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silentcriez

:: 2005 25 April :: 2.56pm

if you have a problem with what i write in here.. dont read it.. its as simple as that!

humm.. so im definitly sick of this town and all of the gay tough guy kids in it.. they think theyre so tough they think that fighting makes them fucking cool.. they think that anything they do now is gonna matter.. they think that by fighting someone it gives them a better name or some shit.. but nobody will remember any of this in the long run.. none of it..

so.. idk what the deal is.. i guess its back where we started and thats not a bad thing because i like the way it is.. nothing serious.. nobody gets hurt.. its fool proof

shes ruining everything for me.. i feel so crazy and not me.. i mean this isnt me.. this isnt how i want things to be.. i just wish that she would dissapear..

and kim if i wanted to fucking talk shit about you.. id do it openly so shut up...

im walking down the street
in my black stillettos
looking for my next victim
to be my slave
this high is catching up to me
in the heat
the summer sun has already
stolen me
i will fly higher
i will start the fire
i will i will come to you..

you better fucking comment!!


Cocopuff

:: 2005 24 April :: 10.19pm

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...erotic
Your hugs are...warm
Your eyes...sparkle like the stars
Your touch is...heart warming
Your smell is...exotic
Your smile is...hypnotising
Your love is...unique
Quiz created with MemeGen!

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 24 April :: 9.51pm

im so sick of her.. i just wish that she would go away cuz then i wouldnt have to worry.. i wouldnt be on edge.. i woudlnt be so crazy..

my grandpa died today.. it was pretty bad..
idk what to write

im quite confused

Pimpin In 1869: A superficial attraction is still an attraction -- and quite strong at that

^ good qoute

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 22 April :: 1.35pm

mmmmmmmmm great night :-)

thank you guys for a great bdayyyyyyyyy <33

lets see a ton of ppl came.. sarah steph anna goncha krissy lizzy kelsey katie dana jimmi alex scott tony jessy sarah amanda and ryan and scotty

everybody left around 10 but dana and jimmi stayed till around 12:30 and sarah lizzy and anna slept over.. haha jimmi and lizzy passed out at like 11 and sarah and anna fell asleep upstairs lol they were party poopers haha but dana and i stayed up like cool cats..;-)

mmmm i need sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 21 April :: 10.17am

sooo jimmi woke me up with the first happy birthday at 7:30!! ahh i was half asleep but it made me happy :-)


ViaConDios307: happy b day

miDGeT8149: happy birthdayyyy

Kocis350: happy bday
Kocis350: its earth day too


KrazEEace 2: happy birthday manda

QteeKate88: HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!

kels7216: HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Pimpin In 1869: happy birthday.. find me.. you know

pSyChOpAtHiC366: HAYYP BIRTHDAY BABY!!!

JoeBoxerJC: happy b day nijjy

EmmyD89: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!

cait 3190: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDA:-D

C Will1489: happy birth day

LiLBaBiK32: aw happy birthday!

ToR2189: Happy birthday!!!:-)

Squishlover22: hey i hope you got my messages i left online.. i didnt get a chance to call im tharrrry :-( i hope your sixteenth b day was goood :-) love you!

scoobystoner420: happy b-day

BlueEyedSliver8: happy late b-day

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 19 April :: 2.53pm

Well I'm not asking to be loved or be forgiven
Hey I just can't shaken in this bedroom
One more night alone

-

And I couldn't care less about what you want to say
And I wish that it wasn't just me

Oh I don't think I'm better or kinder of heart, I'm as guilty as I can be
But every chance I get to put a smile on someone's face I will take it, believe me

--

In case you're wondering
I'm still on your side

As she embraces all of me
I want her only to need me
It doesn't matter what I tell her because she changes
Her mind before she speaks
And tends to talk before she thinks
But how I love her

I know there's truth for you somewhere
If I were wise I'd take you there
But I'm not, at least not yet
So I'll be watching you instead
In your room, in your room

In your room
I can wander around forever
And I recognize the color of the walls that we painted
In your chair
That I broke because I was careless
I can sit and watch you dance around
My words are spoken
I am on your side

-

I feel you and you feel me as I feel you
It's good, it's scary
The speed, the heat, it's deep, and steep
It's light but hard to carry

Listen when I'm silent there's a
Sound that only you can hear
Listen when it's quiet I know
You can hear it, cover up your ears
Cover up your ears

