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Passing Through The Shadows

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:: 2004 1 July :: 10.42 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: cassidy- get no better

leavin tomorrow
hey guys,

what's up?? i'm leavin 4 bangladesh tomorrow. excited. the plane ride there will be long. about 2 days. at least i don't have 2 travel alone tho.. don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing lol. we'll c. i have 2 take my summer assignments tho [ the bio packet and the eng book- it's not that bad, but it seems like it's gonna move really slow. we learned about the author in spanish- isabel allende. i think that's her name at least--- don't quote me on it. so i did all my packing today. had 2 go run errands 4 my mom. the whole excitement of driving independently has worn off. i had 2 pump gas, which i don't like doing. the gas nozzle is broke so it takes two ppl 2 open it lol. one person 2 hold the button and the other 2 get it 2 open. how annoying. o well- there r worse things in life. packing's crazy tho. goin so far away and everything. it costs a lotta money too.

well im gonna go now. i dunno when i'll get a change 2 update.. so we'll c.

2 heavy shadows | under the darkness

:: 2004 6 May :: 7.43 pm

Was up?

Today was all right. Chem, the power was out, so we all gathered our stuff and went by the cafeteria. It was nice. Nice change of pace. Just sit and relax while working on those stoichiometry problems that I just live for. Ceramics was boring. We just helped set up 4 the show tonight and I glazed my project. I like spending lunch in Morone. I duno why. It's nice hangin out wit that group of girls. There's just all good feelings between us and it's just chill. Listenin 2 random Disney songs and sharing eachother's food like when we were little. English was all right- took our vocab quiz and read a story. Mo's done a really good job wit the analysis stuff. Finally.I mean before all we learned was vocab and we read shit but we never did nething 2 understand it. Definitely gotta do that daybook 2 bring up my grade. I did well on my poetry anaylsis tho- 98. I needed that. Even PETER said it was good, he was like- I didn't know you were smart. If I'm not mistakin' I think that's a compliment ?? Spanish was all rite- nothing special. I think she's a nice lady tho. She's a stickler 4 the rules, but nice. I probably just said bad things about her just cuz I was bitter about my B, but it's all good- rite? Not good 2 hold onto things from the past- especially when u can't do nething. Worrying, complaining, and just being overall pesimistic will only have you going around in circles- you're not gonna get anywhere with it. I mean, don't keep it bottled up, but time could be more well spent just doin something else... working harder to correct the screw up. It's good 2 remember ur past, but work towards the future. Anyway, stayed after school 4 Art tutoring. We did multiple based slide questions, I did pretty decent, I got 25/35. Which is a C average. I don't think that's that bad, especially after getting 35 wrong outa 85 or 84. Then I helped Mrs Howard wit the Art Show setting up. I figured what was the point going home if only 2 came back in 2 hours, especially since I know it's not my mom's favorite thing 2 drive around town(s) so much.

I dunno y, but I just like being by myself. I dunno if that's just weird but I do spend a lotta time by myself. I think I'm not a type of person who depends on other people 2 make myself happy. I think it's cuz when you set expectations for other people, and they don't meet them, u just get let down. And frankly, I'm tired of bein let down. I dunno realizing this makes me lucky or just makes me look at the world ina bad way. But, I just hope I don't end up alone one day.. like I'm about 2 retire but I'm all alone. I think that's one of my worst fears. And dying.. and no one missing me. I hope when I leave this world... some part of me will live on and some sort of legacy will continue. I just wanna be a good person. I think the happiest people aren't necessarily the richest people. It's like that story we read in English about how one guy killed himself for one reason [I dunno y ] and the other killed himself cuz he "had everything" I dunno, just my thoughts. But I just wanna work hard 2 get 2 the places I want 2. Working hard makes you feel good about yourself, it really does. It makes you feel accomplished, sure u get tired, but that's what "life's all about" right, working towards perfection?? Or at least being happy with your imperfections- but hey, I never was settler.

All right.. I'm out.

3 heavy shadows | under the darkness

:: 2004 21 April :: 6.51 pm

i cant fuckin do this nemore. it's not fair. no one understands.

