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fluttering beats in the dark

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:: 2017 6 October :: 10.13 pm

chicken parm turned out ok, will be better next time if i do it again!

so incredibly stoned right now, but can't quite relax

can't sleep much anymore

getting headaches from my nsaids

the world is about to explode on itself

but thank fucking goddess there's fucking weed

1 night time trust fall | are you reaching out


:: 2017 2 October :: 9.34 am

i was hoping that a sleep would help get rid of this empty hollow feeling deep inside

but how can sleep help with horrible things when horrible things happen whilst there?



i don't want to live here any longer. maybe all those celebrities died last year because they knew what was coming.

please someone stop this crazy ride, i want to get off.

2 night time trust fallnight time trust falls | are you reaching out


:: 2017 1 October :: 9.38 am
:: Mood: crushed

i have a big old heart of stone today.

i fucking hate you sometimes. i don't know why im still holding onto a friendship that burned hot and then burned out so quickly. maybe i don't want to accept the fact that i was just a tool in your life, a means to an end that was ultimately inconsequential to you. yeah you still occasionally compliment me, but i don't care how "beautiful" or "remarkable" you say i am, i know you are just.blowing smoke.

maybe if instead of bailing on all the plans we make, scheduling me for 2 weeks in advance to hang out and then "forgetting" even though i reminded you the day before, maybe if you actually once asked ME how I am doing rather than just talk about your life and problems.

i am happy you took a step to make yourself happy and are now living the life you always wanted. i wish you would just let me know because i know you don't even like me. you only love me conditionally when it can get you something you want.

you even told me you loved me once, and that you would be with me. and that was a lie to put a collar on my hearts it still hurts. it cut me like a dog forgotten tied to a tree.

it just fucking kills me. i miss you, and yet i hate you.

are you reaching out


:: 2017 29 September :: 11.12 pm

i understand your sadness so i guess i should hold my tongue

are you reaching out


:: 2017 25 September :: 8.18 pm

juanjolio got a bearded dragon and named him hobbs

he's light tan and when he wants out of his enclosure he goes super pale and makes his throat black and tries to get out

he didn't like me at first but i think now he likes me a lot

he found hobbs on craigslist for free some little punks couldn't give him the time, he came with a bum eye but it's getting better

he's so mad right now, too. he's a grumpy guy sometimes.

are you reaching out

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