-

When you like music more than life, something's wrong
When you start sleeping as you drive, something's wrong
When you're favorite drink is thinner, something's wrong
When you're proud to be a sinner

-

As you're living through another year
Oh, what a waste of time it is
To indulge inside of bliss
Getting ready for another year like this
Another year to lie
Another year goes by
You're not sick, so you can't heal
But I wonder do you feel
The need to cry: 'I'm out of here'
Oh, your goal is safe
But is it all you crave

Is it me who cannot see
The face of mediocrity
I try to smile you see
Your lightness darkens me
Filter all of your emotions.
Fake you're never low
Or face the one you fear

-


Don't call me sinner
Don't call me nerd
Don't call me chaotic
Because you heard

I have strange feelings
I have weird thoughts
But don't call me an artist
Because I'm not

I am an animal, a saint
A grown up child without a name
I am a black man, I am gay
I say we're basically the same
Don't label me

I'm not a colour
I'm not a sex
I'm not a partner
I'm not an ex

Don't call me nigger
Don't call me queer
Don't call me retarded
Although I am

I am an animal, a saint
A grown up child without a name
I am a black man, I am gay
I say we're basically the same

Don't label, don't you see
A wooden table is actually a tree

Which is basically the same
Which is basically the same
Which is basically the same as you as me

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 19 April :: 1.27pm

BlckTangldHrt35x: throughout our entire relationship, ive always felt.. less important than the guy who was in the room. because when theres a guy im invisble which i guess is selfish. but i know that i wouldnt do that. and if i ever have itd probably have happend with dana, and you never once told me it bothered you, as i have. i also told you that
BlckTangldHrt35x: i didnt want to be the cause of you having to change plans with cj or anything because id feel even worse making you plan around me. i just also didnt want to have to win the attention of my friend. you can look at it your way and think that im being selfish and have no right to be sad, but if thats what you think then i guess i really dont care anymore.. or you can look at it through my eyes and see that what im seeing.. see that i dont wanna be second best, see that maybe im jealous.. and see that maybe i dont want to have to be around two couples who cant keep their hands off eachother..
BlckTangldHrt35x: so maybe im jealous.. maybe thats wrong of me.. but maybe you could see that im depressed and it doesnt help.. it doesnt mean that you have to plan around me it just means that maybe once in a while you didnt have to be sucking face with cj in front of me is that too much to ask? is it? its not that i dont want you to be happy.. its just a thought of mine.. in order to be happy do you have to be sucking face every second? is that what happiness is to you?

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 17 April :: 11.27pm

something fucked i wrote!!!! read!

