::
2004 2 June :: 1.49pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: boys night out, the subtleties that make mass murderers out of otherwise decent human being
cut the faces out of photographs so traces of your life will turn up traceless with your death deprived of stasis so sleep secure and rest assured that you are beautiful with trigger pulled...
thought i would introduce this entry with the tiring, supposed it was time for an update line, but rather than type the prior, though i already have, contradicting my actions, i will began this entry in such a way that you wouldnt be able to draw your eyes away from the screen, all wishful thinking of course
and i will have you know that i do not do enough of that
summer has been spent in a blur
properties for the new background, which i can ensure you wont last much longer past this posting, because i can not deal with change
just like my father
always been like my father
have been told that time and again, maybe the cause for me to believe it
repetition must enforce it somewhat, wouldnt you agree
and thinking of change, that is the most effective reason why the entire freshman year was spent with one person, because i couldnt change, i didnt know how, never was given a chance to meet many people when my time was consumed by one
but in the end it must to be for the better, cant have this positive outlook without support for why
and why is it that way
why do i have to think like this
why must i be who i am
i can recall the girl who wrote that letter
only enrolled in one class with her, and in that class i was seated directly across from her
she followed my every move, never thought more of it than admiration
and admiration it was
she longed to be in my place, to be who i was with
and to hear the ignorant comment of "i wouldnt touch that bitch with a twenty foot pole"
i am a culprit of this myself, but i dont see how a proper opinion can be formed without any details of the person to back it up
just as she longed to be in my place, i long to know how she felt, feels
long to read the letter, be knowledgable of its content
but why bother longing for something that i will never receive
ive been told that many people go after something they cant have
a form of assurance, i have been told
i never understood that
what is the point to spend your days after something that isnt readily available to you
to know that you will fail
the thought of failure has never crossed my mind
come to notice, i have used the word never several times in this entry
never in french is jamais
or something quite similar
either way
it doesnt matter now
and that is what i told this person, that it doesnt matter now
and they asked why.. but they didnt even have the decency to spell out the three letter word, they typed the letter.. "y?"
and i didnt answer
merely repeated myself because they didnt bother
::
2004 1 June :: 3.19am
:: Mood: burnt
:: Music: behind blue eyes
Ahh! ima TAN BI-OTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
haha i went to the beach for i hitnk 4 hours today! boy it was such a nice time!!!!!! these one guys were hitting on me i think, it was funny. i saw jordan, tony, n fish, but they kinda blew me off! haha oh well! toniite ima go out! tomorro ima have michael over and itll all be swell! lol!!!!!!! I GOT STUNG BY A JELLYFISH!!!!!!!!!! kk i was in the ocean with belin((my neighbors lil boy)) and he was playin in the water and i was just makin sure he didnt drown... and all ofa sudden sumpfin hit me and well it hurt like a MOFO! then i got out and had these really bad lil lines going across the back of my leg and my mom made me put sand and stuff on it but DAMN does it hurt. im awaiting this vasaline and sum other stuff to make the sting come out of it! but i was still brave enuff to go back n the water after i put ice on my leg for almost an hour! it feels like my forehead is burnt! haha it prolly is! lol.... i had such a nice time! i wwanna do it again really soon! so i think i will! YAY! alrghty! ima done!
Love Always
LAur...
ill update you on my wonderful night tonite!
I WANNA HENNA TATTOO!!!!!!
::
2004 31 May :: 9.02pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: alexis on fire, 44. caliber love letter
sifting through weathered albums looking for aged polaroids of places you have never been to accept that you dont exist but just remember the first step in forgetting is destroying the evidence..
i really dont like you
at all.
i hate how you cant come up with your own away messages, how you copy and paste intellectual quotes
i hate how we always sign online at the exact same moment
i hate how when we encounter eachother you avoid eye contact at any cost
i hate how you no longer initiate conversation
i hate how i didnt have that blanket off my body even weeks after we covered ourselves with it
i hate how i still think about you
i hate how i relate every single and solitary thing to something that involves the two of us in the past
i hate how you can still wear those without once thinking of the memories they hold of me
i hate how you are still brought up at dinner conversations
i hate how i took you for granted
i hate how others knew it was for the best
i hate how we never could be
EDIT
i cant even say how many times i have listened to the following song, but only now does it sink in
when the first star you see may not be a star, im not your star, isnt that what you said?
what the hell does quixotic mean? lol oh well, im just gunna guess, so thats how im feeling! before i went to my" favorite" place on earth, i took mindy loo to the dog beach! ahh she loved it! she was jubulently galloping throught the water and had a smile on her face the whole time! she is more peopel friendly then dog! haha shes scared of other dogs shes a baby! last night i went to the beach! boy that was fun! haha.. SKINNY DIPPING IN THE OCEAN!!! lol.. dont ask.. i disovered the song "behind blue eyes" is such a pretty song. i attempted to download it, but well, it didnt work.
lol.
my puppy looks so dumb right now! shesa furball! AHHhhhh silly silly furball! my shoulders are burnt from the beach and i hurt really bad... i dont feel like doing anything tonight! so i dont think i willl! i might tell people to come see me cause haha i dont feel like walking or going anywhere!!
