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godessalthena

:: 2017 27 July :: 12.55pm

liberty ain't cheap and freedom ain't free
im a millennial, blame it all on me

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godessalthena

:: 2017 24 July :: 3.41pm

didn't get the supervisor position i applied for.

not surprised not really disappointed just kinda meh

im ready for a new chapter im ready for a change but i'm just stuck stagnating

maybe a few more years and it'll be my time

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godessalthena

:: 2017 23 July :: 1.00am

i just want to give myself to love completely

but there's something holding me back

as of yet a nameless creature stalking me silently from the shadows

went to a beautiful wedding today one where i felt the desire to share my heart in front of those i fear the judgement of the most

i want to bear my heart to someone

but fear leaves me standing in shade waiting for the beast to take me

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godessalthena

:: 2017 20 July :: 12.28am

leaden wights pulling down on the corners of my broken heart
i harden to an icy black cold
shut down drowning the right words to say

vacuucuous hollow hole deep inside
where once was something pink and full

what is the future when you can't find a voice
hiding behind medicine enveloping conciousness
mirrors reveal a strange mystery

left thrashing furiously against the endless depth
leviathan melancholy
swallows the world whole

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godessalthena

:: 2017 19 July :: 11.54pm

im in a shite mood.

never ever moving to the same town as those people.

i don't think i could handle it

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godessalthena

:: 2017 18 July :: 10.15pm

it's hard not to feel somewhat bitter seeing everyone around you realizing your dreams while you are stuck on a hamster wheel.

i work so hard and i get nowhere

everyone around me works hard and gets to move forward

what's wrong with me

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godessalthena

:: 2017 16 July :: 6.01pm

i have yet to see much of a difference between america and canada! gas is sold in an odd way. people still drive like buttholes.

it's been nothing but wind and smoke since we got here.. ahhhhh feels like home!

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godessalthena

:: 2017 14 July :: 4.09pm

i love emily she is the best human being i know

i cannot fucking wait to visit canada for the first time!

spending 2 nights in waterton, surrounded by lakes and forests and glaciers (what's left of those)

it's going to be another epic trip! these yearly adventures are what keep me going.

adventure
thrills
daring escapes
saving princesses
slaying witches

YAS

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godessalthena

:: 2017 6 July :: 11.17am

i was born no good

and no good is what i'll forever be

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godessalthena

:: 2017 1 July :: 6.58am

im tired of always being the back up friend, the bank, the taxi.

im tired of always being a last resort. a go to when people dump you.

but no one is ever there for me when i need it. kind words are rare to come by.

my brother is probably my best friend right now, which is kinda fucked up. but at least he asks me if i'm ok.

im tired. so so tired.

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godessalthena

:: 2017 1 July :: 12.28am

i hate my job because of its repetitive, redundant, and bureaucratic nature. i perform the same task over and over again and get allotted a different % in different categories. my goals are based in these %. hitting goal gets me raise. but still i find this as motivational as a free foot massage would be to the act of standing up.

yet, i play this repetitious fantasy social game, competeing with my teammates and other teams. i love this escape, despite its repetitive game play, performing simple repetitive tasks and participating in events so you can collect 'em all! but it absorbs me and i get lost in trying to climb higher in my team ranks. it makes me feel very validated to see my number of medals go up.

at work we set goal numbers at the beginning of the week and then show our end of week, and celebrate each other for doing well or whatever.

it's never very motivating. i keep a diary of every interaction i have for almost 1 past year (i delete after a year). i love scrolling back through my weeks and seeing how much work i've done. i like seeing that i've actually accomplished a great deal of work despite being pulled in many directions. and today i was chastised for doing this. then i was chastised for putting what i felt to be an essential step to a process in an instructional video i've done a billion times.

i have an interview on monday for a supervisor position. i won't get it but i just need the exposure i need to try something. i cried for 2 hours at work but my boss (who is out of blue abandoning me) thinks i should stay. despite how miserable i am.

but maybe it's not work. maybe it's me. how can i tell?

anyway it would be cool to make work feel more like a game. so i could feel accomplished for getting shit done rather than buried in it.

bleh. no one cares. my life is boring.

#firstworldproblems

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godessalthena

:: 2017 29 June :: 5.32pm

im just ready for this all to stop.

i hate every single god damned beautiful day.

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godessalthena

:: 2017 20 June :: 10.45pm

applied to a job outside of LM

i really, really want this


i need out, everything is screaming at me GET THE FUCK OUT

so why do i hesitate

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godessalthena

:: 2017 16 June :: 8.38pm

boring bland artificial vanilla pasty vapid windbag is all i have amounted to

remember the days when you still felt alive?

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godessalthena

:: 2017 15 June :: 3.02pm

utterly

and

totally






alone

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