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Not Waving
But Drowning

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:: 2002 26 August :: 8.33 am
:: Mood: scared

It can't happen
My best friend.I haven't being in contact with her for a while I'm a cunt like that.She texted me today, she nearly died.

I'm so sorry i should have been there.
I feel so shite right now.

It would kill me to lose her.

Sweetheart i'm sorry

Please don't go.

1 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 1 December :: 5.29 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Waterproof Blonde - Just close your eyes

I hate myself. It's my fault things are the way they are. If only i could disappear without hurting anyone. I just wish i knew them......... even for a split second.

3 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 14 September :: 8.25 pm
:: Mood: sick

I'm so nervous now. I think i'm literaly going to be sick.

All the worry all the hassle , In just a few hours i'll find out if it was worth it. I really hope it was.

I'm tired but i doubt if i'll be able to sleep.

For some strange reason i want to cry i don't know why though. Well actually i do know.

I was in Daybreak today and it felt so different. It felt like i didn't belong there no more, The truth is i don't belong there no more it's time to move on. I'll really miss that place.....After all the pain of school it was the one place i felt safe.It was like nothing could touch me there and now it's gone.

I know this sounds really pathetic....but for tonignt only I'll let it pass.

I'm kind of afraid to get my results.It makes everything sound so final even though it has bearly even started.

Dive in.

:: 2004 22 July :: 8.25 pm

It's all a bit better now.

2 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 22 July :: 7.35 pm
:: Mood: suicidal

Why the fuck does all this shit happen to me.I hate my life. I hate myself. If my god damn parents would stop argueing for 5 mins maybe they could see that I'm not in the slightest bit happy. All i want is for everything to be like it was. No more argueing. I just want to be free.

In crimson dreams away i'll fly
Gently soaring until i die.

I hate it all so much now.

I'm sorry.

Dive in.

:: 2004 19 May :: 1.25 pm
:: Mood: depressed

Why the fuck does no one listen to me.

I never wanted to do the stupid junior cert and now it seems i have no choice.I just want to be left alone.So what if i make a balls of my future it's my future shouldn't it be me that decides what happens in it.

Why don't they listen.

2 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 19 May :: 5.50 am
:: Mood: depressed

I hate everything right now.

I'm afraid of what they'll do if i tell them I don't want to do the stupid ass exams.

They say they're trying to make me happy.I mean does it look like I'm happy.

Someday they'll listen.

All i want is to be left alone.
Is that so hard for them to understand.
Is that too much to ask.

Please just leave me alone.


Dive in.

:: 2004 18 May :: 2.27 pm
:: Mood: depressed

Why can't they just leave me alone.
Maybe if they knew it'd be different.
I want to go away and never come back again.

2 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 14 May :: 2.37 pm
:: Mood: depressed

The meeting was shite.Marina was like a totally different person.Everything i said she turned against me.It was horrible.It being in the school didn't help either.I just wanted to run away....i didn't though.

When we got home i went for a walk.I ended up at the bridge.For a split second i wanted to jump off.

I wanted to be free.
I wanted it to end.
I wanted them to leave me alone.
I wanted to disappear.
I wanted to die.

All I want is my freedom.Unchain my wings and let me fly.


2 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 28 April :: 9.09 am
:: Mood: depressed

I don't have a problem.
I am the problem.


3 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 23 April :: 6.59 pm
:: Mood: depressed

I just want to disappear but i can't.

1 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 23 April :: 12.22 pm
:: Mood: gloomy

I'm drowning alone.

1 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 21 April :: 3.28 pm

We had to make self portraits at Daybreak today.

Apparently mines was too dark.

So i painted flouresent orange stripes on it and called it happy rain.

1 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in.

:: 2004 20 April :: 2.29 pm

The climax of the gala, the part that everyone most looked forward to and that he was so galled to be missing, came at the end of the swimming races when the staff, fully dressed, all got thrown into the pool by the upper school.

1. Grab the nearest book(s).
2. Open the book(s) to page 36.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

Dive in.

:: 2004 15 April :: 8.36 am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Distillers - Hate me

If i was you, I'd fucking HATE ME too

4 drowning in crimson regret. | Dive in. | Random Journal