I sought the Lord, who answered me, Delivered me from all my fears. Look to God that you may be radiant with joy and your faces may not blush for shame. In my misfortune I called, the Lord heard and saved me from all distress. The angel of the Lord, who encamps with them, delivers all who fear God. -Psalm 34 V. 2-8

 

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Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself

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:: 2005 15 May :: 7.18 pm

"Indescribable, uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing, God; All powerful, untameable, awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim: You are amazing, God"





I realized in Church today what the word "faith" really means. In todays world of realists and skeptics, those who need to see and feel the proof that God exists, its hard to win in a said"argument" on the subject of God and his existance. I usually end up just changing the subject, unable to continue since I can't say anything because it doesn't have "solid" proof. I guess thats what makes our faith. Those who don't believe in God, they don't understand that it doesn't matter if there is a treasure trove of physical evidence. That isn't what our religion is about. If we based our beliefs off of everything physical, our lives would be empty. There is no black and white, our world is not like that. And by making it "if there is no proof, its not real", we are depriving ourselves of life itself. So what if the Bible doesn't work with what scientists have found. where we there? no. i suppose that is a contradictory sentance, since i cannot myself prove that God did exist to those who don't believe it, since i was not there either. The word faith means something that "is believed especially with strong conviction". Thats what the Bible and God and Church is really all about. Faith. Faith that there really is a God, someone who can love each and every one of us the same, know us all by name, be at each of our sides for our entire lives, know exactly what we are going to do and say and how we are going to react. God is like air, you can't see him but he is always there, and without him, our lives would be incomplete. I probably sound like a freaky religious freak about this, but while i was sitting up on the alter with all my friends who went to LA and Mexico, listening to the departing seniors last words before our congregation as Senior High Youth Group attendees, that very long revelation was bestowed upon me and my "i just got four and a half hours of sleep" self.

In the words of Albert Camus:

"I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is. "

a falling star


:: 2005 24 April :: 12.32 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Behind These Hazel Eyes-Kelly Clarkston

So, I've been neglecting my woohu again. How inevitable.
That sounds really funny"I've been neglecting my woohu"
so.
Nothing exciting has happened recently, well actually yes it has. School is as boring as ever, now that we have been fully hit with the wave of ITED. ITED. How incredibly dull. I mean, the only reason they have the freshmen take the ITED is because they don't want the sophmores to feel stupid because they would be the only ones in school. I'm sure this is common knowledge by know, but I will shut up since I'm soon to be a sophmore myself.
Next year sounds rather unappealing. Sophmores. Middle. Nothing, really. Just...there. Too old to hang out with the freshmen (really) but not quite old enough to hang out with the juniors/seniors. Then again, anything is better than being that lowly freshmen. I hear freshmen year is usually the most fun, since everything is all new and what not. I just don't like the FRESH part..or maybe its the MAN/MEN. anyhow, freshmen just doesn't scream "cool".

My daily tasks for the day consist of the following:
Go to Church (check)
Clean Mom/Dads cars (check)
Mow front lawn (about to get checked)
Mow back lawn (a little bit father away from check)
Organize Closet
Organize Drawers
Clean Under My Bed
Change Bed Linens
Organize nightstand
Clean Out Desk
Vacuum Bedroom Floor
Clean Bathroom Counter
Sweep Kitchen Floor
Sweep Hallway/Stairs
Sweep Den Floor
Vacuum Couches in the Den
Vacuum/Organize Living Room
Vacuum Living Room furniture
Finish Birthday Gift Wish List
Send out Birthday Gift Wish List


Oh, How I love the feeling of getting things accomplished. sweet papaya with fresh mint.

a falling star


:: 2005 2 April :: 11.55 am

HIPAL0: stupid bitch
HIPAL0: you are not loosing weight
HIPAL0: so give it up
HIPAL0: you have no life
HIPAL0: no one likes you
HIPAL0: so....
HIPAL0: yeah
HIPAL0: die
HIPAL0: I'll talk to you later...not


Ok, so just when i thought people couldnt get any lamer, this person comes along. Why? well i can figure out why...but WHY would someone tell me i looked fatter? and had no friends? and that no one liked me? ?
How can i be not loosing wieght if i run all the time.
answer me that.
yeah, thats what i thought.
how about you get a life! i'm tired of batteling people who dont even have the balls to say who they are. FUCK OFF YOU MOTHERFUCKING JACKASS AND HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING GO GET A GOD DAMN LIFE OF YOUR OWN INSTEAD OF HARRASSING EVERYONE ELSES.

