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oceanchild (profile) wrote,
on 4-18-2010 at 8:14pm
Current mood: gloomy
Subject: Friends
My mom and I were talking recently about my social life. She told me she worries I'm too isolated. That I've always enjoyed having a best girl friend, and now I don't (most of my good friends, and all of my local friends, are guys these days). That I don't even really have any friends my own age, who are interested in doing the same things that I am.

I protested that she needn't worry. I don't feel isolated because I'm constantly connected to my friends via the internet. If I want company, all I need to do is send an IM or an e-mail. And since Dria, I've consciously avoided defining a Best Friend. That's never worked out well for me...for some reason I always end up with jealous and possessive Best Friends. The situation with Dria blew up badly enough that I washed my hands of having a singular best friend completely...it's better to have a small number of really close friends without playing favorites, and I do have that, even if they live hours away in different directions.

I do feel isolated, though. In the days since our conversation, the things she said have stuck with me, and I realized they're true. I find myself missing Sasha and Adi a lot lately. It's not that I don't enjoy the company of my male friends, but I want some Girl Talk occasionally and I don't really get it anymore.

The internet is also not the answer to everything, like I made it sound. Most of the time my best friends aren't online. Even my boyfriend--everyone's busy with their own real lives (I do not resent this). And IMing, while nice and low-key, is not the same as hanging out in person, even when they are signed on.

Finally, there's only one friend I have in town that I feel really close to, and I never see him one-on-one. I hang out with him and his crowd regularly, but I don't really fit in with them. They're so different from me...it's not that they're unwelcoming (much the opposite), just that they've all known each other for years...they have their own shared jokes and interests. Since I can't participate in that, I can't help but feel like an outsider. Sometimes seeing them makes me feel even lonelier than being alone does.
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goodbye

04-19-10 1:50am

<3



...I wish I had something more constructive or helpful to say. :/

(reply to this)

electrofucker

04-19-10 2:11pm

I went to post something similar the other day. It's weird. Even though I'd love to have friends just for the sake of spending time together, I get used to having party friends or being alone. Most of my real friends are either hours away or busy all the time. It's so easy to slip into isolation, even if it isn't what you want. I've just gotten used to it. Even when I'm with people now, I find that I'm more introverted.

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brandyalexander

05-05-10 3:28pm

Love, I'm sorry...I wish i had some good advice to offer you, but anything I say will probably sound too optimistic.

Why don't you just try making some new friends? Most of my friends are guys too but I did recently make a good girlfriend. We haven't known each other long but we hang out and she's been really great about incorporating me in her life. I might be hard and it's hard to find a good friend on the first try, but you should put yourself out there. Try striking up conversation with random people. I'm sure your city has this thing called "super social." It's this thing where a bunch of random people come together to play different sports. Its not serious sports and no ones ever very good so you just have a few beers and spend time together. I dated this guy who got into it when he moved to Austin and he made a lot of new friends that way! I always end up meeting a lot of new people at school, work, or at coffee shops. If you frequent a place, people are bound to talk to you and I'm sure you'll make at least one new friend. <3

If all else fails, I'll take a vacation out to Cali.

Also, I know what you mean about that really close friend of yours. I used to feel that way too because I moved around so much growing up and i never felt completely incorporated in a group of people who've grown up together. I just made an effort to get to know all of them on a personal level and try to take part in the things I couldn't participate in. I know it's harder than it sounds, but give it a shot.

If you need anything, call me, okay? We can chat and talk about plenty of girl stuff!! I'm realizing I never asked you if you had a facebook. If you have one, add me, okay?

Love,
Jen

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oceanchild

Re: , 05-05-10 6:51pm

That was all good advice. <3 Thank you. I should look into that super social thing...it sounds like fun.

I do have a Facebook! But I don't think I ever knew your last name (or I can't remember it =S) so I'm not sure I can find you. Here's my page! Add meeee

http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=6710542

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