Evils Last Breath

I had only known nick or Andrews, as his "followers" would call him, for about two weeks when it all happened. He aproached me at the corner of the local hangout, the cross between the intoxicated reality, and my own views. Groups of tainted youths congragated to bask in the beauty of marijuana. An escape, a release, maybe even to consume time. whatever the reason, in this town, there always was one. Andrews had been eyeing me out for the past couple of interactions. i could see it in his eyes that there was something he wanted, some sort of impure intentions. deep down i couldnt say i denied feeling the same, but there was something in the peirce of his stare that sent chills down my spine and an unsettling kurtle in my stomache. This instance was slightly different, i found myself entertained by his dangerous games. I liked the feeling of his warmth in the middle of winter. i liked the way he looked at me, the way i could feel his eyes trace my body, along my supple breasts, down to my navy blue flipflops, or black stillettos, whichever i had happened to have chosen that day. as the heat began to rise, and the smoke engulfed the room, i found myself intoxicated. My new toy was Nick Andrews, and i was the bait for his biggest scheme. In his black mustang, we sped like an arcade game down the winding streets of Berham, each turn hugging the curb. Our destination was an open house, i had been to parties before, but parties with my friends not ones that Nick brings his most recent bait to. i stepped into the stifled room and noted the sparatic beer kegs placed about the room. each persons eyes scanned the room like an airforce radar would an enemy. I had remembered seeing Amber, and Teri somewhere huttled near the doorway, sparking a joint. i wandered aimlessly through the house which was packed wall to wall. After smoking a few joints with them, Andrews came to carry me away, as if i was a princess. i scurried away with him, my toy, to the last vacant room in the house. we sat on the desheveled bed, which looked like it had been used recently. as he began to inch closer to me, a million thoughts spiraled through my head. his strong, captivating lips carressed my cheek, and his powerful hands slid down my pants, and into my silk black thong. Before either of us got riled up, i quickly reminded him to get a condom. he swore under his breath and left the room breifly, frantically searching for the antibaby material. He rentered the room with a condom in an electric green wrapper, and a red plastic cup filled with only god knows what. he handed me the cup and told me "Youll be in a whole new world any minute." my lips quivered as i chugged the mystery liquid. Andrews slowly pressed against me, so as to show me what i had done. i felt his hard cock against me, and once again a surge of thoughts were spewed. for a split second i happy, and wanted, thats when i began my ever increasingly fast downfall. my hearing was the first to be affected. the mumbling of the party which i had heard before was now gone, and i could no longer hear Nick's dirty fantasies being whispered into my ears. Next went my sight. the room began to swirl, i was distracted by the glow of Nicks cigarrette as he continued to rub my breasts, now so forcefully. as the room began to fade, i noticed a sudden demonic glow come about Nick. the kurtling feeling in the pitt of my stomache began, and i no longer felt i had control of my actions. I woke up and i was lying on a couch, in a dirty house, which reaked of beer. bodies were passed out on each square inch of the house. i stumbled across the dark room, still seeing double. i made my way carefully to the bathroon which enveloped the stench of puke. i hunched over the toilet and gagged, wanting to rid myself of what i had swallowed. i tried to remember if i had taken any pills, or drank anything too strong. suddenly i remembed Nick's distict words. "Youll be in a whole new world any minute.." The obvious sorce of this false insanity was in the red plastic cup Nick had coerced me into drinking. i felt around the wall to find the light switch. a dim buzzing light flickered on and i stared at myself in the mirror. what was i? i felt like a ghost, like a demon, empty of any emotions. my face was swirling in the mirror and i felt as if i wasnt alone. these drugs, whatever i had been given had surged some sort of uneasyness in me. i was jumpy, irritable and trembling due to my constant thought. i cornerd myself in the bathroom, locked the door, and flicked off the already dying light. rummeging through the cabinets, i violently threw pills, bandaids and soaps in a tornado in the room. i felt as if the walls were closing in on me. i noticed a shining slice of silver on the sink, it was a small shaving razor which had fallen loose when thrown in my fit of rage. i coudlnt tell whether it was the drugs, or the alcohol which caused my bouts of anger but i didnt know how to deal with it. i sat myself in the corner of the bathroom, and slowly dragged the blade across my flacid pale arm. Repeatidly i ripped away the skin on my wrist. the blood began to pour. i stared at what i hated in the mirror, what was used by Nick, what was niave and vulnerable enough to get drugged up. my arms began flailing as my nails gouged away at my pristine features. The blood was more unbearable than anyone could fathom, my sight now faded out again. the echoes of my thoughts were all the was heard. My body lay propped against a wall, drenched in blood. After sitting several hours lifelss, a drunken slut stumbled into the bathroom to find my body, mutilated and cold. Her blood kurtling scream awoke the rest of the house, with the exception of a few poisoned partyers. The stench of death permeated the house, and it was quickly evacuated. i hoverd above the room and watched as people cried with fear, and some even lauged with amusement. They couldnt do much else, they were under the influence. My body was suddenly lifted, Nick had carried me onto the porch. I watched as he prepped his car for a second ride in his mustang, only this time i would be riding in the trunk. At this point neighbors had notified the police about the screaming and underaged drinking. Cop sirens could be heard in the distance, which frightened Nick. As he sped up he failed to show any sign of incomposure. He seemed ready, he seemed experienced, which lead me to believe i wasnt his first. Nicks car absorbed each bump, and my flacid body was tossed around the trunk violently. as Nicks car strained up the hill he sighed with releif as he could see the bridge up ahead. just as he began to think he was in the clear, he spotted the blue flashing lights, creeping over the crest of the hill. Fear stricken Nick sped up, this car hit a patch of ice and nick and my dead body were thrown. The car veered to the right, and straight through the gaurdrails of the rickedy wooden bridge, chosen as the route of escape. Nicks car slowly sank to depths of the river, each window filling up fatally every second. the police screeched on their breaks and flew out of their cars, flashlights in hand. the beams of light hit Nicks fading face, and watched his last moments of life. His hearing was the first to go, the muffled screams of the police were the last he heard. Next was breath, and lastly his sight. Nicks guilty eyes saw the last of me, as we rotted slowly in the bottom of the river. Lights flashing, water rushing, the world spinning, he watched it all.. as it faded into the black of his heart.

