Il giornale straodinario del'A. D. L.

:: 2008 2 April :: 6.52pm

Because everyone loves these.
Amelia started it!

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:: 2008 2 April :: 5.45pm

Back in Göttingen with Nathan after an extended tour of Greece with the aforementioned and his parents. Feeling a little melancholy and homesick, though whether for California or Berlin I can't say.

I've just begun to feel unimportant, which is probably in part because I've been the fourth wheel for the past nine days in Nathan's three-person family. Understandably Otho and Bonnie are more focused on Nathan than me or anyone else -- he's their son. I'm not saying that I'm jealous or spiteful or that I think it should be any other way. I do understand. But it's all starting to weigh a little heavily, and I miss being helpful and important to people too.

I'm also a little depressed to be back in Germany, because when I'm away I'm not intimately acquainted with the fact that I'm still woefully unable to speak the official language.

:: 2008 17 March :: 11.54am

I just realized that it's St. Patrick's Day and I'm not wearing any green! Oh the horror! I have to go home and change.

:: 2008 13 March :: 7.17pm

Shopping trip
Today on our IKEA adventure I scored a couple of lamps, a big blue rug for my floor, and four squre mirrors that I put in a line on my wall to make them full-length. I think I may get a bunch of pillows from the euro store and just throw them on the rug to make a little nestlike hangout on the floor, since I'm lacking chairs or sofa.

Going to try and make pie with Nathan either this evening or the next. Never made pie before. Should prove interesting.

:: 2008 23 February :: 11.15pm

So, life. What's to say? Sometimes it's brilliant. Other times, more often, it's less brilliant. I'm trying to live for the moments when the former is the case.

I found Dria's new blog yesterday after stumbling across some pictures of her and getting caught in a fit of nostalgia and self-destructive, self-proclaimedly stupid curiosity. I shouldn't have gone looking and I regretted it. The situation is pretty much unrectifiable, and thinking about it only makes me crazy.

I move out of Schlachtensee this coming Saturday and I still haven't found a new place to live yet. David and I have made steps on finding several places but none of the prospects are even looking likely at this point. May end up homeless for a while, but not roofless, which is the real thing to worry about. If that happens I'll be storing my unessential things my exchange program director's office and living either in a hostel or with Nathan in Göttingen until we find a place.

Berlin has a forest in it, the Grunewald, and a few days ago when Nathan was here we went for a walk there. I had to leave early that morning to go to the university so I left Nathan sleeping. On my way home I bought some food for a picnic, packed it up as a surprise, and then suggested we go for a hike. We ended up eating in a wooden tower we found in the woods with a bench and some open slats in the walls. We hypothesize that it's used for hunting.

We also saw some wild pigs, heavily furry, a brown adult with several black and white spotted babies, which were startled from their hang-out near the trail by our approach. To tell you the truth it scared me nigh shitless. I've heard horror stories about wild pigs. Nathan was rattled as well. He picked up a big rock "just in case" and didn't drop it again until the pigs were far out of sight.

I'm feeling pretty directionless of late. I just don't know if the things I'm doing are the right things, or if the goals I'm working toward are what I actually want. I suppose one's never really sure of these things. It's interesting, though, that when I imagine what (all concerns of reality aside) I'd really like to do for a career, the things I think of are all things I've been doing since I was...well, since before I can remember. I'd like to be a concert musician with an orchestra, for instance. Or a Grand Prix show jumper, or a member of the Olympic equestrian team. Flying planes is euphoric but it's hard and it's alien even after all the time dedicated to it these past three years. It's still something that I don't think I really believe will ever happen. It's just not something that someone like me does. It takes precision and confidence and a kind of intelligence that I can't command. If I force myself to do this, if becoming a commercial pilot is actually something that I force, will it ever pan out? Maybe it requires more dedication than I have. I don't know. I always start to doubt my love for flying once I've been out of a cockpit for a while, though, and at this point it's been nearly six months.

In conclusion, and switching gears completely, a mantra has been running through my head today. "There is no nobility in sadness. There is only an occasional sadness in nobility." I think I would do well to remember this.

:: 2007 23 November :: 2.08pm

Today I went to see a doctor for the first time since coming to Germany because I was peeing blood and in quite a lot of pain. The doctor was very friendly and spoke English to me, but trying to speak to the secretaries in German made me feel like ten kinds of a fool.

This story has a happy ending however in the form of antibiotics and my great gratitude for health insurance.

:: 2007 8 November :: 6.31pm

I've decided that there's no reason why my journal should remain friends only. Futher entries will be available to the general public.

