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2004 10 March :: 8.18 pm
Her Nothings
By ME!!She bares it all
Everything she had
She shared
But its not good enough for anyone
She feels lost and confused
With no one there to hold her up or pick her up when she falls
She tried her hardest to make sense of life
It is unbearable for her
But she continued to try and make something out of nothing
With her it and always will be nothing
All she wanted was something
Something she felt was missing or gone from her life
She continued searching for her something and come home empty handed
She still sits there empty handed
Trying to grip what she only has
Just like a drowning bird
Gripping to get a breathe of air
All she was wanted was something
And all is left is nothing
Crush ME |
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2004 9 March :: 8.19 pm
OMG TONIGHT KICKED ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't fall...i looked killer.....omg you should have seen marcoss face...his mouth dropped....i was like yes donna can dress up and look good....then olivia was explaining to her boyfriend that its amazing to see donna look good cause all she wears is punk with baggy pants and shirts....i was like aww thanx...bitch...hehe...then i saw my baby cesar....omg cesar and marcos introduced themselves to my dad.....and now my dad says they can come to my house....haha think that cesar at my house haha....anywho.....donna is a person in NHS....haha donna nhs wow....IT FINALLY PAYS OFF....score monkey......well im out...i need to get marcos to bring me my pic...reminder...yes picture.....hehe bye
more tomorrow!!!!!!!
Depressionville Hotel
Shelley Haggard
Welcome to Depressionville.
I see you found your way here once again!
Have you any guesses
as to how much time you’ll spend?
Please just sign the register
and we’ll let the critics know you’re here.
Remember, you should mumble words
and keep communications quite unclear.
I see you have some baggage;
actually, you’ve brought quite a lot!
But, of course, this is the place for it;
this is the perfect spot.
Oh! Guilt and fear are with you;
yes, of course, that’s quite all right.
We wouldn’t want you sleeping well;
that really ruins OUR nights.
There are things to eat at the sideboard:
just words and junk and pain.
All the things that you can’t swallow now
will, of course, be served again.
Yes! Welcome to Depressionville!
We’re all so glad you’ve come.
Let us know what we might do
to keep you feeling numb.
May your stay be long and bitter;
may your problems keep piling on.
May your tortured soul keep bleeding
until all you love is gone.
Crush ME |
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2004 8 March :: 5.56 pm
ill edit this later with a todays update maybe....
Bliss Tearing Eyes
by Dead Poetic
Cause you bleed all the time.
The pieces of a broken heart are wasted time.
And I can’t forgive myself for all the things I’ve done.
But you, you do.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
And this world is filled with loneliness.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause the struggles of this world are blistering. Blistering.
Your cells run through my veins.
The times you lifted a dead man. That’s me again.
And I can’t forgive myself for all the things I’ve done.
But you, you do.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
And this world is filled with loneliness.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause the struggles of this world are blistering.
Bleed one more time for me.
‘Cause the struggles of this world are blistering. Blistering.
Crush ME |
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2004 7 March :: 3.09 pm
awww thaimi!
Moments That Mean Too Much
you know, the things you don't want to remember at all
are the things you always remember the most.
like that night you said 'i love you.'
hell, i even thought it meant something,
but nothing means anything anymore.
i should have listened to your eyes instead.
those charming blue eyes,
they were covered in lies.
yet i still can't seem to get them out of my head.
i keep on getting this sinking feeling in my stomach,
maybe that's where my heart has fallen.
it's time like these when i realize i need you
when the tears get tiring but they don't stop rolling.
and all i need is just one more night..
just tell me that you need me too.
tell me you were only scared,
just tell me that you even cared.
(it's thoughts like these that bring me to you.)
and i've still been waiting up by the phone
just in case you change your mind.
(i have a feeling i'll be waiting for a few forevers,
but then again a few forevers would be worth the wait.)
and now i know what they mean when they talk about heartbreak
and how it never really goes away.
the nights spent in your clutch;
moments that mean too much.
now i wish i would have just asked you to stay..
and now i still dream about you all the time.
god i wish it would just stop..