1 comment | you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 14 April :: 11.32pm

and you know that i want ya
and you know that i need ya
is that any way to be?
just have your way with me..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 14 April :: 6.25am


my birthdays in 8 days!!! ahhhhh

so whats the plan for vacation? i wanna go down to the cape and partayyyyyyyyy

ahh i cant write right now

but i need what i wanted all along..

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 13 April :: 12.05am

i need your sex!

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 10 April :: 10.27am

i need you right now.. i need you somehow..

i think i might be crazy.. i just never stop thinking ever... and i bet you all know what about.. but it just consumes me and i can put myself in the worst of moods..

lizzy and i are in a fight i guess.. i havent talked to her all weekend...

things are getting fucked up..

gr..

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 7 April :: 10.20am

im so sick of being lonely..

a scent attatched
to the whispering wind
hits me like brick
i feel it land on the tip of my nose
and trail into my memory
a quick glimpse of what used to be
now circulates in my veins
its a part of me
now as it trickles into my lungs
it is encapsulated by tar
by hate, by envy, and by grudge
the connections are now made fully
and i see what keeps these things memories
and not the present
its the pain of how it was
its the thought of giving up
my stubborn thoughts spew out this scent
rid myself of what resounded in my mind
although i may push it out of my thoughts
i cant deny the scent
attatched to the whispering wind..

---

i look in the mirror
and i dont even see myself
just a blurry image
left dusty on the shelf
abandoned beauty
torn to peices all alone
she lives in a pristine picture
a painting hanging on a wall
of a broken home

shes crying another glass
half empty again
pouring herself
another shot of gin
she wont stop hurting
until she smells his scent
you wont catch her smiling
until she aint by herself

(chorus)
all alone in a world
that teaches us not to feel
we alienate whose different
and blame the one whose real
we idolize the incomplete
we love the one thats fake
yet we walk right by the ones like you
the ones who suffer through their days..

she wants to kill
the one who put her here
she screams her unmuttable screams
for everyone to hear
she points the bloody gun
towards her picture perfect face
plunging silently
to her imperfect fate

a soul wont go to heaven today
it wont be free from pain
shell wait around, watching those she loves
be showered with salty rain
forever with the burden
of the guilt on her shoulders
to take a life, couldnt deal with strife
couldnt move lifes giant bolders

(chorus)

her acid tears trickle down my cheek
eroding the beauty that people see
they want to be what they cant have
they want to be something just like me
but irony strikes again
as im bleeding for you now
what people want to be in me
slowly starts to drown

envied lover dying in your hands
couldnt be what you wanted
couldnt be the perfect ten
couldnt smile like the sunrise
couldnt be your heaven sent
withered leaves in the month of may
pain that never goes away
it eats away your pale white skin
and burries itself deep within

(chorus)

almost made it,
i almost climed up in your heart
but almost doesnt mean a thing
almost doesnt even start
i see an silent movie
a vision of your face
along your guided cheekbones
with my fingers i trace

i want so bad to be with you
i want so bad not to cry
but i wont ever get better
unless i rewind goodbye
i look in the mirror
and i dont even see myself
just a blurry image
you left dusty on the shelf


When I came along
You see it's good for nothing, good for nothing
A close look at something
so close
you never stop needing

you never stop needing..
It's too much of not enough
When all we need is just a taste
I strapped myself in for a safe second ride
Before it started I tried to be anything I saw fit
And it all seemed to fit but you came undone

When I came along
Blind white lies and shallow truth
Broken strings and stolen youth
I've seen too much of not enough but
You came much closer than they had before
You never stop needing
And it's good for nothing

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 4 April :: 12.23pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: annoying ppl talking in study hall

"Why not? Why would you wanna die?
Okay, you have feelings inside your head, okay
I understand that
Feelings lead to depression
When you have depression, you have a lonely void inside of your heart
Okay? And your heart means everything to the world
Okay?"


evrything falls down just as i suspected.. i dont know what to do i dont know what to say i dont know whose "side" to be on obviously lizzys my best friend and shes dumb for doing this i told her that from the beginning, and obviously gonchas my friend and shes taking this a little too far too.. like it has come to yelling in the lunchroom.. i hated the fact that my friend was getting yelled at but what scared me was that i agreed with what goncha was saying.. she said "you were supposed to be my friend" and its right.. lizzy was supposed to be gonchas friend, she was supposed to care about her.. she was supposed to stay away from her boyfriend, i mean i know theres no written law, or any commitment between them. ive always just figured that ex boyfriends were always off limits.. cuz there will always be emotions attatched you know?

