/some acting?
what else can I really do?
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT
BE?
I like my black hair as is
23. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
define
24. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
who gives a shit? it's poison (I don't go for the glass question either)
25. FAVORITE MOVIE?
I liked Equilibrium
26. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
I don't really know keyboarding, but I get by
27. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
a box with ... I don't know in it, and some socks, maybe a shirt
28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
?
29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
?
30. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR?
it's a very long answer
31. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS
TO YOU:
I don't know you to well
32. THE PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
I ... took it, and I'm keeping it
33. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO
RESPOND?
see last question
34. What CD are you listening to in your car stereo
right now?
Gish
35. FAVORITE TV SHOWS?
Graham Norton Effect, Chapell's Show, Standup Comedy basically
36. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD?
Ketchup
37. HAMBURGER OR HOTDOG?
food's food
38. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK?
Mountain Dew
39. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN?
Germany
40. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER?
A pic of me flipping myself off and the words Fack Yerself Maker Of Yonder Screen flashing on and off


If you hadn't guessed I'm in a decent mood

Sorry I haven't been around
The laptop's nearly dead again
I had to go out and spend much money on a new AC adapter
And the bass was not cheap
... I hate spending money

Other than that, it's been slow .... nearly got kicked by a horse ... but all's well and I'm back on the internet ... now I'm gonna go do some fix-it-yourself things on this laptop with a screwdriver and a hammer

Sorry I haven't been around
The laptop's nearly dead again
I had to go out and spend much money on a new AC adapter
And the bass was not cheap
... I hate spending money

Other than that, it's been slow .... nearly got kicked by a horse ... but all's well and I'm back on the internet ... now I'm gonna go do some fix-it-yourself things on this laptop with a screwdriver and a hammer

it's decided, tomarrow I'll go climb up that steep hill, get a birdseye view of the town

it's also decided that I'm not going to shave all summer, that'll be fun

any other things I should do this summer?

This song kicks ass
it really is a great song

I haven't said anything lately ... so I'll outline my summer
.... I don't know

I've got the job at the vet's office but I haven't heard from him about the hours yet, and I haven't heard from the horse trainer either
I'll call today
I think I'll cook something
it's rather fun just to go into the kitchen, see what's there and end up making ... soup out of scratch

I would call all of you, but I'm in Chewelah, long distance and all that, I'll be back in a few days

well, I'm gonna go wake up and try to climb up a rather large and steep hill

Perfect
someone said something to me today that made alot of sense
you hear it alot but not with the same reasons or tone that he said it, not the same honest way
do what makes you happy

happy

I see the two of them at last fine and well and cared for, I imagin a grassy meadow and they look so happy, a tear runs down my face as I see the happiness

I see one moving along, seeing what he can do, accepting what is and leaving behind a bad past

I see one ... I see one that is unclear

I see one taking up something new, in a dark room, and living happily on

I see one no longer listening

I see one who finally knows what to do and how it goes

and I see myself in a room in candellight, dim and yellow, in a chair thinking of all that was good, and writing, and remembering one at a time, and a tear down my face

I see happiness when they're happy, and then I see peace for me, finally, alone and doing what I do, I see ... no fortune, I see no others, I see no care even, I see me
alone
and I see me knowing they are fine
and I see me, there ... happy

not now ... not now is this happening, never has it happened, but I will do as he said to me, I will do what makes me happy, I will help you all find some peace

much care









Today was odd ... I was drenched and walking home in a downpour of rain, and had been covered in mud ... after being in a small dark shower with all my clothes on with sever people of both gender, that was odd, and I was covered in mud before that

but all in all the fun day was interesting, and I feel like I said some good byes to people I'll never see again, I reached some ends, I tied up the year

and tomarrow I'll go in ... finished ... and just ... yell

I figured I'd post the lyrics to some of my favorite songs (top three of my favorite bands, not in best to worst order)
Rolling Stones Songs

19th Nervous Breakdown

You're the kind of person you meet at certain dismal, dull affairs
Center of a crowd, talking much too loud, running up and down the stairs
Well, it seems to me that you have seen too much in too few years
And though you've tried you just can't hide your eyes are edged with tears

You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown

When you were a child you were a treated kind
But you were never brought up right
You were always spoiled with a thousand toys but still you cried all night
Your mother who neglected you owes a million dollars tax
And your father's still perfecting ways of making ceiling wax

You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown
Oh, who's to blame, that girl's just insane
Well, nothing I do don't seem to work
It only seems to make the matters worse. Oh, please

You were still in school when you had that fool who really messed your mind
And after that you turned your back on treating people kind
On our first trip I tried so hard to rearrange your mind
But after a while I realized you were disarranging mine

You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown
Oh, who's to blame, that girl's just insane
Well, nothing I do don't seem to work
It only seems to make the matters worse. Oh, please

