...I am lost again with everything gone and more alone than I have ever been...

 

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Forever Alone in a Happy Crowd

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boricuababy

:: 2004 3 November :: 5.25pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Encore-Jay Z

why?!?!?!!???
omfg..i can't believe bush won!! this sucks some major ass..we really needed a change in our gov't and i truly believed kerry would be able to do that for us..another four years with bush.. :( ..hopefully things dont get any more worse than they are now..(doubt it tho)..errrrrrr...

like nobody's


boricuababy

:: 2004 2 November :: 4.58pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Diary-Alicia Keys

ai yai yai yai yai.........
it has just hit me the kind of drama i got myself into and how all this can seriously blow up..errr..this fucking sucks

like nobody's


boricuababy

:: 2004 2 November :: 4.43pm
:: Mood: geeky
:: Music: Turn Me On-Nina Sky n Pittbull

HOMECOMING '04
thanks meli for inviting me to ur homecoming!! it was alotta fun!! i went to west boca's homecoming saturday nite..which was so much fun..they had richie rich..the babalu bad boy dj-ing!! i was like omg!!..lol..they're so lucky..me and meli got to take a pic wid him too..so that wuz koo..i hung out wid her eric and cynthia most of the night..but i floated around meeting up with old friends from middle school..i saw alot of people there..it was koo..i even saw sum ppl from ATL..lol..like jeff!!..he's doing good..i just didnt kno that he was down wid eric and them..lol..and eric's cousin JJ..wowwwwww..cuteness right thurr..lol..i met him over the summer and thought he was cute but at homecoming..he was all dressed up and everything..he looked so fine!! too bad he's got a girlfriend tho..:/..yesterday was halloween..me sammi and amara did the thugged out "gangsteritas" look..haha..we looked hott tho..rockin them baggy pants, bandanas and backwards hats!! hellz yeahhh..lol..we went dressed up like that to see the grudge..oo wee..these two were scared..lol..i was too..but they freak out..itz so much fun going to see scary movies with u guys!!..lol..jumping, screaming..but just dont hurt me too bad amara..haha..lol..all in all it was a good weekend..hope u all racked up with that candy!!!

like nobody's


spinoangel

:: 2004 21 October :: 7.27pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: elliott smith



it's amazing how its always overreacting or not reacting at all. being in a crowd and being all alone. having so much to say but no words to say it. keeping secrets from everyone. i don't think itd matter much if i happened to leave. if i smile, its fake. if im alone, then thats how i want to be. can you tell when i'm lying?

and so you'd soon be leaving me alone like i'm supposed to be tonight, tomorrow, and everyday. there's nothing here that you'll miss, i can guarantee you this.

like nobody's


alwaysfalling

:: 2004 11 October :: 11.10pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: rilo kiley - my slumbering heart

and i'm so tired.
i still have 7/8 questions left to go in psychology then i have to study for our quiz on operant conditioning that we have tomorrow...
...and i thought i had gotten a lot of stuff done this weekend.
at least i got the first part of my internal assessment done.
but by golly i will get my one A in trig and the rest B's for this nine weeks. i will. even if i don't ever sleep.
i will get away from it all this weekend and take a trip up to orlando this weekend with some lovelys. stress needs to be relieved.
i work too much. i have no more weekends. school or work. i need cas hours. screw work.

i miss crushing or even having a boy to look at. oh yeah, i don't have time for that though.

<3 i still love you.

like nobody's


sameen

:: 2004 30 September :: 4.08pm

Beyone the Eye
Oprah is so awesome lol.

I wanna be in the audience one day and get free shit lol. I need a car!

Did ne1 get the e-mail from NHS? I didn't.

So was up?

I'm enjoying this time "off"

I wanna c Shark Tale. It looks good- maybe it'll be a family affair.

like nobody's


spinoangel

:: 2004 25 September :: 12.57am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: heh, i guess you could call it the sexual mix

so many things to say but i have no clue about how to say them or if they will actually be significant or not. let's outline the topics i need to cover (blame history and english for this). school, time, danielle, hurricane, insecurities. yess. i think i can do that.

so yeah, school. ok i feel like i can't say anything about school. danielle knows what i mean. lately i think she's really been the only one i truly talk to and the only one who makes me feel better throughout the day. i love all of my friends but everyone is so stressed out and i feel guilty because i can't help them. so i try my best to stay away from people who need to be alone with themselves because i dont wanna be all like "yeah i have 3 b's right now, i'm gonna die." because i know that they most likely have it worse. i'll just try to do my best to keep my mouth shut. i don't know how i'll do this quarter, really. i don't know if i can make straight a's. (yeah i know, dont even say anything) but i mean, i'm trying my hardest to remain hopeful and faithful so as not to crumble before i know the outcome. we shall see. maybe my parents will even be lenient. wow.

time. THERE'S NO TIME anymore. there's always something to do, somewhere to go, something to STUDY. i swear, it's freaking crazy. i don't know how some girls multitask so effectively. icc, snhs, art club, homecoming hallway decorations (mostly done by only yours truly because of this hurricane), nhs. is that it? i think so. i really am hoping to uhh be president of nhs. i signed up for... four committees? afterschool when kassie was helping me bring stuff to the car, she was all like "christina, you're really involved, you should run for office of something" and i told her about my nhs aspirations and she's all like "wow yeah that sounds awesome, you should totally do it, you should talk to kyle now." it was nice to hear someone who doesnt know me at all to encourage me. shrug.