3 heavy shadows | under the darkness

:: 2003 22 December :: 4.40 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

hey everyone,

was up?? my mouth still hurts. it's annoying. i don't know y i ever let my mom convince me 2 get my wisdom teeth pulled. it's so annoying, cuz there's nothing i can do about it but wait. argh. i hope it gets better soon. i was supposed 2 go my dad's today, but i didn't feel good- so i asked him 2 reschedule it.

hmm, what else? i guess the break has been nice. everyday i wake up, and i'm like, what hw do i have 2 do today- NONE! lol, it never gets old.

eh, i guess that's it. sry this was so boring. i dunno what 2 write.. later

2 heavy shadows | under the darkness

:: 2003 20 December :: 9.13 am
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: dre- the next episode

winter break
hey guys,

was up?? nothing much here. exams r finally over. art wasn't THAT bad. these last 3 exams.. i've just been so burned out that i've barely been trying, u know?? and that sucks. but, what am i gonna do? it's all done now. so yesterday, art finished at 9:30. went on the bus. no one was there. i felt so alone. lol. o well. ms betty brought us chips and drinks. that was really nice of her. of course the ONE day that i can't eat

...cuz i had 2 get my wisdom teeth pulled, so wit the laughing gas they were gonna give me, they told me not 2 eat, cuz i guess it makes u throw up?? i dunno.. so yeh, i got my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. i mean it hurts of course, but u know when ppl exaggerate something, it seems worse. so, it's not AS bad. i guess it's better than it bein the other way around [ppl sayin it's not as bad then it really is, and then hurting a lot..] just the taste of blood is the worst thing. it's so nasty. and i can't swallow stuff ucz it hurts. i'm not that swollen tho. i swear-laughing gas it so weird. i dunno y ppl wud ever do drugs. not 2 sound like a goody goody. but it is sorta scary cuz u don't have control over ur body. cuz i felt like.. i could still think clearly, but my body felt all tired so no reactions occured. haha. and then i started laughing randomly and the docotr/nurse/ my mom were laughing at me. lol. and then i came back 2 reality 4 a sec, and was like heyy. i felt schizo. :D

so these next few days will probably be spent with recuperating. then monday, i'm going 2 my dad's. geeze, it felt like i just went.. lol, prob cuz i DID just go lol ?? who knows what i'll be doing there.

so, i guess that's about it 4 now. i'll update later, i guess... later

under the darkness

:: 2003 18 December :: 6.43 pm
:: Mood: numb- from the cold and the exams
:: Music: seal- kiss from a rose

hey guys,

was up?? nothing much here. well here's how my exams have went so far:

chem: great, i got an a.
ceramics: it was all rite. i just did it really quickly and then worked on my project.

math: it was ok. i didnt know some of them. all i need is a c.
eng: vocab was so ez. but then the story questions were a lil hard.

econ: started off basic wound up wit detail. i don't feel the a- vibe. i think i might've gotten a b or c.
span: SOO freakin hard. the grammer was hard. it was fill in the blanks, and we had 2 do like..120 questions in 1 hr, so i was trying to rush a lot...

tomorrow: art. all i need is a d, so i haven't even started to study yet. it's all good.

i'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow, and my stepdad finally comes from bangladesh. wow, it's been like a month since i've seen him.

monday: im leaving.. 4 LA. : / i don't like flying. ppl always ask y not, cuz i guess they like 2. it gets old quickly tho.

i hope everyone has a good winter break. i'm sure that we all need it. we all worked hard this semester. my advice wud b not 2 wry about grades, cuz it's outa our hands now. well except 4 .. 6th hr, but u know what i mean. lol.

well neway, i guess that's about it 4 my BORING life.

- sameen

2 heavy shadows | under the darkness

:: 2003 14 December :: 9.02 pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: snoop dogg- gin n juice

the weekend is over
hey readers,

was up?? nothin much here... well neways, the weekend is unwinding and coming to an end. wow this sucks. i feel really unaccomplished. i think everyone does cuz it seems like everyone i've talked 2 hasn't done that much- hey, at least i'm not alone lol. major cramming.

yesterday i went christmas caroling 2 the elderly- it was fun. i learned some of the songs, it was nice. man, john has a pimped out car. it's an suv. i think he shares it wit his mom tho.. but u know what i realized tho, that jealousy isn't good. i mean i wasn't insanely jealous, but i was like, y can't i get a new car?? u know?? but it's not good 2 always look at what u DON'T have, cuz i have SO much stuff that i shud b grateful 4, u know.. so yeh, i guess that's how i look at it. and that was basically what i did yesterday.. and a LITTLE- emphasis on little- studying.