Well, im done for now! ill write later
~Laur
::
2004 30 May :: 5.58am
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: the last song
i watched mean girls with my mom and dad today! it actually kinda describes my life in an odd way... the person who made the comment about peopel watching mean girls REALLY made me wanna see it and im glad i did. except the ending is nothing i thought itd be... it ended up to be a happy story, but for me, it hasnt. i took on the roles as both regina and cady! both girls.. and i dunno it opend my eyes to how much ofa bitch ive been to my old friends, how much ive changed. i guess once u roll with a new croud, everything changes, who knows...
well oh yeah!
now that this is password protected ((GO ME))
i can tell you about what happened with me n michael on the couch yesturdya!he gotta pitcure phn, so yeha he was taking some pictures! lol ill leave it at that! I LOVE YOU MICHAEL! ALL THE PIX ARE JUST FOR YOU BABY!!! no, they werent nude, lol i was ina swimsuit! lol..
~Laur
HEyyy there!
My dog woke me up this mornin, cause my mom let her in my room at approximatley uhh.. 930ish! lol. My lil sis had like 5 people sleep over and these guys are Krazii! it was funny, court just did some really dumb lil dance thing to "burn" lol its hysterical!
**DAMN POP UPS!**
~anyway~
The party yesturdya was interestin! michael was here and so was my dad's bosse's son, so me michael n ryan went out on the canoe and michael kept trying to tip it over so ryan went withit and i got scared! lol.. then after ryan left, me n michael watched "something about mary" and i pretty much fell asleep until his phn woke me up! lol... it was all good tho!
there wasa buncha little people here! lol the one lil boy got cupcake ALLLLL over him! it was sooo cute! my mom took a pic of me n amanda an di was eatin sumpthin and she was takin a pic of amanda but i got in it and lol i look possessed because i hava spoon up to my face and the face a 3 yrold makes when they getta new toy or soemthign. then i was cutting these onions with goggles on! lol... they were strong! it was an interesting thing!
i love michael alot! im VERY happpy he came yesturday! the comment someoneleft in my previous entry tho bothers me, i dont understand where people i got i threatended to kill myself if he broke up with me... i mean hey, if i really wanted to, id go out with someone else right after, but do i? NO! i want to stay with michael! because i love him like crazii! :]
alrighty, i just wanted to fill people in that thaat is not true and me and michael will be together for a VERY long time!
::
2004 28 May :: 3.59am
:: Mood: aggrivated
:: Music: hotel
RArrrh! today was boring.. summers already boring.. i wanted to go out n do stuff today but i didnt wake up till 930-10ish.. then i cleaned up.. then i fought wiht my mom... Ahhh the usual. i just got insidef rom tanning and hava huge headache but my mom wont let me take any medince. She thinks ive been in a bad mood lately, and i kno i have. people are gettin to me and id ont kno.. im so tired. i just woke up cause went i was outside, i fell asleep... for like 2 hrs..
hmph oh well, these comments from JT dont make any sense.. like..
saying she doesnt want to talk to me again til next yr? whats gunna be the diff? lol a couple months? ooooh well. It was still a threat.. whtever works tho.. sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep
thats where im off to!
~Laur
Wow- Today was the last day of school! i only went to school until 9 10 today! Then i left, and went to the beach n stuff! it was pleasant! Just happy for summer time to be here, so i can go have some fun with muh buddies! I'll prolly hang out with michael, billy, n dewitt, n amanda most of the summer. ((haha at diff times))
J.T. is now making threats against me.. such childish things to do. Oh well, i do not have to deal with her crap or go down to rozelle until 2 months from now...
I hava cut in my mouth! how igot there, i don't kno! lol, but it hurts! I was told to stop writing in here by my parents, so i think ill try! No promises!
~Laur
::
2004 26 May :: 1.22am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: I have loved you
My heart feel so... i dont kno, like a butterfly! i love this song. Today i was kinda of daydreaming and I was thinkin of everything michael has done for me.. He has done soo much to keep my happy and on my toes this whole time. I love him so much.. i just hope nothing bad happens with us! I just feel so.. up in the clouds... like i can fly im so at peace...
Today, I took the yearbook ((didnt count foanything)) and the english final. The english one was so0o0o hard... NO ONE who took it so far recieved an A! i didn't know 74 of the questions.. wow i feel dumb... Haha.. i have an 89 for afinal grade in american government also.. So, there is 2 final B's i will be getting on this report card of mine.. It really sucks, lemme tell yah!
