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fallenfaces (profile) wrote,
on 5-26-2005 at 2:45pm
Music: Bright Eyes
Subject: Tell me..
It's sad that there are only two days left of school, yet I still decide to skip out of today. I'm just tired of going there.
Lately I've been.. ok? I guess..
When I'm guessing is when you know I'm not.
Nothing feels real anymore. Just routine.
I don't get excited about anything.
I don't look forward to things.
I just.. don't feel.
I'm so terribly lost right now.

It never leaves my mind, it drives me insane. I question it and that hurts. But if I lose that what do I have? Nothing.
Everything is so dull and meaningless.

My good mood just sank with a phone call.
I get upset too easily.

Sometimes I feel like I have no one to turn to.
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05-27-05 4:13pm sound like me.

random journal took me to yours.

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05-28-05 3:30pm

does he just not make you feel happy or comfortable and if you dont feel like you can turn to him then what the fuck are you wasting your time there for? i mean i fucking love the kid but wow its sounds pretty shitty between you to and come on stacy you know we are all here and well i can relate. i havent felt anything in months. i dont feel that i graduated i dont feel that the real world is here and i dont feel like its all over. i just dont feel like anything is real and i dont understand why some things hurt and others dont trigger any response whatsoever. the sweet release of pain would be nice. i mean just to know i could feel again.

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Re:, 05-29-05 2:05pm

It's not like that at all.
Brad is my only true friend.
Things are not shitty between us.
Every relationship has problems and fights. You'll see.

Believe me, I've wasted no time.

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dear you, i wrote this in my real journal and maybe it will help you, 05-29-05 3:44pm

we talked all night

everyone, honestly, this will be the most important entry you read today, or maybe ever. you all seem to be going through bad experiences, deep down inside i know who i am and i know that everything WILL be okay. you just have to let it. don't blame anyone for anything, blame yourself, but don't dwell on it. the problem is that you take life one bad event at a time, you get caught up in this, your life becomes a timeline of negative happenings. pain is real, we remember it more than other emotions. you will not be happy indefinatly, but at also, things will remain bad if you let them, playing the role of the victim.

we are so perfectly fucked up; i smile when i see the crows eating deceased rabbits because we are interdependant, not independant. together, we are alone and each moment is amazing if you know how to feel it. i struggle but you know sometimes all of my thoughts fade and my body fades into the energy that we are constructed of.
everthing is nothing and nothing is everything.

there is so much more to say but now isn't the time. i almost took my life two years ago, one year ago, and two days ago but things never worked themselves out. here i am, i hope am not wasting my energy in writing all of this, but please stop being so fucking self-centered all of the time, you are the center of your own universe, however, it is infinatly large, MUCH FUCKING LARGER than you, look around yourself, learn.

this very well be my last entry, at least for a while.

people ask me why i don't talk often it is because i feel like no one would listen if i did, and if and when i do talk, you don't really care. but please, i hope you read this. i didn't want to hold this in from the people who might actaully need it. i even made this public so that more people could see it.

karma happens
allow yourself to feel what you aren't used to
do things you aren't used to
take chances
cry smile laugh bleed, be human.


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Re: dear you, i wrote this in my real journal and maybe it will help you, 05-30-05 12:02pm

Thank you.

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