You could slit my throat and with my last gasping breath, I'd apologize for getting blood on your shirt


home | profile | guestbook

Falling Without Wings

recent entries | past entries


:: 2005 7 March :: 6.00pm

The Mystery between Santa, Heaven, and God::

hamoyes: God is actually Santa Claus. When people die, he flies down in a giant golden helicopter {aka 'the light'!} and takes you to a giant island in the sky that living people cannot see. When you wake up on the island, you're like 'WHOA!!' and it's all heaveny and peaceful. Santa tells you that if you help him make toys at Christmas {elves!}, he'll let you live forever in eternal bliss. But the fuckers that are like 'oh hell naw' and jump off fall so fast that they fall into Hell.

Cut me


:: 2005 2 March :: 8.12pm



Cut me


:: 2005 1 March :: 9.53pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Cherry Monroe - Painkillers

its 4:11AM.
they all went to bed.
ive been thinking of things all day..
i didnt want to bother you too much earlier. i know you were busy.
so i wrote this so that you could read it later when you had time

do we need a cure?
maybe we can just quit.. just forget what you do. forget the people you
know. not suicide.. just walking away from your whole life. NOW.

why not? because they love you? because you love them? because
youre afraid to be alone? because you wont get the money and
the car and the girl/guy and the house? the fufillment of following
through a lifes worth of hard work doing the single job youve
chosen to specialize at? why cant we just get up and disappear
one day?

what do you do when everything that you know means nothing?

keep trying to grab onto this one reason to live.
keep trying to understand a dream i know has no meaning
putting together random facts, words and statements looking
for some universal pattern. some concept that everyone else
was born with but i have to learn.. somehow.. the hard way.
if i cry during a movie at the part where the director wanted
me to cry.. then are those tears even real? all the hundreds of
people who worked on that film knew i was supposed to cry at
that moment, so how can that be authentic?
so do i stare at the truth and burn in its honesty
or do i just find happiness in a blind lie?

i keep hoping i'll wake up one day and i'll suddenly know
some cosmic truth. like a scalding shower suddenly switched cold.
i keep hoping that something will happen that will let me know
the next piece of the puzzle. maybe someone in my family will
die and then i'll know what to do next. it'll be all cleared up
once my tears dry and im on my way home from the movie
i'll know the whole plot then, and i'll know what comes next.
what if there is no truth? nothing to believe in?
what if we are all just here? and when you die thats it.
will it really matter what you did when you were here?
does it matter if you did well? if people hated you or liked you?
or if if you were happy or sad?

if two people are in a room. just sitting there.
why do they have to react to eachother?
why do we talk to eachother?
kill eachother
love eachother?
we used to pray that we would be hit by a car.
injured.. deformed.. disabled somehow so that we could say
i dont care.. i cant make myself care.. i cant get out of this
bed and shut the door.. so i'll sit here and listen to you screaming
at me. sweating under this blanket til i rot right through the frame
and into the floor. its summer and lovers are with one another,
smiling and laughing, content with one another so nothing else matters.
expression? communication? survival instinct?
who cares. he says. i love you. she says. sigh. they say.

i'll try to call you tomorrow..

- l0cke

Cut me


:: 2005 2 January :: 4.50pm

don juan

I am Don Juan DeMarco, the World's Greatest Lover.

