"Small applause is better than no applause, even when it is a little lacking in Smack." -Eeyore's gloomy Little Instruction Book


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A Penny For My Thoughts

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:: 2004 29 September :: 3.19 pm

I've been in one of those 'Idon'thaveanythingtoupdateabout' modes, so sorry to all of you people who read my blog to procrastinate! Nothing all that update-worthy has been happening recently.

In general, I'm dissapointed with sophomore year. Last year was just so much better in many different aspects. Marching band was waayyy cooler and I was super excited to be in Girls' Ensemble. I also respected the upper choirs a whole lot more than I do now. I thought that getting into Concert Choir was like a huge accomplishment and G21 was a far-off fantasy, but now I feel like Concert Choir isn't even all that good and Girls 21 is just frustrating. Last year I had an easy A in Bio and World Studies, but now MEHAP and Chem are going to be a struggle. Somehow I think classes were just more fun in general last year. Yeah, and that's not even mentioning how convenient it was that I developped a huge crush right at the beginning of the year so I had a date to homecoming that actually meant something! I don't even LIKE anyone this year, much less do I think I'll even have a date. At best, I'll probably get asked by someone I don't really want to go with and have to decide whether or not it's worth it at all.

I'm really not as unhappy as it sounds, but it's just SUCH a contrast from my crazy, optimistic view of high school that I had last year at this time. It was so exciting to wake up every morning and get to go to marching band. I couldn't wait for the day to begin. Now I complain about how it's completely dark when I wake up in the morning and bitterly look around and think that, out of all of the people in my family, I'll have the hardest time getting through the day. What does my mom have to do? Go to work, which, as she describes it, consists of talking with the other girls in her office and getting the treasury stuff for Band Boosters done. They also randomly watch movies and go out instead of actually sitting and working. What does Brian have to do? Basically nothing. He sits at home all day and works on the bathroom that's being built and writes his little sci-fi book or whatever. Boy, that sounds stressful. The cats get to sleep and lick each other all day, and the bird gets to chew on his little toys and be annoying. The tortoise eats and then pretty much does nothing. I know I'm being completely selfish when I say this, but I really feel like I have the most work to do and the least amount of fun packed into my life compared to the rest of my family. I have to suffer through boring classes, take numerous tests, stress out about all of the homework I have to finish, and get good grades.

I'm such a bitter, stressed, selfish little girl. It'd be better if I just had some time to relax...

Good news! A hot guy transfered into my PE class! He's really nice and he's a junior. Very cool. Unfortunately, I think I'm only going to take 4th period PE 1st quarter. Oh well. At least I have someone to look forward to seeing every day.

I think it's homework time. I have a voice lesson soon-ish and yeah. So much for a comical entry! Sorry guys!

4 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 25 September :: 7.46 pm
:: Mood: good

As the new, semi-hot pit instructor fooled around on one of the vibes, (making BEAUTIFUL MUSIC) I realized something:

In a boyfriend, I really couldn't care less if he made love to me. But it IS necessary that he make music for me.

Be it music by playing an instrument, singing, whatever, I don't care, as long as there's music.

1 song | sing to me

:: 2004 17 September :: 7.34 pm

WHERE HAVE ALL THE HOT MAIN STREET GUYS GONE?!?!?! Let's travel back in time, shall we? Think of how hot the Main Street guys were 3 years ago. 2 years...1 year. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but the overall sexiness of MSS guys has gone STEADILY DOWNHILL.


It's really not fair.

I have a horseback riding lesson at that place tomorrow! I'm excited! Apparently some other person from Stanford called to check out the barn too...hrm. I wonder who it'll be...

I WANT A BOYFRIEND, DAMNIT! Not just ANY boyfriend, either. I kind of want a college boyfriend...*huge grin* Older guys are just so much sexier!

6 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 16 September :: 10.19 pm
:: Mood: dorky

Who should be in bed right now?
*raises hand* OOH!! ME!! ME!!

It's so depressing to wake up and it's still dark. Zero period...

After an only silghtly enlightening minimum day, I went downtown with Ali, Sara, Sarah, and Meredith. Yummers.

After that I went home and then went to the doctor's to *dun dun DUNNNNNNN* GET MY EARS PIERCED!! So yeah. I now have pierced ears. *shrug*

Is anyone else depressed that people are already starting to talk about Homecoming? Can't Homecoming just wait until I actually find someone I want to go with? I mean, seriously... How come it was so easy last year?! Couldn't I at least have my eye on someone? Usually it's not the 'finding someone to like' part that's hard for me...

