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xelferdarkx (profile) wrote,
on 5-13-2011 at 4:52am
Subject: Well then
Who would have thought that she would be first to think about having fun. I am really thrown off by this. Its her life now so I should be happy right? There are so many hidden lines in why she even would say that, or maybe not, maybe I am just being the conceded asshat that i am. I'm not one to judge others. Maybe its time that i back out completely and let her be on her own. I don't know. I want to think that it doesn't matter what is actually going on any more. Ever since i saw the last entry, I can't stop thinking about the downfall that I have caused. Its a very heavy burden. Its a lot to take in. I think about it even though i try to convince myself not to my breath get shortened. I should have probably made this post private cause only anger will come out of it, but that's why I created this journal in the first place, to relieve my mind when it already has so much on it.
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Well actually, 05-13-11 3:19pm

I'm sure you're talking about that conversation about the creeper I had with Wes and Kelsey yesterday, and it sort of makes me wonder if you read most of it? It freaked me out, I didn't want to "have fun" with him and that is what I said. I just about had a break down in the middle of the library, being saved only by the fact that I was able to talk and joke about it with my friends.

Things like that are going to happen, and I dunno if you also saw the part where I mentioned that I'm not in a part of my life where I am ready to be flirted with. Before, during, and after the event I felt like I was going to puke because I felt like I was CHEATING on the man I love.

I don't know why I am explaining this, I guess because I feel like you deserve that. I feel like you have a right to know still.

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