dmlxoxo
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2005 13 February :: 9.30pm
there are times when you get yourself so worked up over something that you say things you don't mean. we all know it happens, and this is not me trying to excuse myself from the things i wrote in the previous entry.
after getting all of those comments, i just went back and reread what i wrote and swear to god that i didnt even remember half the things i said because a lot of it was my rushing emotions talking, not me. i sounded like a pompous asshole. and for that i'm sorry. i didn't mean to pass judgement on anyone, especially people im friends with, and for that, im sorry too. because i dont even believe half of the things i wrote when im thinking straight.
gabi was right on target. i need to work on fixing what could potentially be wrong with me and her and not get so scared that i throw my problems and point fingers to other people. i put the entire weight of my fears on my other friends, and offended them in the process, and did so without even realizing this.
but all of this stems out of where she and i used to be, not even the drinking, but the fact that when we were little, it wasnt her and me, it was her and someone else. and i wanted to badly to be her best friend, to have the best friendship they had with eachother. but they would push me away and make fun of me, and be mean to me. and last year when i lost her this whole not being wanted thing resurfaced. you all have your siblings and other constants in your lives, but shes all i have. you know ur siblings will always be there for you, and thats who she is to me, but for me, i have the chance of losing her. and thats a scary reality.
im sorry to anyone i offended, you're all important to me, just remember that.
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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goobs827
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2005 10 February :: 6.19pm
I'm pulling a Danielle here and putting what everyone had to say about me. They all made me so happy and really mean a lot to me. I want to have them if I decide to print this thing out...
From Lauren:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabi..what can i say. from the seely days, i feel like throughout everything-- we've watched eachother grow, and for that reason i value your opinion very much. you have such a big heart and i feel like you would never turn down an opportunity to help someone in need.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
mama- spice girls....uyy dont ask why, no clue!
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
hmmm, an italiano mamma sita with a wooden spoon lol, i have such a great imagination
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
understanding
05. Put this in your journal.
From Danielle:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
theres so much i could say about you gabi, you're just such a good person. i dont think that ive ever seen you do anything to hurt or cause harm to anyone. i admire the way that you handle certain situations, and your ability to stay strong almost 100% of the time. you have a heart of gold, and i know that that quality is something every one of your friends treasures.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
anything rent or sic transit gloria because its the only song thats screamy that i have :)
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
eleanor roosevelt, based on the soul reason that she said this quote which reminds me of you so much: "a woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until she gets herself into some hot water."
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
strong
From Erica:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabi is my favorite YENTA and listener. your my go to gal when i need a laugh, rant, hint of gossip, and when i have a secret to tell cuz you keep them best. everyone tells people that they are so glad they became friends w/ them, but to me, you are the epitome of this. My high school years wouldnt be the same w/out you.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
say you'll be there- Spice girls
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
Betty Crocker, Mrs. Fields.. etc, that lady from the sat/sun night sex show, from this italian cartoon i watch (a really old lady whos always loses her pasta pot, and says things in a funnny italian accent)
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
realistic
From Hilary:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabss---since that day on the log at 6th grade camp i knew u were someone i wanted to get to know. ur suchh a special person, with a quick remark or comeback to almost anything. you dont let people tell u what u think and ur one of the most caring, supportive people i know. gotta agree with nez on this one--ur laugh is contagious and i love spending time with you cuz ur so fun to be around
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
seasons of love is the obvsss choice here
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
omg deff bridget jones best friend that says fuck a lot lol
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
loyal
From Neza:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
Gabi-you have always struck me as one of those people that's open-hearted, non-judgemental and at ease with everyone around you. Your laugh is contagious and your generosity is evident. You have a good head on your shoulders and good morals.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
Madonna- like a prayer
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
julia roberts? i donno that kinda hits me
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
genuine
From Elizabeth:
1.Gabi- Ever since I moved here you've been one of the girls I wanted to be friends with. I got this great vibe from you right away. You're so mature for people our age. Whenever I'm around you i get this feeling of comfort. I like being around you, you're so sweet and good to people. You seem to know how to rise above stupid situations. You'e wise, you seem to know alot about life and whats going on around you. Your someone who seems completely comfortable in their own skin which is rare for a 15 year old. You've always been someone I looked up to and even though we're not as close as we were in 6th grade my love towards u hasnt faded
2.I'm not okay- My Chemical Romance, because we were all gonna go to the concert and you seem like a real dedicated fan(thnx for the comment on the icon btw i thought it was so fun!)
