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As good as my doggie.

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:: 2006 22 November :: 1.18 pm

Friends
They are the real thing.
They are the ones who truly care about you.
They are what matters most.
There's nothing more to say.

...But...

I love them.

1 Tear | Saying Goodbye


:: 2006 27 October :: 9.39 am

So she wouldn't let Ryan stay over because she was uncomfortable...
It's my room too, you know.
You let people come over all the time.
Watch my movies.
Sit in my chair.

Fuck that.
And fuck you.

Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 8 May :: 8.38 am

I just popped up to say hello



and now I've gone back down below...

5 Tears | Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 6 March :: 9.26 am

Hi all. I'm switching journals, so just sos you now, my username is rorin. I also have switched email... but I'm waiting for AIM. I have to tell everyone of my buddies I'm switching and that may take a while. I'm getting a little tired of 'dragon-bearer'... it's just... it's a name i thought up and isn't really special to me. So I'm rorin, remember that. email is rorinh@hotmail.com.

Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 5 March :: 8.07 pm

Mike makes everything better again. I'm glad to know someone agrees with me in the matter. And I do hope it crushes that life (in a sence). But I'm kind of worried about her now. Because if she doesn't find someone who makes her feel like she's better than what this one says... She may be in for the very same fate as I.

Read more..

4 Tears | Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 5 March :: 2.29 pm

Fuck you. You don't diserve the life you have because you treat it like shit anyways. If it was all about me, then I wouldn't have cared so much about you before. But you have been the point of my disgust since you became such an evil person. I'm glad you're gone. And I'm glad I don't have to deal with you anymore. However, I'm not glad you are still here abusing the people around you. With every breath you have, you seem to hate. Your heart is black. So once more, goodbye.

Something else, I lost my math book... So if any of you have seen it, give me a ring.

Doing homework today... how lovely...

I am pretty sure I'm okay now. After going over everything in my head, I'm doing just fine and all is well. Though I still have strong feelings about everything, I'm not going to put all my time and energy into it.

1 Tear | Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 4 March :: 10.30 pm

10 paragraphs about ten people
1. It's hard to say how much you mean to me. We've been friends our entire lives. You know so much about me. But there's still more to learn. I fight with you a lot... but then we joke around and I know everything is okay. We don't spend so much time with each other these days, but that makes it so much more special when we get together. I love you.

2. We met in the ninth grade... and we've grown so close. You are my shining star. You are my one and only. You are my soul mate. I don't think I could live without you... truly living can't be without love. We started talking a few weeks ago about what you went through in your childhood. I'm glad I have discovered this different side of you I have never seen before. You make me so happy. And when I see you, I light up and my thoughts go right back to when I saw you standing in the rain... ready to hold me in your arms. I feel so warm when I'm with you. I love you.

3. You are so crazy. I like to think I've made you that way. We had such fun times in the 4th grade... The same mind-set then, I do believe. And we pointed out the other day how we know exactly what eachother is going to say right before we say it. You are so much fun! You share your joy with everyone around you. I like that you can make the whole room you are in laugh so insainly. And even though you have such a rough life (with so much more problems than you diserve), you make the best out of it all. You are the strongest person I know. And you are so increadably beautiful inside and out. I love you.

4. You continue to make me smile every morning. When I walk into that room and I see your face beam, it makes me feel excited at the conversations to come. Some of the best times we've had together were when it was dark. I remember playing with your glow-in-the-dark oujie board! XDD Voldemort in the hizzie!!! Oh, good times, good times. And then when we did the commercials! "MILK, MILK, MILK IS GOOD!" *gwaf* You are one of a kind, hun, and I wouldn't trade the friendship we have with eachother for anything.

5. Health class. What a hoot. That was the best class I've ever been in. And to share it with such a colorful person? I'm blessed. When you are around me, I don't really hide much. I can talk to you about certain things and you would know how I feel. I believe we have quite a connection. The class is not as fun as it was with you... I'll manage somehow, but I was looking forward to studying for the giant test at the end, together. My diligent friend, we've shared a great deal of stories and I feel my secrets are safe with you... And of course you can trust me with whatever is on your mind. I love you.