i cant stop thinking about everything and i cant stop thinking about him.. i hate it.. i hate how im stupid.. i hate how i got myself into this, and i hate how i dont want to lose it.. i want sex, i want kisses, i want a friend.. but i just dont want it to be over.. or different.. or non existant.. cuz i dont know what i would do if i completely lost him.. im so, changed?

i think i should start telling people how i feel.. i really havent.. hum but i wonder, if i did would i lose my gift of writing? would i not be able to write so deeply if i didnt keep everything so deeply hiden inside of me, only to be exspresed through words never spoken? i confuse myself all the time and i just dont think i can handle all of this.. not now.. ick.. im so disgustsed by myself and by the actions of others..

i dont know where im at anymore..

my life is like a broken bone
growing back from being unsewn
its lose and jaded and complicated
but i still need you around
i cant think anymore
i cant breath anymore
im hanging on the verge of insanity
am i really alive?
am i living in a dream
i guess ill never know
this world is so crazy
i feel i should just let go
i dont know what i think
i dont know what i know
you know that i love you
you know that i care
but its all nothing to you
im always just there
its useless to want
its painful to need
it kills me to look at you
off your kiss i feed
but you wont touch mine anymore
you wont love me like i do
because im useless
and naive
you dont love me
you dont love me
im alone
and you dont love me..

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 3 April :: 3.42pm

im finding it harder and harder to get through my days without feeling depressed.. and im also finding it harder and harder to take critisism.. im sick of ppl -- my best friend -- putting me down and im sick of fighting constantly.. i mean sometimes its fine but i just cant take it anymore right now id rather be sitting home by myself sleeping, singing, or talking online than be sitting here right now..

im going crazy and i dont know how much more of this town i can take.. florida is luring me all too easily... and i dont like it..

sometimes i feel
like im taking over myself
sometimes i feel
like these things that i feel arent real

dont know what to do
when im losing you
cant stand being wthout your smile

whens it my turn
to feel the things that they feel?
whens it my turn to shine?

living in the shadows of another
aint the life that i had planned
just wanna be something special baby
just want you to be my man

but i guess that wont change
i guess ill stay the same
i guess i cant feel
these things that i want to feel
i guess i cant see
these things i want to see
im blind to everything
except this pain i feel
oh its nothing new to me..
my heart is used to this pain

sometimes i feel
like im losing it all
cant touch the ground
theres no one to catch me when i fall

sometimes i feel
like the world is falling down
and everything around me
crumbles to the ground

theres nothing left
for me to hold on to
oh theres nothing left
for me to stay true to
no theres nothing left
nothing left thats real
nothing left to feel
except for this pain

oh its nothing new to me
no nothing new you see
im the same old girl i used to be
baby nothings changed
nothing is new to me
like these stars i see
i wish on them
they wont come true
but its nothing new..

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 31 March :: 6.08am
:: Music: owner of a lonely heart - yes

Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future

Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser

See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and thats the only way

Shake - shake yourself
Youre every move you make
So the story goes

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Say - you dont want to chance it
Youve been hurt so before


Watch it now
The eagle in the sky
How he dancin one and only
You - lose yourself
No not for pitys sake
Theres no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself

Give your free will a chance
Youve got to want to succeed

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Owner of a lonely heart

After my own decision
They confused me so - owner of a lonely heart
My love said never question your will at all
In the end youve got to go

Look before you leap - owner of a lonely heart
And dont you hesitate at all - no no

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
(repeat)

Owner of a lonely heart

Sooner or later each conclusion
Will decide the lonely heart - owner of a lonely heart
It will excite it will delight
It will give a better start - owner of a lonely heart

Dont deceive your free will at all
Dont deceive your free will at all - owner of a lonely heart
Dont deceive your free will at all
Just receive it


you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 29 March :: 10.56pm

BlckTangldHrt35x: how come those peeps are so decieving
CocoPuff0210: peeps?
BlckTangldHrt35x: they look at you all happy sitting in their little package just screaming to be eaten..
CocoPuff0210: huh?
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then you eat one
BlckTangldHrt35x: and you feel sick
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then you look over and theyre calling your name
CocoPuff0210: haha ew i dont liek peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: so you eat another
BlckTangldHrt35x: and the cycle begins again
BlckTangldHrt35x: damn the peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: damn them all
CocoPuff0210: hahaha
CocoPuff0210: HAHHAHA
BlckTangldHrt35x: and theyre peep conspiracy
CocoPuff0210: ur crazy!
BlckTangldHrt35x: its like a little mafia of purple bunny peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: out to destroy human kind

damn the peeps and their master minded plans..