3.Gwenyth Paltrow
4. Poised
love you all<33
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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dmlxoxo
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2005 9 February :: 5.38pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: fool to think- dave matthews band
okay. you wanna play like this? we can play like this.
just keep it up. push me farther, closer and closer with every action you take, with everything you say, til i reach the edge until i explode. you like to flirt with boundaries dont you? you like to push buttons. you like to be the cause of tension. you like to make other people miserable- dont you?
just because you cant find a happy place for yourself doesnt mean you have to antagonize other people around you who have been fortunate enough to find theirs, or able enough to create one. i know its a form of comfort to see that other people are miserable, but why do you have to be the one to cause other people's problems? shouldnt that make you more upset at yourself, knowing that you're the cause of other people's problems for the sake of creating waves?
ooooooh what i wouldnt give to just go up to you and tell you what everyone thinks of you. what i wouldnt give to show you that the whole act you put on to cover up who you really are is totally transparent. everyone sees right through you. everyone knows you're fake. everyone knows that you talk behind peoples backs, mine included. how you manage to affect my life in this way is beyond me since you and i arent even close, but jesus, STEP BACK AND TAKE A LOOK AROUND ONCE AND A WHILE, because you could use some major adjustments.
2 CrAzY ThOUgHtS |
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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dmlxoxo
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2005 8 February :: 5.46pm
:: Mood: angry
WORST DAY EVER.
for a number of reasons.
1. i do not care what anyone says, this school that we go to is not esteemed because of the teachers, its as awesome as it is because of the drive of the kids in it. and as far as im concerned, perlman can go fuck a dog in the ass and then burn in hell for the rest of time. i dont think that once this entire year ive ever sat in her class and learned something thats valuable to me when it comes time to take her awful, heartless tests. we had a test in there the other day and we got them back today, and theres nothing like having your teacher stand at the front of the room and yell at you because of how poorly everyone did on the tests, like it was our fault. "i'm so disappointed, these were horrible, i dont know what happened, you tests were all terrible, especially the ones where people got more right than wrong...." she went on forever, making everyone feel like we fucked it up, like she had no role in my failure, or anyone else's on this test. as if the fucking 45 on the test wasnt bad enough, she had to make a statment in front of the whole class about people who got more wrong than right. and even though the majority of the class doesnt know that i was in that category, i know...and she insulted ME when she said it. fucking bitch. and im sitting here now and all i can think of is erica's pin "oh mother, is it worth it?" and im feeling like the answer is no. NO. things arent supposed to work out like this. as much as i hate the typical edgemont "im going to fail" and then doesnt, i wish i were that person right now. the person everyone hates because they draw attention to themselves for saying things like that. i'd rather have that than be the one who actually did fail...and failed miserably. euro can kiss my ass and burn with mrs. perlman in hell for eternity.
2. who the fuck do some people think they are? do they do what they do to purposely create tension and irritate people? or are they actually as stupid and oblivious as they come off? there are obvious, clear things that will piss me off, and not necesarily stuff that only applies to me, stuff that would rub ANYONE the wrong way, so why would you go out of your way to shove something in my face to make me this frustrated? why would you come up to me and say something stupid, that would lower my spirits, and act like a totaly airheaded idiot? do you want me to be mad at you? because god knows that you get agitated easily and god forbid someone did something like this to you, you'd be just as frustrated as i am. sometimes people step over the line, and i hope that you know enough not to exaserbate the situation further by exceeding the limits you've already pushed. brie84b983g4823y498giugu89348923gh482g94g82g89WHATTHEFUCKAREUTHINKING?rieb79wgh9889h45hio4h5o3.
and thats enough of my rants for now. i had to get that out.
"cuz everybody knows you've got to breathe..."-dave matthews band
2 CrAzY ThOUgHtS |
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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briggs17
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2005 3 February :: 9.10pm
...before i lose all my emotions this entry is dedicated 100% to my basketball so for all of u not interested..leave now or shut the fuck up..