I ate lunch with Brad n Marie today.. Except most of my time was walking michael to his class, he looked soo cute today! haha... i usually never say that about a guy either!
I love feeling how i do right now, like my stomache is full of little happy butterflys!
School is finally over.. 1 more day... just 1 more.. that's all i have to remind myself.. 1 more day... 2 more periods... one more lunch.. 2 more class changing bells... 1 more time in that school for 2 months.. it needs to be over.. so i can get a break! and feel how i feel ALL summer! Life is so amazing, isn't it?
~Lauren
~Lauren
::
2004 25 May :: 5.00am
:: Mood: PISSED OFF ROYALLY
IF I MAKE THS FUKCING JOURNAL FOR ATTENTIOON, DONT READ IT AND GIVE ME IT!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HeYHey!
Todays finals were almost difficulT! i had el espanolo y la biogaligiA! lol i screwed that word up royally. I got a 92 on the bio exam.. mostly because Mrs. Wheeeler was being especially nice. So here i am with my grade dilemma! i can have either an 89.2 B!!!((if i got an 88 last q n 89 this q)) or an 89.6 A!!!!!!! sooo hopefully mrs.wheeler is feeling nice again and wants to bring the 89.2 to an 89.5... AHHH!!! 2 days left of school! HOORAY! i cant wait!
Michael was mean and threw out one of the papers i had about you know what! lol only because i dropped it in the hall beside a BUNCH of her friends! lol.. oh well ill try again tomorro. i mean i only got 2 days so i might as well make it a LASTING impression! lol..
i heard peopel didnt like my outfit today! lol iddint match PERIOD! i hada cute orange shirt and black sweat pants... lol.. almost mathcing! then my hair was just kinda there. then i hada blue sweatshirt i put on middle of 1st, when i was finsiehd with the exam. so i dunno. lol.. oh i heard they didnt like my cute short skirt and low cut shirt yesturday either!
oooh well. im such a whore they should be used to it! Michael sure as hell liked it! Wooohoo! that was my mission! and i completed it!
Momma is takin me to the beahc on friday! woo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alrighty im done
courtney is begging me to go swimmin with her... silly little sister!
Always n forever!
Laur
Wow--
Today was sooo long ofa day.. i had to play at graduation for band. It was lovely. Michael stayed after school for about an hour with me then i chilled with ashiee n kelsey n nelly. hm... would people drop thing thing about J.G? who cares if her mother beats her, i don't. I mean i kno she is reading this along with half the 9th grade. yes, my backround does say.."whore" all voer it. its just for yall who call me one. and yet no one can still live up to the proposition.. its funny.
Anyway- im tired as hell. i hava headache from hell. annnndn people can just go to hell! lol... lots fo the HELL word! H-E-double hockey sticks!! AHHHH! people are gunna get offended!!! i think ill put that my mother abuses me! ((not really))!!!
I may be ugly, but i sure as heck gotta better body than you ever will :]!
enless yer likea model chikk, then hah your better!
the american gvt final wes pretty easy i didnt kno 9 ?s
::
2004 23 May :: 7.45am
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: rest in pieces
I feel so... odd right now... i don't know, maybe because i am just going with the flow about me being a "whore"... i guess i should just listen to people and believe every word they say? Im starting to believe it all, this school year has definatly done a job on me. I have seen the good and the bad in people.. i have seen the truth behind the masks people wear. i wish i could jsut go back to dream world where nothing like this is a reality.
this song, i removed from my journal is making tears water in in my eyes... i want to be left alone, but i am not getting rid of this journal. This journal is saving me from going insane.. except for the comments... those comments are horrid and i wish them to stop. one thing i have noticed is all these comments have to be coming from only one or two people. it just seems to happen that they stop, at the same time, then start coming, at the same time, ironic?
i dont kno..
i want to go to michaels baseball game right now.. but i dont think i am able to..
studying..
i dont kno, i just... crying sucks. i have not cried about this ordeal for a while.
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did,
It has not healed with time...
It just shot down my spine.
You look so beautiful tonight,
Remind me how you laid us down,
And gently smiled,
Before you destroyed my life...
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
i am aware this sounds like i am asking for pity, but i just dont feel so spiffy right now.
I hate cyring. I hate feeling so.. Blah.. thats just somehitng i will have to deal with tho...
~Lauren
::
2004 23 May :: 9.17am
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: my sisters music
Hey... i realized that im
I don't know why...
If i could start a story, id write it like this...
For some reason i feel so.. Blah and tired.. Michael work me up this morning. He is at a baseball game for AAU i think. Im so0o sleepy...
I hope everyone lieks the journal. It's just for all of you who call me a whore. i might as well go with it now. Im sick of trying to ignore your comments.. It eventually does get to you... i don't know. Maybe i am one? maybe im not? who cares if i am.. i mean its my life and i can do what i want with it right? Ive been told countless time to "get out of fmhs, no one likes you" and that "you have no friends". It may be true.. but michael ISNT going out with me for sex because he would have broken up with me already if thats all he was after since im not giving in. I have yet to do less than anything with him.. I mean sure we haveour things but nothing real sexual... where people got ima whore, i dont kno.