I don't know why, but it's really starting to get to me that I have a nonexistant love life. So much so, in fact, that I did a really, really stupid thing. I spent like half an hour searching for text online that showed that someone cared about me. I actually don't regret doing it because I found something that made me smile that I hadn't seen before: the words 'I luv Mel.' Now, seeing as it's been 17 months since those feelings were revealed and it means absolutely NOTHING now, it shouldn't have made much difference to me. Somehow, though, it did. Ya know, it's been about that long since a guy has said that to me. I think maybe I was wondering why anyone would feel that way about me...

Anyway, it made me happy, so it's all good. Thanks to the person who wrote that...

Concert choir tomorrow. Oddly enough, in a year that's gone from my least favorite choral music class to my favorite. It's funny how things change...

15 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 14 September :: 7.10 pm

So today turned out to suck much less than I thought it would! Mme Youatt lost the quizzes SO WE DIDN'T HAVE TO TAKE THEM!! WHOOOOO!!! I also got a 22/25 on my Chem quiz even though I wasn't there for the lecture and was too tired to study much last night! I missed really stupid things, so, as it turns out, I actually understand all of the material anyway! That's always good to know...

So now for the majorly exciting news!!

1) My mom's willing to look into buying me an oboe!! AHHHH!!! JOYOUSNESS!! And the strange thing is, she doesn't even want to go for the cheapo $800 one. She actually wants to talk to Julianne, this lady at our church who's like an oboe goddess, to learn about which brands are the best. Nice!

2) I'M GOING TO GO LOOK AT A HORSE ON SATURDAY!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Not that this means anything to you, but he's a 7 yr old Fox Trotter gelding, 15 hands, chestnut, with a star and socks. He's had 4 months of professional training (not very much) but has a sweet personality and has good ground manners. He needs a confident rider because he's "spirited". The craziest part: the guy who's selling goes to my church and would sell him to me for $4,500!!!! That's crazy crazy cheap for a horse!! Sure I'd have to find a really good trainer to help me teach him how to jump and stuff but WOULD IT NOT BE AWESOME IF MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME A HORSE?!!?!?! Umm yeah, that might just be the coolest thing in the world.

Marching band was hell. Rick needs to not be so hard on us. But OMG! Somehow I passed my playing test! Not that I should have AT ALL... but still! Yay!

Gotta do MEHAP and WLH homework...minimum day tomorrow! Yesss!!

2 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 13 September :: 7.17 pm

I'm Not At All In Love...
...not at all in love, not I. Not a bit, not a bite...but I DO have 104.55% in math! :-P

Whoo! Ahh, the pleasures of not being in honors...lol!

Hmm...let's see...exciting news to provide my faithful readers with some entertainment...

Got to skip 5-7th period on Friday to go to band camp. Very cool. Unfortunately, I have huge quizzes in two of those classes tomorrow, and that's not good.

But anyway, band camp was okay. Really, just okay. We worked soooo much harder than last year and I really wish we'd had more time to socialize and maybe GET HOMEWORK DONE. I think it says something that no one got sick last year and pretty much EVERYONE got sick this year, 2 people bad enough to leave before the end of camp. Hmmm...could this have to do with the fact that we got about 5 hours of sleep per night and were out doing drill EVERY SECOND OF OUR TIME?! Yeah, I think so. We got a ton of stuff done, but it came with the price of all of us getting back on Sunday exhausted and sick and starting our homework at about 6, meaning that a lot of us got to bed really late.

Oh, and I just love how Mr. Ferrucci was telling us about how he was so sensitive to our needs and we got plenty of time to rest. HA. Maybe he sincerely thinks we had time to rest. In actuality, that's a whole load of BS. Numerous parents are coming to the next band boooster's meeting to complain.

So basically I'm sick and exhausted and should be doing homework right now instead of typing in this thing so I can get to bed as soon as possible. I'm really not looking forward to 11 hours at school tomorrow...starting the day at 7 with marching band and ending it at 6 with marching band.... WE NEED A BREAK!!

I really wish my parents believed in staying home from school when you're sick.

4 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 5 September :: 9.57 pm

I really need to talk to someone. Like someone older than me that'll give me advice. (Like, an older guy, NOT an adult...) Someone that might be able to slightly relate to what I have to say to them, but old enough so that their advice can be trusted.

Sometimes I just want to be held and told that everything is alright. I want someone to listen to me talk about people in my life who need help. I want someone to pat me on the head and let me fall into their arms and stay there until the problems go away.

(*It's not like my personal life has issues, it's that I know people who aren't so stable and it really worries me.)

Does anyone else find Japanese anime almost like cartoon porn? It's GROSS!! I like can't even look at it! They draw stick girls with curvy bodies and huge, FAKE boobs! IT'S JUST NASTY!! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE DRAW HUMANS LIKE THAT?! The whole thing just disgusts me. Honestly.

