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angel_bob

:: 2009 29 March :: 12.26am

concert yay!
Nick and I are going to our first concert together in April.

I am super excited because the band we are seeing?

It is Cloud Cult.

Awesome songs? Check. Live paintings? Check. Biodiesel-powered and solar-paneled tour bus? Check. I am super pumped.

I really wanted to see them in concert because they are going on a possibly permanent hiatus after this tour. And this tour celebrates the release of their documentary.

They are coming to GRap on April 14. Nick and I are counting down the days.

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angel_bob

:: 2009 26 March :: 1.39am

Recent Tweets
I am only this awesome when I can't sleep and I'm watching HGTV. The past couple of days have given me some good material too.




@Laure I concur. Got cancer? Have a coke. Need a smoke? Have a coke. Your dog's sick? Have a coke. Want a coke? Have a coke!

I am thinking of running for president but I am not rich enough to pay my own food bill AND save the world. http://tinyurl.com/da6dmo

My sister got a full ride (tuition only) to Smith College. She will hear from the rest next week. Then there will be choices.

I really feel sorry for the poor guy who had to look at reference photos and drawings to do Doctor Manhattan. That poor, poor man.

I have 4 dollars to my name right now. Payday could not come any sooner.

Unless I am retroactively getting money through some sort of time travel direct deposit but then I wouldn't only have 4 dollars.

Someone tell me why you need a chandelier in your bathroom. A chandelier ABOVE THE BATHTUB that just happens to be BY YOUR FIREPLACE.

This is all in your bathroom. The FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLAR FIREPLACE BY THE BATHTUB. ON THE WALL. It's not even warming the floor.

I did not catch the price on the chandelier.

Having a chandelier in your bathroom does not make it Parisian. It just makes it ugly. I am going to rate it STUPIDLY OPULENT, HGTV.

Just in case you want to see it. http://tinyurl.com/cva4dg I did not notice how claustrophobically cluttered it was on TV.

THINGS THAT AREN'T PARISIAN: Claustrophobia

Why would you wear a t-shirt about blaming your farts on someone else ON NATIONAL TV?

Yes, I cannot sleep.

Think of a new metaphor, onion layer people. Your house is not an onion and you are not an onion. A banana maybe. Shut up about the onions.

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angel_bob

:: 2009 25 March :: 1.19am

I am making a list of emergency places to live in case I don't get a job right away (which will totally NOT happen because I am totally awesome).

Our lease is up here at the end of June. If I don't get something before then, we'll be trapped in Michigan, homeless and living off only Nick's pay (because my work won't be able to keep me on after graduation and I don't want to stay there any longer than necessary).

Obviously a list is needed. Both to calm my nerves and to prepare for craziness.

I applied to a buttload of jobs earlier this week and I'm sending my transcript to one tomorrow.

Now it is just waiting and more searching.

I do not like this waiting part.

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taoman1121

:: 2009 23 March :: 7.12pm

Random Thoughts of the Day
1) Ring pops are way too much fun.

2) Quizno's new Ciabatta sandwiches, called 'Torpedos,' are insanely delicious. And the associated marketing campaign is '2001'-inspired awesomeness: http://www.toastytorpedo.com/

3) The Dharma Initiative is in no way similar to Jonestown. Suggesting otherwise is ridiculous and inane.

4) If you ever find yourself having to get off an SSRI (or similar drug), either out of a deliberate decision or pure laziness, please, please, please ween yourself off as you're supposed to do. Serotonin withdrawal is not a laughing matter.

5) I have a strong desire to get (back?) into vinyl after reading this article: http://www.livedaily.com/news/18508.html Not very portable though, I suppose.

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angel_bob

:: 2009 22 March :: 11.35pm

I NEED A JORB
I graduate in 48 days, people. I want out of Michigan. I want a job/career/whatever. I need one.

One of the girls who graduated LAST YEAR just got a job. I do not want to be her. I work with a girl who graduated last year and is just hanging around at this job trying to find something. I do not want to be in that position.

Hyperventilating,
me

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taoman1121

:: 2009 19 March :: 9.00pm
:: Music: The Shins - Split Needles (again?!)

The Big Dance - Day 1
Jason:
michelle picked U-M to LOSE... you need to let her have it!!