Here, im going to propose a question for all of you. If you can NAME 5 guys i have had sex with, I will tell everyone im a whore.
and if you cant, then keep your mouth shut...
im sorry but this has been bothering me for a while now. And my mom said to ask that question, who have i slept with if im such a whore. I bet you ANY money no one can do that.
Start trying
Always
Laur
hey guys!
? haha ! like the new look of the journal? its just for you all! WHOOOORE! thaaaaaaaaaaaats me
anyway
theres a party in briarcliff that i might venture off to later tonight. mostly pepoe from cypress are goin but some ft myers so haha i might get my ass kicked!
Thats ok
im always gunna b
for michael!
Im so bored! i was in the pool today then the deck peopel came to put a final coat on! haha i cant go in till tomorro!!!!!
WEll daddys home! I'll write later
~Laur
::
2004 22 May :: 12.37am
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: new found glory, failure's not flattering
dont look too hard for what you want because it could be on the tip of your tounge i wont cast the first stone or leave the first mark but i will leave a lasting impression..
thank you for coming out with me tonight, i needed to get out desperately, i feel my mood strangely improving
i love jeannie to pieces
what a friend always can count on you to boost my spirits
::
2004 21 May :: 10.01am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: perfect day
Hola-
Michael left almost an hour ago. It was fun. we took the canoe out on the lake and he almost tipped it! it was interesin. theres snakes and an alligator in there!!! aHHH! haha i had fun tho, i was just abou thalf asleep when we were upstairs. so he played 007! lol.
im so bored. people wanted me to go to a cypress party but well, i couldnt... it sucks.. then other peple wanted me to go with them and get drunk n stuff.. that didnt happen! oh well, my michael came over and we enjoyed EVERY moment of it.
looking back on today, it was a good day. I mean sure everyone hates me, but they did before. lol it just made it worse. like. L.T, he was going to "forgive" me but thent he thing with J.G. happened and BANG! out like a light bulb! lol not gunna happen! S.B Im'd me asking hows me and J.G. How dumb. i did almost talk ot her today
she wasnt present at school today, i kinda felt bad, kinda didnt but i mean i know shes going through alot of rogh stuff and i wish people owulda been nicer to me through it all so i figure i might as well be nice now. Then agian...
Well im sleepy. and im bored... so i might wanna go sleep!
Love always
Laur
::
2004 21 May :: 3.15am
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: i have loved you
Hello there!
Once again dumb comments come strolling into my journal. That's arlight tho. I talked to Mr. Roselle today. i wasnt going to but mrs.aulino heard about it and she got me out of class, talked to me about it since ive known her since 3rd grade and sstiil lived in pittsburgh, and yeah she took me down to mrs. banner and she talked to roselle. i cant spell the name! lol... anyway
J.T, A.L, R.R, J.G, E.O, M.A, M.G, and i think thats it were goint o be called down. E.O, J.G, and A.L, were not there at the moment but he will talk to them later. Yeah, I heard that E.L wwas reading my journal, printed it off, and gave it to mrs. moore but forgot to print out the comments. That's okay, i will. I was told to print out the ones about me getting my butt kicked. I'm so sick of threats. No one in the school has the guts to do anything cause they are afraid of getting into trouble. It's hard to believe this all originated from J.T and i. oh well.
i still have no regrets about what i did yesturday. She wasnt in school today, and she tried to talk to me last night but didnt. Here, let me post the converstation :]!
dkmurphysfan88: first of all i never printed ur journal..janna did..i helped pass it around...second it IS different not cause its an online journal..but because i never said anything about ur personal life...or even you personal appearence. thats whats different! people passed urs around cause there name was on it...i dont write about ppl on mine! thers a lot of differences! and who the hell made me cry if it wasnt you...the fuckin wall..no it was you...cause you can talk to a girl who was beat to near death...and make fun of it..and not care for a second...
TasteZLykECherrY: no i'm sorry.
TasteZLykECherrY: don't complain to me.
TasteZLykECherrY: im a heartless bitch sorry.
dkmurphysfan88: no seriously lauren...just talk to me without ur hate towards me getting in the way
dkmurphysfan88: how thehell could u do that to me
TasteZLykECherrY: same way you could pass around mine.
TasteZLykECherrY: it hurts doesnt it?
TasteZLykECherrY: i'll be the first to admitt i cried when you did it.
TasteZLykECherrY: i don't care if anyone knows that.
TasteZLykECherrY: i just don't care anymore.
TasteZLykECherrY: i have no friends remember.
dkmurphysfan88: but urs wasnt about ur abusive mom now was it...it was about some kids u dont like
TasteZLykECherrY: you said so yourself, what do i have worth losing?
