*!Lifeless Living Is Worse Than Destined Death; So Savor The Souls Of Those With Out Hope, And Help Those Who Dream To Cope... Jordan Mackenzie Porter/Loye, November 26, 2003!*


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The Korean Lover's Life

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:: 2004 3 January :: 12.31 pm
:: Mood: Angry/Sad/Hurt/Alone

Venting Time For Jordan!
So... yeah- I have some stuff that's bugging me that I need to get off my chest! This might sound retarded to some of you but it's important to me....

My Wonderful Boyfriend... The Korean.... OneTake...

He loves me... I love him... so who cares; everyone knos already right?

WELLL! *ALSO* If you didn't kno - Keegan has lots of friends that are gurls... and most of them he has dated or almost did date at one point in time. So I hope you understand me being just a little bit uncomfortable when he hangs out with them (when I can't be therr.)
Ok so maybe I'm being a bitch. Idk. But I just don't be comfortable with him and his *girl* friends (juss the ones I don't kno). So it starts:

He decides: He's going to Skate Estate (to dance) with his friend, Jessie, from Tennesee that is up in MI

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:: 2003 30 December :: 2.50 pm
:: Mood: I'm Not Quite Sure...?
:: Music: Evrrything On My SonicStage Player

Cat Fights N Whatnot!
Jacqui... Sam.... Justine.... whoever is all involved in this thing that seems to be eating up your friendships... Plzzzz stop! PLZ PLZ PLZ!
Look, I kno I don't have much of a place to say anything... But... I just have this feeling that you are going to regret all this hostility(sp)... Becuz I remember last year and the year before... ya'all were real tight!!
Ofcourse I don't really have a place in ANY of this... but I think you all should AT LEAST get along... becuz I Love You All!
Sure therr's things we don't like about eachother... but ya need ta juss *PRETEND* to get along.... plz.... lol

WELLLLL- Either way... I LOVE YOU ALL... and I want you guys to work this out... wit all my heart :)

Chow I'm Out

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:: 2003 30 December :: 11.24 am
:: Mood: pissed off

Yeah... Ronnie Boy- I kno how yer feeling... I'm so unbelievably bored... n knoing that you CAN'T do anything even if someone called ya up n said "hey wanna do something?" that sux most! Yes... I'm grounded... But it's been a fuckin month... don't you think that by a month's fuckin time i should be able to at least spend new year's wit my b/f!? I DO! :( Ohhh Well... I guess I'm screwed!

~ChoW I'M OuT~

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:: 2003 29 December :: 1.57 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

see that lil MOOD THING? Yeah well guess what? TWO- COUNT EM TWO MIN. ago that thing was juss plain bored n NOW I'm aggravated- n ya kno why? BECUUUUZ I wanted to go get this poem fer ya'all ta read n i ACCIDENTALLY click the X- WELL FUCK THE X YO! Lol but anywhoo- as I was saying before I clicked the X... I'm bored- fer absatively posolutely no reason w/s/e (what-so-ever) I mean I have evrrything going for me except that I'm grounded.. but I'm bored wit evrrything- relationships you name it- but I'm working on it- I mean I figure I'll get over it anyway so who cares right? But onnn a liiiighter note- I would like you all to read this poem I wrote- It's very important to me that you read it n give me imput becuz I pride myself on my poetry ok? Thanx!

Once Upon A Christmas Eve ( sucky name I kno but help me come up with a better one)

Once upon a time
A little child came to me,
And asked me for a favor
So I sat him on my knee.

“What do you want?” I asked him softly,
“What does your heart desire?”
“All I want,” he timidly admitted,
“Is a warm Christmas fire.”

“You see,” the little boy went on.
“Our house is oh-so cold.
“And my baby brother’s hands are freezing;
“He’s only two months old.”

“My mama can’t pay for heat.
“She tries as hard as she can.
“But every time she gets a little money
“She’s forced to give it to that man.”

“What man?” I ask.
My face clouds with concern;
For this little boy wise beyond his years
Has tried so hard to discern.

“A guy comes to the house,” he goes on.
“And says we have to pay our debts.
“So every time Mama has money,
“He takes all she gets.”

“I’m not asking for a miracle.
“I just want some heat,
“So that maybe when I go to sleep at night
“The cold won’t nip my feet.”

“I’m a big boy now,
“Almost six years old.
“But, my brother, he is little
“And he can’t stand the cold.”

“So, God, all I want,
“Is something to keep us warm.
“I don’t want the baby to get sick.
“I need to keep him far from harm.”

I looked down into his bright blue eyes
I really wanted to help.
I wiped a tear off my cheek.
There my heart did melt.