Steve:
imma slap dat ho

Jason:
LMAO!!



Steve:
my bracket makes me want to vomit



Jason:
i didn't know you had such a high opinion of [Michigan State], considering EVERYTHING you've said to me this year :-)

Steve:
everything?
what did i say?

Jason:
about how much you hate state

Steve:
oh yes i hate them
but i hate germs too but if i got a bad one i would still pick it to kill me

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taoman1121

:: 2009 17 March :: 1.48pm

VALIS quotes
From Philip K. Dick's novel:

"In his study of the form that masochism takes in modern man, Theodor Reik puts forth an interesting view. Masochism is more widespread than we realize because it takes an attenuated form. The basic dynamism is as follows: a human being sees something bad which is coming as inevitable. There is no way he can halt the process; he is helpless. This sense of helplessness generates a need to gain some control over the impending pain--any kind of control will do. This makes sense; the subjective feeling of helplessness is more painful than the impending misery. So the person seizes control over the situation in the only way open to him: he connives to bring on the impending misery; he hastens it. This activity on his part promotes the false impression that he enjoys pain. Not so. It is simply that he cannot any longer endure the helplessness or the supposed helplessness. But in the process of gaining control over the inevitable misery he becomes, automatically, anhedonic (which means being unable or unwilling to enjoy pleasure). Anhedonia sets in stealthily. Over the years it takes control of him. For example, he learns to defer gratification; this is a step in the dismal process of adhedonia. In learning to defer gratification he experiences a sense of self-mastery; he has become stoic, disciplined; he does not give way to impulse. He has control. Control over himself in terms of his impulses and control over the external situation. He is a controlled and controlling person. Pretty soon he has branched out and is controlling other people, as part of the situation. He becomes a manipulator. Of course, he is not consciously aware of this; all he intends to do is lessen his own sense of impotence. But in his task of lessening this sense, he insidiously overpowers the freedom of others. Yet, he derives no pleasure from this, no positive psychological gain; all his gains are essentially negative."

"If you'll remember, helping people was one of the two basic things Fat has been told long ago to give up; helping people and taking dope. He had stopped taking dope, but all his energy and enthusiasm were now totally channeled into saving people. Better he had kept on with the dope."

"We are in a maze, here, which we built and then fell into and can't get out. In essence, VALIS selectively fires information to us which aids in escaping from the maze, in finding the way out... We were great builders, but one day we decided to play a game. We did it voluntarily; were we such good builders that we could build a maze with a way out but which constantly changed so that, despite the way out, in effect there was no way out for us because the maze--this world--was alive? To make the game into something real, into something more than an intellectual exercise, we elected to lose our exceptional faculties, to reduce us an entire level. This, unfortunately, included loss of memory--loss of knowledge of our true origins. But worse than that--and here is where we in a sense managed to defeat ourselves, to turn victory over to our servant, over to the maze we had built..."

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taoman1121

:: 2009 9 March :: 4.42pm
:: Music: matt pond PA - Giving It All Away

giving it all away tonight/'cause I haven't been that good at being quiet
So evidently I have two modes...

1) Constantly finding new things to read/study/watch/listen to/play. This results in excesses of above interests.
2) Moody enough that none of the above sound good to me. Certain thresholds of moodiness result in desires to clean out said excesses and focus only on the things that really grab me.

#1 makes me wish I didn't have to sleep. #2 sends me to bed early.

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taoman1121

:: 2009 5 March :: 3.49pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Lost - '316'

BEN: Thomas the Apostle. When Jesus wanted to return to Judea, knowing that he would probably be murdered there, Thomas said to the others, "Let us also go, that we might die with him." But Thomas was not remembered for this bravery. His claim to fame came later... when he refused to acknowledge the resurrection. He just couldn't wrap his mind around it. The story goes... that he needed to touch Jesus' wounds to be convinced.

JACK: So was he?

BEN: Of course he was. We're all convinced sooner or later, Jack.

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taoman1121

:: 2009 3 March :: 7.31pm
:: Mood: ok, maybe not so much...

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal
My latest "find." Something warm to keep you fuzzy while you battle through the cold outside.

