Unknown Alice.

Sermon on the Song of Solomon interspersed with Van Morrison's "Crazy Love"

:: 2023 22 March :: 9.30am

:: 2023 15 March :: 12.10pm

ever ever
in the crevices
the never-ending efforts of
the grandmother's tendons tending to her bread and empty chairs
left for Elijahs
where are they now

in caverna, in caverna

- from To the Hands by Caroline Shaw

At Jewish seders, there is often an extra wine glass left on the table for Elijah the prophet. And at the bris ceremony, there is an empty chair left for Elijah, so he may observe the ceremony and testify that yes, the Jewish people are keeping their covenant with God. Yes, the community is faithful and they have not abandoned their promises.

What is the last promise you have upheld? How do you demonstrate commitment to your faith, your family, your tribe? What is the point of teaching your children to uphold the same promises that your parents taught you to uphold?

Do Jewish people earnestly believe that the soul of the prophet Elijah is looking on, like Christians believe G-d is watching their every trip to the grocery store? Or do they see it as just a gesture of tradition, a small sacrifice on the altar of the fantastic?

:: 2023 6 March :: 5.14pm

I hate these chronic feelings of being completely unimportant

1 brave word | leave a comment

:: 2023 1 March :: 10.35am

I am just a piece of shitty trash in the Pacific ocean garbage patch

:: 2023 3 February :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: thoughtful

"Today most people leave each other when they become enemies the first time. It's not a permanent state. You've hated your brothers before and then loved them the next day. Living with someone means you'll feel everything with them, love, sadness, passion, anger. Don't run away everytime things get hard, it's worth fighting for, it's worth fixing. Every time you do it gets stronger."

2 brave words | leave a comment

catatonicsean

:: 2023 20 January :: 8.56pm
:: Mood: morose
:: Music: Peter Schilling - Major Tom (Coming Home)

I am divorced, reduced to smoldering rubble, and I want to kill myself. I am beyond consolation, in spite of having a girlfriend who loves me, I feel small and that no one will notice me being dead.

2 brave words | leave a comment

:: 2023 19 January :: 6.15am

Y'all. In case anyone could use a chuckle today, I finally told my super conservative, deeply Christian fundamentalist mother that I'm bisexual, and this is how it went:

Me: S and I just bought our tickets to go to Australia this summer! June 23rd - July 15th. We're really excited. And, I'm flying out to Portland in March to see my friend T's piano recital.

Mom: Oh? Is that something that you really want to do?

Me: Um. Do you think I'd be going out there if I didn't want to?

Mom: Well, I mean. He's...he's gay, isn't he?

Me: ...Yes. He's gay...

Mom: Isn't there anyone else from that music studio that you're still connected with?

Me: T is one of my closest friends. I gotta say, your response here is sounding pretty homophobic.

Mom: Yeah. I guess I am homophobic.

Me: Mom, I'm bisexual.

Mom: Oh, I know.

Me: ...Wait. You do?

Mom: Yes! Wait. What does bisexual mean??

Me: It means I'm attracted to men and women.

Mom: WHAT! Since when?

Me: I came out when I was nineteen.

Mom: You came out when you were nineteen??

Me: Yeah. To my friends. Not to my family.

Proceeds to ask a ton of invasive and insensitive questions, including but not limited to:

- Since when did you have sexual relations with a woman??
- Does S know??? What does he think????
- How dare you dishonour the sanctity of your marriage! Sleeping around with other women!
- Have you tried praying about it? *my personal favourite*
- Just because your boss is a lesbian doesn't mean you have to be.

Bonus: She started telling me about a roommate she had at Hope College who was a lesbian and "came on" to her, which made her deeply uncomfortable. She was actually spending a semester in Philadelphia when this happened. She went on to have an amazing encounter with God and the Holy Spirit during that trip, so it wasn't a total loss!

Told S about it afterwards - he said, what did she think bisexual means? I said I had no idea. He said maybe she thought I meant "bride-sexual" - saving myself for marriage to a heterosexual man, baybeeee! LMAO

:: 2022 23 December :: 3.44am

I keep dreaming of us living in different places together.

I dream that you are all torn up, that you're broken and sad.

I hurt for you, with you. I do miss you.

"you once called me forever, now you still can't call me back"

:: 2022 16 December :: 10.05am
:: Mood: exuberant
:: Music: Bloodhound Gang

"You must die! I alone am best!!1!!1"
*cue dirty bass*

:: 2022 26 November :: 1.35pm

https://youtu.be/iWG6apzIWAk

:: 2022 17 November :: 4.11pm

when every song puts me into your point of view

each tune is a tune i wish I could share with you

but you had to go fuck it all up

:: 2022 16 October :: 7.24pm

words are cheap.

anyone can say "I love you", but not many can show it

did you ever love me?

1 brave word | leave a comment

:: 2022 7 September :: 4.25pm
:: Mood: pensive

When destiny calls you
You must be strong (you gotta be strong)
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

:: 2022 22 August :: 8.23am

Then there's Kate
Wearing roller skates
Think she's lost some weight
Love to see that smile on her face

She's acting in a play
Always has a joke to say
Trying something every day
O, I wanna be more like Kate