I promised I’d do what I could
To make their Christmas cheerful.
After all, it had to be hard
To give me that sad earful.

I set off in search of a store
And what did I find?
That almost every store was closed
Except one merchant who was kind.

Thank goodness I had found that place
So full of everything.
I bought them toys, I bought them food.
My heart started to sing.

Lastly I found a heater
That ran completely on gas.
I filled it up then bought it too,
Hoping the merchant wouldn’t ask.

I drove my truck across town
And stopped in front of his home.
This Christmas they’d have fun
And not feel so alone.

I put the stuff on their doorstep
And started to walk away.
But then the little boy came out
And said, “God, why don’t you stay?”

“I can’t,” I replied.
“I must get back to where I belong.”
And with that I hopped into my truck,
My soul bursting into song.

To make someone’s Christmas so sunny
Was a feeling I’d never known.
I didn’t think of what I’d get.
Or if I’d be thanked for the kindness I’d shown.

I thought of that little boy
And his family
And realized I did some good,
A feeling new to me.

I prayed for God to bless His son,
The one believed in His word.
And praise the boy who believed in Him
And thought that I was The Lord.

Jordan Mackenzie…12/29/03

Ok guys you tell me- thanx... peace n love as always!

!~ChOw I'm OuT lIkE wHoA~!

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:: 2003 28 December :: 5.05 pm
:: Mood: eh....
:: Music: One~Take... Cock, Balls!

Hey Hey People That Read My Life! Juss joking- JUSS JOKIN! LoL- No actually I'm juss sitting around being bored... how many people are in the same boat; I wonder... welll yeah- Hey I'ma do a lil adverrrrrrrrtising herre right quick~ my baby- ya kno? the korean- - ya kno? Keegan??!?!! Well him n some buddies are gon be rapping n break dancing Jan 9 at a b-ball game- so plz plz plz show ya support n be therr! It'd mean sooo much ta me n him- thanx- n love!

ChOw I'm OuT lIkE wHoA!

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:: 2003 27 December :: 5.49 pm
:: Mood: cheerful

Ok... so sorry it's been so long since I've written guys- but then again; who HONESTLY wants to read about my life? lol but yeah- since I've written- I've been grounded THE WHOLE TIME andddd... MY NEPHEW WAS BORN 12/21/03!!! OMG- he's absolutely adorable- I want him to be my lil baby- but i'll settle fer juss being his buddy- he's WAY cute.... n yeah but anywhoo- i think i'm outtie fer juss a bit- oh yeah n juss FYI i'm not so depressed anymore :-D peace love n happiness ta y'all n JACQUI??? have a happy NEW YEAR :-D

~!~ChOw I'm OuT lIke WhOa~!~

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:: 2003 26 November :: 2.31 pm
:: Mood: depressed

Yeah... Herre I am- juss started on this... but what else did I juss start on? NO RON- NOT MY PERIOD! I juss started crying AGAIN- fer no apparent reason... I so depressed all the time n y'all prolly don't even wanna kno--- I mean who would? ... This lil selfish bitch wit errything goin for her... is sad AGAIN.... I try; I really do- I guess maybe I juss don't try hard enuf... Pills help; the PAXIL CR kind... but is that real happiness? Idk... I juss miss being happy- Acuz SERIOUSLY: Does erryone go thru this shit? If they do- I pity the world! I OBVIOUSLY pity myself too... er I wouldn't be writing this! But... even when I try to think of better things- it's like I'm stuck behind... and who d'ya tell? If I tell my mom... I'm sure "I'll be OVER-REACTING"... my dad??? That's outta the question... so PRETTY MUCH I'm alone in this- I'm B.M. (by myself) n the worst part about ALLL THIS SHIT!?! People that "love" me are getting sick of me becuz THEY CAN'T HANDLE MY PROBLEMS- They get sick of tryina help me... Fuck Counselors- they don't do SHIT for you! Talk Talk Talk Talk is ALLLL THEY have ya do- n no offense but I'd rather talk to Allyn, Keegan, or Re then pay someone who doesn't care to talk about my "issues wit Teen Development"! Fuck this- Fuck Life... I mean I have no reason to live... Seriously- what am I put on earth for? Ta piss people off? Ta make em feel bad for me? Idk you tell me- but tell me soon- cuz I'm about ta give up- fer rel.... I juss wanna sit in my bed, cry, n wait till I finally starve ta death or juss hold my breath n .... never breathe again! But yeah.... since that's pretty much not an option... I guess I'll have to wait it out...


*Am I Standing Still?*

^^^You tell me^^^

~!*!~The Korean Lover~!*!~

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