a falling star


:: 2005 31 March :: 5.52 am

You say that we are friends
You say that your life sucks
you say many, many things.
Some are cool, some are cruel.
You say many, many things.
You've let yourself go down
this path of iminate destruction.
How could I have been jealous of you?
How could I have been jealous of such stupidity?
How could I be jealous of people willing to loose it all, just to try it and be cool?
But now I realize I don't need to be like you.
For you, you one day will read these words and wish you had never tried what you tried. You will wish you said no. You will wish you never put yourself in that situation to begin with. And whose fault is that? Not mine, not anyone elses but yourself. You mean nothing good to me anymore. You face represents nothing but poor choices. I have no respect for you, I have no reason to believe in you.
Why would you do such a thing to yourself?
Why would you lower yourself to say "yes" to something that will ruin your life in so many different ways?
You've disapointed me so very very much.

3 catch | a falling star


:: 2005 28 March :: 8.59 pm

Deb
You are Deb and you could drink whole milk if you
wanted.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

a falling star


:: 2005 28 March :: 4.36 pm

-confused puerto rican man-
"k"
-patrick o' brian

a falling star


:: 2005 26 March :: 8.36 am

hmm did i sound snotty in that last entry? *ponders*

a falling star


:: 2005 26 March :: 8.27 am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Only Hope-Mandy Moore

eating oatmeal
I've been getting a little lazy about updating my woohu. But i suppose it doesnt really matter, if there is nothing to share then why share it? I'm finding that the more i delve into track and EP/LA and school, i dont really care if people invite me to do stuff. at least right now. i'm finally seeing what ive wanted to see for a long long time, and thats 1 me actually commited to something and 2 i can finally start to see/feel the effects of being active, a lot. and i like it. Granted, im starving and exhausted by the end of the day, (i usually start falling asleep at the computer at around 7:30) but its soo much fun! i love that i'm doing something really, truly productive. After all that working out over the summer and not really seeing any results, i'm finally seeing that i'm not such a stubby little..person anymore. its nice to go shopping and now have to worry as much about what i see in the mirror, because i know that if i dont like something, then running will do the job for me. (seriously, go for a run if you feel fat it works such wonders) I know now that i'm not stuck in being miserable or feeling miserable. I don't have to sit and watch others get where i want to be and whine about , i just do and feel great about doing it. There isn't a need for me to complain, there isn't a source that i can really complain about (unless of course its my neverending torture courtesy of my dear mom :( what i can change, i have changed, and am working on changing.

a falling star


:: 2005 19 March :: 8.04 am

Cuz i realized i got
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend


Me myself and i
I know that i will never disappoint myself
But i learned a lot along the way
After all the rain
You'll see the sun come out again

I know that i will never disappoint myself

a falling star


:: 2005 19 March :: 7.44 am
:: Music: Dirrty-Christina Aguilera

SoOOoO I haven't updated in a full business week -gasp- so i thought i would update for my adoring fans. ha..jk. aaaaaaanyways
So i went to see the Ring Two with Malia, Ling, Kim C, and Stacie. Wooo aannnnnd i learned i can fit into my sisters size SIX jeans. i was so excited. the actual movie wasnt so great, it was just sick to hear the crunching sound of Samara crawling around. I saw a ton of people at the theatre, its been a while since ive been downtown. At the ticket stand i saw ben s and renee b (skinny and blonde..with ben? i'm in such shock!...not) And he was just trying to act like i didnt know what he was up to. what a fucking moron. Then i saw garett c. and his friends nick and sean (shawn?) and that was cool. BROOKE i saw brooke and i met her friends kelsey and eric. they are cool cats. hmmmmm and wooooo! this ENTIRE BASEBALL team walked into RPS (i do believe they were out of towners, because they seemed to not know where they were going) but wooo that was niiiice. Lol. I even said hi, and they were pretty cool. and after that we saw zach, kim b, marla, josh, and maisie, but they left pretty fast. and about five mintues after they left, i saw darrick, patrick l, brian g, frank g, and i think her name is ..tara? so i went and said hello, and apparently pat (who i met on wednesday) thought i was a junior? hmm..

