"Above all else guard your heart, for it is a wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23

 

home | profile | guestbook


Patrick Ryan Kolstee

recent entries | past entries


goodbye

:: 2016 21 October :: 7.58pm

All day I was making myself physically ill with worry. Just what I did the last time I delivered this news only much worse this time.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 18 October :: 11.38am

Just because I can 'deal' with short-term loneliness does not mean I can handle it in the long-term. If I so choose, I'm not sure I could. Boredum is what eats me up. No one there, no one to talk to or do things with, it would suck.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 16 October :: 9.51pm

I can feel the walls closing in. They're soft but dense. They're slowly suffocating me.

I can't get out... I can't get out... I can't breathe in this. I'm going to die.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 13 October :: 7.35pm

That was not the first time I've been offered a threesome, nor the first time I've been offered money for sex/sexual favors.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 11 October :: 9.47pm

I cannot get over how ignorant others can be. This election has brought out the worst in people, including me. It's hard to see the humanity behind an image you see on the internet... but I feel like I cannot be kind to others when they are so bigoted, sexist, and wrong IMO.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 10 October :: 10.42am

I'm a pretty cruel person. Loyalty? Nah.

I gotta get my shit right.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 8 October :: 11.05pm

Anna is always going to be my friend. She is always there for me. She may hurt my feelings sometimes unintentionally, but I know she would never do it with any malice. She always makes the effort to text when I'm away or see me when I'm home. She is fine going out or staying in or spending money or doing whatever, so long as it's with me. She only wants the best for me. She only wants my happiness.

She is what friendship means to me. I have been very fortunate to have her in my life. Best friends, the people you really want to love, will sometimes disagree with you and get into arguments with you, but they will always be there at the end of the day, in your corner, cheering you on. I have 6 of those. But she's that for me, most of all.

Friends are family you choose.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 7 October :: 11.03pm

Gotta let go.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 31 August :: 2.09pm

Bye, Felicia.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 2 August :: 1.36pm

Holy shit. Uh oh.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 20 July :: 11.26pm

^_______________________________________________________________________________________^

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 16 July :: 9.16am

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 5 July :: 9.00pm

"Non, je ne suis la belette de personne."

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 19 May :: 6.43pm

I haven't been in a rainstorm for a long time.
It's beautiful. It's nice to be in my car for these so I have the tin-roof sound. So calming and refreshing.

3 Comments | Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 15 May :: 1.22pm

People are garbage.

2 Comments | Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2016 17 March :: 8.18am
:: Music: Smashing Pumpkins

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2015 2 November :: 8.13pm

My world is a terrible place when I think of where it's lead to.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2015 23 August :: 12.01pm

Today marks 4 years of James and I being a couple.

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2015 14 May :: 2.50pm

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2014 12 August :: 3.02pm

Leave a comment


goodbye

:: 2014 12 March :: 12.21pm

2 Comments | Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2013 19 May :: 2.24pm

Shame murders progress.

1 Comment | Leave a comment


shalee

:: 2012 15 November :: 9.55pm

No feeling is final.

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2012 7 May :: 1.33pm

I am addicted to that certainty in whose absence my selfishness is

naked.

In the first moments I was action. I moved, even though my certainty and knowledge had been shattered. From here, I can't see precisely what moved me. Some inexplicable sense that the next step, despite not mattering, was worth making.

But I've coasted to a halt. I sit motionless and restless. That is my selfishness. Though I have no certainty to speak of, it should be obvious what the next step is. [I]It's all out there[/I].

But then I stop. There are people, connections, responsibilities. Am I allowing myself to be especially possessed? Have I surrendered myself to be objectified? Does covenant imply objectification?

I am living in a paralyzing tension- on the one hand, the potential for absolute freedom. On the other, knowing how alone that freedom makes me.

Can I bind myself that way? Is there anything else to do?

_|_ If it looks something like that, then I have some writing to do.

It's funny that tripping over the answer gets me to ask the right question. My life would move along more quickly if I could do things the other way around.

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2012 6 May :: 6.05pm
:: Music: The dog days are over

Sometimes I feel like the world is talking to me.

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2012 1 April :: 10.12pm

I don't know anything.

What if I had it and I threw it away?

Leave a comment


aaron

:: 2012 20 February :: 2.28pm

Is it like this in everyone's head? Not writing this sentence might have been the first step in differntiating between what's in here and everything- everyone- else out there.

Am I an angry person?

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 28 November :: 4.38am

I am thinking too hard about this...
So I need to write an essay for PT school, well, two actually and I think I've been thinking too long and too hard about them... I just need to write.

Essay 1:
If you have applied to a physical therapy program in the past five years, what have you done to improve upon or enhance your application for this current admissions cycle?

When I finally decided I for sure wanted to become a physical therapist, I knew I would do whatever it took to make it happen. Even if that included moving across the country with nothing but the clothes from my closet and the little money I had in savings. I made a decision this drastic because I wanted to go about a different way of pursuing my dream. I figured if I moved to the city where I wanted to go to school, I could better understand what it would take for me to get there.
When I first got here, I knew my first order of business was to look for a job in my field, whether that be as a physical therapy tech or even as a receptionist in a physical therapy office somewhere. I just knew it was important for me to get my foot in the door. Thankfully, I got a job as a physical therapy tech at a small out patient clinic. Even though I'd volunteered and job shadowed before, being employed gave me a little more freedom. For example, I was allowed to guide patients through their exercises, instead of just having to watch the therapist. Working at this small clinic for only a few months really only gave me a tiny insight into the world of physical therapy. I left the clinic wanting to know about physical therapy and wanting to continue pursuing my ultimate dream, to become a physical therapist. I knew in order to do this, I had to get my name known throughout the network of clinics that were associated with the university I wanted to attend, which happens to be University of Pittsburgh.
I ended up taking a job as a physical therapy tech at one of the larger UMPC rehabilitation clinics. Since taking the job there back in February, I have broadened my horizons as a potential physical therapist by not only working with orthopedics, but also working with different specialties, such as sports, neurology, women's health, lymphodema and even helped a little with occupational therapy. During my employment at this clinic, I have been taking every opportunity I can to learn as much as I can, not only about being a physical therapist, but about how a practice in itself is run.
I look forward to continuing my journey to become a physical therapist. While some people may think my decision to move drastic and unnecessary, I think of it as another step towards my goal. Because of the move I made, I am more determined now than ever to keep going until I become a physical therapist. It is this determination that has improved me and enhanced me since the last time I applied to physical therapy schools two years ago.

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 6 November :: 5.12pm

We can't give up. Ever.

Leave a comment


redefinedgrace

:: 2011 23 October :: 2.23pm

It's been
3 weeks... can't I just move on already? Why is this so damn hard?

Leave a comment

Woohu.com | Random Journal