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:: 2015 26 March :: 8.16 pm

the smell of spring gently creeping through my sliding door. always reminds me of being in love.

I'm worried I'm too jaded to ever feel love like my memories again.

it's difficult to trust people.

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:: 2015 26 March :: 8.20 am

words cannot do justice in expressing my loathsome feelings about doctors offices.

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:: 2015 25 March :: 5.33 am

I've had either food poison or a stomach flu since Sunday. I missed monday, half of tuesday, and will be missing today from work.. I ruined my sheets this morning.

I don't feel as sick as my body is telling me.. and now all my sheets and towels are dirty. my house smells like shit. my dogs are disgusting.

I just wanna be better :(

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:: 2015 21 March :: 1.33 pm

I feel so stupid when I wonder if I should have shaved my legs.

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:: 2015 20 March :: 10.46 pm

my shirt got here!! and some awesome stickers! one went on my computer!! the other night find its home on bitchelle haha her first sticker.

I'll post pictures soon!!

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:: 2015 17 March :: 5.27 am

what happened to me being a morning person?? there once was a time 5 was sleeping in, now I can barely get my eyes open.

I applied for a job that's lower than the one now.. I doubt it'll have late shifts though...

can you see me?


:: 2015 15 March :: 3.47 pm

I feel mush better about sitting at home alone when my dogs are around.

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:: 2015 14 March :: 10.13 am

going to the parade with Danica :) and will see Zoe there!

I'm pretty excited :) I always want to go to parades but not by myself haha

can you see me?


:: 2015 11 March :: 8.26 pm

I'm really digging this volunteer stuff. she is so frickin awesome and I just adore her. she's so sweet and silly! I need to make her something asap!! she is ugh so cute!

and I feel so good, because I think I'm really gonna make a difference in this kids life, and it makes me feel validated as a human. I always wanted to have a big sister when I was growing up. I think my life would have turned out so differently, and now I have a chance to do it for someone else. paying it forward and showing all those judgmental d bags that just because I'm different I can't be a good role model!

maybe just doing this, and helping kids like her, maybe foster kids, idk, can fill that hole I feel for a child, without committing to it. who knows maybe I'll foster a kid that belongs to me, like kindred spirits, and that is what I should just aim for. either way I feel good about myself. win win.

I've been so happy lately. like I'm not super happy all the time but just in general I feel happy much more frequently. I laugh all the time, I smile when I'm alone. I sing to myself. I just smile like an asshole on sunny days with all my windows down and I just feel like the world is beautiful again. I feel hope for the future for the first time in forever.

I also have been trying to stop telling people what to do.. unless they ask for it. it is so hard not to own my friends problems, and I feel kinda like an asshole sometimes, but I feel a lot less guilty now, and I rarely overthink things. I just feel so at peace with myself.

it's been a good month. I can solidly say it was good. excellent maybe even. and I don't think anything (except the obvious) can bring me down.

I love my home, I love my dogs, I love my family, I love my friends and I just love being responsible for myself and building my future. I have the best possible outcomes right now for myself And I'm making the most of it!

or at least not sweating it. it's all good. I'm proud of where I am and where I've been.

I am woman. hear me roar.

can you see me?


:: 2015 6 March :: 7.12 pm

life is just excellent

I love my family so much

and my puppies

and my apartment

and just.. yes. this is living. ya'll should try it

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:: 2015 3 March :: 4.02 pm

meeting my little in an hour. I stayed home today because bjorne was sick this morning. I have felt off all day and I'm not sure why. of course I'm nervous, just as nervous as I get when I meet anyone new.. but it's something else. just this sense of dread? maybe apprehension? I'm not really sure.

I've been feeling excellent lately. I have avoided thinking about all the negative and sad things that usually occupy my mind. and even now I'm not thinking about those topics, but that familiar hollowness is present.




either way I'm excited to meet my little. I hope it goes well!

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:: 2015 28 February :: 12.07 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

i love dates. not that we called it a date.. but.. that was great :)

i haven't had someone pay for my stuff in so long. it was so cute.

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:: 2015 27 February :: 9.14 pm

help

I'm drowning

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:: 2015 21 February :: 5.24 pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: the indiest shit your earholes have heard

.... steppin out (bjorne) ....
so, a creative bug has hit me, and i have written my first song. please keep in mind this is a rough version and is subject to change. at this point i only have the lyrics, but i think i know what key i want to write it in and am working out how i want it to sound. i am, nevertheless, filled with an exuberant amount of pride at this. and while i may feel extremely exposed, please enjoy:

Read more..

thoughts? ideas? please be kind!

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:: 2015 20 February :: 5.20 pm

bought my first new car :3

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