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godessalthena

:: 2018 10 January :: 7.31pm

Watching the land before time, not even 10 minutes in and I'm all ready bawling

Brings back a flood of memories... What would my life be like if all that stuff never happened to me... Who would I be without little foot?

The sense of loss is definable now, back then I resonated so strongly with this movie.. growing up way too fast, but never losing the kindness inside.

Now I'm a hedgehog, prickly with you get too close. I'm hard to hold and even more difficult to grab onto

Impossible to keep close...

I just wish I could go back and do it over again without everything else. I don't think I would be very different. Maybe I'd just be better.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 10 January :: 6.47pm

feeling small and a million miles away

I just want to shrink until I cease to exist

The thickest dirt and the darkest mud
Deepest charcoal soot and dirt
Mix up the ashes until I disappear

No warrior no Amazon no savior
Just weak and pathetic
Minimalist imprints breathless walking

Leave me behind and forget
I am gone

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 10 January :: 7.53am

I've been sleeping a lot lately, but not the nice restful kind, rather the kind where you just spin all night then wake up 2 hours early and can't get back to sleep.

I'm sad today. I just want to hide under a rock and pretend I don't exist. Hopefully I get an early out today.

My last check was $200 short, which hurt a little, but it's nice not having to worry about rent or a car payment. What are student loans going to do? Rape me and steal my dog? Well maybe with this new president.... Should I worry? Haha

But 2 appointments with my therapist costs about $200 and having so much time away from work has really helped my mental health lately. More than seeing my therapist, so I'll take the loss and mark it as a win.

I just have to say, after spending close to $500 on gifts for my sweetie for Xmas if he doesn't get me a good damned bathrobe for a super late gift I'm going to he so mad.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2018 2 January :: 8.46am

I hate feeling like a conspiracy theorist but the older I get the harder it is to ignore that every problem in America was and is manufactured by the government/the wealthy to keep the masses controlled, weak and leached of any resources.

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 31 December :: 8.28am

there ain't nothing better than blowing smoke screens into sunbeams on a lazy weekend morning

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 30 December :: 7.34am

Discovering my dairy allergy has been the single most depressing thing that has happened to me in a while.

I miss cheese. And eating food like a normal human being. I miss not waking up to a nuclear holocaust in my GI tract for having some cheese & cream sauce.

I miss cream cheese on bagels
I miss cheese bagels
I miss food.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 18 December :: 10.53pm
:: Mood: pensive

Freedom is what you do with what is done to you.

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 18 December :: 10.59am

When I say the bridge is burned it stays fucking burned

When I say things are over they are over.

If you all want to waste your time worrying about what I'm doing, help yourself, but I don't give a fuck about you or what you think.

Leave me the fuck alone.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 3 December :: 12.58am

You insist I stay home when you go out to have fun

Makes me feel like I'm the secret

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 2 December :: 9.48am

when the puzzle is made of squares and you are a hideously deformed circle piece

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 30 November :: 12.06am

the warm embrace of a friend

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 28 November :: 12.50am

Please don't make it 3

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 23 November :: 10.52pm

I try to be sweet and loving and caring and helpful and yet I ALWAYS manage to ruin the night by being a psychotic bitch

Im not made to live on this planet. Im not made to love other humans. Im just worthless. A sack of shit. A piece of useless garbage.

Same as I always have been same as I always will be. You can't change the core of a person, only the nuances surrounding them. I give up.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 22 November :: 12.14am

I just want a stupid smoke

But no lighter no matches no flint stone

No nothing

>:(

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 16 November :: 6.53am

My least favorite way to be woken up is by phone call

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 6 November :: 3.08pm

I hope it still hurts

The hole I made in your heart the day I left

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 1 November :: 2.07pm

So so tired of existing

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 31 October :: 10.35pm

Sometimes you make me wish I could disappear

It not that I don't listen to you because I do, I just have a hard time piecing things together about people

Maybe it's just me being selfish maybe I feel like you never listen to me either

Maybe nothing really matters and everything is just a big old fucking waste of time we all end up dead anyway

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 30 October :: 2.13pm

i hate that you love them so much. the stories related to me don't inspire trust or confidence and i find myself reaching to make connections that aren't there.

where does this loyalty come from?
why are these drug addicts so important?

but there's no way to talk to you about it. and there's no way to express my feelings without sounding like a dumb jealous cunt.

but i can't see their value in your mind, i can't even see their value to society.




but they are probably right. i suck. i'm fat and ugly and stupid. a waste of time. just like they are to me.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 22 October :: 8.40am

so much debt
so many stupid fucking decisions
i'm a fucking piece of shit and i don't deserve nice things

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 14 October :: 7.55pm

i love the feeling of fresh ink

especially when i know the next session will be the last and this sleeve will finally be done and i can move onto something else is so exciting

i was to get an evil eye on my chest between my wings, get the wings touched up...

i really need to get my back stars covered or fixed because they are just so terrible and i would love to have something awesome back there instead of just some half ass whatever.

but man my legs are so bare

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 10 October :: 12.29am

vanilla huckleberry macarons

meh

my back hurts and i'm tired

i just want to cuddle

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 7 October :: 9.01am

woke is an odd work

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 6 October :: 10.13pm

chicken parm turned out ok, will be better next time if i do it again!

so incredibly stoned right now, but can't quite relax

can't sleep much anymore

getting headaches from my nsaids

the world is about to explode on itself

but thank fucking goddess there's fucking weed

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 2 October :: 9.34am

i was hoping that a sleep would help get rid of this empty hollow feeling deep inside

but how can sleep help with horrible things when horrible things happen whilst there?



i don't want to live here any longer. maybe all those celebrities died last year because they knew what was coming.

please someone stop this crazy ride, i want to get off.

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 1 October :: 9.38am
:: Mood: crushed

i have a big old heart of stone today.

i fucking hate you sometimes. i don't know why im still holding onto a friendship that burned hot and then burned out so quickly. maybe i don't want to accept the fact that i was just a tool in your life, a means to an end that was ultimately inconsequential to you. yeah you still occasionally compliment me, but i don't care how "beautiful" or "remarkable" you say i am, i know you are just.blowing smoke.

maybe if instead of bailing on all the plans we make, scheduling me for 2 weeks in advance to hang out and then "forgetting" even though i reminded you the day before, maybe if you actually once asked ME how I am doing rather than just talk about your life and problems.

i am happy you took a step to make yourself happy and are now living the life you always wanted. i wish you would just let me know because i know you don't even like me. you only love me conditionally when it can get you something you want.

you even told me you loved me once, and that you would be with me. and that was a lie to put a collar on my hearts it still hurts. it cut me like a dog forgotten tied to a tree.

it just fucking kills me. i miss you, and yet i hate you.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 29 September :: 11.12pm

i understand your sadness so i guess i should hold my tongue

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 25 September :: 8.18pm

juanjolio got a bearded dragon and named him hobbs

he's light tan and when he wants out of his enclosure he goes super pale and makes his throat black and tries to get out

he didn't like me at first but i think now he likes me a lot

he found hobbs on craigslist for free some little punks couldn't give him the time, he came with a bum eye but it's getting better

he's so mad right now, too. he's a grumpy guy sometimes.

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 23 September :: 8.15am

nothing feels good
nothing is fun
my job sucks away all my joy
all my time
all my ambition

i want to hear the stories of your love for me


godessalthena

:: 2017 22 September :: 12.29pm

someone hurry up and murder me

suicide is too scary

and i want off this fucking ride

i want to hear the stories of your love for me

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