a falling star


:: 2005 14 March :: 5.12 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Bottom of the Bottle-Smile Empty Soul

Today was good until i got to tennis
i always knew i wouldnt make it
isnt that how my life always is.
i know when something will and will not happen
is that a gift or a curse. or a little bit of both?
at least now i dont have to spend my afternoons with kenlien

i'll do track.
for those of you who could care less about sports, well i dont expect you to really understand. but to put it into perspective, for me,it feels like i didnt get accepted into the first choice college...

a falling star


:: 2005 12 March :: 4.15 pm

Alrighty
So here goes:
This is an apology, so..don't laugh at me too hard, otherwise it won't be an apology anymore.

I apologize for my attitudes and behaviors this week, and in the past few weeks. They both have been crummy and unacceptable. For someone whose trying to have a more postive attitude, I tend to be contradicting what I want to happen by getting annoyed at frustrated at you all for ridiculous reasons. I want to be close to you again, but I pull away when you try to talk to me. For this I am sorry. Its my fault that I feel lonely, because I push you away when thats not really my intent at all. My world is in shambles because of my doing, not yours. I've been acting like a jerk, and i deserve to be igorned when i'm that way, just like everyone else who is a jerk does.

2 catch | a falling star


:: 2005 11 March :: 9.25 pm

Today was odd. This whole week has been odd. Ive been very...limbo ishy, terrified that i wont make tennis. and if i dont track is calling my name. but im between happy and sad, im more confused than anything. i dont want to leave my friends, but why should i stick around people that i get angry at all the time? on the other hand, they are the people ive known the longest (really) and it would totally suck to have a problem being around them. i dont know what to do. i cant decide wether im more mature, less mature..i cant tell. all i know is i feel very apart from them. like they dont know me anymore, and i dont know them. i dont even eat lunch with them anymore, really. and then today i got all pissed off because they keep coming over and sitting with me at lunch, with jarett. i dont know what im thinking..im just..confused. i need to center my chii

a falling star


:: 2005 11 March :: 9.00 pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Ugly-The Exies

Firsts:
1. First best friend: Natasha Wilson

2. First car: It [will be] a Volvo
3. First real kiss: 9th grade
4. First self purchased album: Now 6

5. First funeral: Grandpa Carmine
6. First pet: Sandy-Dog
7. First piercing/tattoos: Ears

8. First Credit Card: I got a debit card back in sixth grade from my uncle

9. First big trip: I've been on so many..I'm not really sure when my first one was, but i guess the biggest and the one i had the most fun (that i can remember) would be the cross country trip i took back during the summer of fourth grade
10. First music you remember hearing in your house: Probably some shitty Yanni music

LASTS:
1. Last cigarette: I dont smoke
2. Last car ride: a half hour ago, when i was forced from the bennetts for no reason by my mom

4. Last good cry: Wednesday night

5. Last library book checked out: Lol it was probably something back in 8th grade that i needed for those points..system things.

6. Last movie seen in theatres: Meet the Fockers

8. Last food consumed: some breaded chicken..substance
9. Last crush: Ben S (yeah, i know, sad isnt it)

10. Last phone call: 10 min ago to Malia who DIDNT ANSWER
11. Last time showered: This mornin
12. Last shoes worn: I'm wearing my running shoes
13. Last item bought: water bottle
15. Last time wanting to die: sometime..last month
16. Last time scolded: Five minutes ago from my mom "KIMMIE ITS TIME FOR BED AT NINE"
17. Who are your best friends: I really don't even ..know anymore. But i will say my D group ladies.

18. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: Nope, im riding the single train for now
19. Last person you talked to: my mom

SPECIFICS:
1. Do you do drugs: Uh no
2. What kind of shampoo do you use: Dove/Brilliant Brunette
3. What are you most scared of: Failure, Depression, not being good enough, being made fun of, being talked about badly
4. Where do you want married: someplace, someday, somewhere
5. What are you listening to right now: The Exies
6. How many buddies are online: 13, none of which i want to talk to
7. What would you change about yourself: I would change my ubersensitivity to failure. and i would not be so self concious


FAVORITES:
1. Colors: Green
2. Foods: Brownie mix, cheez its, tacos,sweet peas mmmmm
3. Girl names: Tara, Bryce, Lauren
4. Boys names: Tyler, Ben, Chris, Peter
5. Subject in school: They are all ok.
6. Sports: Running, Tennis, Volleyball
7. Perfume: Be Delicious DKNY (i discovered it first!)
8. Cologne: Fierce is reallly nice


HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Given anyone a bath: uh no
2. Smoked: NOOOOOOO
3. Bungee jumped: yeah
5. Skinny dipped: with these thighs? hell no!
6. Been in love: I think so.
7. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: sort of, but they werent really planned out or anything.
10. Cried when someone died?: No
11. Lied: Oooh im such an expert at that
12. Fallen for your best friend: um no

13. Been rejected: of course
14. Rejected someone: maybe...?
15. Used someone: No
16. Done something you regret: All the time.

CURRENT:
1. Clothes: Adidas shorts, t shirt, running shoes, and red nike sweatshirt
2. Music: The Exies..

3. Make-up: tinted moisterizer, undereye coverup and mascara
4. Annoyance: the fact that my mom still makes me go to bed at nine. on. a fucking. friday. night.
5. Smell: that..i just worked out smell..not the bad one..but that good one? you know sort of like outside...fresh? lol. that made no sense

6. Favorite artist: Anyone that can express themselves without sounding retarded is good by me.
7. Desktop picture: some.blue...vortex sort of thing. im not really sure

8. Book you're reading: Thesourus

9. Cd in player: Crossfade


ARE YOU:
1. Understanding: Usually

2. Open-minded: Usually
3. Arrogant: I hope not, I don't think so...
4. Insecure: A lot
5. Interesting: Yea in a really interesting way. cuz im cool like that

6. Hungry: Not really.
7. Smart: Yes, of course.

8. Moody: I guess i have been getting annoyed lately.
9. Hardworking: Yes

10. Organized: Mostly

11. Healthy: Yes

12. Shy: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

13. Attractive: Maybe to a lemur

14. Bored easily: yeah

15. Responsible: usually

16. Obsessed: About..what? i can get obsessed..its bad
17. Angry: Yes

18. Sad: Depends

19. Disappointed: Depends

20. Happy: I guess, im in that Limbo stage where im fine with how things are, but they could be better

21. Hyper: Not at the moment
22. Trusting: not really
23. Talkative: AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
24. Legal: um. no. >.<

a falling star


:: 2005 10 March :: 6.55 pm
:: Mood: Sore/Tired
:: Music: S Club Party-S club 7 <

*Your name?: Kimmy

*If you could have 10 friends stranded on an island with you, who would they be?: Caroline, Jarett, Malia, Sophie, Mandy, Anya, Corinna, Micah, Hollis, Katy

*If you could have only 5 things (not people) what would they be?: To be 5'7, 110 lbs, a billion $$ corporation in which i get 80% of the earnings, 20/20 vision, and that all my friends could co-exist without problems always arising.


*What do you think would be the worst way to die? (Ex. drowning, being burned, being hung, cut up into little pieces): buried alive

*If you had to pick someone to marry right now, who would it be and why?: The CIA censored this and told me i couldnt post the the answer to this question.


*Realistically, do you think you will drink or get drunk before you are 21?: How do you know I havn't been?
*Have you had a nightmare lately? Not lately

*Do you ever have a reoccurring dream? If so, what is it?:
well im walking and walking and im afraid im going to be late for school even tho im headed for all saints primary building, and then i cant get up the stairs cuz they are almost vertical, and then i am in this play but i dont remember the play part and i have to like..leave really fast otherwise something bad is going to happen, i'm going to get in trouble and what not. so then i run away, and im still having to run up this almost vertical set of stairs and then i get to this church, and its pretty much like the titanic, impossible to get up to where i need to be sitting, and i have that sensation that im falling, and im terrified. and then i find myself on this wierd street in the middle of winter and its snowing, and my parents go into this white house and im not allowed in, and then i start running and i end up in this wierd..graveyard and there is this building, and i run through it, and the stairs are again vertical, and there is this pool outside with black stuff in it, and someone is running after me but i cant tell who, and i start to swim in the black water and i get stuck and the person is trying to drown me. and then i run up this mountain, and everyones like KIM HURRY UP and for some reason i end up in someplace that is affliated with Oregon, and im like wtf. and then i wake up.