today, studied once again a lil- all i did this weekend was make flash cards 4 chem which i didn't even finish. but then i had 2 work on making a tea pot 4 ceramics. lol. i wasted so much time doing that. i think just by.. gathering materials i spend about 45 mins, lol. o well.. that's life. and then i went 2 brandsmart 2day- damn what an experience that was.. i hate those ppl who work there, they have NO idea what they're doing, i swear. we wasted like prob.. 1/2 an hr just cuz ppl don't know what they're doing. well neways, we bought sinbad. [and other stuff] but i saw it just now.. it was really good. man i wish i was a kid again. :D lol. well neways, i guess that's about it 4 now.. later

under the darkness

:: 2003 13 December :: 11.50 am
:: Music: jay z- i just wanna love u

hey everyone,

was up?? it was weird the week ending, cuz it was like.. i wanted the weekend 2 come so the week wud b over, but then i didn't cuz i knew finals are comin up. that sux. so yesterday was all rite. chem- quest, i dunno how i did. some of the things were tricky, esp if u didn't read it correctly, cuz there was one where u had 2 put the unit in L and i had in cm^3 and just stuff like that. then ceramics was frustrating cuz i dunno how 2 make a "tea pot" lol i have 2 work on it this weekend. i wud have never taken that class but it was the only thing they had besides world history. i'm kinda glad i did. neway then was english, talked about the daybook and then freetime. it's nice 2 not have 2 work bell 2 bell in one class. and i don't mean like, o there's 5-mins-4-the-bell-2-ring free time, but like 1/2 an hour or something. spanish, ahh i dunno. she's so disorganized. i don't feel ready 4 the final at ALL. i don't even know the format of it. and i know she's gonna screw up my 2nd quarter grade.. she gave me a c now, but it's her fault, she gave me a 0 on my vocab quiz which i got an a on and i obv did take. and i've been askin her 4 weeks if she changed it or not and she said no. then after school i stayed 2 make "reindeer candy canes" lol. weird. then came home and i was really tired i dunno y. so i had a chill nite- had pizza, downloaded like 50 songs, lol, i had 230 songs on kazaa yest now i had 310. and today i woke up and sorta kinda started studying 4 finals.. well that's about it 4 now. sry 4 the boring update..

under the darkness

:: 2003 6 December :: 12.34 am
:: Music: alicia keys- u don't know my name >>luan did u listen 2 it yet, lol

hi, my name is sameen and i have a problem
and it feels like... ooo u don't know my name

hey guys,

was up?? nothin much here. well i havent updated in a while, so i'll just off wit yesterday:


we had a sub and he didnt say one word besides the attendance- hey, it's all good :D i, for one, didnt mind.

and then i went 2 ceramics.

and i just.. looked around and everyone had somethin really neat about there project, esp on the outside, and mine was plain. so i cut a shape into it- i was so nervous. i thot i was gonna detroy it. but i didnt.. i like how it is now. it started out wit my initial, S, and turned into just somethin totally different, something abstract- i like the evolution of the whole process.

of course around 10, the ppl who had epstein left- like 3 ppl lol [me included.] it was good. but man, it's so hard 2 fite the temptation.. of talking lol. i dunno, i just can't. i know, it sounds so simple, but i dunno, i think the chemical reaction doesn't go on in my brain or something.. i dunno, im not even gonna bullshit. straight up: i dunno WHY i can't shut up. but it's not like that at home lol. it's like.. at school it turns on: my talking. i mean, not that i'm dead quiet at home or nething, but... NEWAY, man, i can't even STAY ON TOPIC when i talk lol. it's funny. i'm not criticizing myself, i'm just sayin how pathetic i am. it's funny. neway, since i'm already off topic. if i werent me, and if someone else were [Lord, have mercy on their soul lol] i dunno how i wud deal wit that person, i wud punch them. how do YOU guys stand me? lol.. ahh :D NEWAY the state senator seemed really nice and genuine. and plus he wasn't that old. so we cuz somewhat relate or he cud talk 2 us better..

