spacietraci
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2005 28 July :: 10.33am
so nick ended up hanging out with us last night and sending sam home, so of course we managed to get in drunk, It was a good night rather than the consited agrueing with mike, everything that got said some how u were wrong and he was right, well after mike, trae, megan, josh all left we decided that we were going to go up to Friends to spend time with nick's mom, and what not, we stayed up there till like 2:20, Vicki was very upset that we didnt come to dinner with them that night because everyone, i mean everyone went to chili's but then again we werent invited and vicki said we are always invited no matter what.... AWWW s he loves us!!! i just feel bad that nick's leaving i really dont want him too though but i guess he has to do what is best for him and right now that is what it would be...
Sam i guess thinks we all hate her, but i dont think that its the fact that we hate her, but its the fact that she always has to be with nick. and its like he cant hang out with me, like were really going to do an ything.... He"s my brother, i care the world for him. just because he has been with u for a year, he has been my everything for the last 5. i think i have the right to hang out with him one night with out you. but i guess thats just my theory. and i guess he felt the same about it as well.
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spacietraci
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2005 27 July :: 1.24pm
"Behind Blue Eyes"
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies
[Chorus:]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
[Chorus]
Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
[Chorus]
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.
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spacietraci
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2005 25 July :: 11.02pm
blah blah blah, so it seems as everyone is upset wtih me, but then again i have been getting used to that, Talked to ron yesterday it was his 21st birthday so he wasnt feeling that great but he was doing alright, i miss him that is for sure, he is doing very well though and thats all that matters to me, Nick is leaving here soon to move to chicago, like he's leaving thursday and i really do NOT want him to leave, He's my bestest bestest friend he has been here with me with every situation for the last 4 years hes the one i run to he knowits alll and hes just goin to pack up and leave.... So, do i really truely mean somthing to him, or ccould he give two shits about me???
I think i should just pack up and move someplace rather than here in Battle creek,
I wasnt able to see the boys this weekend, i had to work alll damn weekend but i needed the money, and it was sooo damn hot, that it was just too hott to be out side so all in all it worked out just fine...
Josh is home so im goin to spend some tiem with him :)
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spacietraci
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2005 14 July :: 1.05pm
:: Mood: annoyed
I love when people come over at night and get on my computer sign me off of aim, so they can get on wtih out asking, and then when they feel that they are done, they dont have the ability to sign me back on. it just seems kind of rude to me that someone is willing to come in and do that. Its fine that u use my computer but teh fact that u dont put it back to how it was. I guess that didnt piss me off as much as telling ur friends oh i know someone who will by for us. Dont take advantage of josh because he is 21 . Its not cool to have people call u to have u ask josh if he will go buy, especially since we have no clue who they were. Its one thing if josh buys for you, but to add people we dont know into the equation. SOrry buddy but if sometimes happens josh is the one responsible and he's the one who willl get in trouble. It seems like u could care less if he got caught let alone anyone that buys u anything like cigs too. sorry to who ever is reading this because it only goes to one person but im just venting and this is where its going right now. He just really gets on my nerves sometimes though....
well josh was off of work yesterday he did something to his knee cap, and is on crutches so its something not good, but it was decent because kane was only allowed to hang out with me for alittle while, so i was able to spend the night off of work withjoshua. its nice to be able to do that every once in awhile...
i get to go to work tonight Lucky me.... so i better get ready soon its going on 2:`15 and i have to be there around 3
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spacietraci
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2005 11 July :: 9.54pm
it seems pretty sad that the days i have off from work, i go and hang out with my family, yes i get free dinners since my dad always takes us out when i come home but still i guess i should just get used to it, especially since kane is going to central this year. SHe's basically the only person that i hang out with anymore, and its been like a long ass time since i have talked to her, but then again its been a long ass time since i have talked to anyone, i think im goin to just get rid of my cell cause lately the only person that is on my phone is josh, or someone callin lookin for josh, and that really doesnt equal out to the 50 dollars a month im am spending. things are just starting to get lonely i guess you could say, its been a long night anyways, i just feel depressed in the long run
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spacietraci
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2005 10 July :: 9.44pm
so i got to spend the afternoon and night with my boys.. and did we have some fun, did we go thru alot of beer.... YES!!! well me josh, corey, doug, mike, josh all went down to coldwater lake today, we left here about 12:45 and was on the lake about 1:30 we managed not to get off teh lake till 9:00 yes i know that is a very long time and now we just got home, at 10:45. we only had to stop at mcd's twice, not bad but oh welll.
