leftofcool
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2004 30 July :: 1.50am
today i got back from camping down at mark twain with ethan and jack. interesting time. I had one of those coozie cup things for my beverages with a string attached to it so i was wearing it around my neck and trying to get firewood at the same time. I came back with bits of wood all over my shirt as well as spilled beer (the idea to wear the cup around my neck was better in theory). so the quote of the day was...
Jack: "well if you have anything on your shirt other than a logo, be glad its crumbs and beer, that way you know you're having a good time"
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 25 July :: 1.59pm
:: Music: saul williams, fearless
its just how i feel...
Fearless
I don't know whether to laugh or cry
and I don't know whether to live or die
I kept my love for her locked deep inside
it cuts like a knife
she's out of my life
out of my life, out of my hair
out of my mind, there's no love in there
I move on, move on
dear God, I wasn't breast fed
and most of my conversations with men seem to revolve around
music
I'm no musician but the pain has been instrumental
my sense finally tune the instruments of - of - of
of being lonely, of being lost, of being loved, of being human
man I could use a metaphor but I can't get beyond this shit
I could use someone to talk to
but most of my conversations with men seem to revolve around
music
I am a poet who composes what the world proses
and proses what the world composes
I am a poet who composes what the world proses
and proses what the world composes
damned indescion and cursed pride
I kept my love for her locked deep inside
and I don't know what to do
to get it through to you
get out of my life tonight
get out of my life
out of my life, out of my hair
out of my mind, 'cause no lovin' fair
I move on, move on
she had nothing but time on her hands
silver rings, turquoise stones and purple nails
I rub my thumb across her palm
a featherbed where slept a psalm
yay though I walked, I used to fly, and now we dance
I watch my toenails blacken and walk a deadened trance
'til she woke me with the knife edge of her glance
I have the scars to prove the clock strikes with her hands
and I don't know what to do
to get it through to you
and I don't know what to do
to get it through
out of my life, out of my hair
out of my mind, 'cause no lovin' fair
I move on, move on, I move on
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 24 July :: 10.26am
:: Music: theres just enough of you in me for me to have some sympathy
it cant be helped
must express... my love for... the mighty ducks... shit...
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 16 July :: 9.34pm
so frustrated... been waiting patiently to meet someone else who...
-appreciates that bukowski is my favorite author
-doesnt think its wierd that i may bite their lip while i am kissing them
-likes to drink as much as i do
-understands that 'stand for what you stand on' is my form of religion
-doesnt cringe with disgust when i say that i dont have a problem not showering for two weeks
-hates body hair. i hate body hair. when can i meet another guy that actually likes to shave his body hair?
-knows that just because i can obtain almost any drug in a period of 24 hours doesnt mean i do drugs anymore
-loves 'croupier', 'braveheart', or 'wet hot american summer' at least half as much as i do
-thinks that the fact that i accidentally broke the "G" off the new belgium brewery sign in colorado is amazing
-doesnt profess an undying hatred for ben harper, indigo girls, ani difranco, keller williams, bright eyes, RHCP, or anything on 96.3 (khits)
-is willing to skip school/work to run away, buy beer, go roam the flood wall or castlewood or laumier or go bouldering or biking or throw the disc around
must go, list not finished.
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 13 July :: 6.12pm
sorry...
General Stuff to Know
What is your full name?: no! that freaks me out having it on the internet. my initials are LEW
Where were you born?: stl, mo.
What is your birthday/age?: 19.... sept 18, 1984
Where do you live now?: stl, mo/ chicago, il
Hair color?: brown
Height?: 5'7
Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrious?: right
What is your Zodiac sign?: virgo
What is Your Favorite...
Color?: green
Day of the week?: thursday... always getting the weekend started
Season?: fall
Time of day?: 5pm. and its always 5pm somewhere.
Place to visit?: fort collins, colorado
Food?: mac n cheese... forever
Ice cream flavor?: cookies and cream
Thing to do outside?: jazz in june every wednesday night at the botanical gardens with my friends (aside from climb/hike/paddle)
What is/are...
