Is it worth it can you even hear me

:: 2004 18 May :: 3.17pm
:: Mood: extastic
:: Music: chirping...lots of it

I got CHICKENS!!!!!!!!! ....i went over to rays house yesterday and he lives on a farm kinda and they got 26 new little baby chickens and they said i could take one home...and i named it bandit, and i think it thinks im it's mommy cause it follows me everywhere. :) its sooo cute though and then they were like well your gonna have to take another one so he dosen't die of lonliness...so i got another one..and i havent decided on a name yet im either gonna name it ducky or smokey cause its gray and black and white. and Bandit is yellow and white,but there both boys which mean's there COCkS heheh and all that good stuff but eventually im gonna bring them back to rays house cause they will be too big and they will be full grown roosters and my dad wont let me have them running around the house..there soo loud though..and they peck everything. i was laying on my bed with them and one of em pecked me in the eye :( ..heheh and right now i ahve them up on the computer desk and he started pecking at the screen where the mouse was moving around on the computer...it was very funny...yes well besides my new chickens :) i think im suposed to be going to some party in Briarcliff this weekend...hmm with a ashlie and ray and Christian and a bunch of people i don't know...but it costs 8 bucks to get in so i dunno...last weekend was fun we went on my boat and went tubing. ashlie and ray came and we all got very sun burnt...umm friday i spent the night at ashlies...Lots of fun things went on there all throught out the night ;)...yeah i m really tired though so im gonna try to sleep though i doubt ill be able to with all the chirping..what ebba..

~peace~

6 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 17 May :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: tv

i'm completely torn between two things that haven't even happened....

:: 2004 15 May :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: dashboard in my head lala

tap dat shit
im so confused tonight, and last night was...well. confusing to say the least. i just dont know....

gah! something funny did happen though, charles and.... did....and it makes me laugh really, really hard. woot.

2 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 14 May :: 11.28pm

oops. so i lied to myself again, oh well.

i'm really over everything with everyone. i dont know what started anything thats happening. im just as confused as anyone else...cant it just be over?

*i can feel your waves coming can you please speed up your current, time is expanding once again. i need you, i miss you, as you yearn for me*

:: 2004 12 May :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: angry

why.cant.you.see.what.you.put.me.through.
i'm crumbling, everything i touch or think of turns to ashes...stay away from me, ill just hurt you in the end.

:: 2004 11 May :: 6.40pm
:: Mood: Sleepy
:: Music: mest-rooftops

I just woke up yayy...i was very tired, I was suposed to go to some latin rythem club at school with ash-leigh but she didn't go cause we didn't have a ride home so we didn't go :(..whatever, dance isn't really my thing ne way art is :) :)...yeah so last weekend was pretty fun, well atleast friday night at the movies was.....but were not gonna get into that, then saturday me and ash-leigh hoplessly wodered what we would do all day. so we decided to walk to subway..cause were pimps and subway is cool, then my dizz-ad came and picked us up and we went to the mall for a little shopping...thats always fun. then we came home to my house and ashlie had to leave shortly after, then i demanded to my dad that he would let me go driving...and he was like no my back hurts...so i was like wahh and i sat on the computer some more then a little while later he came out and was like ok lets go..i was sooo happy, he drove to prime time Video then i was liek can i drive now so he let me drive all the way to home depot in south Ft. Myers, then to the wall mart next to it, then when we were done at wally world he let me drive all the way home..it was exciting concidering that i have only drove like 3 times before that and im not even 15 yet....woot......then sunday was mothers day...blah, church then brunch at Brixz, but then i got to drive home from Brixz...fun :)...now im listening to Lost Prophets, Shnobi Vs. dragon and it reminds me of that hoobastanl and lost Prophets concert and the huge pit that opened up in this song it was soo fucking crazy, and those stupid ass preppy chicks that me and ashlie decide that we would..hmmm...*Mosh* with even though they werent even moshing but we decided that it would be fun to kick there ass's, lOts O fun ;)....Yes Indeed

yesterday i went to Rays house :). when i got there he gave me a shirt that he got me at the blink 182 and Taking Back Sunday concert he went to. its Bright green, My favorite color and it says Taking back sunday on it, i felt all special and stuff...