10 Crushed ME |
Crush ME |
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2004 7 March :: 10.47 am
arg aggravated and annoyed...everyone can guess who its caused by...my sister...oh wellz i jsut got 5000 in gold from kings of chaos so i have like 20000 in gold...whoopy and i have like 3 trained soldiers...i might train some more...who knows...im tired...and annoyed up the ass...anywho i decided to make a new journal cause i have no privacy in it anymore because my sister has came to that and fuck it up...so i guess im going to go read her journal and invade her privacy...oh wellz she is a gay ass...im going to go because im going nuts with her behind me...and i need to get cloths on cause we got to go to jens house because she wants to...grr people...oh wellz...i ate pancakes...yummy thats the highlight of my day...hehe mmmm pancakes...well yea im out...ill write later or ill put up the new journal link or maybe not who knows where shit is taking me...mmm idea i can make the journal friends only...i like that idea better...ill just make people join...hmmm lightbulb...anywho...bye bye
7 Crushed ME |
Crush ME |
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2004 6 March :: 9.33 am
gosh doug got me into kings of choas...hmm great game...i already got like 6 human people thingys...yes this is what i do when im bored now...play with this game...hmm im already addicted and discovered a few things with this "site"...hehe..well i got to go...everyone please go to the site at the bottem of this and dont even join just follow the directions and click the number...bye bye everyone
http://www.kingsofchaos.com/recruit.php?uniqid=j9n6c3m9
Tell Myself Goodbye
by Dead Poetic
These words roll of my tongue like second nature.
But I’m far from my womb, and you know I’m far from you.
So when do I come back to you?
Was this already written or have I fallen so far…
I can’t tell the light from the dark.
I thought you had me forever.
But I’m sure you thought the same about me.
And I’m sorry, so sorry.
These dreams run through my head that frolic through some tube of my brain.
I’m going insane, I’ve forgotten my name.
So I’ll use yours, like a dropped friend I wish I never left.
I wish I never left you. I wish I never left you.
I can’t tell the light from the dark.
I thought you had me forever.
But I’m sure you thought the same about me.
And I’m sorry, so sorry.
Winter’s come early this year.
Like a bird in the rain, I’ve tortured my everything.
The rain falls, and I never meant to leave you standing.
Crush ME |
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2004 5 March :: 4.11 pm
today kicked ass...hmm it just rocked...last night was pretty bad...now there is a hole in the wall that i hope someone fixes but its not my problem so fuck them...my dad makes me soo fucking insecure but i guess it will take time to get over and then become insecure again...this is why i dont trust guys AT ALL...anywho i got something i really wanted today but i cant say cause the shcool wont let me..damn it oh wellz....i missed cesar all fucking morning cause he came to school late...i was soo tempted to call him during 2nd but it was probably too early...oh wellz...im tired...tomorrow will be fun me and olivia and our mommies are going shopping...yippy...im going to go buy some cloths..cause i need an outfit for nhs....only bad thing that marcos is going to the induction is because he will meet my dad...yuck...i like to prevent this things.....oh wellz....he only going to be a "friend"....i lost my black nail polish...i need to find it....oh yea coach wood calls me a gothic vally girl...then this guy in my class calls me pepper ann...im like wtf...hehe...i found out something today but i forgot....i guess it wasnt that important....oh wellz...im going to go cause thaimi is going to call any minute...peace....bye
Memory
by Sugarcult
this may never start
we could fall apart
and not be your memory
lost your sense of fear
feelings insincere
can now be your memory
so get back back
back to where we lasted
just like i imagine
i could never feel this way
so get back back
back to the disaster
my heart's beating faster
holding on to feel the same
this may never start
i'll tear us apart
could now be your enemy
losing half our years
waiting for you here
i'd be your anything
so get back back
back to where we lasted
just like i imagine
i could never feel this way
so get back back
back to the disaster
my heart's beating faster
holding on to feel the same
this could never start
tearing out my heart
and id be your memory
lost your sense of fear
feelings disappear
can not be your memory
so get back back
back to where we lasted
just like i imagine
i could never feel this way
so get back back
back to the disaster
my heart's beating faster
holding on to feel the same
this could never start
we could fall apart
and id be your memory
lost your sense of fear
feelings insincere
can not be your memory
can not be your memory
Crush ME |
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2004 4 March :: 8.23 pm
im so tired...my dad has began again with his shit...he makes me feel so horrible..i iwsh one day i could be perfect for him...i work so hard for him i do everything just to make him happy...i dont know what else i can do...i hate him so bad...the sad part of all this im attracted to guys just like my father...im terried about that...arg he hurts me so bad...i have panic attacks now because of him...yes if people dont know what they are...they are not lovely...they are really umm odd...but im going to go...i did the dumbest thing tonight too...i called alex cesar and he looked so hurt...i didnt know what to do...im fucking horrible...arg...bye
4 Crushed ME |
Crush ME |
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2004 4 March :: 3.56 pm
today hmm was okay...1 month for me and marcos tomorrow...and sat is his birthday he is 16...wow...umm what else...i think im going to cheat on marcos i dont know its a feeling...i dont know i just yea...i havent been me for a long time so i dont know much right now...and really the only person that knows what really is going is mike so yea...and he doesnt even know half of it...so anywho im tired and i hate this...so i want to take a nap before alex gets here....when he does get here i got some ass to whoop...bye
horoscope:
Sometimes even disciplined people like you have to take a risk. It's a good day to talk to someone you've been too shy to approach -- your good luck and sense of humor will get you through even if you don't know exactly the right words to say.