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 28 March :: 10.07pm

i feel this sudden sickness come over me like im suddenly broken.. suddenly smacked into reality. i just cant handle this im not built for this kind of pain and yet its constantly shuttled at me. i would rather not know the truth and just be happy the way i was.. i dont want things to end i dont want it to be over if it is.. once again ill be depressed and once again i will not have any purpose.. i dont have a purpose im here for no reason.. and nobody will have me.. nobody wants me.. nobody needs me and thats what kills the most..

please just take me..

I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.

[Chorus:]
Come on tell me.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go way.
You make this all go way.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
Come on tell me

[Chorus]

In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

[Chorus]

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have

Think I know what you meant.
That night on my bed.
Still picking at this scab
I wish you were dead.
You sweat and perry ellis.
Just stains on my sheets.

you better fucking comment!!


Cocopuff

:: 2005 28 March :: 9.37pm


i dont let him effect me nemore.. im trying to move on from something that was never there in the first place.. im tired of being sad.. and im tired of pretending i ment somethin to him... and its not fair becasue he meant everythign to me... he still does.. but i have to let go of the falseness and move on with my life no matter how hard its going to b....:'(

2 commentz | you better fucking comment!!


GoLdiE18

:: 2005 26 March :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: *Saints & Sailors*-Dashboard

Jealousy.

i have decided my biggest issue is jealousy. I am jealous of her, and she is lucky; because I messed up. I ruined what I had, and what I had was better than anything I will ever get again. I realized it when its too late and there is absolutly nothing I can do about it. Yeah, he knows I miss him, He knows what I did was wrong, and his way of not letting me forget that is by not rubbing it in my face but by letting me find out little bits of information about her, from other people. Anyways, whatever else is bothering me, I know what it is, its my whole self-confidence/ self-hate issue. I know I dont like myself and I know I let it get to me, and I know its wrong and I know that its what kills me most. Grr. Life is so overrated. What the hell is wrong with me?


I cant take it anymore, what the hell is going on? :o/

you better fucking comment!!


krazykelc1

:: 2005 26 March :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: high
:: Music: vnv nation-carbon

la vedro..

we are home now
out of our heads, out of our minds
out of this world, we're out of this time
are you drowning or waving?
i just want you to save me, should we try to get along?
just try to get along
we change by the speed of the choices that we make
and the barriers are all self-made
are you drowning or waving?
i just need you to save me...

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 25 March :: 12.30am

and off i go and i dont even care..

"this could be love but my days are growing colder, as your love begins to fade. was there ever anything or was it all fake? did it tingle when we kissed, did it push futher when we teased? was it all a waste of time or for a worthy cause did i bleed? im getting somewhat sick of this, crying everynight. its getting a bit too routine, and im in need of light. i dont want to feel empty when i dont see you, i dont want to be gone a day and still start to miss you. i dont want to expect anything for you, expecting too much can break you down.. i want to smile and never frown. your sleeping now, and im lying awake. with a tear in my eye and cloth in my hand.. my soul you take.. this could be love, love for pain, this could be love, love for hate.. im losing my mind.. just slighting insane.. is the pleasure really wroth all the pain? this could be love.. you know.. this could be love.."

1 comment | you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 22 March :: 11.11pm

"the more i wait the harder i fall, id give it up, id give it all. for just one kiss, for a sunny day for things to always be this way. id die for you and bleed painful deaths just to touch you, id reach all depths. too much to handle all tonoght the pain and sorrow has shut off the light. im blind to pain, but its still there, ive veiled my eyes so i dont care. your words fall blankly on deaf ears, fore' i need to hear your love to feel.."