next was lunch: all of ib. i sat wit my usual group tho. me, myeong, edgar, and sunil, and i think there was someone else... i don't remember, damn who cares neway? lol.. it's not like ne of u guys REALLY wanna know that bad who i sat wit at lunch on thursday, 12/04, at 11:40, rite? lol. i hate goin into so much detail lol.

neway, after lunch: morone:

it was ridiculous, and not in a good way. i think it was SO unbelievably wrong how ppl took advantage of him. it's like, ok????? wtf? y can't u just go 2 ur own damn classes 4 just one hr. and even if u did come, y didnt u just leave when the bell 4 third lunch rang? and some ppl were so damn rude, they don't even HAVE him 4 a teacher, but they came. i'm sry if i "offend" ne1, but that's just my opinion... especially when it was SO many ppl, and ur classes can't b THAT bad where u can't just go 4 a damn hr... and ppl were blasting music and shit that had cuss words and stuff, it's like, at least show respect- if u're gonna go into some teacher's room who u don't know, stay there the whole hr, make noise, disrupt his class, and w.e... then have some common sense wit it. lol u all KNOW i just wrote about yesterday so i cud write about that lol, but ya know, u know how we do in west boca- keepin it real..

and then in spanish:

it was eh. just eh. u know what i mean.. lol

and then TODAY

chem: sub- w/s

alg: took test. ah if i did bad on it, im SO screwed, i dont even wanna think about it.

econ: if i did bad on that test, im SO screwed, dont even wanna think about it.. again, even tho we took it a LONG time ago lol.

art: test, w.e. i don't care. i get an 88.7, so i know i mita gotten an a, but last quarter i got a b, so, i'm sure i won't get a on the semester exam, u know??

and then today was jackie's party. it was a lotta fun. i'm glad i went. it was nice 2 meet her other friends. i'm the twister champion. i wuda one tho the other time, but someone intentionally pushed me, cuz i wudnt give up. but ahh my joints hurt so much after it. it's good.. yoga stuff tho. seriously. and then, when my mom came 2 pick me up, i ran 2 the gate lol. cuz i called her 2 come, and then she i ran all the way there before she came. lol. i probably looked like a freak or like some murderer was chasin me at 11 o'clock at nite. i'm such a freak. will someone seriously tell me what is wrong wit me?? but u know what i realized tho, we r ALL screwed up. we have all gone through shit that makes us messed up. seriously- think about it.

well, i guess that's it. i commend u if u read this lol. hahaha peaceee

4 heavy shadows | under the darkness

:: 2003 26 November :: 5.46 pm

random questions
{x} Name your favorite T.V. show in middle school: prob trl
{x} What is the best way to prepare potatoes? i LOVE all kinds of potatoes, it doesnt matter 2 me
{x} Describe your eating habits towards meat? i dunno, i dont eat that much. my mom always says that i need more protein...
{x} Messy, neatnik, or just cluttered? neatnik
{x} Many friends, or a few close friends? i dunno. i think both. cuz i have a few close friends but many.. acquantances, i guess friends, yeh..
{x} Did you do horrible things to your braincells as a teenager? if u said yes, u guys would KNOW i was lyin lol
{x} Did your braincells do horrible things to you? of course
{x} Beach or pool? depends on what u wanna do.. both i guess
{x} Sun or shade? shade, brown ppl like my dont need a tan :D
{x} Favorite book now? i like those, a complete idiot guide's to... and i like john steinback's stuff..
{x} Favorite tv show now? um a lot, i've become such a tv junkie. i have a routine every day of the week, it's somethin diff.
{x} Favorite part of your body? nothn. i guess my skin color.. ??
{x} Strawberry or chocolate? strawberry
{x} Do lollipops last long with you or are they gone in two chomps? last longgggg << same as sam..
{x} Wood or carpet? carpet
{x} Does the prospect of mice severely limit your sleep? no
{x} Is sleep just about the most important thing? wish i could get more..
{x} Green thumb or black thumb of death? wtf? lol

Have you ever...
{x} Fallen for your best friend? no
{x} Made out with JUST a friend? no
{x} Been rejected? yes
{x} Been in love? no
{x} Been in lust? yeh i guess..
{x} Used someone? unfortunately.. yes, isn't it aweful?
{x} Been used? yes, im sure of it
{x} Cheated on someone? nooo
{x} Been cheated on? i dunno, i hope not lol
{x} Done something you regret? yeh, i think u'd b lyin if u said no

Who was the last person...
{x} You touched? my brother
{x} You talked to? natalia
{x} You hugged? my brother
{x} You instant messaged? natalia
{x} You kissed? my brother- ok i havent seen him in a long time lol
{x} You yelled at? my brother? whatttt.. he was throwin a lego at me lol
{x} You laughed with? natalia

Have you/are you/do you...
{x} Considered a life of crime? nope
{x} Considered being a hooker? lol no
{x} Considered being a pimp? no
{x} Are you psycho? prob. i def dont wanna say no, cuz u know how the crazy ppl always say no lol.