Im bored, i have a lot of home work to do...kinda and i have to go run so i think that will be all for now...oh yeah tomorrow im finally getting my hair colored for real, i even have an appointment..*!!!YAYY!!!*

Ok, bye everyone..

~~Stef~~

2 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 11 May :: 5.39pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: taking back sunday

you people make me laugh teribbly hard.

to my bear: you can get through this emo time of yours, you can.

muaha. my day kicked. im doing a whole lot of nothing in most of my classes and its amazing.
kisses
-emolay

:: 2004 9 May :: 10.10pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: get up kids

this is the first time in a while that i havent felt completely alone. its weird that a bunch of people i hardly know can make me feel more welcomed then my good friends.

tonight kicked.

kisses.

happy birfday to my lover, bear.

:: 2004 7 May :: 3.12pm
:: Mood: lost
:: Music: tv

there are some things in this world that make me want to cry and not believe in anyone or anything anymore.

theres feelings of hatred and regret that i cant stop anymore. its so hard to find the good anymore. i want it to be like when we were litte, happy. i never want to have to grow up from what i see, its too fucking hard

:: 2004 5 May :: 2.23pm
:: Mood: torn

so hmm...i dont know.

last night was good. my kite and some people made me smile. i needed it too. and i had nice conversations with some neat kinds of kids. i kiss lots of people muah.

im so in mrs.millers class waiting for lou so i can make my kite. I LOVE LENNILE as deep as the oceans.

2 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 3 May :: 5.22pm

fuck patience

:: 2004 2 May :: 5.34pm
:: Mood: hating
:: Music: lostprophets-to hell we ride

fuck
its amazing how one person can bring something to my attention and i start to realize its actually true. and that it fills me with fucking anger meant for a lot of people...

i realized someone i thought was perfect is the complete opposite.

:: 2004 1 May :: 3.07pm

........blue balls

15 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 29 April :: 4.46pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: maroon 5-she will be loved

tap on my window knock on my door i want to make you feel beautfiul
look for the girl with the broken smile
ask her is she wants to stay a while
and she will be loved

i know that goodbye means nothing at all
comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls

look for the girl with the broken smile
ask her is she wants to stay a while
and she will be loved

please dont try so hard to say goodbye...

:: 2004 28 April :: 7.15pm
:: Music: three days grace-drown

Certain things that i see just make me want to sit there and cry and all the things i remember and all the memories. things can never be the same once they are over and reuined ...people change and it sucks when people u really love are gone and changed forever and no matter what u wish u could do there is no way u can save them or bring them back to the person that u used to love. ..these past 2 and a half years have gone by so fast and there have been many people in my life who i have loved and lost....relationships and friends...and seeing them where they are now makes me really sad and i could sit there all day and remember all the mamories that we had together and wish that i could go back and relive the moments and make the outcome better...better than it is now...but then there are also the people who i have in my life now that make everything ok..and i know life will go on..and it will be ok...i just wish i didn't have to see these other people and what they are doing to themselves....its hard but i gotta keep moving......it's like any little thing...and smell, sight, place, person, thought could get me thinking all day and make me sad..i hate it but what can u do? nothing. yeah sorry if i confused a bunch of people by this, i don't really know how to say exactly what im trying to say myself...........but thank you ashlie for being there when i need you cause if i think about it. if me and you wouldent have become such good of friends i would have still been stuck with theses people probaly. doing bad things, alone, not really having anyone who gives a damn about me and im glad that i have u now cause at least i have one person. I love you!!!

yes i think that is all for now.....i could go on forever and ever but there is really no point so im gonna go and do something useful like study for spanish...Hmmm probaly wont end up doing that anyway but it would be good.....ok im out :)

~!!stef

Good morning day
Sorry I�m not there
But all my favourite friends
Vanished in the air
It�s hard to fly when you can�t even run
Once I had the world, but now I�ve got no one

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown�.drown

Good morning day
Sorry you�re not here
All those times before
We�re never this unclear
It�s hard to walk when you can�t even crawl
Once I had this world, but now I�ve lost it all