I'm confused, but for some reason- that word doesn't cut it.
At some point, you have to sweep away all the dirt and look at your result- A clean, sleek finish. If you keep putting off the cleaning, at some point it is obvious that the dirt will pile up, and swallow you whole. If you just maintain, and clean up once in a while- you will not get overwhelmed. There is my intro, now here is what I wanna talk about- straight up (no salt):
I have made some important realizations these past few days, and I think they are realizations people make everyday but it's overwhelming, in a bad and a good way.
Friends are an amazingly powerful thing. I always had friends, that's not it- but I just never saw the extent of it. Isabel was always there for me, and she was my true best friend but she was always hard to reach, her being so far away and all. And now, after such a long time I found it- once again, only it is much easier because we actually go to the same school. It's just such a joy, especially going through these complicated years together just having someone by your side to help you, someone who will always understand you. It's a great thing. I always felt a pinch of jealousy and envy each time I looked over, and just saw two people so close. You could see, just by looking at them, that they were best friends and they understood every single thing about each other. Maybe people can look at me, and think the same? In any case, I'm really enjoying it.
But with all the joy, sorrow comes and even though it is not as pleasant discussing, it is a part of life.
When you understand someone more than they understand themselves, it is definetily not good. Especially not when you cannot tell them, because you know you will hurt their feelings this way. It aches inside me though to tell her, to tell her she is not perfect. I know friends are supposed to be supportive of each other, but sometimes when someone turns all cocky on you- 24/7- it gets to you, big time. Even though, I feel like I read her better than she reads herself there are still so many things I don't understand and know about her. It just makes me very sad, it just makes me realize that all this time- I never really knew her, and that is also why it is hard for me to be supportive and understanding. The only solution, when you really think it through, is being as true and clear as possible. Shady people get nowhere, when you want to get a point across you have to say state it directly. I did today, and I realized, as hard as it might have sounded in her ears, it gave her a reality check and made her maybe think twice about the things the says- and thinks. As I come to think about it, I'm not confused. I know exactly what I want, and I know exactly why I did the things I did. At least in this situation.
I realized many more things, these past few days but most of it is too complicated- and only Dorina would understand anyway, so I might as well spare you the pain.
Have a nice serious talk once in a while, it doesn't hurt.
Mette

be daring