Cut me


:: 2004 25 December :: 12.00pm


2 Rusty Razors | Cut me


:: 2004 25 December :: 11.58am
:: Mood: accomplished

So I dont have to summarize XD

moon in dusk [11:51 AM]: I GOT GAMES :DDDDD
moon in dusk [11:51 AM]: AND HOODIES AND SHIRTS
moon in dusk [11:52 AM]: ::sports Sex Pistols shirt with HIM hoodie::
moon in dusk [11:52 AM]: REPRESENT, G
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:52 AM]: KOOLIZ
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:52 AM]: I GOT UHH
moon in dusk [11:52 AM]: I got Paper Mario and Sims URBZ for Gamecube
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:52 AM]: PAPER MARIO!!111111`~
moon in dusk [11:52 AM]: And DDR Extreme, Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events, and INUYASHA!111 for Playstation2
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: I got a 100$ giftcard and 50$ for hottopic
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: Umm.. and CD's
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: OH YEAH
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: I got the first season of Friends
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: And
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: The new Evanescence CD/DVD
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:53 AM]: Oh
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: Fallen, Hybrid Theory
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:53 AM]: I saw that
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: and Alterbridge
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: is it cool?
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: and HIM :D
moon in dusk [11:53 AM]: OH YEAH
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:54 AM]: Well I didnt WATCH it but I saw it at teh stor lol
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: WE HAVE A CAMCORDER
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:54 AM]: COOL
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: oh
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: I KNOW
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: Its like "TO THE COLE FAMILY :dundundun:"
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: I got a sketchbook and BOOKS
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: OMFG
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: OMFG
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: I GOT A BIOGRAPHY OF KURT COBAIN
moon in dusk [11:54 AM]: Its my 2nd Bible
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:55 AM]: O:
moon in dusk [11:55 AM]: I got lots of stuff actually o_o
moon in dusk [11:55 AM]: I got DDR EXTREME ::dancedance::
moon in dusk [11:55 AM]: I got another game, I just cant think of what its called XD
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:56 AM]: free digo day loz
moon in dusk [11:56 AM]: oze lozl
moon in dusk [11:56 AM]: Its just trying them on, right?
moon in dusk [11:56 AM]: you get like 800 np from the advent calendar today
moon in dusk [11:57 AM]: LOZL UR GONA C UR GIFT & B LYK OMG
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:57 AM]: I know
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:57 AM]: YAY
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:57 AM]: ur guna c urz 2
moon in dusk [11:57 AM]: k
moon in dusk [11:57 AM]: on mundy rite
moon in dusk [11:57 AM]: what all do you want me to bring? O_o
moon in dusk [11:57 AM]: my ps2 and ddr, obviously.
moon in dusk [11:58 AM]: should i bring the pad?
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:58 AM]: Uhh
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:58 AM]: Maybe.. maybe not, might angry ze naybors!1
moon in dusk [11:58 AM]: Y
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:58 AM]: *is on second floor*
moon in dusk [11:58 AM]: oze
moon in dusk [11:58 AM]: i'll bring it anyway
sHAMe fOr eYES [11:58 AM]: Thudding around might make them ANGRYYY
moon in dusk [11:58 AM]: it doesnt really thud

Cut me


:: 2004 19 December :: 4.13pm

To Jenn::

You will awaken at a jolt of pain all throughout your body. You realize your hands have lost all feeling, along with your legs. Frighteningly, you crack open your eyes to see a Christmas-induced Lindsay sitting on your stomach. "Its Christmas! Wake up!" She then jumps off of you with a resounding BOOM, sending your TV flying off its stand. After a few minutes of getting the feeling back in your limbs, you reach for your coat and stocking and step out of your cubicle-ized room. "Christmas cheer, everyone near!" You cry with a glass of bubbly appearing in your hand. Your mother thereon drags you to the roof to open presents. You watch with mild amusement as Lindsay makes a boulder-sized hole in the already crumpling roof, then proceed to open your presents. "Oh, my!" You exlaim as you open my present. "What a jolly Christmas this is!"

You will so love your gift <3 XD

Cut me


:: 2004 4 August :: 11.06pm

Siverrapids Starlight: you aren't God thats an insult

[ Yes I am ): ]

Siverrapids Starlight: no you ain't

[ Yes I am. ]

[ I go by the name Frank when I come down to watch over things. ]

[ (: ]

Siverrapids Starlight: YOU ARE NOT

[ YES I AM. ]

Siverrapids Starlight: NO YOU ARE NOT


Siverrapids Starlight: NO BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE NOT


[ Vacu stalks. "You'd be proud ):" ]

Daiktana: Oh?

[ Yes. ]

Daiktana: Of?

[ I have "I am God." In my desc, and someone started arguing with me about how I'm not god. ]

[ [ I go by the name Frank when I come down to watch over things. ] ]

[ That is what I said to them :D ]

Daiktana: LOL

Daiktana: Daiktana is so proud *sniffles*

[ We argued for like, ten minutes how I was/was not god D: ]

[ <3 x3 ]

Daiktana: LOL

Daiktana: You've got way too much time on your hands <3

[ I do. XD ]

1 Rusty Razor | Cut me


:: 2004 6 July :: 1.47am
:: Music: The KLF


No one goes on Woohu anymore. Hell, I don't. But just in case there are any lurkers of this journal who want to know info about my life, here's the deal. I post on my livejournal, and I don't really give a shit about giving my name out. Just check Oh_That_Clergy on it if you really give a damn. I don't think anyone is reading this, save Amanda( you are a trooper.)

