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My loveletter to nobody..

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:: 2005 2 July :: 12.01 pm
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: Queensryche - Silent Lucidity

"Hush now don't you cry..
Wipe away the tear drops from your eye.
You're lying safe in bed,
It was all a bad dream
Spinning through your head..
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game..
Of life

So here it is, another chance
Wide awake, you face the day
Your dream is over..
Or has it just begun?

There's a place I like to hide,
A door way that I run through in the night.
Relax child, you were there..
But only didn't realize, and you were scared.
It's a place where you will learn,
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind.
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension..

I -- will be watching over you..
I -- am gonna' help you see it through..
I -- will protect you in the night..
I -- am smiling next to you .. in Silent Lucidity

If you open your mind for me,
You won't rely on open eyes to see.
The walls you built within..
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin.
Living twice at once you learn,
You're safe from pain in the dream domain,
A soul set free to fly.
A round trip journey in your head..
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but..

I -- will be watching over you
I -- am gonna' help you see it through
I -- will protect you in the night
I -- am smiling next to you .. "

I haven't listened to this song in so long, it's good to hear it again.

Today I really haven't done much.. I woke at noon, lied around most of the day, actually.. I haven't felt that great, these headaches are doing me in.
Luckily, I have my "rapid headache relief" aspirin, which is the only thing that has actually worked for me.
I'm going up north with Carl tomorrow, for fireworks and such.. it should be a good time, I just hope I don't have a headache the entire time.

I redyed my hair again, as all the blue Carl put in it came out.. it turned out super-dark, yet it still looks good.
After that, I ran a few errands with my mom.. then she wanted to go have a few drinks with friends, so I tagged along. We just arrived home.

Well, I'll update once I get back from up north.
I'll probably have pictures. See, I have a ton of pictures I could post but when ever I attempt to do so, it doesn't work.. it hates me, so I think I'll have someone do it for me this time.

:: 2005 30 June :: 4.09 pm
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: Muse - Sing for absolution

" Lips are turning blue,
A kiss that can't renew..
I only dream of you,
My beautiful..

Tiptoe to your room,
A starlight in the gloom,
I only dream of you,
And you never knew..

Sing for absolution,
I will be singing..
Falling from your grace..

There's nowhere left to hide,
In no one to confide..
The truth runs deep inside,
And will never die..

Lips are turning blue,
A kiss that can't renew..
I only dream of you,
My beautiful..

Sing for absolution,
I will be singing..
Falling from your grace..

Sing for absolution,
I will be singing..
Falling from your grace..

Our wrongs remain unratified,
And our souls won't be exhumed.."

Muse is a great band, you should give them a listen.

I apologise for not updating in such a long time.. I've not been online much, I've been with Leesh most of the week again.
This weekend I'm not positive on what I am doing yet, but I know I'll be with Carl.
I'll edit later, after I hear from her.

:: 2005 24 June :: 11.51 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Tonight and the rest of my life - Nina Gordon

I've figured a few things out this week..
1) My stepfather is an asshole.
2) I want to see Carl.
3) I want to see Sirus.
4) I want to see Leesh.
5) I love german chocolate and teddy bears.
6) I need to stay away from Hot Damn.

Well, Jim and my mom got into a massive fight.. which is not unusual. Although, I hate having to listen to it.
I've not gotten to see Carl yet since she got back.. I hope to tomorrow. I'm booking you Carl!
I just read Carl's Woohu, Sye is coming in 7 days! I can't believe it's that soon. :D
Leesh has drivers education for the next 2 weeks or so, and I won't be able to see her until around July.. 12th, is it? What ever the date, it's too long.

Eh, I'm finished.

:: 2005 19 June :: 11.26 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: U2 - Where the streets have no name

"I want to run,
I want to hide,
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside,
I want to reach out,
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name..
- -
I want to feel
Sunlight on my face,
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace,
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name..
- -
Where the streets have no name..
Where the streets have no name..
We're still building,
Then burning down love
Burning down love..
And when I go there,
I go there with you
It's all I can do."

I don't care what your opinion is of U2, they have a very relaxing sound.
Which tonight, I have a reason for listening to them.. I thought my headaches were giving me a break, yeah, I was wrong. They were on and off the last couple weeks or so, but they've returned and they are as constant as before.
These headaches are full on tension. When I stand up, I feel faint and lightheaded.. I do have a very high tolerance for these, but tonight it's terrible.
I apologise for my complaining, I hate doing this. I know you guys (those of you who do read my journal) are probably sitting there wishing to throw objects at me for doing so, and I don't blame you.

-End of complaining

Today was a looong day, as expected. I went to a couple family get-together-things, for Father's Day.
I left home around noon, and got back only a few hours ago.. well, I was home for about 15 minutes in between that time, but I left to see my sister's new place.
Now I'm going to go lie down and watch a movie or something, but before I go I'd like to thank Leesh for keeping me sane while Carl and Sye are gone.. you know, letting me stay at your house for the majority of the week, taking me out for coffee and/or ice cream, going out to dinner, renting movies, EVERYTHING. Thank you.