TasteZLykECherrY: nothing.
dkmurphysfan88: and a lot of ppl passed it..not just me
TasteZLykECherrY: well, answer the question, what do i have worth losing since i have no friends?
TasteZLykECherrY: i have no reputation, i have no friends, and my grades are falling, i just odn't care anymore.
TasteZLykECherrY: i didn't purposly make you cry, you couldn't control your emotions.
TasteZLykECherrY: and that's not my fault.
TasteZLykECherrY: i will be as selfish and as heartless as you make me out to be.
dkmurphysfan88: what are you talking about...i dont care about u not having friends...or what you have to loose...i want to kno why you couldnt keep it at the same level as i did... just about ppl u hate...u could have got me back if it was that big of a deal without going as far as you did
dkmurphysfan88: my god!
TasteZLykECherrY: oh, well, you made it public.
TasteZLykECherrY: anyone could have read it since there was a link to it in my journal.
TasteZLykECherrY: i just thought i'd help them out.
dkmurphysfan88: yehh and its been public for a year with out any one tellin the world
dkmurphysfan88: just my friends read it
TasteZLykECherrY: hey! mine too!
dkmurphysfan88: hey! i didnt print urs out
TasteZLykECherrY: oooh but you did.
dkmurphysfan88: oohhh but i didnt
TasteZLykECherrY: alrighty.
TasteZLykECherrY: im not online to argue.
dkmurphysfan88: iwhat u saw was mine and the comments you left on it
TasteZLykECherrY: just know, i will be as heartless as i am told i ma.
TasteZLykECherrY: i am*
TasteZLykECherrY: there's not turning back for me.
dkmurphysfan88: ur not told it
dkmurphysfan88: u are it
TasteZLykECherrY: oh that's right:-)
TasteZLykECherrY: have a nice night jenna/
dkmurphysfan88: well its not like you havent already told everyoe
TasteZLykECherrY: not really, i told about 10.
TasteZLykECherrY: lol.
dkmurphysfan88: lauren why?
dkmurphysfan88: whay are u doing this to me
dkmurphysfan88: just stop
TasteZLykECherrY: oh no no no my dear.
dkmurphysfan88: its the same and u kno it
TasteZLykECherrY: you couldn't do that to me.
TasteZLykECherrY: pay back is a bitch.
dkmurphysfan88: just make up a rumor about me or something
TasteZLykECherrY: nahh- you've said enough about me to make up rumors for the both of us.
TasteZLykECherrY: so it's all peachy
dkmurphysfan88: where do u get ur info
dkmurphysfan88: i dont ever talk about u
dkmurphysfan88: untill this week
TasteZLykECherrY: oh alright.
dkmurphysfan88: and its about whats going on
TasteZLykECherrY: well then, should have thought about the consequences of passing my stuff around.
TasteZLykECherrY: and putting so much personal information on a public journal
TasteZLykECherrY: if i'm not allowed, neither are you.
TasteZLykECherrY: you tried to make me cry that first time you and that ali girl came up to me.
dkmurphysfan88: i still dont get why ur gdoing this to ME! i didnt do anymore than anyone else
TasteZLykECherrY: it worked, i just chose not to do it infront of you.
TasteZLykECherrY: because of all the attention it draws.
dkmurphysfan88: just wondered why i was on some girls fu list that i hadnt talked to or ahad a problem with in months
TasteZLykECherrY: you of course go back and ball your eyes out.
TasteZLykECherrY: poor poor girl.
TasteZLykECherrY: of course your friends will come and cuss me out.
TasteZLykECherrY: does it seem like i care anymore?
dkmurphysfan88: like i could have helped
dkmurphysfan88: it
TasteZLykECherrY: sorry jenna. the table is turned around!
dkmurphysfan88: you would too if ur mom was my mom and i said the stuff u said to me
TasteZLykECherrY: hell, i cry already.
dkmurphysfan88: not its turned and pushed through the walland a mile down the road
TasteZLykECherrY: nope.
dkmurphysfan88: yepp
TasteZLykECherrY: alrighty
dkmurphysfan88: u kno what u did waas way worse than just a couple kids looking at a fu list u made
TasteZLykECherrY: well jenna, after you're called a slut a million times and specifically told i have no friends, nothing matters.
dkmurphysfan88: guess not
TasteZLykECherrY: i will continue to be the little bitch that i am.
TasteZLykECherrY: sorry for the inconvieniance.(( i cant spell that word, cause i kno you don't likehow i cant spell))
dkmurphysfan88: well i g2g this convo was pointless
TasteZLykECherrY: yes, it was.
TasteZLykECherrY: tomorrow you might hear of a couple more papers:-)
TasteZLykECherrY: who knows?
dkmurphysfan88: i wouldnt doubt it
TasteZLykECherrY: goodnight jenna. sleep tight:-)
dkmurphysfan88: knowing u
dkmurphysfan88: You make me want to die.
ooooh so so much drama!nhehe oh well. I'm just happy things will eventually get back to normal :]!