It's been a long time, and I guess I should check in. My computer died out two weeks ago, and I just got it back to speed, somewhat. So much has happened, and yet, those of you who rely on this tool to learn of it, have been sadly deprived. So it's my time to shine right now.

My junior year ended, and I finished with 4 A's and 3 b's for semester grades. Not bad, I guess. I have been writing recollections on my typewriter late at night about this year, and the people I've come to know. Perhaps I'll post it for the shock and awe of the public. I took the SATS again, and did pretty good, 1350. Now that you have these statistics, you can reevaluate my use to you as a friend.

I garnered a summer job at Quizno's subery, on Linton Boulevard and Federal Highway, Delray Beach, Florida 33483. If any of you want to come in and give me some salutations, I'll respect you for that. It's a pretty good job, working with 21% my friend group, taking orders from a lady with a penis haircut, shooting dice with the next-door Chinese restaurant's owner behind the store on my break. And man, I've made enough money in a month to buy at least two DVD's(Not box-sets, of course)!

I've been watching a lot of My So-Called Life on the N. Krakow is such a fuck-up.

I've actually had a pretty good time this summer, social-wise. I have had a lot of fun, with an assorted group of kids. Too much underwear parties. Too much of Andrew getting naked. Too much Risk. Too many memorable moments.

However, there a great deal of kids who I haven't seen really at all this summer, and that is a disappointment( Ian, I want to watch you blow something up soon). But to everyone I have not seen or talked to much, I sincerly hope all of your summers are going well.

I am leaving for Washington D.C. with my father tomorrow to check out some colleges I won't get accepted into. It should be actually fun, since I'm interested in checking out the district, and then we are meeting up with my dad's buddies from his "New Left" days at college. To paraphrase Musical Youth, the dutchie may be passed from the left hand-side.

About the only hole in my life right now is my love-life. I'll admit, I wish I had a girl right now, to discuss the positives of late-70's Ambient and mid-80's Detroit Techno with, to play Yahtzee with, someone who thinks Inspectah Deck is underrated, fuck, any girl who listens to Wu-Tang earnestly. I'm not even that horny. I just fucking miss the companionship, and the feeling that I'm the only rising high-school senior who isn't feeling any boobs( save Krystal's) makes me feel pathetic.

I have had a good time this summer, in particular this last week, and I love my friends. Truly. And I have had some nice first-time conversations with strangers who are nice. And OMG, I got these hot pair of tight jeans today at the mall!

So if I die or something, I just want you to know that I hope all of you have a good life, and I'll see you in St. Louis when you expire.

Drew R.

4 Rusty Razors | Cut me


:: 2004 3 May :: 9.36pm
:: Music: Orange Juice

Dear Diary,

To the unaware, the past month or so was great. I had someone, and it felt good. I was in a good mood everyday. Hell, I even didn't even care that much about the shittiness of school. We both had a great deal of fun together, or at least I did.

But that was then.

Right now sucks. Seriously, if it wasn't for my friends, who have been super duper, I would be quite depressed. In the meantime, this is all that can elicit joy from me.

life is not great.

I need to cheer up quickly, since I'm doing that AP exam thing up this week. I just wish I didn't feel like I did something wrong. I just wish I didn't have a slight hole in my heart. And lord knows, I just wish I could see 13 Going on 30 again.

To paraphrase Michael Jackson, I'm sad, I'm sad, really really sad. You know it.

Drew R.

2 Rusty Razors | Cut me


:: 2004 22 April :: 5.16pm
:: Mood: bitchy

Stacys birthday party in Saturday.. I need to get her a Manson hoodie. A quote.

"Johnny Depps birthday is one day after mine! He'll be fourty-two!!!"

"Dont worry, Leslie, he's not fifty yet! That prescription for viagra doesnt need filling for eight years, you've still got a chance!"

Me and Stacy this morning. LMAO.

Cut me


:: 2004 2 April :: 5.48pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: Evaescence - Before the Dawn

He gave me twelve roses. Eleven real, one fake. He spoke in a whisper, "I'll love you until the last one dies.."

9 Rusty Razors | Cut me


:: 2004 22 March :: 12.36am
:: Music: Herbie Hancock


How's it going babe? Myself, I'm doing great. No complaints here. I'm bored, so I guess I'll resort to Woohu.

