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chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote,
on 7-18-2005 at 5:29pm
seems as though people are back to their old ways again. summer was going so well until i realized it. now i gotta go face reality which i was doing a marvelous job of avoiding. that sucks really bad. so i will go back to school in 5 1/2 weeks and face the shittiness of it all and pray the time goes by swiftly cause i think i will die if it doesnt. honestly there is a world out there that i'll never fucking understand and whats the point cause i get glimpses of that shittiness and realize how truly stupid and childish it is. i dont need to be apart of that so hopefully i'll be able to ignore it somewhat well and wait until i'm 18 and get out of the shithole called san jose california. yea that will be nice.

other things: moms an ass. i knew that already but she is more of an ass now because is keeping me from a relationship with my sister. next summer monica said that she and james will be moving up to eldorado hills so i can go spend the summer with her and get a job and stuff. i think thats a good idea. i'm trying get out of san jose as much as i can and that will be a good opportunity to experience another way of living and make some new friends and have fun and not be in front of a computer or t.v for most of the summer. next year seems so far off. i hope i can make it that long. i have this feeling that my parents are going to get on me this winter and because no one will be there to defend me i'm going to have to stand up and take it like a man even though i am in fact a girl.

well i think thats all i have to say for now. i could probably go on for hours but i'll go write on it on paper. bye
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07-19-05 10:21pm

Dude I agree about the world thingy being stupid. There are a lot of dumb people out there. And once I think about it, part of the reason the world is so stupid is because the people in it are stupid. Of course there are really cool people too, but sometimes it's so hard to find them, and all the mean snotty stupid people are there instead. I don't even know whether I want to grow up. I mean, I used to think that all the stress, like school and things, was going to be over with once we're done, but once I really think about it, what about paying taxes and having kids and sending them to school, and getting a job and keeping that job? It's gonna suck.
In general, I like life, but sometimes it's just tiring because everything is the same over and over again. Happiness and then disappointment, etc.

Sometimes I think the world has become too competitive. Well, actually, I know it has become too competitive. Everyone competing for the best school, best job, "my kid's better than your kid because of this and this". It's so frusterating. Life should be more laid back.

I don't know. I mean, I'm glad I'm alive and have all my friends and family, and I know it could always be worse for me. Much much worse. I guess it's just kind of weird to think that these teenage years are going to be the ones i'm going to look back at when I'm older as the "good ol days". If this is the exciting phase, what are the next phases going to be like?

Ah, the mysteries of life.

And it's not fair that your mom isn't letting you visit your sister. Her issues with monica are already bad enough on you, but then she won't even let you go visit her because of them.

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Re:, 07-20-05 1:40am

Nice made me think of some things I hadn't before. LIke how things just repeat themselves over and over again. Now that I think about it like that it really sucks even more... Hmm..I wonder how we got to be humans and some spirits or whatever they're called turn into dogs,cats,mosquito hawks etc. Its odd isnt it? I think I'd rather be a dog sometimes but they're lives are pretty much the same thing over and over again also. Maybe if i was a service dog. Anyway, that sounds weird. I shouldnt talk about stuff like that.

OH yea..Dont compare yourself and say "things could be much more for me and i should be thankful they aren't" YOu should be thankful youre not living in a cardboard box but dont start saying that thinks could be much worse. Thats what I always do and someday it could make you depressed and feel like your world is caving in on you like I felt.. Not cool. I hate saying this but my counselor lady that I had to go see is the one who told me that.

Yea my mom only sees how the situation with Monica affects her. . God forbid she ever paid attention to the rest of the family and realized that were all suffering cause of it.

Buh bye. (I hate it when people write that) :-)

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