Michael is coming over tonight. AT like 530 or something os i have to hurry and clean up my room. Im happy i have friend slike Michael, Marie, Jeannie, Hailey... They were so nice to me yesturdya through all of this b.s. I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Muah!
Well, im going to go. I'm sleepy and wanna take a nap before michael gets here. Oh i love that boy!
~Laur
::
2004 20 May :: 8.46am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: rest in pieces
Well well well. SChool was SUCH an interesting topic today. i printed out J.G's journal just as she did mine, and yep, sunk down to her level and showed it to everyone! and really, i have no regrets. i mean itsnot my fault the girl cried, lol, i didnt swear, i didnt yell, i just kind of sat there and agreed and told her she did the same to me. then she said its different, but in all reality its not. its a public journal as i am told often in comments. People will print it out.
Shes starting to get to A.H. And if she does i will cry n cry n cry... oh wait! cant do that, i forgot. its okay for jenna to cry and everyone be angry at me, but if i cry its for attention. im sorry, i forgot. But don't come up to me, lie to my face, and then me not swear or even call names, and then cry about it.... whatever. thers what.. 5 days of school left? lol... well i duno at the movies!
R.R came up to me and said... "go to the movies friday night, SEe what happens" lol i would but im grounded for doing nothing as usual. But thats alrighty!
i Took my drug and alchoohol test today! ive been 15 since decemeber and still havnt gotten the damn thing. too bizy with softball. Then i got my physical and it says i only weigh 94? that cant be right. i mean, i used to wgh 100 and i just ate 2 whoppers and fries! lol. Anyway-
This weekend i dont kno what im doing yet. Ihope michael can come over. I really want him to. ITs weird, everything think weve done everything when in all actuallity we've done nothing. Hmm... J.T.s mom is abi0tch harressing my sister. But thats okay! my lil ssta gots 5 days left on that old rickity thing!
hmmm how IRONIC
it is when i am finally happy, and i ignore all the comments people make to me, other people hurt eachother. i'm not the one instigating it. 21 comments now.. when earlier today there was but 16.
it's not my fault people chose to degrate their friends, their foes, their peers. If no one likes the comments, then don't comment back. It only ignites the arguments.
I'm not hurting people. Others who read this journal are hurting eachother. If this journal is jsut for attention, than i have been seeking for attention since june 20th of last year. Whatever you wish to believe is fine with me.
~Laur
::
2004 18 May :: 1.35am
:: Mood: smiley
:: Music: im ok
HOla
I told Courtni id stop writing but this is like weed, its addicting. what does weed taste like? does it even have a taste? lol, sorry just a random thing that popped into my mind. ive never done drugs so i wanna kno what it tastes like. is it good, bad, what? I WANNA KNOW! lol just for my own reference. Today is another day full of drama for this journal.
R. L and J. T. "made up" with C.G. I was very angry about it because of the stuff R.L. was saying about C.G. and how she took her back ina snap! A.B. called and told me i need to stop writing in here because it causes too much drama. i kno i should, but i cant. im not goign to start over because of people.
I fell asleep 6th period for about 45 mins. i didnt feel good. in english, we wrote an essay. in 5th period we did almost nothing, and in yearbook i colored and slept. lol. i wanna change the layout of the journal. i like change! wooohooo!
Ill WRite whenever i wanna~ oh yeah! the cursor is for everyone to remind them to keep a smile on their faces! :]!
MUAH~
Laur
OH- Nikki, dont worry about it hunnie! they were going to comment anyway. dont sweat the small stuff.
Please guys, stop your fighting.
::
2004 17 May :: 7.32am
:: Mood: spiffy
:: Music: i have had you
WOOOHOOOOOO!!!
AMAZING guys!
i gotta hand it to you. ! 16 comments already, and i have no said a word. Woudl you please all go back and read the entry that all that crap is posted on? it talks about me going to church... to the beach... how did it come to me being a "hoe"? whatever. im going to disregard allc omments and let you guys argue. lol- i think its kinda funny how an entry about nothing can stir up stuff. its like soup! lol
anywya
finals are definatly beginning to stress me. plus all this drama from school is well over my head. but i can do it! ima trooper! SUPER TROOPER! the math final is going to be a bi-otch! thats the only one im actually dreading. the bio one should be pretty easy since mrs. wheeler is giving us everything that we need to kno. She was so ncie to me today. i was upset because of something osmone posted and i had to bring it to school because i was told if any other threats are made against me in the journal, i need to bring it, IP addy n all, and i had it. Mrs. Wheeler asked what was wrong and so i let her read it. shes like "dont worry about it. whoever wrote this doesnt know anything and must not go to ft myers since they think we have 3 months of summer and think that a vagina can get dialted."
lol she made me smile.
hmmm what else..
oh! wednesday is the sports banquet. im going over courtni's house after school and we're going to get dressed over there. i have a choice between a dress and a skirt. ima bring them bothe rover there. haha. i dont kno what im wearin yet!