quick notes
!~ corey droped a beer can on his foot and managed to cut his toe
~! dont tell doug to hit you because he really will, just ask mike
!~ i went to take a drink and the next thing i knew i was in the water "corey fallin off the boat"
~! im toooo drunk to be swimmin in the lake
!~ we only had to save 3 hats today, some reason they just werent stayin on
~! duck... were goin to hit the boat......pullin into the dock, i think they had one to many today...
!~ i think we had to stop every 5 mins so the boys could jump off the boat to use the public restroom.
~! i went 4 hours hangin out with doug without getting flipped off , i think that has to be a new world record
!~ according to josh's mom, i am the little sister of the group, hangin out wtih the older but protective brothers.
~! corey come sit next to traci so she can peel ur back, dont ask
!~ traci if they ask, where taking you to ur AA class- Doug
thats all i can remember right at this second, i'll add more once josh gets home from takin mike to get keys since somehow he managed to lose them...
we also have decided that this needs to be something we do every sunday even through everyone has to get up at 6am on monday...
BUT I HAD FUN WITH MY BOYS :) love them all
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spacietraci
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2005 7 July :: 1.28pm
another long party night last night, but for some reason everyone just managed to get along good, always a plus, only went through a fifth, like 8 hard mikes berry, 2 jack daniels, and 2 cases of beer, oh well i know that doesnt sound like alot but when there is only like 5 people here drinkin that is alot, it was fun though i love everyone that was here though,
kane im goin to miss you when you leave for school, josh will have to find himself a new babysitter for me, i mine what am i going to do when i dont have to work, ??? i know i will just drive to see ya... lol
well josh got a job offer in albany new york, yea i know that like 10 hours away, but a part of me wants him to go check it out and see what they are willing to offer him and everything, and then a part of me doesnt want him to even think about it, i guess i just feel that i dotn want to be holding him back from something that sounds that could turn out to be a great job opportunity for him, i think if he did or does go, i will still stay here for the first like 6 months or so get done with my schoolin at kcc and then move out there with him,., yes it will be hard but i know i cant be with out him. thats just something i already know.
well i gotta get ready for work im goin to be late......
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spacietraci
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2005 5 July :: 2.12pm
well this last weekend i managed to make another camping trip, and i lasted the whole time, Josh enjoyed his 21st birthday even though it lasted like the whole damn weekend well it felt that way anyways. the days were good, sunny b ut really windy but we still managed to get sun, and the night were basically drama and drunkin fest. but we for sure had a grand ole time up at silver lake for the 4th of july :)
QUick NOtes
~ it takes 6 hours to get home from silver lake, when it only took 2 hours to get there.
~ little diners do not like groups of 14 coming in for breakfast
~ we only broke 5 out of 10 trucks that we had, not bad
~ girl at the ice cream store really needed a new job, and to go back to school to count to seven
~ josh didnt get carded for the first case of beer that he got, therefore he figured he could of been getting it for the last year
~ nikki can bong a beer, and kane can drink her fair share
~ nationwide does not beliong at silver lake no matter who is up there, no one ever wants u there, what part of that dont u get
~ dr phil, is looking for guest to come on his show,
~ the boys ( doug, tyler, corey, blake, and ryan ) always have my back no matter what.
~ if u dont want to get hit by the truck then get out of the road, i know that guys back cant be feeling to well right now.