:: 2006 3 July :: 11.29pm

Okay, I can only handle putting down a few thoughts and realizations every day, cuz now that we�ve actually begun work Im gonna be SO BUSY. But first of all, I�m SOOO EXCITED for Italy vs. Germany tomorrow. They need to win. After that, they could potentially beat France because I think France�s victory over Brazil may have been a fluke. I didn�t see the whole game, but the one goal was just a random-bounce-off-the-leg. Which, mind you, was the only way Italy ever had a goal against them. So France could be really good, but not necessarily. Anyways, I have my outfit almost ready. Dark green shirt, white skirt, tomorrow I�ll pick up my red shoes (they better have my size or I�ll find some others), red belt and rose for my hair but maybe it looks too spanish but also red glass chili pepper earrings and a big red necklace. Oh and I have red lipstick. I�m SOOO EXCITED yes I already said that.
Now I�m sorta watching �Tango &Cash� which is a crappy cop vs. bad guy movie from the year I was born, with Sylvester Stallone and some guy I don�t care about and Terri Hatcher as the stripper and designated hot chick. But Stallone was definitely at his peak in this movie. I mean eyes don�t change but in this movie especially his eyes are so gorgeous� and he�s �speaking� Italian (I mean its dubbed. He probably can speak Italian. He better.) The rest of his face is pretty funny looking right now actually, but who cares about that. AHHHHHHHHHHH. You�d think I�d have enough with all the italian guys around, but no. Actually today I only saw like 3 hot guys I think, which is way down from the usual amount.
Also, as always, I am so sweaty. If I stayed in one place long enough I would drown. Want to know how much I�ve been sweating? (Yes, you do). I�ve been drinking probably twice as much water as I usually do and peeing the same amount. You wanted to know!
Another reason italian guys are awesome: they aren�t so insecure about their dicks that they need to drive a noisy escalade with 20 inch rims and spinners. Yeah, the people who can afford ferraris will buy ferraris, but otherwise no one fucking cares about what their car �says about them�. They�ll drive an old FIAT that could fit through their doorway AND THEY LOOK BETTER driving it.
Okay this is way too long but theres so much to say. But theres so many creepers here. The guys are either hot or creepy. And theres a kind of fine line between them.

2 hoes | click to bitch

:: 2006 2 July :: 11.28pm

france? Okay� really? France? FRANCE? WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!

:: 2006 1 July :: 11.28pm

I bought some useful things today: a pretty big flag, a bumper sticker, some other stickers, (you should know by now I was in a touristy area at one point), a gardenia, yummy Italian toothpaste, and I don�t remember what else. I think the gardenia�s named Alessandro, because after I bought it the movie Alexander was on, which is basically a few hours of colin farrell being a woman (with very bad highlights and an interesting mini skirt). And I�d already thought of this plant being given a man�s name even though it�s so delicate� well Alessandro works pretty well. I�m gonna have it for 5 weeks in my apartment so its not really a waste of money, and at the end I�ll give it to the receptionist at the Candia apartments because I met her today and she�s extremely nice, which is especially notable because she has a French accent. Hough-hough-hough (that�s my French laugh).

I love being here during the world cup. About half an hour before Italy played, the streets emptied out, and there were flags hanging out of windows everywhere (mine is sorta visible from the street but no one really looks 6 floors up.) After every goal I ran onto the balcony and could hear people yelling and honking horns and going crazy, it made me SO HAPPY. I was just so tired during the first half it was hard to keep my eyes open even though I wanted to so bad, and the only thing close to a dessert in the room was tic-tacs (the tropical cherry kind!) So my mom and I went up to the roof caf� and I got some sorta gelato covered in chocolate and it woke me up entirely. But where was del piero?? I never saw him, che peccato. People are singing �vittoria� now and waving flags around, its awesome. It looks like everyone is walking down to piazza del popolo, its basically a parade. They�re now singing the tune �seven nation army� I think, out of key and with Italian words, and I�m jealous cuz I�m just staring from up here and I also don�t know the words to that victory song. cant wait till the next game when I can run around outside with my roommates. Oh yeah, poor Argentina, but whatever. I�m pretty confident that Italy�s better than Germany� it would kick much ass if they won. Molto culo.

:: 2006 29 June :: 11.26pm

Why is everyone in Rome skinny? I saw one fat person today and he could have had a tumor or some health condition, hes the ONLY one! My grandma�s pretty damn skinny and basically lives off of costco samples, and I think that�s where I get my wrists and arms from. Definitely not the rest of my body. I think I�m like 1.5 Italians wide. On the bright side, if it matters, almost every guy is gorgeous. Well I need to make some better calculations than that, while I�m up on my balcony during the day. But, at least, one in four is good looking. And good looking in Italy means VERY good looking, and also smoking, unfortunately. I�ve realized that I can measure distance in Rome by cigarettes on the ground. It�s just different for every area. Where I was there were about 10 cigarettes per square foot, so I passed up thousands.

:: 2006 10 February :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: pixzies (wow thats crazy)

my finger is cold
im drunk on sad. (its not a drink). i watched the last 4 episodes of arrested development with lizzie. then i drove home yelling to the pixies. now im lonely and my room is under occupation by A MOTH so im sitting in the hall (trying to drive it out towards the light but its not working). after school i tried venting to my mom and ended up crying and then she got bored of what i was saying and cut me off with "stop repeating yourself i know what you're going to say". and she TOTALLY didnt. overall a kind of depressing day although for a time i was very giddy... oh yeah it was like a 10 minute window after school.

if i could figure out how to do tremolo i would play the godfather theme on the mandolin to console myself, but i guess ill just try to get some english reading done.

:: 2006 4 February :: 10.31am

my eyes font focuse focused and i sort of cant reed things on my computer... i mean it literaly took me 5 minutes to figure out what the words meant on my computer screen. i guess this is how migranes start? advile time.

edit: wow. that was not a joke at ALL. (reeeaaaally bad opthalmic migraine!)

:: 2006 29 January :: 11.59am

"Ebola is often characterized by the sudden onset of fever, intense weakness, muscle pain, headache and sore throat. This is often followed by vomiting, diarrhoea, rash, impaired kidney and liver function, and in some cases, both internal and external bleeding."

i've had 8 of those, 9 if you count the blood in my eyes

yes ive tried eyedrops

2 hoes | click to bitch

:: 2006 12 January :: 9.37am

question: why did i wake up at 8:20 this morning after the winter formal?

answer: PAIN.

my nose hurts, my head hurts any time i stand up, my eyes hurt, and my throat is obviously still HORRIBLE.