Michael isnt sure if hes going to be there but he better be or else!
I love him to pieces
well, i gotta go
Love Always
Laur
Hola-
Yesturday i was at the beach ALL yesturday ona boat. it was fantacular! I was tubin andhad a TON of fun! i wanna go do it again! we were going to, but its supposed to rain so i dont kno if were going because we got stuck yestrday coming back bcecause the boat is docked in sanibel.
THen i went to this progressive dinner thinggy with my church. it was prety much a snore, but i hung out with wyatt, chris, n max. that was interesting. haha- max gave me all his lolipops he earned and told me all the answers to the questions we wwere supposed to answer. innit nice?
Oh yeah- Sooooo yeah. MY sisters are burned as hell. Me, i just got tanner! woohooo! I love how i can actually get tan! im supposed to go to my game today but i cant since i have a meeting at church abotu this summers events. Me and Amanada Elliott prolyl have the same room accomidations and i cant wait for it! Audrey n Liz n Kimmie will prolly be in the same room, Amanada ((my sister)) and Heather and Tina will be in the same room. So right there takes care of 3 rooms. Heather S. WIll prolly be in me n amandas room because yeah we talk alot.
Frank was gunna take me to a party last night but i was out in san carlos tooo long and he lives in the Cape. Then he was gunna coem over at lik e11 but my parents were ina bad mood. and i didnt wanna mess with them.
I felt sooo bad last night. i tried calling michael like a bajillion times and when he finally calls back, im asleep. soo i wanna talk to him badly right now. I wish he wasnt grounded so then he could come over cause me and my momma are just gunna go to the mall instead since we cant go to the beach due the rain that is going to fall shortly. im looking outside and it doesnt look so good. plus its only 77.
my pool gets water in it on monday! YAY!. so that means it will officially be finished on friday! WEll- i need to go to my meeting. itll be fun!
Muah!
Laur
P.S.-The rest of the 9th grade who had the person comment in my journal about laughing their ass off when we break up, can shove it up their buttt because we are NOT going to break up fora long time. Thanks :]
P.S.S- That comment i just made is not directed to those of you who had no idea what the anonymous commenter was going to say.
Bye!
::
2004 15 May :: 7.32pm
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: boys night out, the fine art of making it out alive
tomorrow we will wake up in time to stop this double suicide through kisses laced with cyanide and one last look through blood shot eyes i guess this is what they call killing yourself in small doses.
how can a day that went so well end in such a hell
end
in such a hell
the end
everything is at an end, and that is all
what we call the beginning is often the end, and to make an end is to make a beginning, the end is where we start from
have seen an end of all perfection: but thy commandment is exceeding broad
IM HUNGRY!!!!!
haha thought id share. im bored. im home alone......... o0o0o0o0 scary! haha. i talked to liz. we are both going to drop this ordeal. it is your turn.! MUaHz!
bYe!
HEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i sthe bestest person on this whole wide world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Humm dee dumm dee dum
School was very uneventful. Yearbook i talked to courtni the whole time cause she has health class n she didnt do anything so lol, we had fun. Englissh we had to write some haku or w.e their called. 5th period we took notes n did hw. then 6th period we did some worksheet, then we had an hour to do nuthin, so me n stephanie made up some weird things with greg, me n greg played hang man lol for like 20 mins, then i drew michael a pic, talked to ryan, fun fun!
Lunch i got alot of looks, but oh well lol. This whole ordeal is getting tiring. J.T. really seems to have a big mouth ((no not the boy JT in muh english class incase you uhh get the wrong part about htat too)). but thats besides the point. Yes, admisitstration and teachers are aware of things going on. Im not enuff to stop this, but they are going to help it get quiet because its really gay. S.F's last day was today. THANK GOD! ahhh we were friends last year, i dunno what happened. oh well. Hey,what was that ali girls last name? somebodys gotta kno... Ahem... Jenna? lol. The perople who were there were... Jenna, Ryan, that Max guy, n the Ali chikka. Soooo the person who wrote in my journal had to have been one of them!. if you hate me soo badly, why do you waste your time reading my journal? I don't know. its your life not mine, im not gonna get into like you did mine... i mean my parents arent divorced like some people i kno and i wasnt forced to live with my mom whom i hate. ((i dont hate my momma i luv her ! ))
But anyway-
we lost our game last night, REALLY bad. 14-0!! woohoo! were good. I pitched the last inning and 7 runs scored !! hoooray! ima GREAT pitcher! lol i struck out Jamie, YAY!. that was kinda funny, but then peple dropped balls and the hit the HELL outta the ball, i guess the speed change wasnt enuff to stop the yankees! ohw ell we did well aweful, we hadnt been 10 runned yet, even the yankees had, but thats alright. we took 2nd in the tournament. i did pretty bad. i fouled off 2 and well they caught them. Courtney did a diving catch into the fence but caught it! haha ima strike her out some time lol just to get back. i was the 1st batter and then the 3rd time i was up, i stuck out :( i suck! lol. ((not literally)). Bruno made some AMAZING catches! lemme tell yah! she had to dive for like 3 and caught them!! w00h00! go Amanda! Amanda Elliott pitched against us, she did a wonderful job too! hehe thats muh older sistta! I cant wait till the summa to go to orland with her and 36 000 other kids! lol. that' s gunna be ablast.