Fine Again
by Seether
It seems like everydays the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here
And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here
And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well
And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…
I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine
For me, for me, for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself
I am prepared now for myself
I am prepared now, and I am fine again
2 Crushed ME |
Crush ME |
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2004 3 March :: 4.53 pm
:: Mood: ....
:: Music: Chevelle
yuckyness vs. yummyness...hmm who will win?!?!?!
anywho today was uneventful...wow i know aa entry..i think too much lately...look what i came up with now...well first let me begin where all this happened...am i wrong that im 16 and want to be with someone and want to be happy and shit...i just want to find someone that when im happy i go to them to share my happiness...then if im sad i go to them for help or talk to them because i know deep down that they are the only person that can make me feel better or cheer me up....i want to feel comfortable with them...and i want to be with them forever when im with them....i want just them...i dont want them to want me to change or i don't want them to change...i just want them to accept me and be happy with me....hehe okay im done with that...just babbling about wanting something...hehe...anywho well a couple days ago me and my friends were talking about the show one tree hill...btw last nights episode was soo ironic...wow...so well people said im like peyton so i was thinking about it and im like wow thats true im like her...she is all emo and depressed but then in school is happy and involved...but only her true friends know her...and thats me...i mean come on....not exactly but to any character on tv thats my soul mate...hehe...today at lunch it was a blast...it was me and marcos in the beginning...i dont know im starting to really like him...but thats beside the point right now...umm yea me anthony "padilla" crystal james and some girls...were just running around being dumb...it was fun....then my first...arg i hate my teacher now...whatever she can suck a dick for all i care...i know i said it...then 2nd...hehe hmm i wasnt in class barely....i got olivia out of 2nd and then we both got marcos out...yup and today he wrote my name down for military ball...i got mike taking nessa...so all me friends are going that are outside my lil groupie...it will be fun....whosh dancing...yey....WORSE part...DRESS ahh..hehe oh wellz...my plan is to wear a dress there and then put pants on under the dress so im good and happy....i hate dresses...oh shit i forgot to tell olivia about shopping saturday...oh wellz tomorrow...and tomorrow i might go with jerrica after school cause me and her need to go out and buy marcos’s b-day gift...hehe wow...he is 16...im older...hehe wow...i know...im a dork...im getting to many crushes now-a-days oh wellz...hmm i wish i had 8th period today...oh wellz i got to go..ttyl bye bye bye
Character Suicide
Why do I live?
Why do I die,
Why do I go through life,
Always wondering why?
The world seems to hate me.
They never understand
There always trying to mold me
Into something grand
I’m always criticized
I’m always punished for
Their Stupid laws
Which I really abhor
Yet indeed I am mourned
By my worst foe
Not one of them really cares
Their putting on a show
Their laughing at me now
As I watch from above
Its just another
Hurt causing shove
They one thing I wished for
The one thing I needed
Was the one thing
They hadn’t even heeded
All I wanted was
For someone to love me
For someone willing to
Show me mercy.
But instead I perished
I just gave up and died
I chose to get away
By committing Suicide
I gave up my body
I gave into my demise
Because I saw through
Your detestable lies
But I’m still alive
I’m still here
I just wear a mask
Of darkness and fear
So remember
When your looking at me
your looking at someone
Who hides to be free.
2 Crushed ME |
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