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2005 27 January :: 11.02 pm
What the hell are you doing Evan?
What are you getting at?
What the fuck do you want?
2 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 27 January :: 10.46 pm
God. Just. Dammit Bryce!
Ever feel like you need someone to call you and confirm that they don't care anymore? That they don't even allow their neurons to be occupied with thoughts of yourself?
How can I still be on him?
Christ.
I really don't want to go to work. I think I'll shoot someone.
1 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 27 January :: 10.20 pm
So we've won the history bowl finally. Melissia and I answered the most questions. There was some really hard stuff..but we managed quite well. I also realise that today marks the one year anniversary of my acquaintance with Bryce. I am really not sure what to think about him anymore. I hope to see him at the tournament, but nothing is ever sure with him. We made a frittata today in foods...it wasn't so great. And yesterday I was at SMSU all day for virtual school...meh. It was fun when Ellen was round. We joked a lot as usual. As you can probably tell by my post I'm quite bored and drained to an extent. Tara has a new boyfriend...from Wheatland...lucky her? Eddie Martinez. bleh. I hope the object comes soon, possibly tomorrow? I'm a bit contemplative about Morgan. He is extremely touchy-feely with me. He nagged me on the way home to talk to him; something about me not speaking to him much, but he likes being around me because I'm "cool." He just kept going on like that...and when Michelle got off the bus he said: "Oh now some alone time for you and me eh?" Quite odd...for someone who is so homophobic, n'est-ce pas? Previously at Taco Bell he was on about some girl that he thought was "hot" at the H. Bowl. Whatever. The boy at taco bell, the cashier, he seemed very queer. I don't know. Something just spiked when I ordered...and when he was around all of the time and just overly-friendly with Morgan and myself. Meh. Well I don't even know if I was assigned homework this evening...I don't care, I'll do it tomorrow. Goodnight. Feel better Abners....and Ellen, if thou readest...I owe you.
4 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 23 January :: 12.31 am
Well shit..it appears I made a huge post yesterday for no reason, because it apparently did not post... Damn it! It was huge... Oh freakin well. I went out tonite with Amber, Terri and Chase...
I guess I'll post more later
I'm dead.
1 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 10 January :: 8.03 pm
:: Mood: distressed
Je ne comprende pas
I don't understand anything
I live a meaningless life
Everything I see around me is deteriorating. Not just things dealing directly with me, but with my friends...their relationships, their lives, their humour. Everything just seems to be dying. I hope rejuvination will come. I feel so cold.
I feel like I'm being levatated on a pole that goes through my chest and into the ground.
2 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 9 January :: 12.16 am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Safety Dance - Men w/o. Hats
Oy I'm not sure really what to say on here. I freaked out tonight on Carmelito. I don't regret freaking out necessarily, but I regret maybe the extent/intensity I took it to. I had a good conversation with Michael and he gave me some mentorness as he usually does. Ellen and I decided that we are going to have a progeriatic marionette attraction with "Ricky" as our puppetteer. God we are so..weird. I tried doing some of my Pilates today...it's not very fun to try and do the exercises from a book. I drank two litres of water in a matter of hours and I've been peeing left and right....
okay.. maybe that wasnt the best way to phrase it...
sadly, you get the idea..
Oh Michelle told me the other day that she is going to ask Bryce to homecoming...I dunno how that will turn out. I told her to have her ask her sister about Bryce and I...and she kinda gave me this funny look. Well, I ended up getting a phone call from her tonight...and we talked for nearly two hours...and she said it made lots of sense...etc etc. and it just went on and on. There's one more down eh? (She already knew Bryce was gay tho..)
Meh. I dun wannan go to work tomorrow. I hate it. I'm ordering another movie with Audrey Tautou..the chick from Amélie...its called L'Auberge Espagnol - The Spanish Apartment..I hope its good
I need a drink..and a party at Terri's
Oh Nathan and I had a slight heart to heart..I guess...who cares?
1 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 5 January :: 10.03 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Hangin on you - Nena
Even artichokes have hearts.
A big Merci to my Ingrid Bergmann for designing this beautiful account based on my favourite movie of all time. It's awesome. I love it!
I was talking with Carmelito earlier on the telephone. It was really nice... last night he was telling me how he has been in bed with 10 boys...not sexually...well not ultimately sexually if you know what I'm leaning towards. But just kissing and being tender with. As for myself, I've only had one experience with a boy and that was my only boyfriend, Bryce. I long so much just to be held..and he has..by ten different people...I committed..and what did I get? Dumped.. I don't see a point and I am so frustrated and envious. I'm losing it. at any rate...I hope school is off tomorrow..nothing special happened today..it rained and flooded...Gus only said "hi" to me..nothing more...I just feel..done...
Thank you for my beautiful journal Ellen...now I can atleast complain in style.
1 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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