When you were a child you were treated kind
But you were never brought up right
You were always spoiled with a thousand toys but still you cried all night
Your mother who neglected you owes a million dollars tax
And you father's still perfecting ways of making sealing wax

You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown


She's A Rainbow (I more like the piano line than the song itself)

She comes in colors everywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

She comes in colors everywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

Have you seen her dressed in blue
See the sky in front of you
And her face is like a sail
Speck of white so fair and pale
Have you seen the lady fairer

She comes in colors everywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

Have you seen her all in gold
Like a queen in days of old
She shoots colors all around
Like a sunset going down
Have you seen the lady fairer

She comes in colors everywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

She's like a rainbow
Coming colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors


Sympathy For The Devil

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the tsar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made

I shouted out,
"Who killed the Kennedys?"
When after all
It was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reach Bombay

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down

Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!

Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what's my name
I tell you one time, you're to blame

Oh, who
woo, woo
Woo, who
Woo, woo
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah

What's my name
Tell me, baby, what's my name
Tell me, sweetie, what's my name



Beck songs


Soul Suckin' Jerk

I got a job making money for the man
throwing chicken in the bucket with the
soda pop can
puke green uniform on my back
I had to set it on fire in a vat of chicken fat
I leaped on the counter like a bird with no hair
running through the mini mall in my underwear

I got lost downtown couldn't find a ride home
sun went down I got frozen to the bone
'til a hooker let me share her fake fur coat
as I took a little nap the cops picked up us both
I tried to explain I was only trying to get warm
I knew I never ever should have burnt my uniform
he said 'too bad, better bite the bullet hard son'
I didn't have no teeth so I stole his gun
and I crawled out the window with my shadow on a spoon
dancing on the roof, shooting holes in the moon

get busy, get busy, you know it

I ain't gonna work for no soul suckin jerk
I'm gonna take it all back and I ain't sayin jack
I ain't gonna work for no soul suckin jerk
I'm gonna take it all back and I ain't sayin jack

standing right here with a beer in my hand
and my mouth is full of sand and I don't understand
fourteen days I been sleeping in a barn
better get a paycheck tattooed on my arm
whistlin dixie with the dixie cup filled
with the barbecue sauce and the dental floss chill
big fat fingers pointing into my face
telling me to get busy cleaning up this place
I got bent like a wet cigarette
and she's coming after me with a butterfly net
ridin on a bloodhound ringing the bell
black cat wrapped in the road map to hell

pencil on my leg and I'm trying not to beg
taking turns bakin worms with the bacon and eggs
well they got me in a bird cage flappin my jaw
like a pretzel in the stars just waitin to fall
so give me what I got to get so I can go
cause I ain't washin dishes in the ditch no more

and I ain't gonna work for no soul suckin jerk
I'm gonna take it all back and I ain't sayin jack
and I ain't gonna work for no soul suckin jerk
I'm gonna take it all back and I ain't sayin jack


Derelict

I dropped my anchor in the dead of night
I packed my suitcase and threw it away
I fell asleep in the funeral fire
I gave my clothes to the police man
Blow back derelict wind,
lay my soul in the fallow field
Blow back derelict wind,
lay my soul in the fallow field
Shooting venom at the passers-by
Hijackers tie the heavens down
I put my eyes in a paper bag
I'm spinning round like a gambling wheel
Blow back derelict wind,
lay my soul in the fallow field
Blow back derelict wind,
lay my soul in the fallow field
I dropped my anchor in the dead of night
I packed my suitcase and threw it away
I fell asleep in the funeral fire
I gave my clothes to the police man
Blow back derelict wind,
lay my soul in the fallow field
Blow back derelict wind,
lay my soul in the fallow field


Lord Only Knows

AHHRRRRHHHH!!!
you only got one finger left,
and it's pointing at the door,
and your taking for granted,
what the lords laid on the floor,
so i'm picking up the pieces
and i'm puttin' them up for sale,
throw your meal ticket out the window,
put your skeletons in jail
cause lord only knows it's gettin' late
the senses are gone, so don't you hesistate,
give yourself a call,
letcha' bottom dollars fall
throwin your two-bit cares down the drain.
invite me to the seven seas,
like some seasick man.
you'll do whatever you please,
and i'll do whatever i can.
titanic, fare thee well,
my eyes are turning pink
don't call us when the new age,
gets old enough to drink,
cause lord only knows it's getting late,
your senses are gone so don't you hesitate,
move on up the hill,
theres nothing dead, left to kill,
throwin' your two bit cares down the drain...
yeah...
órale
órale
órale
órale
órale
órale
just passin' through...
órale
órale
órale
órale...........
dYow!
goin' back to houston,
do the hot dog dance,
goin' back to houston,
to get me some pants.............


Green Day Songs

Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.