I chilled at Michelle's house today. Met a girl named Jill. Both juniors at LAHS. Cool people...had a good time!

But yeah. I really wanna just let it all out and spoon with someone who'll tell me it's all okay. Or at least someone who'll convince me that because I'M okay, I shouldn't have to worry as much as I do about others.

34 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 3 September :: 10.29 pm
:: Mood: frustrated


No really. There isn't anyone in any of my classes that I like.

List of things I like in a guy:
*talented at singing
*talented at an instrument
*general appreciation for music
*composition is a HUGE plus
*talented at playing the piano (being able to randomly improv and 'just play' is EXTREMELY HOT)
*very intelligent, especially good at writing
*outgoing (and will dance with me at dances)
*will not push push me into a physical relationship
*will listen to my rantings and act as a mentor

Not that any guys read this ANYWAY. Gahh. Whatever. I suppose that was all for the purpose of expression anyway.

Hrm. I just realized how it's really not the best idea to post something like this in my journal. Though it's true that I really want to find someone I really like, I know from past and present experience that I absolutely HATE it when people try to hit on me that I want nothing to do with. Oh, and if anyone knows who the current stalker-ish person is...I'm not sure what to do. Any advice? He's really starting to freak me out...

Oh, and just a hint to all you guys out there (who don't read this, LOL): if you like a girl and seem to think that standing right next to her every second you can and she ignores you, STOP FOLLOWING HER AROUND. ;-)

My mom said that I attract these rather pathetic guys with low self esteem because they know I'll be sweet to them. Uhhh...let's think about this. The last time something like this happened I was far from sweet about it. Not quite sure how that reasoning worked....

3 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 1 September :: 10.01 pm
:: Mood: energetic

You're a Clarinet. Happy go lucky!

What is your inner musical instrument?
brought to you by Quizilla

Got clarinet the first time, baby!

I find this stereotype extremely amusing, as I'm the only one in the section who actually fits the description...

And just in case you were wondering...

You're an Oboe. Girl power?

What is your inner musical instrument?
brought to you by Quizilla

HAAAHAAAHAAAA!!! I suppose that's the impression of an oboe, but I think not.

4 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 30 August :: 9.23 pm
:: Mood: confused

Who wrote this?!
"Here's your free comment."

Just wondering. Usually I can figure it out, but I can't seem to find this particular IP address anywhere...

2 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 29 August :: 6.59 pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Children of Eden-Sailor of the Skies

So after church today (in which my voice was being oddly agreeable!) my mom goes "So, I was thinking about next summer...maybe during the end of that music camp in Maine, Brian and I could go visit some of his relatives in Maine, and then pick you up and look at a few colleges like Princeton, Yale, and Harvard! Then we could go to Vermont and ride the icelandic ponies for a few days, and then make a quick stop in New York to see Avenue Q! How does that sound?"

Ummm...how does that sound?! LIKE THE BEST SUMMER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!

If you're a musical person, go to http://www.encore-coda.com/ and CHECK IT OUT!! It's only got EVERYTHING a musical person could want!!

Among other things, there's Chorus, Madrigal Choir, Jazz Choir, Conducting, Musical Theatre, Dance, Sailing, Wind Ensemble, Jazz Band, Chamber Music, Musicianship, Performance, Tennis, Volleyball, an hour of practice per day, and private instruction!!! WHOOO!!! Could it get any better?!

Oh, and it's for 3 1/2 or 7 weeks (if you do the full session) in Maine. Just a little detail. :-D

My bird bit me again. Apparently I'm too nice to him and he thinks that he's above me in the pecking order. I cried again. I seriously have not cried in the longest time! Not out of being cold-hearted or afraid to cry, (I still clearly remember feeling extremely comforted when a children's sermon once had the moral of 'it's okay to cry!') I just haven't had anything to cry about! I think it surprises me when he bites me, hurts, and makes me sad that the bird I loved so much is being so agressive.

Watched The Pajama Game and Brother Bear last night. I'm SOOO excited for The Pajama Game at school!!! IT'S SUCH A CUTE MUSICAL!! AHHH!! Brother Bear was also cute. Those moose are funny!

I've decided that unrequited love from both sides (being the one who loves and is not loved, AND being the one who does not love) SUCKS. Like, both almost equally. It hurts to know that someone likes you and not like them back if you have a semi-strong friendship with them. :-(

Oh, and in other news, HE'S NOT A LIAR! If you don't know what this is in reference to, ask. But anyway, I feel a lot better because of it! I wasn't stood up in some odd backwards way! Hooray!

