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fluttering beats in the dark

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:: 2018 21 July :: 7.27 pm

you don't need a friend

boy, you're a man

are you reaching out

:: 2018 19 July :: 10.23 pm

I frustrated myself to no end

I just can't find words

but I so desperately want to connect

I don't know what to say or how to say it and I feel like I'm drifting away

are you reaching out

:: 2018 19 July :: 8.49 am

need the secret to mind reading

are you reaching out

:: 2018 18 July :: 10.22 pm

everything feels so empty

I put on a smile and crack a joke to calm those around me

going through the motions fake it til you make it

i want to be spoiled

are you reaching out

:: 2018 15 July :: 10.39 am

I don't want to live because the pain in my heart often feels too much to bear

but I also kinda am looking forward to the grown up things

but I also have a very strong feeling I'm too sad inside to be a good mother. that this pain will make me terrible yo my kids and make them resent me in the future, or come out damaged like me. and how could I protect them from what happened to me?

there isn't a way. but if that happened to them? how could I ever forgive myself?

are you reaching out | Random Journal