~ who would of thought that in july you would need a space heater in the camper, it was damn cold
~Traci did not puke at all this weekend ~ thank u doug for having faith in me sayin thats all i was going to do with those cherry bombs
by next year i will know how to ride a quad, made that deal with josh....
well thanks to every one that went up to silver lake, for all the people that i got to meet, all of u are the best and it sure was a time that i wont forget, lets make next year even better than this year.. much love
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spacietraci
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2005 22 June :: 1.07am
my truck is broken!!!! and i am not happy about it, walk out of work this lovely evening to find out that it has a huge flat tire, so i have to leave my truck at work, i dont like that thought at all, josh says it will be fine but for some reason i dont have that same feeling, i think something else is going to happen to it, i just want my truck back
i guess it seems like i have voiced my opinion out too much and that im sorry that i run to others to talk to instead of the ones i really should, but in the end i just have always had this bad part of talking the probelm out, its almost like when its face to face i just dont care or basically dont know what to say, so im sorry for everyone tihat i have brought into this situation or put u in a weird spot. im just clustered fucked, i have myself more problems then i know what to do with.
well i have th e next two days off !!! what am i going to do with my time, go to the lake, or lay by the pool... ummm so many choices, josh goes back to work tomorrow, so he wont be around my sister and ella are coming down on thursday so im excited to see them its been since christmas since i have seen them last, thats a long time she has to begetting big now, but im off to bed since there isnt anything else to do
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spacietraci
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2005 21 June :: 11.21am
is living together tearing you two apart?
2 nights on the couch, now, is something wrong, i think i lost the part of me that enjoys cuddling and what not, i would rather just be left alone, then be smothered i think its time for a vacation, but where should i go~
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spacietraci
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2005 19 June :: 10.18pm
i just cant stand it anymore~~~
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spacietraci
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2005 18 June :: 11.49am
i found myself back into wondering, is this really the life that i want, am i really ready to have just one relationship. something lately just has been holding me back i dont know if its just the thought of someone else, or if its the fact that things are good, but over all everything is standing out to me, the fact i cant do anything by myself, always getting called, seems as if there is no trust, work keeps gettin less and less each week, it just really starting to seem like i find more and more things that i dont like each week. and then when i do tell him im mad at him or upset, he just seems to buy his way out of it, by getting me what ever i want or taking me out to eat.
supposed to go grocery shoppin today and mitch's open house, but for some reason it looks like i have to go by myself since josh and kyle went to silver lake today, ummm hes sick to go to work today but its alright for him to go to silver lake and spend money, money that is supposed to be saved for the 4th,
i truely think im just starting to pick out every little detail that i just cant stand anymore, but im goin to go shopping i guess i have nothing better to do than just hang out here and thats really not any fun
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spacietraci
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2005 14 June :: 3.27pm
so we ran up to silver lake on sunday since tom and angie and the boys and everyone was up there, we left at 6 am what were we thinking i have no clue especially since i got out at work at 2:30,. so yeah sunday was a very long day. we helped pack camp up and everything and headed out to the dunes it was fun being able just to hang out with everyone, it was really over cast and windy so it made it somewhat cold but not to bad, everyone that wanted to was still able to get in the water and what not. we had to call the trip short because we had a quad run into ted's truck and do aot of damage to it, and i think it totalled the quad, hopefully the rider was alright :) are prays out to him...
That just a quick little note but i have to head to work,
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spacietraci
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2005 8 June :: 10.13pm
Say hello to the girl that I am!
You're gonna have to see through my perspective
I need to make misstakes just to learn who I am
And I don't wanna be so damn protected
There must be another way
Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God, I need some answers
I don't need nobody's
Tellin me just what I wanna
What I what what what I'm gonna
Do about my destiny
I Say No, No
Nobody's telling me just what I wanna do, do
I'm so fed up with people telling me to be
Someone else but me
Good Ole Britney Spears
Gotta love her
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spacietraci
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2005 6 June :: 11.50pm
it seems now a days that i cant enjoy a night off of work, to hang out with my girls, some how it always manages to work out that he has taken the day off, or like today he feel ill, but it was st ill alright to go out and hang out with nick and all of them, tom and angie, you know the usuals, i dont think he has worked a full week since we moved into this apartment, where is my time alone to be away from people,
~ its almost like a lost puppy dog~
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