4 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 28 August :: 5.13 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Rent-Santa Fe

My damn bird just bit me on the lip REALLY hard! Why the hell he's really agressive towards me and no one else in the family I don't know. But geez...I started crying it hurt so much!

3 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 27 August :: 11.47 am

Tres fun. Best dance in a long time, I think. Well, let me rephrase that. Best dance in terms of letting myself totally rock out with friends the entire time and not care A BIT what I looked like. Good times with everyone, but especially Gabi and Lane. It's so much better to dance with friends and not worry about liking people!! Whoo! Had some good times with the usual gang, too-- (of course!) Ali, Sarah, Molly, Rachel, Emily, Marcella...and many thanks to Christiana for picking me up and taking me! Talked a bit with Nick, Heidi, Jamie and that group...met some freshman guys. Good stuff!

A few thoughts:

*Slow dancing is overrated unless it's with someone you like (as more than a friend.)

* There are definitely levels of freaking. You can technically freak but REALLY not be all that sexual. At least, that's how I see it.

* Guys with attractive personalities are often pimps. This really sucks.

* Dances are not great places to meet guys. (I didn't try that this year...)

* The fun you get out of something REALLY depends on what you put into it. (EUREKA!)

* I think Mrs. Williams saw me dancing semi-inappropriately. Whoops.

I'm tired, REALLY sweaty, and quite content. I had a GREAT horseback riding lesson today. Like AWESOME great. That really does make or break my day. Last lesson at Stanford...*tear*

Love life update: Still haven't found anyone. Will continue to search.

Edit: Saturday morning. Had the SCARIEST dream last night!! Let's just say that being raped by a friend (specifically one you thought liked you) would be A MILLION times worse than being raped by someone you had bad feelings about.

4 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 26 August :: 6.16 pm

First Day
Still have to study for the YRIBW quiz so I'll try to make this quick...

Random: My popularity on AIM varies SO greatly from day to day. Sometimes I only talk to 1 or 2 people online, but today 5 people IMed me within a minute of me taking my away message down! All in all, I'd say I've talked to at least 10 different people within the past 2 hours...that's a lot for me!

Marching Band: We have a new clarinet! Whooo! She seems really quiet so far, but the more the merrier! We did absolutely nothing but get a 'you are all slobs' lecture from Ferrucci and then warm up for like an hour. Played through NCD ONCE. Soooo productive...

Algebra II: Teacher seems nice, young and cheerful, but the class is SCARY. I'm SOOO not used to regular math! There are all of these huge seniors who are intimidating and probably dumb as dirt. Eeeeek! Christiana and Sara will save me...right? I'm also glad that they're in the class becuase that makes 3 of us who'll be late because of marching band. Her late policy is strict, but we'll see how that goes... The class seems ridiculously easy.

MEHAP: Wangsness is cool. Should be an interesting class because of the people in it... Yay for Shrina and I being history buddies again!

Chorale: W00000000T!!! Soooo hyper in this class. Problem: there are only 4 guys. IF YOU KNOW OF ANY GUYS WITH A FREE 3RD OR A WAY TO SWITCH INTO CHORALE, ENCOURAGE THEM TO DO SO! Should be a fun class. We have lots of Girls Ensemble pride. Heeheee. New girl from New York seems cool.

Lunch: Yay for the 500 wing crowd! REUNITED!

French III: Mme Youatt called me for role as 'Melissa? Ou est la belle Melissa?' I was so flattered! Very nice of her. Someone slap me, though, because I might develop another nerdy person crush. Like REALLY nerdy. (Not Naveene.) Sarah, Sara, Rachel, Amanda, and lots of others are in this class. Yay!

World Lit H: There are 38 people in this class. Good Lord! Strange people for an honors class, too. Not sure why a few people are in there... Molly, Ali, Christiana, Shrina, and others are in the class. :-)

Chemistry: Mr. Babb is interesting... Gotta love the "Chem is the most fun thing you can do with your clothes on" quote. Michelle is in the class with me!! JOY! (Along with Alexandra, Emily, Shrina...)

That's all for now. Gotta make a good impression in english even though Ms. Bonnano is apparently easy...

4 songs | sing to me

:: 2004 25 August :: 9.28 pm

Pics from Band Camp!

Marching! (Our lines are horrible, but itís only the first week!)


Christiana and me in the pool!


Lisa and I waiting to entertain people with our choreographed, sexy diving board act


Learning to march on Day 1 (hot freshman aka Lane second from the left)


Mr. Florendo looking confused as he talks to our parents and friends during our performance.


Center pull? Look at those bee-yootiful, bright green shorts!


Oh yeah! 2 clarinets and the drum major (an ex clarinet) winning the drill down!


Circle drill!

sing to me

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