blackecho101
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2008 28 June :: 2.09am
:: Music: Incubus
should i be happy?
Well, i finally did it; its over. We're over... and as unhappy as i was before, just like i knew i would be, I'm more miserable now. I feel like a piece of shit, a sorry dirty low down piece of shit. I'm not gona go get all emo over this break up or anything, don't worry about that, but its going take a minute to get over... i mean, shit, 7 beers and 2 350mg muscle relaxers surely did'nt ease this pain, how disappointing. omg, i need to cheer up and relax, this is ridiculous. I'm scared, relieved, and regretful all at the same time. i cant even focus on this damn blog im noddin from the pills so bad... im fuckered and im still feelin bad, its getting alot better, and worse i guess, by the minute. maybe ill update this more often, its starting to become a habbit, hell yeah! yup, im noddin out i almost smacked the keyboard with my forehead that time... that was pretty great.
oh comely...
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blackecho101
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2008 27 June :: 1.33am
implode or explode?
still confused, still distraught, still dont know what to do, still dont feel right spilling it all out to anyone. Honnestly the best way of describing how im feeling is that i feel like im so empty im going to implode but being so full i feel like im going to explode.
oh comely...
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blackecho101
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2008 27 June :: 1.33am
implode or explode?
still confused, still distraught, still dont know what to do, still dont feel right spilling it all out to anyone. Honnestly the best way of describing how im feeling is that i feel like im so empty im going to implode but being so full i feel like im going to explode.
oh comely...
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blackecho101
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2008 25 June :: 10.08pm
:: Mood: Distraught
:: Music: Incubus (as always)
Distraught - agitated with doubt or mental conflict or pain
tell me thats not a perfect way to describe my life right now.
god i dont want to end anything that might be savable.
i dont understand why i can go without her when im not thinking about doing it, but as soon as i think about actually going on without her i freak. every time i think about us being with anyone else i just want to cry. i dont ever want to see her with anyone else unless she isnt happy with me, which is how i kind of feel right now. maybe im not helping the situation by always having the idea of us breaking up on my mind, but god damnit man, we havent spent even part of a day together in weeks. what am i supposed to think? its been prob a month since this shit started and it isnt getting any better. how much of my time should i sacrifice before its just a waste? yeah, who am i kidding, what better option do i have? i havent shown any interest in any girl but her for the past year and a half and thats about how much interest ive gotten back. i dont even know any girls that i dont look at like a sister or one of the guys. but hell, why should i? i had everything i ever needed in a girl, and now i don't anymore. i am the master of losing everything that makes me happy. and you know what? i dont think im making her happy anymore, so maybe we do need to put an end to this sorry excuse for a relationship. but, on the other hand, she isnt making me happy anymore either, and all she has to do is walk through the door. on top of that, if this does end, my biggest fear is how long it will take for me to be happy again, and the fact that maybe i wont. ive always felt she was the only person that could make me happy no matter what, and what im just coming to realize, i still believe that. and if i still believe that she is my main source of happiness, and the fact that since our relationship went downhill i havent been happy only backs that up, then how can i ever bring myself to break up with her and doom myself to depression? god DAMNIT i need some lithium.
My hands are trembling
And my eyes are on fire
This house is crumbling
Left brain, left out, on the wire
You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph
My past is perilous
But each scar I bear sings
Monuments to where I have been
And melodies to where I am going
You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph
When will I see you again?
Still-life can only go so far
I need you in front of me
Saying my name
Saying to me...
"I want you the way you are
You, the way you are"
You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph
You make me happy
oh comely...
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blackecho101
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2008 16 June :: 7.40pm
:: Mood: Hurt
:: Music: Incubus - Love Hurts
Love Hurts
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive
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As much as i disliked their new album compared to their old, it has really taken a huge ripple in my relationship for me to realize that Light Grenades is just as heartfelt as any other Incubus CD.
I don't know whats going on with my relationship, I don't understand how i can ignore Liz for days on end, and she can do the same, and it doesn't bother either of us. But yet when we sit down and talk about breaking up i cant even keep my composure... I never, ever, cry in front of people unless I just cant help it and today was the second time she has seen me cry in pretty much a year and a half relationship. The first time? When I thought i was permanently moving to Blacksburg, VA. How can we both be so shallow but yet still be heartbroken at just the thought of breaking up? And why did this hit both of us at the same time? I mean, thank you god for it not being just me or just her that appear to be falling out of love because that would destroy the other's heart, but hell, why is it both of us at the same time? It simply makes no sense, which is probably about how I'm sounding right now, posting relationship problems in a blog that I've used, what? 3 times in the past 2 years? Whatever, but since I began on a new incubus song ill end on an old...
Incubus - I Miss You
To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?
I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.
oh comely...
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