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Stuck in the Eighties

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koalalady

:: 2017 14 October :: 8.18pm

Jesus Christ, this BoJack is fucking me up

2 leaves | play in the leaves?


anonymoose

:: 2017 6 October :: 11.35pm

so much cray shit going on in the world

1 leaves | play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 29 August :: 4.01pm
:: Mood: defiant

trying to listen to my intuition
I thought that I needed to master each lesson in turn before moving on to the next. But some lessons are absorbed over time, and you can't get the full meaning just by repeating the words until they're memorized.

I admit, I confess. But I also object, and I demand redress.

play in the leaves?


anonymoose

:: 2017 18 August :: 9.50pm

in my world nobody gives a fuck if somebody is a different color, race, gender or how they sexually identify themselves

more people need to be in my world

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 15 August :: 9.12pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Explosions in the Sky

I miss working with D so fucking much.

For one thing, he was talented. Not as good as me, but he was smart, and passionate, and political, and he knew the game even better than I did. He knew what I could do, and he knew what I wanted. And for a little while, I thought I was what he wanted.

Honestly I didn't mind so much, the way that things ended in that department. But the fact that he stopped talking to me about his projects and ideas, the fact that we stopped composing and writing, that fucking killed me. I didn't care about losing a boy toy. But I really cared about losing my partner.

That's what he was to me: my creative partner. Do you know how fucking rare that is to find? Someone who likes you and shares enough of your headspace to collaborate on a project, let alone dream up a lifetime of projects?

And then he just...stopped...
...replying to emails, texts...
...and got married...


About four years ago (after we had already stopped talking, way before he got married) I was getting on a plane in the middle of some shitty weather, and I had one of those overhyped, irrational fear moments where I wondered maybe for a second if the plane might not land - that I might not come out the other side. So I pulled out my phone, literally jogging with my luggage down the terminal (because we also had like 5 minutes or something before the next plane was scheduled for takeoff), and he was the person I called with my minute to spare. Not my boyfriend, not my parents, not my best friend. I called D, and went to voicemail - and yeah, I left one of those sappy messages that's like, "... ... ..." but what could I say? I love you? I miss you? Even then, it would have been too much. So I just said something completely stupid like... "hey...I'm about to get on a plane...thinking of you..."

He told me later that he got it. But I don't know whether he "got" what I was really trying to say, behind the words, in that moment.

I never talk about him anymore, or think about him, really. But sometimes when I'm wondering why it's so hard to be creative on my own, without a structure, or a friend, I remember D. And I feel just a little bit better knowing that somewhere, a billion years ago before I got all jaded and empty, someone took my hand...and walked along with me and saw what I saw when I pointed up at the stars and said, "that looks like..." and "what if we...?"

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 14 August :: 11.55pm
:: Mood: pissed off

-
I am not your friend.
I'm not your lover.
I'm not your family.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 10 August :: 2.26pm

We're moving out by next year. I could use a change of scene for sure. Currently fantasizing about a kitschy townhome way too close to downtown, where the leaves will turn yellow and crisp in the fall and rustle along the sidewalk in piles and tipsy tailgaters will stagger past in noisy droves en route to the football stadium, giving us something to complain about every Saturday afternoon.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 5 August :: 7.11pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Kaikoura Dub

excuse me for reading
So EXCUSE ME FOR READING at pool parties after I get exhausted from making small talk for four hours with ten strangers I don't know. EXCUSE ME for daring to crack open a book and engage my brain cells while you're jumping down waterslides - without breaking your neck by going backwards, I might add, at my advice. But sure, trash talk me behind my back, like a fucking pussy, after I fix your stupid bathing suit top and everything to keep your little titties from popping out in the middle of a conversation with your dumb jock friends. That's right, go ahead and smirk at me from far away like a little bitch while I read me some Virginia Woolf, who makes for much better company than you, you vapid attention whore.

2 leaves | play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 3 August :: 9.51am

'Emily is Away'
Hey friends, koalalady has a summer games suggestion: 'Emily is Away'. It's an IM-based choices game, and if you like Woohu and have been hanging around here for a while, you might like this game. It's short and sweet, and you don't have to do anything except type. Be prepared for all the early 2000s nostalgia.

Oh, and it's free to play and works on both Mac and Windows.

xoxo, koalady

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 28 June :: 3.10pm
:: Music: Kygo

I used to know exactly what I needed. There was a time when I could wake up, walk outside, and feel what my body and my mind were craving. Now it's harder to tell. Now my instincts are less sure-footed.

But, in a lot of ways, I did get what I wanted. I got out of Cedar. I got to disappear. I got away from the people and the culture and the religion that I didn't really like that much. Despite my constant anxiety about being a "failure" who "everybody hates," I am a working artist. I am, quite objectively, making it.

BUT I WANT TO BE MAKING IT...MORE.

play in the leaves?


anonymoose

:: 2017 20 June :: 10.15pm

why is it 70 cock sucking degrees at this time of night

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 15 June :: 11.52pm

Goddamnit, the episode with Fry's mom in Futurama gets me every time. *sniff, sniff*

play in the leaves?


anonymoose

:: 2017 14 June :: 10.00pm

my country is obsessed with fucking itself in the face

can somebody adopt me

3 leaves | play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 10 June :: 12.11pm
:: Mood: pensive

On Getting What You Want Out of Life
I have a habit of working myself all up to want something...really want something...and when I finally knock on the door of opportunity...I knock just once. Ba-dump bump, it's me, any room in the inn? and if it doesn't open, I turn away, go sit down, and remain motionless for years at a time.

I do not recommend this strategy.

play in the leaves?


anonymoose

:: 2017 9 June :: 9.55pm

lol politics

1 leaves | play in the leaves?

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