danielle is possibly the most awesome person in the world. spending time with her makes both of us feel like sooo much better you have no idea. like it doesnt even freaking matter how long its been since we've spent time together, we can always find each other again. like yesterday, hanging out with her and then her staying for dinner and some good talks in the car. and then today like driving her car, getting mcdonalds, and lying in bed together. and she just makes me smile. then being with my funny parents and going to superwalmart and then seeing a nice movie... wimbledon. like its a really good end of the week.

can you believe this jeanne thing? it seriously pisses me off. i have sooo much work to do i can't even contemplate it. lets list it cause i have nothing better to do. study for FR of chem test, buncha calc problems, spanish hw, misc. english work, history reading/studying, 12 pages in the art journal. pppplus all the hall decorations i have to make in numerous quantities (such as stars, a marquee, movie posters, etc.). soooo yeah i got stuff to do. dunno where to start exactly. if i can get through it all... call me superwoman. sigh ...

im too tired to even outline my insecurities. lets just leave it to the future, when i'm sure i'll even have more to say.

i still feel alone in my heart. don't you?

like nobody's


alwaysfalling

:: 2004 25 September :: 12.55am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: tps - brand new colony

i really hate crying about school.
the thoughts about everything just won't go away and i just can't take it and just breakdown.
looking at those pictures from orlando, thought those could cheer me up, but they didn't.
i got my psych test back today and i was just like.... what am i going to do?
like i have no freaken clue.
how am i going to do this?
is it possible?
can this hurricane just take me away?

<3

like nobody's


spinoangel

:: 2004 22 September :: 10.39pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: konstantine

tears falling down my face for reasons no one could guess why.

its so fucked up and i remember when tears were from a broken heart, not a fucking broken spirit and loss of faith in love. what the hell have i become? i know you dont understand what im talking about. its just so lonely trying to pretend like i actually feel passion and love when im just trying to fool myself. i dont trust people anymore

and you don't wanna look much closer cause you're afraid to find out all this hope you had sent into the sky by now had crashed

like nobody's


christini

:: 2004 18 September :: 12.34pm

it will be a miracle if i get all a's and b's this quarter.
i hate junior year,
but i love all the fun that has come out of it. i feel like im slowly letting go of my studies and that frightens me a bit.
my parents still think im striving for national merit scholarship and all that junk, when all i want is to do the bare minimum to get my behind into UF. cause frankly, i'm sick of working hard. but then on the other side, i dont know how i'd react to seeing a c on my report card. shrug. i wish it just came more easily to me like it does to some people.
have a nice weekend.

like nobody's


spinoangel

:: 2004 17 September :: 6.45pm
:: Music: tech romance


dude crying is like... ugh. i dont know WHY i'm freaking crying. its not right. am i lonely, am i tired, am i frustrated? idk what the hell i am. i want for someone to just hold me for like hours but im too scared to ask my parents to take me down to boca when we're going north to eat dinner and probably see a movie. sniff. i dont know.

live just gets to ya sometimes.

=*(

like nobody's


boricuababy

:: 2004 15 September :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: angel of mine

itz crazy how things like this just happen..
well it started off as a pretty good day..normal stuff..then brice told me what happened..yesterday his cousin and one of his closest friends got into a really bad car accident..it was two guys..koby and willy..koby died in the accident..he was just 19..willy got hurt so bad that his leg had to be amputated..so many people were affected by what happened..especially the football players..koby graduated last year from ATL..i didnt know him personally but i knew of him and knew some of his friends..today before cheer practice we went to the AV room with all the football players and some basketball players so Coach Bean and some other people could talk about what happened..we went out of respect u kno??..neways..it was really sad..Coach Bean was saying all these really nice things about koby and what a great person he was..and how motivated and determined he was too..and he just broke down crying..and with me i get emotional easily when it comes to things like that..so i got all teary eyed..after some coaches and teachers spoke football players spoke about him too..wagums got up there and said really nice things so did CJ and preston..and alot of other guys too..all the guys were in tears..it was sad..it really makes you think everything over..and realize what's truly important in life..it's true what they say "live life to the fullest" and "live every day like it's ur last"..because u never know what could happen..and unfortunately it takes something this tragic to realize it all

R.I.P Koby Pierre 1985-2004

1 watching | like nobody's


boricuababy

:: 2004 14 September :: 7.39pm
:: Mood: jumpyyy
:: Music: 99 problems

wow..itz definately been a whileeeeee...
sorry..havent updated in a while..errr...i been so busyyy lately tho..cheerleading..school in general..all that good stuff..well to pick up where i left off..damage to my house due to frances consisted of shingles flying off the roof..the screen blown out and no power..our power was out for like a week..but i spent that week at my dadz which was pure hell..but hey it was better than being without light or air..oh by the way..for those of u who dont kno yet..i made a live journal too..so i'll be going back n forth..it's waves_of_hope.so check it out if u get a chance..immma still write in here tho..x0x0

like nobody's


playmate101

:: 2004 3 September :: 11.56pm

i haven't updated this journal very much.... s0o just a reminder, if you wanna read or find my life interesting... i use...

L I V E J O U R N A L !

like nobody's


sameen

:: 2004 3 September :: 3.11pm

no one can make u feel inferior without your consent

like nobody's

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