tomorro i have to go to some progressive dinner thing with muh church. i cant wait. i had fun last year and it ends wiht a pool party at chris's house. Hes da BOMB! lol. Wyatts gunna be there so ima talk to him. i havnt seen him since... forever! like last time i saw him wasprolly in novemebr? december? i dont kno. hmmmm
well, have fun printin this
and have fun readin this and makin sum comments on this entry and past entries thinking i will not read them~ maybe this time u can learn to leave your name!
MUAH!
Laur
560*2738!
look for the feeling that we lost
where'd you have it last
maybe if we retrace our steps
but we cant find the path
that led us here to where we stand
faced up faced up watch it spin around
now something beautifuls' dead
::
2004 13 May :: 3.19am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: i swear
school was very interesting today..
i had a sort of good day untillunch when i got dizzy and didnt feel good and had some strange girl come up to me and cuss me out. oh that was pleasing. she told me ima slut, so i agreed. then she paused, then said ima f*n bitch and ima get jumped one day. so i said ok. i really dont care... im so sick of the drama... heres another entry peopel are going to print off, but just kno, none of this has to do with michael so leave him out of it... he has enough on his mind already.
L.T seems suprised hes not on my "list" lol. people make it seem like its a hit list. is it? no, its simply expression my anger towards people. I do not like those people i have listed. you don't even know if it's you, becasue a bunch of peopel could be named ryan or ashley or emily. there really is no way of knowing it's you enless you kno you did something tom ake me angry.
kelly pharum- ahhi cant spell yer last name... but anyway, no the kelly listed was not you and Ryan Renyolds, the ryan listed was no you and Ashley Hintze, the ashley listed is not you. Right there were 3 assumptions, that were not right. I know who i am, you don't
if that's too hard to comprehend, them im very sorry and there is nothign i can do about that.
I dont know what else to say, but the school is aware of events that have occured and will probably be speaking to those involved with this, especially those who have made threats against me ((hmmh mm at lunch)) becase now this is started to affect my school life..
Its amazing how immature people are. I, myself included. But, HEy GUYS! to whom ever is reading this entry around school.
Im done. I love Michael, and no one can take him from me.
::
2004 12 May :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: productive
:: Music: funeral for a friend, waking up
is a lie just the truth uncovered and relinquished, a passion for all young fools, a question left unanswered, and when everything is said and done, we are dead and buried..
exposed the contents of my locker this morning, exploring for paper and such that were require of my first class, when i encountered an aged book entitled the catcher in the rye, exceeding all other books i have read to date, i was startled to see this book with its stale yellowed pages and expirenced cover, i now have a new found respect for my locker partner, her taste in reading is faultless
but continuing onto other matters
i wasnt particularly fond of the previous entry and didnt wish it to be the excerpt first by whoever approaches my journal, futhermore the reason for this entry
fifteen years ago last saturday, chris was born
wasnt able to spend any time with him over the weekend, with scheduals as jam packed as they are parallel to it being mothers day, but his gift was well received and that night i slept soundly in a garment curiously similar to his, spoke with his father monday night after learning that i was seated next to him and his wife during the course of the production displayed by the freshman drama class, chris being the primary character of course, and while his father and i made pleasent conversation i learned that even two hours after chris had contacted me in gracious thanks he was elated, walking on air as he put it, and just by that comment i mimicked his actions
and about the performance monday night, chris stole the show, and i was taken by suprise at how well he presents himself while on stage
should have taken notice when he titled it his passion
farther into the past few days, i journied home with katie and alexa friday afternoon intending to spend the weekend at katies house in the gorgeous acres of alva, and that i did, the adventure begin with kneeboarding on the caloosahatchee, first time attempting such a feat, and to my suprise i caught on fairly quick, able to complete 360 with minimal unbalance, following in chronological order manhunt was played well, myself being the sole survivor who never recieved as much as a glance from an opponent, but that is besides the point, after awaking saturday morning with hopes of spending it with chris, my mother and i ventured off to his house, spending the afternoon at the next exit, estero, lunch was wonderful along with the conversation that went with it, it is days like those that you have a simple feeling of happiness
