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fluttering beats in the dark

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:: 2017 29 April :: 2.34 pm

i am so so tired

why so tired

are you reaching out

:: 2017 22 April :: 10.45 am

i think my boyfriend and i have the same cycle

that or he really hates when i do stuff without him

either way i don't like it

are you reaching out

:: 2017 15 April :: 7.28 pm

finally home after the portland trip. concert was bitchin. had a super fun time.

can't tell if i'm depressed or just pms'ing

just love being home so much

are you reaching out

:: 2017 11 April :: 10.00 pm

every year i try harder and harder to love my birthday

and every year it gets harder and harder to enjoy it

it's just a reminder of how many people i've had to leave behind how many people i loved deeply who hurt me people who i trusted people i shouldn't have trusted dreams set on false pretenses and a deep desperate desire to be needed

all my self doubt and fear about the future

my shame and regrets

my failures

then combine with hanging out with people who i only talk to through text who all hate each other the futile attempts to have everyone have fun and get along and then becoming the DD because i can't trust anyone else

i just am a fucking wet blanket and i hate it but i feel powerless to change it

i hate this

are you reaching out

:: 2017 7 April :: 5.42 pm

happy birthday to me
vacation's all i ever wanted
vacation got to get away

2 night time trust fallnight time trust falls | are you reaching out | Random Journal