The past week has been wonderful, suprisingly. Last Sunday, I went to my friend David's house for, get this, Wrestlemania 20. My friends Shaun, Robert, and Curtis were all there too, who I hadn't seen in two years. I haven't watched wrestling in about 3 years, so it was funny to watch thematches out of context. We all conversed just like it was old times, amazingly. Overall, it was just a great time to hang out with some of my friends from middle school who haven't been in my life for awhile.

I was antsy to get this final week of school over with, but it went by pretty fast, I guess. I pulled off an A in AP English, and a B in Physics, so my grades turned out pretty good. I had some convos with a few people, such as Cary (even though we had stoner/druggie/slut/crackwhore girl trying to talk to us the whole time.) I drove Sara home twice, which was nice. Heck, I even pulled off an amazing comeback going 1-on-1 with her in B-Ball and beat her.

Spring break has been coolio, so far at least. I spent Friday and today lounging around, doing nothing on the former and hanging out with Noah, Krystal, Heather, and Keith tonight. Both had their merits.

Saturday night was a wonderful time as well. Dinner and walking along the Avenue was very, very nice, even though the leftovers dripped on me and I smelt like Italian. It was actually one of the better times I've had in a long time, and hopefully she had a great time too. Since we are both going to be away on college trips for the rest of the week, I know that that will be the peak of my spring break.

As I previously said, my aforementioned trip to Texas happens on Wednesday morning. I will be checking out University of Texas at Austin and SMU in Dallas, while also hanging with my cousins in the big D. I'm gone until Sunday, I believe, so if you would like to get your fill of Drew, you can call me or something.

Well, I'm going to go play around with Tab-It or maybe go to bed, so I'll talk to you later.

Drew R.

2 Rusty Razors | Cut me


:: 2004 27 February :: 11.36pm
:: Music: Aphex Twin- Selected Ambient Works

Don't call it a comeback.

But seriously folks, why does life seem to want to be bipolar in my presence? In these past couple of weeks I have had more ups and downs than an elevator. Eeep, that analogy was horrible.


The past fortnight has been one of the longest I've ever endured, as everyday seemed to drag on forever and quite possibly ever. Maybe time and existence is slowing down so that the 24-hour day is abolished, replaced by tyrannical 40-hour days. Or maybe I need to stop forgoing sleep to watch the Old-School Hip-Hop segment on MTV2 at night.

Even with a half-day and staying home one day because of sickness, life slowed to a crawl this past week. I guess that's what a whole lot of drama can do. Jake put it best today; it's so easy to get sick of high school with all of the drama. The only drama I like to start is woohu drama with Cary, but that's me personally.

Actually, now that I think about it, I don't want to type about it, or write about it, or think about it. Not at this moment at least.

Instead of dwelling on the bad, especially to the public, who I'm sure doesn't want to hear it (they probably don't want to hear any of this), I'll just mention a few things that were good this week:

I am a real fan of making mix cds for people.

I am a staunch supporter of watching the series finale of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance."

Talking in the hallways or while walking to my car with girls who somehow make my stomach feel funny is always a highlight of a day.

And most of all, today at lunch, I realized that I am truly blessed to know some of the kids I do know. Just talking with five of these guys, about anime porn or some other inconsequential thing made my week. Thanks.

Keep on truckin kids.

Drew R.

4 Rusty Razors | Cut me


:: 2004 10 February :: 7.30pm
:: Mood: pissy
:: Music: None

Justins a fucking bastard. He called me a newb twice on Furc and booted me out of the chatroom. Fuck him >_<

Mako: You can't generalize against someone by the way they talk -- that, dear, is geing a noob. No one else was around, and you summoned me -- I didn't come to that pathetic dream. F yourself.

Mako: Geing? Being.*

[ And just for the record, I summoned you because I was bored, and the dream is far from pathetic. We dont like people talking like noobs because noobs are immature and stupid, and I know your not either. So just lay off the noob act, please? ]

Mako: I'll act how I please, do not attempt to change me because neither of your simple-minded asses can't be mature, and handle it.

[ Then dont fucking come back, because neither of us are simple minded. We asked you a small favour because you were acting stupid. ]

Mako: Favor* Simple-minded*

[ ..Sorry that I didnt put a dash inbetween words. No one is perfect like you, dear. ]

That was fifteen minutes ago. He still hasnt answered me because hes an ass. I hope he burns in hell- thats where he belongs.

Cut me | Random Journal