---------- finish later the bottom 1/2 is sam's lol..
{x} Schizophrenic?
{x} Obsessive? on somethings
{x} Obsessive compulsive? no
{x} Anxiety? ehh...not badly though
{x} Depressed? noo
{x} Sarcastic?
{x} Obsessed with hate? not at all
{x} Understanding: yes, very
{x} Open-minded: yes
{x} Arrogant: nope
{x} Insecure: with some things
{x} Interesting: i hope so..
{x} Hungry: most of the
{x} Friendly: i try to
{x} Smart: yes, and i would be smarter if i actually tried
{x} Moody: i dont think so
{x} Childish: rarely
{x} Independent: yes
{x} Hard working: sorta..depends
{x} Organized: yesss
{x} Healthy: i can be
{x} Emotionally Stable: yess
{x} Shy: a little
{x} Difficult: i hope not
{x} Attractive: i wouldnt know
{x} Bored Easily: not really
{x} Responsible: yes

{x} Current Clothes: gray jacket with black tank top, capris
{x} Current Mood: hungry
{x} Current Taste: nasty denist stuff
{x} Current Hair: pulled into a messy bun..but low
{x} Current Annoyance: sister
{x} Current Smell: eternity
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: homework
{x} Current Desktop Picture: island
{x} Current Favorite Group: i dont have a favorite group
{x} Current Book: mice n
{x} Current DVD In Player:pearl harbor
{x} Current Refreshment: water
{x} Current Worry: question
{x} Current Crush: NO ONE :(
{x} Current Favorite Celebrity: bow kaila
{x} Food: chicken parmesian(sp??)
{x} Drink: root
{x} Color: purple
{x} Shoes: my black heels
{x} Candy: reese's
{x} Movie: walk to remember, shrek lol, finding nemo!! lol
{x} Dance: i dont
{x} Vegetable: brocoli
{x} Fruit: strawberries, mango..i like almost all fruit

On Dating....
{x} Long or short hair? short
{x} Dark or light hair? dark
{x} Tall or short? tall
{x} Mr./Ms. Sensitive or Mr./Ms. Funny? funny
{x} Good girl/boy or bad girl/boy? ehh..depends
{x} Dark or light eyes? dark..most of the time, also depends on what he looks like
{x} Hat or no hat? depends on what he looks like
{x} Pierced or no? no
{x} Freckles or none? none
{x} Favorite place to kiss someone? lips n face
{x} Favorite place to be kissed? face
{x} Favorite part of a guy/girl’s body? smile

On preferences....
{x} Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? hot chocolate
{x} McDonalds or Burger King? burger king
{x} Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? friend
{x} Sweet or sour? sour
{x} Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? root beer
{x} Sappy/action/comedy/horror? comedy
{x} Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? cool ranch
{x} Mud or Jell-O wrestling? i guess mud
{x} With or without ice-cubes? with
{x} Shine or rain? shine
{x} Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? winter
{x} Vanilla or Chocolate? vanilla
{x} Eyes open or closed? open
{x} Fly or breathe under water? fly
{x} Bunk-bed or waterbed? waterbed
{x} Chewing gum or hard candy? chewing gum
{x} Motor boat or sailboat? motor boat
{x} Lights on or off? off
{x} Chicken or fish? chicken

What's your favorite:
{x} Number? 5,3, and 26
{x} Holiday? christmas
{x} Place? itlay
{x} Flower? roses
{x} Scent? guys cologne, and channel chance, oh and brownies!! lol
{x} If you could be anywhere, where would you be? high up in the mountains, in cool weather, just looking at nature
{x} What are you listening to? IM noise
{x} Do you have a favorite animal? monkeys!!!!!!!!!!

5 heavy shadows | under the darkness | Random Journal