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taoman1121

:: 2009 3 March :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: still sober
:: Music: The Shins - Split Needles

oh won't you do me the favor man/of forgiving my poly-morphing opinion here
Amidst all the stress of attempting to schedule (and re-schedule) my oral examination ("it's kind of a big deal 'round here"), one piece of good news surfaced today... we may actually have a faculty member with some experience in gambling research starting this fall. It doesn't appear it's a major research interest of his going forward (he's into stimulus equivalence right now), but I heard a rumor that he's open to doing some research if student(s) are interested. Not sure how far it'll go, but at the very least I'll probably end up with a new committee member.

I got some flashes today of enthusiasm for what's going to happen in the new couple of years with this program. Getting the area paper done, actually conducting some gambling research, and eventually getting that dissertation defended... this whole orals process has got me reflecting both on the past and the future. For one of the first times since I've starting at QC, I can envision the end of the road, and, just as exhilarating (OK, not as exhilarating), the process by which I'll reach that goal. Who knows, I may actually end up with a job that I actually like/love when this is all said and done. Just as long as I have to wheelbarrow full of money to show for it...

Off to catch up on Terminator: TSSC. For some reason, it's sucked since the spring premiere, which I still want explained to me. Maybe this week's will be better...

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taoman1121

:: 2009 25 February :: 2.51pm
:: Music: Radiohead - House of Cards

A Prayer
Got this from a friend of mine in the program. I pretty much love it/want to take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant:

Our Skinner, who art at Harvard; Hallowed be thy box; Thy Walden come, they work be replicated; On people as it is on other animals; Give us this day our daily reinforcers; And extinguish our deviant responses; As we withdraw reinforcement of deviant responses in others; Lead us not into satiation; But deliver us from deprivation; For Science is the method, and the results, and the data, for Problem Solving forever.

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angel_bob

:: 2009 17 February :: 10.10am

This semester I need 11 credits. I am taking 12 to be full time. I only have one required course left. It is, of course, the one course I cannot be on time to, ever attend or do the homework for.

I am hoping I snap out of this soon. This weekend I need to finish up my incompletes from last semester so I can get out of here on time. I also need to CLEP my French credits still.

I am lazy.

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angel_bob

:: 2009 6 February :: 12.21am

My sister turns 18 later this month. I feel old.

We're both graduating this year. Crazy.

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angel_bob

:: 2009 31 January :: 3.04pm
:: Mood: bitchy

Dear Life (formerly of The Cereal, now Comma My),

Thank you for the awesome birthday week. It was great to have dinner with my parents at a delicious Indian restaurant and I'm glad you let me drag Nick along while he suffered through the terminal stages of Extended Man Cold™.

I am blessed to have awesome friends that wished me a happy birthday all week long. Although work has become super lame since you decided my favorite kid needed to get fired and you brought my arch-nemesis back from Spain, it was great to have to work on my birthday and celebrate with the people I have been stuck with for the past four years. You made me look forward to graduation and leaving this town so much more!

I've got to say though, the coolest part of this birthday week has to be all the plans you decided weren't awesome enough to actually work! Instead of going ice skating with my boyfriend, you gave him a cold and death cough for a week and a half more -- just long enough for him to be whiny, unbearable and asleep by eight o'clock every night of my birthday week. It was also really nice of you to give my roommate a great car, tempt us with a Sonic located closer to us and then decide that her car needed a new alternator the day before the planned trip, trapping us at my school for an hour and a half longer than we really wanted to be there. That was great.

I have one thing to thank you for though. For my birthday weekend, I will pay rent, pay all overdue bills (most likely on my own) and get a haircut then be unable to eat or do anything for the rest of the week. Thank you so much! This is even better than the time you tempted me with seeing the friends I hadn't seen since May and then decided that all six backup plans wouldn't work. And I thought that was awesome. Oh man, I didn't even know you were going to get me a birthday present!

I guess I wanted to just say thanks. Now I know that I really should never plan anything ever again.

However, if you want to come to my graduation, I was just planning on becoming poor and homeless afterward. I don't need a new car, we only need one door to be able to open really and who doesn't love scraping off the outside and inside of the car? I also was just planning on staying in Michigan and never getting a job with my bachelor's degree. Maybe I should plan on drowning in all my debt? Alone? Because I'm planning on never being engaged or married and I never truly wanted kids.

If you want to ruin those plans, go ahead.

Love,
Rachel

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