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godessalthena

:: 2018 22 June :: 7.05pm

stupid piece of shit white skin.

Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 22 June :: 9.51am

on vacation trying to have a good time

feeling like a piece of shit failure

I hate being alive

Point and Shoot


spud

:: 2018 18 June :: 8.15am

link to article

It took some digging through sensationalist headlines to get straight to the source, but I'm glad I did. This is a very well-written account, explicit in its intent, which is not malicious. Some parts of this hit closer to home for me than others, but all of it is far too common a story. We could all stand to be better to each other, and to ourselves. How often we are held captive by our fears.

Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 14 June :: 6.55pm

I want to offer my condolences to anyone who doesn't have a sister or isn't on close terms with their sisters...

because I absolutely love my sister and I would be so lost without her. it's a special connection between sisters, especially when you grow up close in age.

we might not talk every day or see each other all the time, but she always has my back and I always have hers. she helps me see insights into myself I wouldn't have otherwise, and always comforts me even when there isn't anything else to be done.

I just hope she knows that she is the most precious gem I know

Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 12 June :: 10.51pm

you know you are pathetic when.....


you can't sleep because you are busy thinking about the shitty escalated call out you have to make because another senior representative couldn't do their fucking job.

why is she not held to the same standards as the newer seniors? why are none of them?

WHY DO THEY GET PAID MORE FOR FUCKING UP EVERYTHING THEY TOUCH!?!!

I need a fucking vacation... starting in T minus 3 days and counting down...

1 Shot | Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 12 June :: 4.02pm

there isn't anything more than empty conversations filled with empty words.

I keep waiting for someone to save me. I know I have to save myself. I'm too weak. I'm too worthless.im too meek.

all these suicides in the news, and all I can do is longingly dream of the day that I might find peace.




my childhood and adult traumas have led me down this road where I constantly try so hard to have people love me and remain loyal to me. as a kid people told me I was creepy for trying too hard. all I wanted was a friend, to not feel alone,to maybe have the abuse stopped or at least have a sympathetic ear. now as an adult once I do find a friend I try too hard. I let my friends and lovers take advantage of my kindness, my generosity, my time, and I rarely get anything in return, I rarely ask anything in return.

I don't ask, because my needs aren't as important as everyone else's. if I try to cry in front of someone to maybe get a little sympathy, maybe not feel so isolated, I just get pushed even further away by harsh words of judgment. or they run away, afraid of someone else's feelings.


as a child I was cast away to the isle of solitude. there was no devil there waiting for me, a monster I could befriend. instead it was just an empty rock poking out of the bottom of the ocean, and here I still reside, waiting for the day I no longer count another day.

2 Shots | Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 11 June :: 9.40am

let me paint in ultraemotion

let me set this thing to hyperfeeling

sentimentality is running high and we have a nostalgia super bonus saved up

just know that you did touch my heart deeply, I think about you constantly and I hope whatever pain is in your heart finds a little peace somewhere in this endless blue sky.

2 Shots | Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 8 June :: 2.31pm

cicadas chripping in the heart of the day

Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 8 June :: 9.50am

Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky.

Point and Shoot


catatonicsean

:: 2018 4 June :: 12.31pm

Another thing - this journal is now more than 15 years old.

Think about all the asinine shit I've posted and deleted over the years, and live by the example I've set and subsequently covered up - don't do drugs, stay in school if you're pursuing something worth your time, don't start fights, and on occasion, suffer an idiot.

Point and Shoot


catatonicsean

:: 2018 4 June :: 12.16pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Cro-mags - Hard Times

Well, I certainly fucked up.

Not exactly doing stellar in tech school, haven't had steady work since the old office booted me (one full year, come the end of the month), and I've been making terrible life decisions and rectifying them in succession since I quit using this old journal. But all in all, it could be worse. Loads of my old friends are in a similar spot, crippled by depression and nagging substance abuse issues (not me, though, who'd have thunk it?), so we're all playing our separate dirges for ourselves as the ship goes down.

However, as of late I've taken a more positive attitude towards the future (fuck off, don't say anything), and with a heaping pile of luck, this will be the conclusion of a decades-long tempering that will end on a cheerful note.

Mahalo.

Point and Shoot


catatonicsean

:: 2018 20 May :: 2.43am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Chelsea Wolfe - Spun

In brief:

I'm in school for HVAC.

I run a smutty art page on Facebook that is slowly gaining in popularity, and gathering a set of new and quirky internet friends from the four corners of the Earth.

I've doubled my dosage of Prozac, and was considering supplementing it with Buspar, but I've since discovered that skullcap (herb) does the same thing, and costs pennies on the dollar.

And, strangely enough, I've integrated my alter ego into my immediate reality, and it has been a boon to my confidence and has had a positive impact on my interactions with strangers. That chap is far more charming than I ever was.

Oh, and I've entered my thirties.

Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 15 May :: 9.41am

it's a placebo kinda day

Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 11 May :: 9.26am

every night I go to sleep optimistic that I will not wake up

every day I awaken to the same nightmare

the sets and faces change, but the feelings always remain.

worthless. lonely. isolated. absurd. pointless. grey. empty. devastated. crushed.

I'm just so tired, but sleep doesn't seem to rest my soul. do I even have a soul?

all I feel is blood and bone. no heart. no soul.

Point and Shoot


godessalthena

:: 2018 11 May :: 7.53am

I wish I had someone to talk to

4 Shots | Point and Shoot

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