...altho there are no real words to describe exactly how i feel nor do any even come remotely close.....i'll give it a shot..no pun intended
todays game sucked for sure..sooo close then we just didnt finish it..our season overall was a good one...our record did not show whatsoever how amazing our team was and we had soooooooooo much talent that we didnt even kno wat the hell to do with it...when times got rough we had eachother...we were always there for each other and thats all that matters...like cozza said..we're one of the bst teams he's ever had..and cmon now we're historic..we were undefeated before winter break...we'll always have that to brag about....the dynamics of all of us and the way we played together....couldnt have asked for better....
i...i can say, despite wat i might have said during the season at times....that i was so truley happy practically everyday...and the reason i always got up in the morning ..is cuz i always had my girls and cozza to look forward to..i knew laur and me would be partners automatically..i looked forward to the way the gym smelled and the feeling of pure exhaustion and not wanting to go on but really knowing i was only whining to hear my voice...cuz either way gersh was ganna make my ass get up..
the frreshman..the 8th graders the friggin 7th grader....i trust them all...they would always be there trying to make me smile when things were down or they saw i wasnt my normal hyper loud self...it was just this security i had..i knew i would eventually crack outta my mood and be happy and forget about n e thing that was pissing me off....i had my team, my sophs...every1....and now it like hit me that im never going to play with all these girls ever again...and it just plain sucks...because i love each and every one of them soo much in their own way..whether i make fun or act mean towards them they always know i cared..
and cozza..i dont even know where to begin..he's like my 3 month best friend..like, whether it be advice w. guyz or b ball help he was there and gave it all..the most genuine compassionate man I have ever met in my life...he, i must say, was truly the reason the season was as memorable and amazing as it was..he was that spark....i cant even explain...like, after a bad game and him yelling at me id be soooo mad for about..6 minutes then id just smile and brush it off cuz i kno i cant stay mad at someone i love so fucking much.....and the fact that im not ganna ever be on his team again...it just gets me cuz he was always there..and im sure he still will be in a way, but he has other things and so do we all..nd i hate that feeling..that loss....cozza was my rock on which i build my foundation of my love of basketball on. it's as simple as that. or perhaps not simple at all.
about next yr--only God knows right now..we'll see....life takes very unexpected turns...so im not deciding n e thing now....i just hope this one thing comes through....i need it.
...life goes on.....even if bball doesnt.........i can say it..i wish i could believe it now.....HEYY LACROSSE TIME!!!!!!!!!<3<3 ------<#)
EGSaturn: i still havent showerd so i have to go but i just want to tell you how much i love youuuu
EGSaturn: and that i will pop a cap in your ass if you dont play next year
Awwbaby628: i cant even put it into words
Awwbaby628: being part of something that great
Awwbaby628: its just sad
Buggyb678: dear briggy-,you were an amazing captain..haha...i love it when u sayy stuff outloud on the court..then u turn 2 see if cozz. heard it..u are 1 of the greatest captains i have ever had!! and i love u sooo much...and i couldnt have asked for a better season...love, alyssa!
Oppie7777: ah ur depressing me...iim thinking about last year bball and all u girls and cozz and "cant we try" cause ur icon reminds me of that song for some reason and how crazy we were and how much i fucking love you!
b e c k w 4: you elder ones are to emotional...be optimistic, now you get to play with all these cool older kids..and you'll be the youngest on the team...trust me, its not that bad ;-)
b e c k w 4: even though we dont play together anymore im gunna still write notes on the chalk board for you :-)
..frum their heart to mine<3....i am finally left silent
God Bless,
<3BriGgy<---
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dmlxoxo
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2005 3 February :: 7.01pm
:: Music: roll to me- del amitri
just some stuff.....
some things you know about me if you know me well:
1. i know what i want.
2. i know where i want to be and how i want to get there.
3. i know the type of people i like to be surrounded by.
4. i know what i believe in and i dont sell out those beliefs for anyone else.
5. i know myself. and i know myself damn well.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
....but sometimes i wish i just knew were i was supposed to end up. im all for the whole "you create where you're going, where you are, and where you end up" thing, but at the same time, i feel like theres a place where we're all destined to end up, and just having this idea back in the way back of my mind all the time, makes me wonder if sometimes the things i do, the things i say, the way i act or carry myself, is wrong, or is going to make me take a wrong turn. and this may be stupid and it may be a contradiction of myself, since what i said was that we all have a life thats been predetermined, im still always hesitant, thinking that what i do is going to mess up how things are "supposed" to be.