1 comment | you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 20 March :: 9.56pm


completely fucked weekend... damn...

ahhhh fuck me now dammit

you better fucking comment!!


krazykelc1

:: 2005 19 March :: 9.13am
:: Mood: high
:: Music: Keane-Somewhere Only We Know

goodbye
I was never really able to translate my feelings into words.. All my life I've suppressed my feelings and protected myself from the world full of rejection.. Like my sign-- Cancer the crab.. a person who crawls inside their shell; I never let anyone get too close. My true self rarely ever exposed. Using drugs as a way of putting life on hold.. always caught up in my own twisted thoughts. No one really knows anyone.. you can't trust people, there's so much that every individual doesn't show.. Don't be scared of getting hurt. Don't ever hold back.



I've thought about it.. and I decided you only live once. The past does not predict the future.. Live everyday as if it were your last-- because someday..that will be the case. You need to have fun in your life, make memories you'll want to remember..don't sulk in just one situation. Trust your instincts and follow your heart ..never forget that.

you better fucking comment!!


GoLdIe18

:: 2005 19 March :: 11.27pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Moondance

grrrrrrrrrRRRRR

if had a pretty shitty day, sat home alllll day doing my history project and other homework, then went to the USY thing for a little, left early, then got in trouble. Like honestly, this day sucked for the most part. Definitly prozdor tomorrow is gonna be a beast..grrr....well to pass time and boredom i did this dumbass survey::enjoy::

A - Age you got your first kiss: 11
B - Band listening to right now: Hello Houston by The Starting Line
C - Crush: got someone in mind
D - Date: march 19
E - Easiest person to talk to: Lindsey, Steph, Adam,
F - Favorite bands/singers at the moment: a little of something corporate, taking back Sunday, safam, Dave Matthews, Ben Harper, Dispatch, Weezer, camp songs, etc
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? gummy bears
H - Hometown: East bum fuck
I - Instruments: I use to play the clarinet..i kno im an ex-band geek
J- Junior High: good times you didnt have to try and it was easy and it didn't count
K - Kids: i want 3...but not till im married the oldest has to be a boy
L - Longest car ride ever: Montreal in April of freshman year w/ pdor, but it was fun
M - Most memorable moment- got plenty
N - Nicknames slovout, slovs, mar-c, marcizzle, marcus, mcslovs, mslovs
O - One wish: t bring all the people ive lost back
P - Phobia[s]: dogs
Q - Quote: "Its not where you are, but who your with that matters most” (I gots more)
R - Reason to smile: it depends, it doesn’t always happen when it does it usually fake
S - Song you sang last: Wonderwall by Oaisis
T - Time you woke up [today]: 10:00
U - Unknown fact about me: um im not sure there is one..lol
V - Vegetable you hate: um I dunno theres a few
W - worst habit-- bitting my nails, crying
X - X-rays you've had: mouth, ankles, finger(s)
Y - Yummy food: um theres plenty
Z - Zodiac sign: pices


you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 17 March :: 9.29pm

i dont understand how i can just melt completely.. after all the shit.. i just dont even care i just.. need it.. i dont even care about the consequences i dont care what i really want i need this.. and idk what im gonna do cuz im so weak to it.. i love it.. ahh

you better fucking comment!!


silentcriez

:: 2005 17 March :: 6.13am
:: Music: think about it - A.O.T. ft. ME!

so.. things have been pretty sucky.. i mean im getting closer to new friends but i feel like i barely see my other friends and i miss them.. i dont want to lose how things were before...

i recorded a song with cj matty and hakeem and i love it, it makes me so happy that people like it so many ppl have come up to me in the hallways like "I LOVE YOUR SONG" lol and im glad :-) a week until i leave for las vegas... damn im scared..

well its way early and im so tired ill write more later

Sometimes all I really want to feel is love
Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry
Sometimes my feelings get in the way
Of what I really feel I needed to say

If you stand in a circle
Then you'll all have a back to bite
Back logged voices on the 7 wonders
We're all so funny but he's lost his joke now
A communication from the one lined joke
A stand up comic and a rock musician
Making so much noise you don't know when to listen
Why are you judging people so damn hard
You're taking your point of views a bit too far

I made my shoes shine with my coal
But my polish didn't shine the hole
Think it over
There's the air of the height of the highrollers
Think it over
You aint got nothing till ya know her

2 commentz | you better fucking comment!!


krazykelc1

:: 2005 14 March :: 8.15am
:: Mood: geometry sucks
:: Music: Jimmy's ipod

er duh do doh
welcome back journal! woooooooh

you better fucking comment!!


Cocopuff

:: 2005 13 March :: 1.00pm


I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay

Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I’m coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

Cause I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...

random found this shong and i fell in love with it....

1 comment | you better fucking comment!!

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