you think about yourself too much and you ruin who you love

 

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I've been playing dead my whole life

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godessalthena

:: 2022 25 July :: 10.23am

there has to be something wrong with me

1 came free | creep


godessalthena

:: 2022 9 June :: 6.27pm

having one of those may I please die now days

1 came free | creep


godessalthena

:: 2022 24 April :: 9.07am

major life changes I'm not ready for are my least favorite

but respecting myself is more important to me than being loved, shy of 7 years I had to let you go.

I love you, the feelings don't just disappear. being sons you make me feel like I used to, but at the same time everything we have gone through leaves a disgusting bitter taste in my mouth.

I believe in you. all I have ever wanted is to see you succeed and take the life you deserve. but I started enabling the bad habits with no recourse. no one is innocent in the situation.

not how I wanted to spend my birthday, 4/20, or our anniversary. and soon you'll be back in the tricities and I won't have the option of just driving down and seeing you.

why do things have to come to this every time..? four long term relationships crashing and burning. each one gets worse and worse. every time I come back stronger, but a piece of my heart also rots away.

I'm just ready for something to be easy

creep


godessalthena

:: 2022 7 April :: 9.12am

I'm drowning in overwhelming sorrow

creep


godessalthena

:: 2022 12 March :: 8.42am

listening to a mix tape my sister made her (now-ex) boyfriend but never gave him. it's literally my favorite ever. the songs flow so perfectly, each one is beautiful and meaningful.

I've never made anything so wonderful. I often wonder if maybe I really am a waste of paint.. I don't make beautiful things, I am not thoughtful, I am a selfish Lil worm.

but somehow I still have so many absolutely remarkable people in my life, who genuinely love me for who I am, even at my most crazy, even when I make the same mistakes over and over again.

i saw a friend I hadn't seen in over two years, we went to Frank's and had mimosas, smoked a bowl in the parking lot, and finished with a cigarette. we laughed the whole time, and we have so much in common. I've really missed seeing her, and after I felt this bliss and joy I hadnt felt in a long time.

I've lost myself a little, and I'm having a hard time getting back up to the path, if there was ever a path in the first place...

not sure where I'm even going anymore.

creep

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