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|Kate (profile) wrote, |
on 1-16-2007 at 3:02pm
|Music: British radio
|I haven't been on woohu in months. I read a few pages back in my friend's pages and oh my dear God.. I feel like I've been gone a century, not just from woohu, but from all of your lives. I feel like I'm a million miles away. But I guess I am pretty far. Even a different state would make a difference. But here I am across the ocean, on another continent, in a country many of you know very little about, experiencing things most of you could never know. I am living another life here. Each of you are living another life there, even from each other. You're all friends, you all influence each other, intertwine each other in your lives, but you've all got separate worries, thoughts, problems.. I used to know what was going on. I guess the appropriate phrase is I feel "out of the loop." I'm not upset about it, it just really hit me now. I have friends, family, school here, everything I have in the USA, and my mind is consumed in them. My mind is in Poland and my life here. Coming to woohu right now and reading about all of you with boy/girl problems, school stresses, family frustrations, good parties, great nights out with friends, getting drunk.. your minds are consumed in your lives. Maybe all I'm saying is that life goes on, whether you're there or not. People keep changing, or maybe they keep up to their old habits, but whatever happens, nothing stops. When I get back to the states you guys may have partially forgotten about me. It's understandable. As far as you know, I hardly exist. I'm not around, you don't hear from me, you just simply know that I'm in Poland. And you might read my brief sugar-coated articles in the paper. It's just strange. All of my friends are living their lives and I'm not a part of them anymore. I'm living my life and none of you are a part of it.
It makes me wonder. When I come back, will we still be an ocean a part? Will things go back to being the same? I don't think so. I used to think 10 months wasn't very long, but really it is. We're all growing up. Should I work to read woohu, talk to people on msn, email frequently? Or should I stay focused on my life here that I'll be leaving in five months? But then again, I will never really leave this life. I'm going to be traveling constantly because the friends I've made here are the real ones that I can't fully leave. And when I get back to the states, I'm going to be there for a summer and then it's off to college. The closest there's a chance of me being is a few hours away in Alma, MI. But my hope is to be on the east coast in Boston or New York. I'm not trying to decide if I should stay in touch with all of you or not, because that's rediculous. I will stay in touch with those who I'm meant to, and I will drift with others. It's just life and I'm fine with that. Though it is hard to leave the people you care about so much.
Now I think I'm digressing. I was just struck by the strangeness of reading how all of your lives had progressed and for once not being a part of it, not being the listener or a prominent person in the "group." I feel like someone watching through the window, merely an outsider.
It's different, but it's not bad. I actually think I like it. I like my life and what I'm doing and what I plan to do. It probably will never involve Cedar Springs or even Grand Rapids very much ever again in my life, though. So drop me a line sometime and let me know how your life is and I'll let you know how mine is. It's nice to catch up with the people who used to be so involved in your life.
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I love you. I am glad that you're not shut down to all that you are experiencing simply because of the people here. I am so happy that you have made a life for yourself in another country! That is very impressive and it makes me proud of you. I remember that night before you left for the airport. You were worried that you would miss people too much and not want to experience the things in Poland. I remember how excited and not afraid you were. I remember the last time we hugged and I wished I would have hugged a little tighter. I also remember the first time you told me how happy you were there and feeling a sense of relief that everything was going to be okay. Things won't be the same when you get back, but the people that loved you when you left will still love you just as much when you come back and leave again. Love is strong and oceans can't kill it. You don't have two different lives - it's not like you left part of your life here in Cedar. All of your life is now in Poland and it will constantly travel with you. Don't make the people in your life, your life. You're right to say "I will stay in touch with those who I'm meant to, and I will drift with others" because that is fully true. I enjoy knowing how much you have grown, even if I hadn't grown with you. You're not an outsider looking in on our lives, you're doing just as we all do to keep in touch with one another. Well, as I do to keep in touch with people. I don't call people or try to visit with people, I read about their lives on Woohu. I am going to end this comment, I haven't a clue what I have said (very sleep deprived with a headache). I am looking forward to the day you come back and we can spend days in The Bitter End talking in a new way, yet like the old way. I love you dear Kate.
Re:, 01-22-07 2:09pm
Thank you, that was really wonderful to hear. Especially when you said, "the people that loved you when you left will still love you just as much when you come back.." And I still love those people just as much as when I left. I will love when I can see all of you again.. but I am happy here and my life right now. Eventually though, I will have to come back, and it's so good to know that you'll be there. Stay happy and keep in touch. :) I love you, my dear Sydney.
You'll be ok when you come home Kate. It sucks being gone for so long. I was really afraid coming home after 4 months and experiencing all I did would change the way I interacted with my friends. But it didn't. You'll be ok. When Mitch came back from Korea it was ok. And when Kevin came back from Venezuala things were ok. So you'll be fine. Just get back safe.
Re:, 01-22-07 2:12pm
I know, I have no worries about things being okay. Things will always work out it in the end. I was just commenting on the peculiarity of the way lives change and how it feels to be so far away from the lives I've always known. I imagine you have a similar understanding of it though. Thanks for the reassurance.