So hold me when im here, right me when im wrong, hold me when i`m scared, and love me when i`m gone


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[(Hold Me For All Time)]

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:: 2005 23 June :: 11.00 pm

in the keys untill july 1st

Hold on

:: 2005 17 June :: 11.07 pm

got my grades....

reading- 4 - passed
math- 4- passed
Writting- 3.0 - failed ,gay shit as of this year you have to get a 3.5

Algebra 2 - C .. supossed to be a B but teacher lost 5 homework assingnments of mine.
Personal fitness- B
English- D (supossed to be an F.. i dont know how that worked)
Colorguard- A
history- A

so i passed even though i missed a total of about 46 days at the least (depending on what class) i also got all A's and B's on my exams

1 Held on | Hold on

:: 2005 1 March :: 3.04 pm

last weekend was great! friday i spent the night at Kts and we had a "girls"night but we ended up hangin out w/ these 3 black boys.. and omg they were sooooo funny ... sat (my b-day) i went to my competition then wess picked me up and we got trashed at his house. sunday didnt do anything but go to kts house.. i was only upset i didnt get to see my heather.. for my birthday my mom got me a mustang.............................Hotwheels lol.. were lookin for a car for me so if anyone knows about any nice cheap cars let me know..i almost got a job but ididnt cuz i cant work every saturday.. my mom said if i can get my dad to help w/ the car she will pay for my insurance and gas for a year and i can get a job and save money then.

Hold on

:: 2005 20 February :: 6.31 pm

i hate myself
i never thought i would hate myself but i do. i hate the way my life is going.
i miss hanging with my old friends.
i miss how close me and heather use to be . we were together everyday, we knew every little thing about each other.
i miss having my dad in my life. it was better having him in my life even though everything i thought about him was lies i was still happy.
i miss having that guy friend that i could tell EVERYTHING to.
i miss all my old friends,
i miss my old life,
i wish i could go back to any point in time before this school year because ive lost all the things that made me happy and ill never have the people i care most about back in my life the way they were before because they moved on and seem to be happy .

anyways... update...
i got really sick last week and missed a week of school so i am curently failing 5 out of 7 of my classes... next sat is my bday, im not doing anything for it cuz i really dont give a shit about my bday cuz it sucks everyyear anyways. also have a competition at santaluces next sat. hopefully i can learn all the new shit i missed while i was sick for the 2 weeks that way i dont make an ass out of mysef again.. i dyed my hair a blue black i love it! but i might dye it again soon idk... i might just dye it black so theres no blue. i havent really been doing anything.. i mostly hang out with adam now cuz hes always home and wess is always to busy with kt for me. lol i guess thats karma.

life sucks but you gatta suck it up and deal with it


3 Held on | Hold on

:: 2005 25 January :: 9.18 pm

finally got my computer to work... first aol didnt work for a week then my computer wouldnt turn on for a week....
im so happy i might be gettin my sisters car in a month or 2... but i cant drive it for a while but im still happy ...

ill update later

Hold on

:: 2005 13 January :: 11.18 pm

In the year 2005 I resolve to:
Disown my parents.

Get your resolution here.

haha already did that!

-- so my life is shitty and i didnt think it could get anyworse..... well i was wrong... my mom had another one of her episods had had me arrested for no reason was kind of funny though because i couldnt stop makin jokes and i pissed off one of the cops it was so funny.... and one of the cops was really cool but it sucked havin 3 cop cars comin to get me.. my mom broke all my bottels my room looks so empty... she tryed to say i cant ever see wess again ...but me and her talked today and its all straight.. but noooo 2 seconds after that more drama had to happen.. i swear everyone is trying to keep me and wess from each other and i wont let it happen....
me and wess are gunna kill andy cuz hes a lil fuckin dick
wess hates my mom and wont come in my house anymore
i hate his mom and i dont wanna see her again

i just want to be happy


1 Held on | Hold on

:: 2005 10 January :: 3.33 pm
:: Mood: confused

grrr i dont know what to do i want Him so bad why couldnt i relize how much i do love him when i had a chance. ive waited to long and now i dont think he can ever be just mine and i dont want to share him. why was i so dumb. i finally know what love is and its to late. he loves me but he also loves someone else and just knowing he loves her and she loves him hurts so bad cuz i want him!