and then again, along the same lines as what i was just talking about, i wish that there would be some way to know whats going to happen. rreading through my past entries always makes me dig deep inside myself where i find stuff like these queries. i read one before where i had been mad at john for not hanging out with me, and the last part of that entry is about me finding someone, because theyre out there- around the next corner or a couple years down the road of life, i have no idea, but what i do know, is that theyre out there, and thats for sure. and its things like that, that i anxiously await, that i wish i could see the map of my life to find out how many more mistakes i have to make, how many more times i have to hurt myself, hurt other people, how many more wrong people there have to be before i find someone whos right. and i wish i could know if i were wasting my time on stupid nothings that will never amount to anything. i wish i could know if all this time ive been holding myself back for nothing, when i may have missed a sea of opportunities. and in that sea of opportunities, may have been what i was always looking for. but sitting here and going through every "what if" i can think of wont do me any good, because no matter how much i put my heart and my mind into the things i wish for, life is a mystery until you've lived it. presents and futures become pasts quicker than we realize. but like they say, a watched pot never boils, and sitting here waiting, wishing, drags seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to eternities.
"life is a mystery until you've lived it."-----but my question is, how do you know if you're living it right?
1 CrAzY ThOUgHt |
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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dmlxoxo
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2005 22 January :: 12.24am
:: Mood: rejuvenated
tonight was awesome. not only did i have a really great time, but i realized a lot about the people in our grade and about myself.
i remember when i was 3 years old, the first day i walked into scarsdale ballet and signed up for my first ballet class. i remember i picked out my leotard and my little skirt and my first pair of ballet shoes. i remember how i walked around my house and used to stand in front of the mirror in my parents' bedroom doing first and fifth position with my feet all the time. after that day, i took dance classes for 10 years, until i messed up one of my feet and i had to stop, and its nights like tonight that remind me of why dance was my passion---why dance IS my passion. i spent the entire night dancing my little heart out in my danielle fashion, and i just get this rush from it. i have such a great time. i wish i had just healed my foot when it happened and gone right back, but instead i just let it drag out, and every day that i let it drag out longer that i didnt dance i just became lazy and kind of let it sink into my past. and its nights like tonight that make me regret that so much, something that used to be one of the hugest parts of my life, something i enjoyed and used as my outlet for a lot of stuff---killed, all because of me. someday........
ALSO-
before i went tonight, i must admit i was kind of nervous that it was gunna be awkward for me. i felt kind of like the odd man out. there were mainly 2 groups of friends there tonight, jelkegs, and nekmek. and then there was me, and i was afraid i was going to be out of place between the 2 groups of such tight friends. i was actually nervous that i was going to be out of place. and for the first little bit of the party, i kind of felt the division, but as the night went on and as people danced and warmed up to eachother i found that we all just danced together in one huge group, no divisions, and no awkwardness. i was so impressed by this, that even though we divide ourselves with names and labels and circles of friends, when we're togetehr in a group, we're capable of acting like a whole. this was so comforting to me, and i loved that about tonight. i just had so much fun with people i wouldnt normall get to hang out with, and i really liked that.
i started to write this entry at 12 o clock and its now 1:40. whats wrong with me? and why am i even still up? gosh danielle, go to bed......signing off- dmlxoxo
3 CrAzY ThOUgHtS |
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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xxthacuteonexx
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2005 14 January :: 12.26pm
you wouldn't hate me if you knew me... :-\
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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goobs827
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2005 13 January :: 10.19am
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. Put this in your journal.
go for it biatches<3
18 CrAzY ThOUgHtS |
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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briggs17
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2005 12 January :: 7.28pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: greenday
i like these thingys
Of your closest friends (including yourself) who is the...
-funniest: theres a lot of diff kinds of funny, but every1 has their own special humor
-best to party with: ellen(priceless dance) n gabi if theyre not too trashed it seems, and gershy w/ her dancing too
-most thoughtful: tough one..laur ko it seems, she reads me well..
-best listener: lauren (: those bus rides are priceless
-most trustworthy: all
-most reliable: emi
-smartest: gershy poo but shes also retarted.....its brilliant like that
-wittiest: joanna at times but more of a smartass
-most spoiled: klop and me i'll admit
-quirkiest: michelle
-silliest/wackiest/craziest: dorina and eliz p
-randomest: muslim and myself
-stingiest: swej lol
-most generous: gersh, me and laur kl.
biggest flirt: ellen and muslim and myself..oddly enough lol
-most likely to succeed: we all will make something out of ourselves
-most athletic: emi and myself(?) lol this ? sucks
-most political: me and assy
-most like you (personality): muslim and kira oddly enough..we're crazzayy
-least like you: lol danielle mentioned to me today
Who has the...