Something you hope to accomplish?: happiness
Your biggest accomplishment?: honesty with myself
Your worst fear?: your mom
Some words/phrases you overuse?: your mom
The best way to spend a day off?: with friends and booze, often a frisbee should be involved. and dogs.
Your least favorite thing to have to do?: take my clothes off
Do you...
Get along with your parents?: yes except in matters of politics
Smoke?: no
Drink?: heavily
Do drugs?: not anymore
Play an instrument?: the triangle
Want to go to college?(if so, where?): depaul university
Want to get married?: not so much
Want to have children?: see above
Get along with your siblings?: hell yes. my big broham is amazing.
Cuss excessively?: unfortunately, lately ive been yelling "shitfuck!"
Talk to yourself?: no... my mom does and it freaks me out.
Sing? Well?: hell no comes to mind
If you could...
Go anywhere in the world, where would you go?: italy and greece
Have any car you wanted, what would it be?: a super old land rover with one of those 3 foot stick shifts from the outback, crocodile dundee style. i dont care if it doesnt run.
Go on a date with any celebrity, who would it be?: angelina jolie, clive owen, jared leto
Have one wish (no wishing for more), what would you wish for?: i want to learn to surf
Change ONE thing about yourself, what would it be?: get back in shape
Try anything once (hang gliding, skydiving, etc...), what would you choose?: anything i could, provided there was no way to become addicted.
Murder (or have them offed) one person (no consequences), who would it be?: creepy
Be a superhero, what would your superpower be?: an incredible IQ... then i could figure out all the other shit like flying and invisibility and how to achieve superhuman strength
Meet any one person, dead or alive, who would it be?: thats the hardest question- maybe my grandpa? i never met the one on my dads side.
Go back in time and fix one mistake, what would it be?: not have hurt kerry the way i did. basically, not have been one of the biggest ignorant morons i have ever come in contact with. other than that, nothing.
The last...
Dream you had?: no clue
Nightmare you had?: today at work
Time you cried?: last week when i was changing and i saw myself nekkid in the mirror
Movie you saw in the theatre?: dodgeball... dont ask...
Movie you rented?: miracle (mighty ducks for big kids... see it...)
Person you kissed?: wow... i think it was kristan... man i need some ace
Person you hugged?: l.frye
Person you talked to on the telephone?: jon
Time you laughed?: last night at annie while she tried to talk and be stoned at the same time
Curse word you said?: shitfuck
Book you read?: 'women' by bukowski
Place you went?: work
Song you heard?: counting crows, omaha
CD you listened to?: donavon frankenreiter
Person you yelled at?: a little kid at the pool
Person that yelled at you?: a little kid at the pool
Time you played Spin The Bottle?: i don think ive ever actually played with a bottle. its always been "hey who wants to make out?"
Year you went Trick-Or-Treating?: 5th grade
Drink you had?: red wine
Have you ever...
Cried over a boy/girl?: both!
Toilet papered someone's house?: no
Egged someone's house?: no
Played strip poker?: no
Had a one-night stand?: no
Gone skinny dipping?: no
Been in a fist fight?: no
Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no
Lied to your best friend?: no
Told someone something you weren't supposed to tell them?: probably
Cheated on an exam?: i mean, really, who hasnt had some verb endings in italian written on their shoe...
Skipped school?: jesus if i spent half the time in school that i had spent skipping...
Streaked?: no
Kissed a member of the same sex?: god yes
Started a rumour about someone?: no. does that work? do people fall for that?
Stolen anything worth over $100?: no
Describe...
