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fluttering beats in the dark

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:: 2017 15 December :: 1.52am
:: Music: bright eyes - lua

when everything is lonely

i just want to listen to records and make out.

are you reaching out


:: 2017 15 December :: 1.02am
:: Music: morrissey bona drag

ouiji board can you help me
i got my nose pierced again. hopefully no one notices it's just a little diamond. i read the employee hand book anyway and nothing says i can't do it and plenty of girls have it. i feel more like me at least. i made a necklace again as well. tonight i went to a work function dinner and no one noticed. that bright eyes lyric where you're alone at a table of friends came to mind, but i wasn't really at a table of friends. i mean carlos was there, but that's about it. his girlfriend emily is nice enough too.

i got a new iphone 8 today, the old one was just shitting out way too much i couldn't take it anymore.

net neutrality is dead. mark today. fuck.

what am i doing with myself

please work out

are you reaching out


:: 2017 12 December :: 10.49am

Still everything. Still all at once.
It's been less than two weeks and incredibly more has happened.

I changed all the floors in my house. The basement has cork and the upstairs has wood. Right now I've opened up the hallway to the doggy so he has more room and I'm going to see how his does with his new freedom. He seems happy about it though.

Right now I need to meet new people and make new friends and I'm basically "starting over" at 32. I know I need to leave my comfort zone. Lets just see what happens.

I'm still completely stressed about my job. I've got some new career ideas rolling around. I'm going to give Omaha another year or so and then look into moving elsewhere.

are you reaching out


:: 2017 1 December :: 11.47pm
:: Mood: hopeless, basically
:: Music: Only lovers left alive soundtrack

Everything all at once all the time forevermore
Major bad changes coming to my job I'm about to take a 40% pay cut. We are all terrified. IDK what to do. I have no local friends to see or hang out with. I went to Florida to see HIM play and I stayed with Taylor and Meagan for a few days. Me and Meagan got wine slushies in downtown Disney and me and Taylor got sushi and taco bus.

I turned 32 on November 8th, so I've now had this journal for half my life. Minus a house and some ex lovers not much has changed in 16 years.

I drove by some.christmas decorations in my neighborhood and this house just went all out and I remembered how fun that was to see as a kid. Do kids still think that's fun? I don't know. I really don't think there's much joy left in the world. We play Christmas songs at work while they're systematically fucking us.

My doggy is a year and a month now. I saw a sign the other day that said who rescued who? I feel like that's pretty appropriate here. People say we look the same sad eyes and all. I hate leaving him home when I'm working.

Sometimes I think would it really be so bad if America lost a war? I could use a new gkvernment. It's so corrupt. We can't even pretend anymore. It's so bad. The world is so bad. Why isn't everyone saying something. It's seriously so bad.

My upstairs wood floors go this week and my cork floors in the basement.

I have no energy lately. I haven't worked out or exercised in months.

Does any of this shit even matter what the fuck are we doing anyway

I feel overdue for some sort of awakening

are you reaching out


:: 2017 28 November :: 7.37am

I think...I might be getting married!

Last Sunday, S said he wanted to go look at rings together. I'm some combination of excited, scared, worried, and relieved.

It's been five years. Why do I suddenly feel like it's moving too fast?

2 night time trust fallnight time trust falls | are you reaching out

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