-biggest ego: no1 in particular
-best hair: emi and erica kl
-best eyes: jozbozo,mooney, and myself ive been told
-best boobs: well frum wat ive felt i'd have to say gersh...binder and mooney of course as well
-best butt:id have to give it to gersh or kocaj (sophssss)
-best taste in guys: gabs,myself and not ellen (sry i had to tho)
-funniest family: me
-most fucked up family: me
-best clothes: has to go to me for this week
-best room: mishy
-best first name: danielle, neza
-best middle name: NOT mine for heaven's sake idk tho..
-best last name: gerschhhhhhhh (the way bbach says it)
-best vacations: couldnt tell ya
Who...
-is the "slut":binder when shes in her drunk h/u phase
-"drunk": binder and myself
-"debbie downer": muslim and eliz p
-"yenta": that would be gabrielle
-"dumb blonde": ellen and muslim
-"pothead": myself, for sure.
-smokes cigarettes: certain ppl socially
-could be sisters either by personality or just by looks:ellen and I
-gets in the most fights or arguments:me and ellen about jew things
-never has gotten into a fight/argument: erica kl and kate pantone fo sho nigga
-sees eachother the most throughout the day: me muslim and jew
-hosts the best sleepovers: hopefully me soon..lol
-has the drunkest parents: not so sure..
-has the most oblivious parents: jo
-has the scariest parents: gershys daddy
-has the smartest parents (as far as normal teenage stuff goes): my mommy and gabis parents it seems and staceys are dumb chillllll
-has the most lenient parents: stacey
-is the most likely to leave: hmmm mette, that bitch...she looks like shes ready to jet any minute to like a diff country
yeh i crak myself up, n e wayz....enjoy i mite post later if im bored
signing off, I am sheldon
God Bless,
<3Briggs<----
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briggs17
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2005 11 January :: 8.16pm
ok first off, i didnt plan on writing about this but i read other peoples woohus and its just liek wtf man..i dont get it..
why is like our whole grade secretely depressed or just not as content as they seem to be in person?i kno i have my issues and i get sad sometimes and think a LOT *which is a big prob of mine, i think too much and get sad..* but cmon everyy entryyy...can we get a positive one for once.....im mostly positive.....but lets see if i'll start slowly revealing once i start writing..
i know theres shit going on in peoples lives that I know nothing about, thats a duh..but its like think about how hs goes by in the blink of an eye..just be optimistic..we're all ganna get out alive and fine..i promise you..
another thing..the whole issue of drinking and experimenting and shit..i understand, and u guys know me..believe me i understand the grades issues with drinking and smoking and stuff..,,but im ganan be straight and say that i feel some people act stupidly and dont think before they do things, myself included w. certain things but other things i kno to stay away from and certain people as well ESPECIALLY..they influence sooo much no matter who you are and how resistant to peer pressure you think you are. it doesnt make sense to me why people do things numerous amount of times or just suddenly fall apart and fall into that lie to parents thing..that wont work, im telling u, they know EVERYTHING..its a gift from God but its true..they do
pisses me off so much how certain people are such mother f'ing followers..and im not bein the cliche..bah non conformist dont be a follower..but i have certain people in mind that ive come to realize just simply DO NOT think for themselves even tho they try and convince themselves that they are..give me a fuckin break..ok? who are you kidding? would u have drank that or smoked that if these 5 people didnt before you? NO cuz u know its wrong but u werent strong enough and didnt believe in yourself enough to stand up and do wat you wanted. get some freakin balls wats the worst that could happen!?!
idk if wat im saying makes sense and if not i really dont care cuz i just feel like sayin it whether i have an audience or just myself venting a little.....when people come up to me and say things like.."yeh i never see you out, why dont go out" ..first off, just cuz YOU may not see me does not mean in the least that I dont go out..perhaps I chose myself not to hang around certain people, if im really dying to see peple then i will see them on my own time, not at tristan or james' house ( no offence to anyone, just being general..and if this does offend u..o well idc n e more)...yeh, frankly I do go out and i enjoy myself and im not complaining at all..i chose to do what I want to do, and sorry if it doesnt consist of gettin drunk and duin random things with random people then hitting myself for it the next day *not referring to anyone, i promise, just generalizing once again*...