Your perfect man/woman: no such thing as perfect
Your best friend in 3 words: honest, intriguing, beautiful
What you wanna be when you grow up: if that happens i will let you know
The next fifteen years of your life: will be spent trying to graduate
The best day of your life: too many
How you're feeling at this very moment: tired
Your favorite thing about yourself:: jack recently told me that out of all his friends, im the one that complains the least. i felt so proud... granted we were walking home from missys apartment in the freezing cold rain and i was wearing a tshirt and started prancing down the sidewalk, but still...
psycho-analyze me
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daydream
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2004 9 July :: 2.34am
:: Music: shooting stars-ozma
| Act your age: | only when i have to | | Born on what day of the week: | i think it was a sunday | | Chore you hate: | vaccuming | | Dad's name: | kurt | | Essentail make-up item: | eyeliner and powder | | Favorite actors/actresses: | johnny depp and ashley judd | | Gold or sliver: | silver | | Hometown: | st. louis (fenton) | | Instruments you play: | i did play drums and i'm learning guitar | | Job title: | student | | Kids: | not for a while | | Living arrangements: | with my mom | | Mom's name: | laura | | Number of socks you own: | not too many | | Overnight hospital stays: | quite a while when i was born, maybe 2 or 3 nights for being sick/surgeries | | Phobia: | spiders | | Quote you like: | "i used to live in a room fill of mirrors, all i seen was me, well i can't stand it no more so i smash the mirror and set me free." | | Religious affiliation: | kind of catholic | | Siblings: | none | | Time you woke up today: | 2:30 pm | | Unusual habits: | none of the food on my plate can touch | | Vicious thing you've done: | umm | | Worst habit: | i constantly say "i'm sorry" | | X-rays you've had: | quite a few | | Your favorite season: | summer | | Zodiac sign: | gemini |
[the alphabet survey] brought to you by BZOINK!
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 8 July :: 1.55pm
just one more thing before i go... theres never been anyplace quite like this home
my place of employment flooded! spent yesterday and the day before cleaning everything and if i have to vacuum the babypool anymore i might cut you. if im lucky i can get a headguard shift up at kwood tonight and make up some hours.
I got "dry" by augusten burroughs and i cant put it down.
i went to his house and watched wet hot american summer which was just the mindless activity i needed. during the viewing, she finally called me, i smiled the whole time and i appreciate how cool she is (when she actually does return my calls). shit i cant think.
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 3 July :: 11.31am
:: Music: donavon frankenreiter
soul to squeeze
fuckshit! i dont know why i said that it just flew out, with velocity. the annual trip to the lake with him is off because he has to finish building the deck with his dad for jens graduation party. so instead, i've decided to drive down to columbia for the weekend and stay with lindsey. it will be about 1/2 the time it took me to drive to springfield, by myself, in the snow over winter break. hope everyone has a good time celebrating centuries of american ignorance.
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
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daydream
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2004 1 July :: 4.03am
:: Music: jackolantern's weather-311
note to self: making out in drive ways is a bad idea. mothers are subject to come home unexpectedly and catch you in the act which then leads to relentless teasing.
so that boy joe and i are officially eachothers. it all went down at the 311 concert tonight. which was a damn good show by itself, having the boy i've been after become my boy was just an awesome added perk. i have a new love for the song "down."
i'll continue later. i am one tired girl. i'll be sleeping sweet, believe you me.
psycho-analyze me
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daydream
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2004 28 June :: 4.59am
:: Music: talk shows on mute-incubus
these summer nights only bring rain and heartache.
the events that have taken place in fenton, missouri this weekend have been absolutely ridiculous. parts of some nights were fantastic, and others i wish i could just erase from my memory all together. on the good side, that boy and i finally kissed. and I made the move. THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a first. believe you me. just a sweet kiss goodbye, nothing more nothing less. it was however, completely perfect.