<3my heart keeps falling faster<3
--Ryan Cabrera

..::no one truly understands how i feel inside::..

1 Held on | Hold on

:: 2005 10 January :: 1.18 am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: on the way down/ true

me and erik broke up.. he got the biggest attitude with me for putting him on hold for 2 seconds.. fuckin bullshit.. but im kinda happy.. i was planing on braking up with him anyways.. he came to my house today when i told him he couldnt because he wanted to say sorry and he wants me back...

ive had the best vacation and worst at the same time... ive learned my life is nothing but lies and mistakes.. i fuck up everything that would be good for me....i also decided that i wanna make one last trip to my dads just so he can see how mad i am at him and just so i can let it all go but i dont want to go by my self.

im so confused when it comes to guys i always fuck it all up.. im torn between 2 guys now and i know who i would choose over the other i just dont know what to do... life sucks
<3my heart keeps falling faster<3


1 Held on | Hold on

:: 2004 30 December :: 2.51 pm
:: Music: emienm

Im hangin from a string for dear life
everything i truly care for and love is almost lost
ive never hated myself more then i do now
im slowly losing -my family- -my friends- -my self-
theres no way out and i dont even know how i got here

* please god, give me the strength to have what it takes to carry on*

1 Held on | Hold on

:: 2004 28 December :: 4.07 pm
:: Mood: ups n' downs
:: Music: eminem

past couple of weeks.
So as everyone knows I HATE CHRISTMAS and aslways will...last year was the whole drama w/ my sister this year everything is out of control....
I now dont have a father.. it hurts so much but it hurts more talking to him... i think i would rather him kick the shit out of me .. that way i would only few days... but thats not how things are...

Wess--- i love that kid to DEATH... i think i know what its like to actully love someone... when i saw what i saw ive never cryed so much.. but ive been there everyday for him since.. i didnt leave his side for basically 10days... i also havent been sober for 11 days straight till now..well yesterday there was that few hours but you know what i mean..

Erik- I care about erik ALOT ... and sometimes i think im not good enough for him cuz im so much of a flirt and i cant help it ... I LOVE ive
"Downstairs"- he is sooo gorgeus!! and he has a tounge ring!

Hold on

:: 2004 19 December :: 9.25 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: radio

Friday- bunch of bull fuckin shit happend... crappy night
Sat- went to brennens... grrr.... then went to travis's house... soooo much fun.. got wasted ... never liked whiskey b4 till yesterday..his dad was sooo funny! (the grinch and the dog having sex lol!) i played erik in pool cuz no one could beat him and haha i beat him and he didnt let me win lol... i got 3 balls in a row at first but then i didnt get anymore in lol but i won cuz erik got the cue ball in when he got the 8ball in.. lil joey is sooo cute! hes only 6 years old lol... travis was nice when we were leaving he comes and gives me a hug and is like " your welcome here any time, come by when ever you want" lol he so funny we were fuckin with each other the whole night lol... spent the night at eriks house that night.. i was a lil to hyper on the ride home... mostly cuz i was soooo cold cuz i had the window down lol
sunday- got home at like 2... was a bum all day, got ready for school... i took the facclin (ridalin) lol i was so calm it was nice... but of course i can never be happy for more then 5 mins.... right when it was kickin in i had to bring my mom the phone... shit happend and now im pissed and im not really talkin to her...