while im at it, i'd just liek to mention how un unified our grade is and how much it sucks...why do people just hate certain people and why does it not feel right..it doesnt..idk, i think 10th grade should be one of the best..our grade is certainly awesome....people need to settle shit with themselves personally and other people and just learn to appreciate the simple idea of high school and the fact that it's going to be gone before we know and we're going to be wishing these days back....call me an optimist, sure...but on top of that I'm more realistic than n e thing..no use in sulking or holding grudges...or not getting to know a certain person cuz you THINK they wont like you..theres no pt..take chances....hell i know I do...and ive found the most amazing freindships in the most unexpected places and i wouldnt change it for the world...i want every1 tomoror or whenever u read this..the next day..just go up to someone you been meaning to talk to or you thnk you'd like to become friends with, whether they be in our grade or not..and just talk to them...i promise they wont hurt you...
just do it..
im out people, time for some checkers....im pooped
God Bless
<3Briggs<---
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briggs17
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2005 11 January :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: dizzay
:: Music: greenday cd
nahef
just odned eio 2 beeeeee
anywayz, dont mind that..sup, thought id be 'consistant' or whatever...so yeh..math still sucks my teeth dont hurt that bad..practice was cancelled unfortunately still cnt blieve we lost..w.e...im lovin this Thoreau proj..its very interesting and im learnign a lot
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."Henry David Thoreau
most amazing quote ever, could not have put it any better myself...keeps a deep place in my heart..
mybballsophs..i just cant put into words how much you guys complete me.....ilysm'
cnt wait for 21/22.....better b good..or else :)
btw chem sucks too...(who cares about consistancy, o well im jumpy)...
this snow sucks...i love moulin rouge...ewan <3
signing off, i am sheldon.
God bless,
<3Briggs<---
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dmlxoxo
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2005 10 January :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: sexual healing cover- ben harper and teh criminals
its ironic....
how just when something comes up once in life, within a short timespan, it becomes the focus of your mind and proves to be true. as i stated in my new years post, one of my most unique qualities is my endless amount of faith in the human race which i came to realize and learned to appreciate just 2 weeks ago. every time i lose all faith and respect for one person, a small amount of that faith just-shatters, and i realize that as you continuously get let down by people in life, you start to put a guard up around you because you've experienced this horrible side to people.
ive recently learned that one of the people i used to consider one of my closest friends has one of the most viscious horrible sides ive ever encountered....and the fact that i never knew up until this weekend makes this revaltaion hit me that much harder. its literally like someone just came up to me and took off the rose colored lenses i was wearing and showed me what his personality really looks like, and i was finally allowed to see, that while i always viewed him as mature and good hearted person, that he is exactly the opposite. he acts like hes five years old, getting his friends i dont even know to gang up on me. he is one of the most ill mannered people ive ever met, and couldnt give a damn about what kind of impressions his actions and words leave on people. he constantly insults me, telling me that people cant stand me but hes the only one who will "say it to my fucking face", to make himself feel superior. he can never let anyone win but himself, hes the best thing since sliced bread, he has the best hair/face/body/anything in his posession ever and will hold an entire conversation based around those things if you let him....and i dont.
and i think thats one of the reasons he resents me so much. i talk back to him. when he tries to go on for hours about his own pompous ass i dont put up with it. he'll ask me about stuff and when i tell him he'll ignore me and tell me he didnt actually want to know and then tell me that im obnoxious and whiney. this all started in one of his "competitons" that exist no where but in his mind, in which he called something homosexual which in reality cannot be, and when asked what that means he told me to "shut up, ur just trying to defend that fag you hooked up with" and went on to tell me how i act like i know everything and how he hates people like me. but to tell you the truth, i couldnt care any less, because i cant stand people like him. i cant deal with his arrogance and his snide comments and his random pms outbursts in which he curses me out for no reason and acts like hes in kindergarten-- and i drew the line.
we're not talking anymore. i want nothing to do with him because im mad, but more than that, disappointed in who hes become. ive been let down by the person hes morphed into since the summer- or by the person thats surfaced since then. looking back on the summer i realize that he may have always been like this- always as ignorant and obnoxious as he is now...but in smaller doses, and never directed towards me.