on a not so hot note, i ended my night tonight angry at some of my friends and with dave hickman bawling in my arms. seeing him cry was just, bizaar. he's not an easy person to crack, but i suppose learning your ex girlfriend may have been cheating on you towards the end of your relationship could have that effect. not to mention that she blatently lied about having another guy over tonight. i haven't seen dave in a good three months. tonight we just happen to run into eachother, talk for a while, exchange phone numbers, twenty minutes later i'm watching him crumble in my arms. i love dave, he's an amazing person and seeing him like that made me want to cry with him. i remember when i first met him and started to have this huge crush on him. i was the new, nervous sophmore and he was the wise crackin' senior everyone loved. that's all it ever was, and i never really thought we'd be close friends. a few months down the line, i'm the person he's coming to for relationship help. it's crazy how things work out. he called me again about an hour ago just to talk. i have a feeling i'll be seeing a lot more of dave. he's good people, i'm glad to know him because his character is so genuine. i like that. i like that a lot.
going back to that boy. joe, is his name. he's still confusing me like i never thought possible. i thought i was so sure of what i wanted. i was so proud of my self last night. and today, sitting in my car he whispered, "come here" and pulled me towards him only to kiss me like i haven't been in much too long of a time. i've kissed plenty of boys, some meaningful, most were just added to my list of regrets. but this one. this joe hart character, to be this caught up about it isn't like me. i think i'm falling in like and i know i'm lovin' every minute of it.
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 24 June :: 11.22am
so you think you can tell... heaven from hell...
shes gone and i didnt even get to see her before she left. i didnt want a straight summer without her- take that as you will. i hope im not scheduled to work this weekend, its pridefest yo.
as for the other gender, his parents are out of town and we we are supposed to booze it up at some point. i just miss wasting my time with him.
on the agenda: roadtrip to springfield, mo. tentative trip to cali to see sophie and jackie. detox.
psycho-analyze me
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daydream
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2004 23 June :: 1.23am
:: Music: the astronaut-something corporate
he makes me feel beautiful
me and this boy, we're always together. it all started out as good friends. and we still are, but i think there might be more to the story now. i know there is on my part, but he makes me wonder sometimes. he looks at me like no one ever has. he'll hold my hand and play with my hair. he'll tickle me or slip his arms around my waist or shoulders. we disagree with eachother and fight in a way that reminds me of an old married couple. i'm not entirely sure why we do it, we're never actually mad at eachother, just have no problem arguing. he always smells like cigarette smoke with a hint of calogne mixed in. a scent i always take home with me. his musical taste is beautiful, which has made us official concert buddies. he's kind of awkward and says his s's funny, but in an adorable, cute way. if we're not together, i find myself constantly wondering what he's up to, if he's thought about me that day. he has the ability to make me feel happy and carefree. but he also drives me absolutely crazy sometimes and i wonder why i put up with it. and then i remember it's because i'm absolutely crazy about him.
2 psycho-analysts |
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 20 June :: 11.57am
we gave my dad satelite radio for fathers day. its killer. there is a jamband station. awesome.
psycho-analyze me
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leftofcool
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2004 16 June :: 3.06pm
he is different now. i know we both are, but i cant understand how it happened... other than that he really wants to be with her, and it kind of kills me... i only wanted one more summer with my best friend; it will probably be the last.
1 psycho-analyst |
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leftofcool
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2004 8 June :: 8.12am
this love has taken its toll on me
last day in chicago! i have a shitload to do... id make a list to amaze you but it would probably bore you more so i will pass. i woke up at 5am and did some homework... our room smells like puke because, well, my roommate tried to puke in the trashcan last night and missed. that is the second time that my right chaco has been puked on. what the hell? puke is the worst smell. i will not miss her inability to hold her liquor. only one more shower and shave in the effen community bathrooms. one more night in this room... tomorrow, a whirlwind. 8-11 math exam. 12-2:45 religion exam. 3:20 train leaves.
she broke up with him and he called me crying. i wanted to reference that i knew how awful it felt because he did the same thing to me last july, but i was civil. ... 'ill never learn to laugh at it in my good-natured way'.... what am i supposed to say? can i come hold your hand and listen to you tell me how you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her? haaaaaaaaaaa "I STILL THINK OF YOU AS MY BOYFRIEND, I DONT THINK THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD... BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE AND GO MEET YOURSELF A REALLY NICE GIRL..."
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
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