-- i dont know where i would be if it wasnt for my friends--


Hold on

:: 2004 19 December :: 2.44 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

grrrr ... i got erik a jersey for chirstmas and idk if its gunna fit him ... when i look at it it looks really big now! but i had the guys at the store trying it on and i guess it looked ok but they werent the same size as him ... im gunna be so mad if it doesnt fit him cuz its no refunds or exchanges but one of the guys said if it doesnt fit i can bring it back and get the right size but when i went to pay for it the guys said no exchanges... i hope it fits him or im gunna be sooo pissed...

ill update about my weekend later


Hold on

:: 2004 6 December :: 9.27 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: frank sinatra- i wont dance

today was great
i didnt go to school today , my mom couldnt wake me up she was like shaking me and i didnt wake up cuz i took my med. thats like sleepin pills yesterday and i passed out. at 3 i went to the doctors that ive been dreading and got almost good news but i was there for more then 2 hours cuz there fuckin dumb.. they dont realize im 15 ! and dont pay my own insurance and cant legally sign the papers and were givin my mom a hard time about it.. then i went to practice and we learned the thing were doin and omg its gunna be soooo cool were doin it to Frank sinatra - i wont dance its sooo cool im up front for most of the show , i end up bein front and center for a while AND i got the part i wanted! i wanted to be on the rifle line cuz only 12 girls get it and the rest get flag and i got it! now i gatta work on so much shit!

Hold on

:: 2004 6 December :: 1.45 pm

omg this weekend was craazzyyyy...
fridaynight- went to some kids house is the medows.. had a huge party cops showed up twice nothin happend... got wasted! spent the night at heathers house..... sooo many people showed up mike dean and rj and joe were there. matt weeks was there, and damn he looked soooo good !

saturday- went to the rec then josh nesbitt picked up me heather and brittany and we went to this place that was by the railroad tracks and i got soooo fucked up and eric showed up with vincent.. i had 1 1/2 bars and then like sooo much beer i dont remember the cops showin up at alll and i guess erik made shure i wasnt stumbling every where so we went to josh's house and i passed out in eriks car and wow i was sooooo wasted and we had to wait for heathers shirt before we went home so we didnt get home till 2:30 some how me heather and brittany fit on my lil ass bed.

friday- erik wakes me up at like 8 and he comes over and my mom made us all sit on the couch and talk to her about the night before so i was like fffuuuucccckkkk but i didnt get in any trouble and my mom thought it was funny and she tryed to say my curfew is now 11 hahahaha shes funny .. brittany got picked up and went to DD yummm yumm lol brittany was in there.... then erik went and gt vinny and came back to my house and i got in the shower and we droped heather off at KT's and went to the beach and then went to the pool and then to vinnys and me and erik passed out in vinnys bed for like 2 hours then went home and passed the fuck out and my mom couldnt wake me up so i didnt go to school today cuz my mom couldnt get me awake and in like an hour i have to go to the docs! scared shitless .. then have to go to the school for practice till 9 so its gunna be so gay.....

i dont remember half of saturday night i was told what happend and then yesterday seems like a dream and my dreams last night seemed soooo fuckin real!

- michelle-
<3 Erik <3

Hold on

:: 2004 20 November :: 12.31 am
:: Music: emenems new CD

went to some party.. shit was tight.. 2 girls were fighting and dammnnnn the skinny one got the shit beat out of her... and then when they stoped fighting they both get up next o each other and are fixin there hair and shit lol .. there wasss madddd people there.....

lil mad i couldnt stop by heathers... erics car was being soooo gay again ! he needs to get a new car!

... school was so fuckin gay! i was sooo pissed alll day ! got kicked out of 4th hour ... fuckin sub... it was so funny he was so dumb and he got all pissed and was like im gunna call down a dean and were like you just want us to leave and hes like no no ill call some one down and starts lookin for the button to call the office and he couldnt find it and were like ummm do you want us to show ya where it is and we call for him he was gettin so pissed... then in 5th hour my teacher was being soo gay tryin to say my shorts were to short and im like miss you want me to strip my pants off right here so you can measure the in-seam and shes like yeah i got a ruler right here im like uhhh you want me to take them off right here in class.. i mean i will if you want and shes like no spread your legs and she measures it and it was "to short" and im like if you were smart you would know you cant measure an in-seam while im weraring the fuckin pants so she got pissed and was sayin shiot to methe whole class but she wouldnt kick me out.... learned some crazy ass shit in color guard... i cant do that shit iof my life depended on it ...schools so gay! .. just 2 1/2 more years! then i get to pay to go to school.. haha


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