King For A Day

Started at the age of 4
My mother went to the grocery store
Went sneaking through her bedroom door
To find something in a size four

Sugar and spice and everything nice
Wasn't made for only girls
GI Joe in panty hose
Is making room for the one and only...

King - for - a - day
Princess by dawn
King - for - a - day
In a leather thong
King - for - a day
Princess by dawn
Just wait 'til all the guys get a load of me

My daddy threw me in therapy
He thinks I'm not a real man
Who put the drag in the drag queen
Don't knock it until you tried it

Sugar and spice and everything nice
Wasn't made for only girls
GI Joe in panty hose
Is making room for the one and only...

King - for - a - day
Princess by dawn
King - for - a - day
In a leather thong
King - for - a day
Princess by dawn
Just wait 'til all the guys get a load of me

Sugar and spice and everything nice
Wasn't made for only girls
GI Joe in panty hose
Is making room for the one and only...

King - for - a - day
Princess by dawn
King - for - a - day
In a leather thong
King - for - a day
Princess by dawn
Just wait 'til all the guys
Just wait 'til all the guys
Just wait 'til all the guys get a load of me.

Redundant

We're living in repetition.
Content in hte same old shtick again.
Now the routine's turning to contention,
Like a porduction line going over and over and over, roller coaster

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speachless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words.

Choreographed and lack of passion
Prototypes of what we were
Went full circle 'til I'm nauseous
Taken for granted now
I waste it, faked it, ate it, now i hate it

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speachless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words.

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speachless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words.

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speachless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words.


Guns N' Roses

Don't Cry (Origional Version)

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you, baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had... baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you, baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now, honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now, sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now, baby

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you, baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby, maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight


Live And Let Die

When you were young,
and your heart was an open book,
you used to say live and let live
[You Know You Did 3x]
But if this ever changing world
in wich we life in
makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die
Live and let die

What does it matter to ya,
when ya got a job to do ya got to do it well
you got to give the other fella hell

When you were young,
and your heart was an open book,
you used to say live and let live
[You Know You Did 3x]
But if this ever changing world
in wich we life in
makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die
Live and let die


New Rose

Is she really going out with him?
Hey !
I got a feeling inside of me,
It's kinda strange, like a stormy sea
I don't know why, don't know why
These kind of things gotta be
I got a new rose, I got her good
Yes, I knew that I always would
I can't stop to mess around
I got a brand new rose in town.
See the sun, see the sunny skies
Don't get too close, it'll burn your eyes
Don't you run away that way
Come back another day
I got a new rose, I got her good
Yes, I knew that I always would
I can't stop to mess around
I got a brand new rose in town.
I never thought this could happen to me
Oh so strange, why should it be
I don't deserve somebody this sane
I haven't met her, maybe too late
Hey !
I got a feeling inside of me,
It's kinda strange, like a stormy sea
I don't know why, don't know why
These kind of things gotta be
I got a new rose, I got her good
Yes, I knew that I always would
I can't stop to mess around
I got a brand new rose in town.


Led Zeppelin Songs

Dancing Days

Dancing days are here again
As the summer evenings grow
I got my flower, I got my power
I got a woman who knows

You know it's all right
I said it's all right
I guess it's all in my heart
You'll be my only, my one and only
If that's the way it should start

Crazy ways are evident
In the way you're wearing your clothes
Sippin' booze is precedent
As the evening starts to glow

I said it's all right
You know it's all right
I guess it's all in my heart
You'll be my only, my one and only
If that's the way it should start

I told your mama I'd get you home
But you didn't say I got no car
I saw a lion, he was standing alone
With a tadpole in a jar

I know it's all right
You said it's all right
I guess it's all in my heart
You'll be my only
my one and only
If that's the way it should start

Dancing days are here again
As the summer evenings grow
You are my flower, you are my power
You are my woman who knows

You know it's all right
I said it's all right
I guess it's all in my heart
You'll be my only, my one and only
If that the way it should start


Stariway To Heaven

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.



Dazed And Confused

life, love, here and now
it's all laid out on a path before us and what we do with it is decided at every turn
maybe the best thing to do is to close your eyes, sing a tune, and wander into the endless road, wish for the happy end, and see what we get at the end when we have to open our eyes

Ah fuck it ...
I fucked up
I fucked up really bad
I had a really bad week, I felt like a jackass for everything, even that stuff that wasn't my fault
now I'm alone again
not for long, but I'm alone right now
and I feel like shit
I need vacation, I really need it, very badly
I need to get away from all these ... people
FUCK, I can't get away
it's not a big problem I know, but I'm antisocial, I'm not used to people and all of a sudden they're all over
and bad shit is happening
and I just need to get away

of course there are a few people I care about who I'll try to keep in contact with
but for now I just need some solitude and quiet to ... just to think, and write, and work
I need to get away, and the weekend doesn't look much better ...