....and once again change has scarred me. the person who i once felt i could tell anything to, the person who i spent many a day at the beach with, who i laughed, and cried with, who i helped out with advice, and who used to help me---has fallen to ashes. yeah, its painful and yeah, its unpleasant, but sometimes you have to experience things to be able to see the flaws in people, and the pain that this has caused me is just one more battle wound in the journey of life.
1 CrAzY ThOUgHt |
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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goobs827
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::
2005 7 January :: 4.41pm
:: Mood: still good...
:: Music: sugarcult
And one more...
Of your closest friends (including yourself) who is the...
-funniest: all of them, I wouldn't be friends with someone who couldn't make me laugh
-best to party with: bRiGgY...everyone's fun though
-most thoughtful: Elise, Jojo and I
-best listener: Lokle
-most trustworthy: all
-most reliable: Elise...Stacey too for some things
-smartest: Elise...but we're all smarter than her in some ways
-wittiest: Kate
-most spoiled: Briggette & LoKle
-quirkiest: Erica
-silliest/wackiest/craziest: Erica
-randomest: Erica!
-stingiest: Stacey hehe
-most generous: Elise, Laur and I
-biggest flirt: Kate & Erica...Elise when shes intoxicated
-most likely to succeed: I think we all will
-most athletic: Elise & Brig
-most political: Kate, Brig and I--three pretty different spectrums as well
-most like you (personality): Elise...which can be great and bad
-least like you: Stacey...which can be great and bad
Who has the...
-biggest ego: Elise
-best hair: Kate and Lokle
-best eyes: Joanna
-best boobs: wow, uh, pass
-best butt: probably Elise
-best taste in guys: well, I think I do, but Lauren and I have pretty much the same exact taste so, her
-funniest family: We all have our stories and wild ones, but i'd have to say gerspachs--sayeghs are pretty great too
-most fucked up family: me
-best clothes: Lokle
-best room: Joanna's is the coziest
-best first name: Gabrielle is my fave actually :o)
-best middle name: Paige
-best last name: Zander
-best vacations: Lokle, Jo & I
Who...
-is the "slut": none...but if i had to pick~Zuzy Zander
-"drunk": ummm, i used to assume it would be Irish Elise but I don't know...we all are retarded...but i could say that jojo and lokle are the least dumb drunks
-"debbie downer": haha Erica is pretty good at that, as is Joanna
-"yenta": that would be me
-"dumb blonde": Joanna lol
-"pothead": me, maybe kate
-smokes cigarettes: no one! yay!
-could be sisters either by personality or just by looks: Joanna & Stacey for both, Elise & I for personality
-gets in the most fights or arguments: Elise & Kate, Elise & Stacey, Elise & Joanna, Stacey & Kate
-never has gotten into a fight/argument: LoKle and anyone, Erica & Joanna
-sees eachother the most throughout the day: Elise and Joanna, Me Stacey and LoKle
-hosts the best sleepovers: Elise & I
-has the drunkest parents: haha, wahoo steve and helaine!
-has the most oblivious parents: Joanna-- Amy & Barry "mmm your shirt smells great" Norman/Surman
-has the scariest parents: Kate (mom) and Elise (dad)
-has the smartest parents (as far as normal teenage stuff goes): me, elise, kate
-has the most lenient parents: LoKle wahooo
-is the most likely to leave: call me naive but no one
LeAvE uR cRaZiNEsS
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briggs17
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::
2005 5 January :: 7.53pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: straylight run- existentialism on prom night
CRAZAY!! IM BACK....I THINK..HOLLER AT MATH GIRLS
wow this is madd weird..idk if n e 1 ever checks this n e more, but i have a feeling a certain 2 will ;-) lol gabs and danielle got me in the mood..plus no bball means a lott of extra time meaning i finished my hw a few hrs ago..crazy...
so, uhh how is every1? i think i can get the hang of this again..ouch my teeth hurt, damn retainers.....so yeh bballs awesome (ah once again with the sports talk...dont ya miss meee)..we're 6-0..but hush hush...we better win this weeks games...cant wait for jan 21-22...should be fun, i pray.
i want my permit in feb-- my mom says no and to wait im like F NO MAN!! imagine how much she complains about havin to drive me everywhere and now she doesnt want me to drive as soon as physically possible..i'll never understand moms.
i hate math.
ok time to call someone...
good to be back, lets just see how consistant i am...:/
God Bless
~*BrigGs
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