6. You... you... you are the most friendly person I have ever met. I thought I loved you before, did you know? I'm sure you did. Your hugs and kindness made me feel so welcome in the POD... When Amanda walked straight over to your table I was like, OMG! He's so cute! ^_^ And that was when I was shy. You bring out the best in me. Thanks for all the positive comments on my drawings as well. I think you have really helped me develope my 1337 skills! XDD You are so wonderful and I'm happy to have a friend like you. *hugs forever*

7. You don't always know the exact thing to say. You aren't really on the ball during our conversations. You are perfectly unique in every way, my enlightened pal. And did I mention weird? You insert the kindest tidbits in chats that we have. And we may just think alike. I'm lucky to have a friend like you. You may be unique, but I am too, and I like you that way. Don't conform. Those mormons...

8. I met you when I hated you. You were so horrible in every way to her. You were defensive at first and I think I helped you through a few hard times... You think it's easier to dismiss people than give them another chance. And though I don't agree with all of your decisions and lifestyle choices, you've helped make me who I am today. I don't think I could have been so strong in certain situations without your help. I am your space monkey. And I like it that way.

9. You are fickle. You are horrible. You are narcissistic in every way. You are sadistic and unkind. But... you weren't always this nasty. I remember you in elementary a little... You were so amazingly beautiful. I remember you in middle school. You were my best friend, though I may have not realized it then. I don't think I could have survived that retched place without you to stand beside me. Your heart can be the prettiest thing in existance when you let it show... I remember sleeping in your bed and how it was so scary. Then I looked at you... and the shadows on the walls no longer looked like demons. When we got to highschool, we remained the closest out of all my original friends. But then something changed. And when we said we would be friends forever and then we said we were eachother's stars and then we said 'I love you', and then something fell appart. Nothing that I said do I take back... Because I still think you are a genuine woman. But you don't think I am and that's why we can't be friends. I bring out the worst in you.

10. You are a special guy. You always know what to say. You make me feel good about myself. I find myself enjoying life when you are near me. You make me smile so often with your sweet little compliments. You love me. And it makes me really happy to hear you say that. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I'm not quite sure how this whole friendship started... I think it may have been just a random internet convo... But it happened and I feel I could trust you with anything. I love you.

3 Tears | Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 4 March :: 8.14 pm

3/4/05...that's funny...

1 Tear | Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 4 March :: 8.01 pm
:: Mood: I'm in a cold sort of mood... distinct and thinkin
:: Music: Tool: Lateralus

No matter how much I may seem it, I'm not okay. I don't know how she manages to continue hurting me, but I'm still letting it affect me just as much. It's just a matter of time before I give up...

Schism

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering. Fundamental differing.
Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication

The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.

Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers/brothers

Parabola

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.

Alive, I

In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.

Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.

Reflection

I have come curiously close to the end, down
Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole,
Defeated, I concede and
Move closer
I may find comfort here
I may find peace within the emptiness
How pitiful

It's calling me...

And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping
The moon tells me a secret - my confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me

Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
Don't wanna be down here feeding my narcissism.
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.

So crucify the ego, before it's far too late
To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical,
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable.
Just let the light touch you
And let the words spill through
And let them pass right through
Bringing out our hope and reason ...
before we pine away.

.....and so ends loving affections for Amelia...
It took so much longer than you thought....

Regretably,
Lauren

Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 2 March :: 10.48 pm

Just stop being so fucking angry at me. I'm the one who should be angry.

And Anna, don't do that again. Don't try that again. Don't succeed EVER.
I love her so much...

2 Tears | Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 1 March :: 8.06 pm

People like you becuase you're beautiful!
What attracts people to you?

brought to you by Quizilla

...Whatever.

Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 1 March :: 7.55 pm

First of all
You stoll her from me and made her hate me

Second of all
You became my friend

Third of all
You started hating her

Fourth of all
You made me hate her

Last of all
You made her love you

5 Tears | Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 1 March :: 7.52 pm

You guys, I may be changing my usernames to everything
Every thing including:
e-mail
woohu
deviant
spokLAN

All of those... I'll keep ya posted.

Lauren

Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 1 March :: 7.49 pm

For all of you who fucking CARE I'm having my party on my birthday (the 25th).

4 Tears | Saying Goodbye


:: 2005 27 February :: 10.19 pm
:: Mood: Not-so-emotionally-stable/exhausted

*sigh*

Ginger Lillian, aka Ginger the Wonder Dog
1994(?)-2005

R.I.P.


As good as my doggie. One of my best friends. There were not very many things in this world that made me as happy as when I would pet and play and see Ginger. I'll miss her, too.

2 Tears | Saying Goodbye

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