few things about the day
I like cooking in this house ... it's very difficult
the serch for some clean dishes, seeing how much a plate can be like a frying pan ... using very basic things to make a good meal
making sure things aren't so old they'll kill you
I managed to make a good sized, filling and tasty meal out of some butter, some hard ... cold wheat bread, three slices of ham, a shoddy and dirty frying pan and some aged but not yet moldy cheese ... very good

I went up to Colville today, I love that no matter where you are there's always a great view of hills covered in lush green trees
went down to a little hole in the wall occult shop that just opened up and got some incense ... and had an hour long conversation with the owner about crystal frequencies, empire building in America and possible ethnic breakup and fall, totalitarianism moving into America through the contradictions of our democeracy, and the relative truths of people like Orwell and Huxley ... very interesting person
while I think these things happen and that's just it some people get really freaked out and defensive about small business, and only haul themselves aways from society, this guy was like that and that's the on;y thing I didn't like, he was a little to cautious and seemed to have given up
but a good time none the less
the house is (after a year) almost up to perfection, all wired, fixed up, moved in and gardened ... nice place
I'm going to go see about some more food now and to all a good three day vacation

I would suggest you read all this if you even look at it
it took me a while to get that word, tranquil
it's not how I feel
there is no word for how I feel right now
because it has never been something that could be expressed in any way but by feeling
as language has simply lacked the skill to truely convey any emotion outside of a vauge understanding of a term
and so the closest word I can come up with is tranquil
it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth

A man (and I use man instead of person as it is easier to type so do not jump at me) is made up of so many things
In total he is made up of a few key points
what life makes of him
what he makes of life
and what he truely is

what a man makes of life and what life makes of him
this is nothing more than perception on both parts, but a man cannot gauge himself and neither can that outside a man gauge him
A man is his thought and his soul and not this
not the body he is carried in
that is physical that is real and what we see, what we feel and hear
the body is an instrument to help us gain ourselves in full
we are the mind and the soul I think
we are the collective thoughts and feelings
we are the values we stick to and the ideas we form for those create preception
these create our image and these create our vision
but only the mind can process all this and only the soul can hold all this
our memory and our experience in this body is what allows us to be
what allows us to feel
and with such an ability comes dred
to us that is change and that is choice
the change is waht keeps us in misery
we learn and we see and we move through life and what we see and hear
that makes life, that makes different oppinions and different ideas
and in the end only god (and I say this being a Buddhist, not believing in the entity) who created a vision
he is lucky in that while we were made in his vision in his image all his ideas are set in form
the alpha and the omega in this plane as we are but part of his brain child
he is the luckiest being as he has created all, therefore seen and forseen all and is self-defined
a luxery most will never have, knowing who one is in a world of change where he is the alpha and the omega ... the only sure thing
or so I read
and the choice
we need the choice to live
to see
to be humans
we have humanity and therefor we are human
this is who and what we are, creatures who are put higher up because of the curse of choice which keeps us out of pure will
there is always choice and this can be meddelsome

and right to the point
things will change and we will face choices
but in the face of modernization and of temptation a man must stay himself
new ways come about each day in which we can and some do blind themselves in choice of material and in choice of perfection
instead of the choice we enjoy as a curse they take a road which leads to inhumanity
this is evil
conformation ... thoughtless following ... servitude against choice
one must stay true to what they believe and follow through in the face of temptation and if they do not who are they but a thoughtless drone
a magpie of the industrial world
they are no longer human once they have thrown away soul and mind and humanity in favor of prosperity
fuck perfection and god save humanity
a man may not know for sure who he is but he knows some of what he thinks
and even if he only has one tiny grasp on himself he must not let go of this
he must hang onto what he is and what he believes and never work straight through his notions
a man must never let go

or he is not a man at all ....
he has left mind, soul and humanity and all that is human far behind
and to those who cannot grasp this ... and to those who can ... good luck

and to those who think this is pure horseshit ... so be it, good luck

I'm around and if you care to hear a person's thoughts ... here I am

I am Mark Hay, not many say that full name even to me ... I am Mark Hay and I have some amount of ideas and conceptions ... and I will not let them go

and the supreme ruler of all conceptions in my mind is to be here for anyone who needs me ... and to always be as great a help as I can be

I am Mark Hay and I'm around ...

At least I have McJagger's toung
i'm feeling very depressed
Alone
Unappreciated
I mean, shit, can life just give me one break?
I've got my friends, they're most all I've got ...
But I'm a decent person aren't I?
I know life isn't fair and bad things can happen to good people, but it doesn't mean it can't piss me off
At least I have what I have I guess
But I mean come on, it's not just that life can't give me a break
It's that life can't even give them a break
If I had my choice, I'd take my lot, but at least let them be fine
It's like sarrow and depression follow me around ...