*Have you ever had a dream, and then that exact same thing happened in real life? Yeah.

*Do you have a secret you have never told ANYONE???: Yeah

*What is your absolute favorite song at this very moment?: Sooner or Later-Breaking Benjamin
*What do you think of "inside jokes"?:its fun to be in on the joke. just not on the outside.

*Do you believe in love at first sight? no

*Have you ever wished upon a star, seriously? If so, what did you wish for?: no i have not

*Do you know a member of the opposite sex who you are comfortable enough with to talk about almost anything? If so, who?: Jarett. he understands what most of my friends cannot. and micah too...

*Do you have a friend of the same sex that you could tell almost anything to? Who?: a few, corinna katy hollis jessica and hannah mainly.


*If you found out that you were gonna die tomorrow, is there anything you would want to say or do?: I would go up to every guy i've ever liked and tell them ive liked them, drink so much i pass out down the stairs, try pot, sneak into a club, get a massage, sneak into a party, make out with a really super hot guy, shallow stuff like that. but i would also write letters to all my friends and make a will.


*Right now, what is your biggest regret?: My biggest regret right now is not focusing on school in the past as much. im so tired of hearing how oh i need to do honors this and that. high school shouldnt be consumed by only doing classes because they are required and not even thinking about how much fun high school has yet to be.
*Name one person who has seriously changed your life for the better: Katy-for introducing me to first pres youth group, jarett-for teaching me how to be less..immature, all my d group girls -its nice to to know that i can share anything and everything with yall.


*For the worse: im not going to say that! thats mean! (btw sophie was i on this list?)

*Do you want to have any kids? If so how many and what will you name them?: I think three or four is a good number. not too many though. Peter, Tara, Bailey, and....Sam?

*Is there anything you oppose? (Ex- abortion, gay marriage...): I oppose stupidity. I oppose arrogance and egotism, I oppose people thinking that because i'm short im totally handicapped, I oppose girls/guys who act differently around that girl/guy they like, thinking it will make them like you better.


*What is the worst name anyone has ever called you, and who called you that?: I don't think its a name. Its more of how people say things to me. Like when people don't think i care about my future, and college. that really bothers me. i care more than you all might think.

*When did you last cry? What makes you cry?: Last night, at D Groups. We had to write down what we wanted to let go of, and that brought back a lot of bad memories.

*Have you ever seriously thought about committing suicide? If so, why?: yes, i have.

*Theoretically, if you were going to commit suicide, how would you do it?: OD, Anorexia, Bulemia

*Who are 9 friends you would do anything for? the bennetts, the bockstrucks, sophie, mandy, nora, brooke, tori, anya, and...Jarett? possibly? maybe..potentially..

*If you could change one thing you have done in the last 24 hours, what would it be?: I wouldn't have talked to Ben. He's such a waste of my time.

*Who can make you smile, no matter what mood you are in?: My Pink moccasins. all my EP buddies make me smile.

*During World War II, a woman was forced to choose to take with her to safety
only one of her two children, who consisted of one boy and one girl. if you were
faced with this choice, which would you choose?: I couldn't choose one without feeling guilty about the other. whichever one i think could let go the best and not become an alcoholic suicidal serial killer.


*What is the corniest pick up line you have ever heard?: Whats your number, i forgot mine. who invented that, and why?

*Is there someone you can talk to for 12 hrs straight and never get bored? If so who?: Probably Corrina and Micah. They are so funny.

*Would you ever get plastic surgery? If yes, what would you get it on: i would lipo my stomach, thighs, calves, arms, and waist and i would get some of that fat pouch thats undernieth your chin removed.

*What CD is in your CD player right now?: Crossfade


*Would you ever get a tattoo? If so, what and where?: Yeah, a cross on my ankle or shoulder blade

*If you got pregnant when you were really young, like 14, would you have an abortion?: Yah probably

*Do you feel safe at school? On a scale of 1-10 how safe do you feel? (10 being very safe, 1 being not safe): 8

*What is the scariest movie you have ever seen? The funniest?: The Grudge scared me..and..the funniest? ANCHORMAN!

a falling star

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