:: 2005 14 June :: 3.59 pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: It's my life - Bon Jovi

I stayed the night at Carl's last night, and I saw her off to Germany today at the airport.. I miss her already.
She's going to be gone for 9 days, and Sye is also gone to London.
Leesh, you're going to have to keep me sane.
Once Carl returns I'll be living with her for most of the summer. ;)
Well, at least until someone kicks me out.
Carl and I made farewell letters last night. I must have left mine at her house.. I swore I put it in my bag.
She even colored a sun, and flowers with faces on it. I'll be sure to post it once it is back in my possession.
I suppose I'm off, I'm waiting for Leesh to call.

:: 2005 12 June :: 4.49 pm
:: Music: Hanzel und Gretyl - Ich bin ├╝ber alles

I am finally updating.

Thursday - Leesh came over as planned, she came and picked me up from school.

Friday- Leesh and I hung around my house, didn't do much.. took a few pictures.

Saturday- Carl picked Leesh and I up around 5:50, and we had to meet Pop-Tart and Brett by the Gravitron at 6:00.
We rode a few rides, one being the Zipper, which I had never gone on before.. it gave me a bit of a headache, fun though.
It started to rain, so we went over to the pavillion where a band was playing.. they had a song called "Spanish"
Carl: "He's either singing about meeting a girl, or buttoning up his shirt."
After that we walked around, took some pictures.. and waited for the fireworks to begin.
Pop-Tart and Leesh went on the Ferris Wheel, while Carl, Adam, and I went on the Gravitron. We got off of that, and sat on the curb watching the fireworks..we also were watching Pop-Tart and Leesh fight on the Ferris Wheel.. that was hilarious. Basically all you saw and heard was Leesh's arms flailing, and Pop-Tart yelling at her.
We all went home after that.
I have a few pictures, if you'd like to see them.

I'm going to Carl's tomorrow, and spending the night. Then I'll be dropping her off at the airport with her family on Tuesday, then she's off to Germany. I Hope you have an awesome time, Carl!
Oh yeah, I'll bring my chocolate money for you tomorrow.

I'd also like to say, I hope you feel better Sye!
You all better wish him well.

:: 2005 7 June :: 6.42 pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: Wumpscut - Kreig

I've only got about.. 3 more days that I have to wake early in the morning. Technically, it is 1.5 days.. 'cause they're half days. Anyway, I'm glad.

I'm stressed out and tired, I've got exams tomorrow in English, which is all grammar.. I mean, that's what we did all year. Believe me, I've had my share of it, and if I get another teacher that doesn't focus more on literature, I will immediately switch out.
Next, I have math.. well, I suck at math in general. So, I don't know how well that is going to go over.
Luckily, it's all multiple choice.

Today after school my brown paper bag broke, but my stash was saved for Carl had her old book cover.. so she wrapped it up for me.
Carl was definitely the saviour of the day.

On Thursday Leesh is coming over, and she's coming to get me after school on Friday.
She's given up coon hunting with her grandpa, to come join Carl, Caleb, Brett, Pop-Tart, Cone, and myself at the start of summer celebration.
It's gonna' be awesome.

:: 2005 5 June :: 9.21 pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: Deadstar Assembly - Breathe for me

Look at my new layout!
Isn't it awesome?
Made by Carl, and she did a wonderful job.

My weekend was awesome.
Friday - Leesh came over.

Saturday - Carl, Leesh, and I went down to the Festival of the Arts. That was fun. Took tons of pictures, they turned out cool.
We ran into Meg and Jeremy, met Jay and Mike, and I got a horrible face painting. Just terrible. Carl and Leesh got spiders, and I got this blob that was supposed to be a dragonfly. That girl hated me.
After we left the festival we went to K-mart, then to Blockbuster to rent movies.. we then went back to my place and watched them.
All in all it was an awesome night.

Sunday - Went out to lunch with Leesh, her mom, and my mom.
Went out to find Jim a birthday present.. and while we were at the store a severe thunderstorm passed through, and the lights went out.
The trees outside looked as if they were going to be ripped from the ground.
It was pretty bad.
We finally arrived home, and I finished a few things for science.. I got yelled at last night for my grade in that class.
I better ace that test tomorrow or you won't be seeing me any time soon,
my friends.

Friday is our last day of school, and also it is the Start of Summer Celebration.. which should be fun, I hope to go with Carl, Leesh, and Caleb. I don't know if that is still the plan or not, though.

End of post.

:: 2005 1 June :: 5.34 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: HIM - The Sacrament

I was talking with Alicia last night on the phone, and I decided to post a few of the things she said to me..

Me: "Woah, this picture doesn't look like me at all.."
Alicia: "What, is it pretty?"
- - -
Me:"I'm debating whether I should redye my hair or not."
Alicia: "Man, you look weird without your hair dyed.. thank god you dyed it."
- - -
Alicia: "No Hillary, you never look ungodly awful, just a bit screwed up."
- - -

..She's malicious.

:: 2005 30 May :: 7.02 pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Paul Oakenfold - This is trance

First off, I'd like to thank Sirus for the chocolate, it was really good.
I love chocolate.

I arrived home from camping with Carl earlier. It was awesome.
When we first got there, Carl showed me around.. then her, Pop-Tart and I walked around on the trails.
We ended up in the woods, where I managed to get stuck in the tree.
Then we went back and roasted marshmallows, and Eliseo was practically eating Carl's face.
Then Carl and I went back to Pop-Tart's house with her for the night.
We rented "Team America" and "Killjoy". Team America is hilarious. Killjoy.. is um, well, I suppose you'd have to see it.

I have a lot of pictures. Just ask if you want to see them.

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