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polishpimping (profile) wrote,
on 6-19-2005 at 11:22am
Subject: It never fails.

I have a habit of not taking my faith seriously. However, it has been there when I needed it most. This morning I was in a bad state (as I have been for quite a few hours previous) but Sunday morning mass helped me put things in perspective.

God has a plan for each of us.

In God's plan, I will not be living in West Campus Appts. I'm sorry for how I have treated you (Amanda and Jeeber). I realize now that I was just being selfish. I'm sorry for all of the negitive conversations that have plauged our relationships in the past months. I hope time will mend what this unfortunate situation has broken.

In God's plan, Michelle and I will not live happily ever after. I am way to dependant for her. She is a little to independant for me. I am sorry Michelle, for coming into your life and expecting things to just be better. I'm sorry for putting pressure on you to do things you didn't want to do, and not to do things that you did. I'm sorry for so many things. I hope we can still be friends, someday. But for now I have a disease (dependancy) and I cannot allow myself to hurt you (or me) anymore then I already have.

In God's plan I will be a better person. I'm sorry Jason. For the past few months you have been my scapegoat. It was easy and convienient for me to blame you for all of my problems. You haven't done anything that I myself wouldn't (and haven't) done. I will try to take resposibilty from now on.

I'm sorry God. I have tried (stupidly) to make my life the way I want it. I don't know what is best for me, as you do. My faith is in you completely.

And to everyone else...
"Jesus and I love you."

Please call me sometime... I get so bored here in Galesburg. You know what Yoda (in episode 1) would say.
"Boredom leads to jealousy.
Jealousy leads to suffering.
Suffereing leads to rage.
Rage leads to the Dark Side."

but then again Episode 3 taught me the Dark Side leads to sex with Natile Portman....
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06-19-05 11:14pm

Don't be sorry for the way you treated me, Mike. Your reaction was expected; you didn't ask for this. And don't feel selfish either... I don't. This is the way it's supposed to be. I only regret that this situation has caused what is has between the four of us. You and Michelle were two of my closest friends, and I've spent many nights these past few weeks remembering the times we shared together, and wondering if that's all lost. Sometimes I blame myself... sometimes I get mad that I'm blamed. But most of the time, it just makes me sad.

But I'm still here. It'll take time... but I'm still here.

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Re:, 06-20-05 2:02pm

don't worry, i'm the only one to blame. everyone knows this is all my fault. i brought this all on months ago and only made it more complicated as time went on. this is why i'm going to leave you all alone, no one needs to deal with this.

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06-20-05 1:55pm

i'm sorry

at least you can be happy now

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