~Every other minute I'm strong as I can be, It's just those lonely minutes in between~


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...stars dont always shine forever...

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:: 2016 22 April :: 12.14 pm

Today marks one month since the accident. I am finally feeling relief after going to the chiropractor. I am still recovering though. Occasionally I have brain fog, or things get fuzzy and I have a hard time focusing. Everyday I am even more grateful that my baby was unharmed in the accident. Last week was the first time that she had even asked questions about the accident. I knew it was going to happen, and I didn't press her after the accident because I was waiting for her to be ready. After the accident she asked what happened one time. And it was literally the first thing out of her mouth after we stopped. From that point on, all she would say was "I hate that lady's car for hitting us. She's a bad driver. I hate her driving". I would always reassure her that the only thing that mattered was that we were okay. I have been trying hard to not harbor anger over the whole ordeal. I am pissed that she wrecked my car. I am pissed that I am still recovering. But the fact that even after all that, my child is okay, makes me not want to hang onto those feelings of anger or hatred. Reagan could have been killed, or severely injured. She could have had cuts ALL over her body from all the glass. She could have been covered in glass, but for some reason she wasn't.

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2013 11 November :: 3.12 pm

Yesterday, my mom had a heart attack. This morning she had a heart cath, and it showed that she has a small blockage but they aren't doing a stent because it could cause more harm than good. I was told this morning she would be coming home tonight, but by the time I got to class, they decided to keep her for another day. And the cardiologist told her numerous times she needs to quit smoking. So I am hoping that, the heart attack and the fact she has already been told by her doctor that has been treating her for Lupus, is enough to get it in full swing..

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2013 2 September :: 9.41 am

I started my last fall semester of college last week. So far, I hate it because I have to go to class 3 times a week. But, at least this semester is going to be a breeze compared to next semester.

My mom has lupus, but it's just the horrible rash on her face, no organs are being affected or causing it, yet. She told me that her doctor told her that she HAD to quit smoking, so she is cutting back and going to try the e-cig before she tries chantix. I'm not going to hold my breath. I want to have hope that she will quit smoking and maybe she will even quit drinking or at least cut back tremendously and live a semi-normal life. I'd like to think that at some point in my life, I can go visit her and not wreak of smoke just from sitting on her couch.

My brother had his 6 month check up to see if the cancer is back, and there are signs the cancer has come back, or it's just residue from the hodgkin's that wasn't seen in the last scan. Not sure what's going on, because he hasn't heard from his doctor or had any more tests scheduled.

Reagan so badly wants to go to school, but is too young by a week to start preschool. Preschool that I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for on top of fundraising anyway. I would love for her to go, but I think she will benefit from going to daycare a couple days a week to.

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2013 28 May :: 10.05 am

A year ago today, my brother got some pretty life changing news. It's so crazy and amazing that within the last year, he has found out that he had cancer, had chemo and has been in remission for 4 months.

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2012 13 November :: 2.44 pm

Today I remembered that I forgot to sign up for Spring classes last week, so I got a pretty crappy schedule.. But, I found out that I will be done Fall of next year.. Not sure what I will do when I don't have school anymore.. I will have to go back to work, because I have an ass load of student loans to pay back.. Maybe I can put off getting a job until Reagan is in school full time.. Seems weird that I will be done with college in a year..

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2012 31 October :: 12.38 am

Can't sleep.. Not sure if it's because I don't feel good, or because my mind won't shut off.. 7 Years later and I still can't believe we are together.. Pretty sure neither one of us thought it would last this long.. We sure press each others buttons, and annoy the hell out of each other, we aren't perfect, and we both might be a little on the bipolar side.. But I am glad that I said yes to going on a date with him. I can't picture anyone else I would want to go to bed next to each night..

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2012 16 September :: 10.38 pm

It melts my heart, and brings tears to my eyes, every time Mike prays for my brother when he does Reagans bed time prayers with her.

1 *gazer* | *watch the stars fall*

:: 2012 17 August :: 6.21 am

My kid won't nap. And some people might think that, that is no big deal. But you've probably Never met Reagan. She is a major crab without a nap. She is sleep deprived and has been since she was about 4 months old. Her dad is no help with that. He contradicts everything I say or do.. She hasn't napped since Tuesday. And that wasn't a very long nap. Maybe a 20 mile drive. Wednesday, she fought it for 4 hours, and screamed bloody murder for 2.5 hours. I am seriously going insane. She doesn't ever let me do anything. Other than watch cartoons with her. I'm to the point where I'm ready to send her to day care just so I don't have to deal with nap time... But I would feel super Shitty about dumping her off on someone else when she wont go to sleep on her own.

And complaining and being this frustrated with her makes me feel like a Shitty mom and a Shitty person. Which just makes me cry along with her.

6 *gazer*s | *watch the stars fall*

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