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One day, I promise, you'll be everything you see in your dreams

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:: 2006 5 December :: 11.42pm
:: Mood: frustrated

Sooooooo I've sent countless emails to many people for babysitting positions and I'm just waiting on getting replies, I've looked into live in positions as well so that way I could move out of the house, and that would be nice. I'm not getting my hopes up though. All I really need to make is like $250 a week and I should be ok. I put an ad up on craigslist too and hopefully that brings a few responses. I made a channukah list which consists of:

1.a pair of uggs
2.the rent soundtrack
3.panic! at the disco CD (which my moms ex boyfriend broke)
4.the movie patch adams
5.the movie jack
6.the movie click
7.giftcards to stores
8.a juicy tracksuit, or just the hoodies

and I haven't really though of much else yet.

So, I'm waiting on my capital one card to see if I get accepted and I applied for a bloomingdales card so I can get 10% off when I shop. I feel bad cause I told my sisters that I would get them uggs for channukah and if I don't get a job before then I definitely wont be able to afford them but whatever, it isn't my fault, my dad had to fire me righ before the holidays.

You wanna hear something really fucked up? The day my dad fired me, like, before we got to work, he let me buy him breakfast. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT? Whatever.

My mom wants me to see a psychiatrist and I should go but I don't know, I guess I will, whatever.

That is all for now, kinda tired so I'm gonna get off the computer soon.

with a smile on my face

[ poisonedheart ]

:: 2006 19 November :: 10.01pm

I'm sorry I'm such a dick all the time.

with a smile on my face


:: 2006 16 November :: 3.38pm
:: Mood: calm

It's my birthday.
Happy 18th birthday to me!!

6 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

[ illusionofgaia ]

:: 2006 9 August :: 6.25pm

I'm sorry for being me.
I'm sorry I never do my best
and have settled with mediocracy.
I'm sorry I'm not much
and my best could never be enough.
I'm sorry I can't see in the dark
and that the light blinds me.
I'm sorry I pain you
and pain myself.

with a smile on my face

[ godessalthena ]

:: 2006 3 August :: 4.07pm

i'm sorry i don't believe in you sometimes, love, but you just let me down all the time.

and i have my doubts that you are literate enough to write a book. much less a faerie tale.

i'm sorry.

with a smile on my face

[ godessalthena ]

:: 2006 10 April :: 7.57pm
:: Music: Angels and Airwaves _ The Adventure

I'm sorry I exist in this world like this.

I'm sorry I feel like this sometimes....

I'm sorry I can't just forget about how horrible everything seems to be...

I'm sorry that I just can't get over you and I can't get over me...

I'm sorry.

1 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

[ xsilentxsuicidex ]

:: 2006 28 March :: 10.51am

I'm sorry for complaining.
I'm sorry that even though I love my life right now, I still have to find things wrong with it.

I'm just sorry.
I'm hoping I'll be better about it.

with a smile on my face

[ Angel_Bob ]

:: 2006 20 March :: 10.57pm

I'm Sorry
I like The Corner (Bar) better than Yesterdog.

3 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

[ godessalthena ]

:: 2006 2 March :: 10.04pm

i'm sorry i'm so fucking selfish.
i'm sorry i suck at being a friend.
i'm sorry i'm a whore.
i'm sorry for living longer than i should.
i'm sorry you ever loved me
i'm sorry i couldn't be everything for you
i'm sorry i disappointed you
i'm sorry that i can't really be someone you like anymore
i'm sorry you have to be my best friend
i'm sorry you had to leave me because i fucking ruin everything
i'm sorry we grew apart so far
i'm sorry i can't drag out my pain
i'm sorry i internalize it instead of dragging it out into years
i'm sorry i hate being lonely
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.

i'm so FUCKING sorry.

with a smile on my face

[ godessalthena ]

:: 2006 26 February :: 10.50am

i'm sorry that i'm like this
i'm sorry that there isn't anything anyone can do
i'm sorry this is so hard for me
i'm sorry that i suck at being a friend

i'm just sorry for being here and now.

with a smile on my face


:: 2006 23 February :: 7.43pm

New journal. It won't be hard to find me;;

Leave me a comment, and add me as a friend. But only if you will actually comment once in a while, please?

12 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face


:: 2006 17 February :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Sarah Beth- Rascal Flatts

Yesterday we had a 1/2 day of school. I came home around 11:30am and helped my mom clean our house. Then I got a shower and went to Amy's. She was having a get together with just a few close friends for her birthday, which is on Monday. So Kristen, Randi, Jena, Amy and I had a pretty good time.

Today was senior skip day, so I stayed home from school, and I had the best day that I've had in a while. I had a long talk with someone, that was very much needed. It was nice.

Randi, Jena, & I might go out tonight. Maybe bowling or something. We're not too sure yet. Tomorrow I have Bridal Shower to go to, and I'm not too excited about that. I'll update some other time.

I love you.

7 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

[ angel_bob ]

:: 2006 12 February :: 1.33am

I'm sorry but having a bit of hair on your armpit helps the deodorant stick around for longer.

5 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face


:: 2006 9 February :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Tonight I Wanna Cry- Keith Urban

I really don't ever feel updating anymore. I'm hardly ever on the computer, I always have an away message up on aim, and that's it.

So I guess alot has been going on. Numerous amounts of homework both in school and the class that I'm taking for the dual enrollment program. People that I were friends with before are no longer my friends, "friends" talking shit behind my back, and of course, the biggest thing-- me getting pissed off at everything and everyone. I don't even care anymore though. I just really don't care. I have my boyfriend, and that's all that I need.

The other night I was going to go shopping with Kristen & Randi, but that fell through. Then I was going to go shopping with Amy, but that fell through too. Then Jena and I were supposed to go but she wasn't able to get a car. So Sam asked me to go to Rite Aid tonight, and I went, and picked up a few things, then I went home. I was only out for about 45 minutes- big deal? Not really. Jena just called me though, and asked me to go to Rite Aid, but since I already went, I really don't feel like it. Not to mention, my mom hates when I go places. She says that I run to much. I disagree, but whatever. Her house, her rules I guess.


1 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face


:: 2006 2 February :: 5.36am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: I Wish You Were Here- Incubus

It's February 2nd already. Valentine's Day is coming up. It will be a year since my grandmother passed away; and I miss her like crazy. Nobody has any clue how much I miss her, and think about her. It's been 4 months since my grandfather passed away. [Different sides of the family. Dad's mom; but Mom's dad.] I miss him too. It's awkward without them being here.

Anyways, on a brighter note. There is one good thing about Valentine's Day. Actually having a boyfriend. But I have no clue what to get him. I'm on a budget of like $40-50. What a cheap girlfriend.


We got report cards today. I have six A's and one B. Not too bad; atleast I made the honor roll. I got the B in Accounting, which kept me from making high honors. Blah.

I don't have much to update about, but I was bored; and just felt like saying something. I guess I'll go work on my homework for Medical Terminology. It takes forever to do.


1 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

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